I (25f) am pregnant and I have pregnancy rhinitis. It feels like I have a permanent head cold. Yesterday, my husband (27f) wanted to hang out with me. He tried to get me to play video games.
I played but I wasn’t very enthusiastic. He tried to talk to me but I was so congested. He got frustrated with me and he repeated that I’m allowing my pregnancy rhinitis to ruin everything. I called him an idiot and I told him he can only criticize my attitude when he goes through pregnancy. He called me a big jerk. Am I the asshole ?
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I (25f) am pregnant and I have pregnancy rhinitis. It feels like I have a permanent head cold. Yesterday, my husband (27f) wanted to hang out with me. He tried to get me to play video games.
I played but I wasn’t very enthusiastic. He tried to talk to me but I was so congested. He got frustrated with me and he repeated that I’m allowing my pregnancy rhinitis to ruin everything. I called him an idiot and I told him he can only criticize my attitude when he goes through pregnancy. He called me a big jerk. Am I the asshole ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is calling my husband an idiot because he keeps saying that I’m allowing my pregnancy rhinitis to ruin everything.
I may be the asshole because my husband called me a big jerk for calling him an idiot.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are NTA
I didn’t have to deal with rhinitis but I spent most of my first pregnancy barfing. The second, I just wanted to sleep.
My husband did not say I was “ruining things” even if we had to leave places because I was too nauseated to stay.
If your symptoms are really bad, discuss them with your obgyn.
Nope but your hubby is acting like one. Is there not anything you can take for it that doesn’t contain paracetamol? I never experienced anything like that thankfully.
I hope he understands that once the baby arrives that gaming takes second place 🙂
NTA you’re dealing with a tough pregnancy symptom that you can’t control and it’s understandable that you don’t have the same energy or enthusiasm right now. Your husband may be frustrated, but it’s important for him to show patience and support rather than framing it as you ruining everything. You weren’t wrong for reminding him that pregnancy comes with real challenges he hasn’t experienced.
NTA
Tell your husband to grow up and have some compassion; he needs to learn that pregnancy is not sunshine and rainbows.
NTA being pregnant is no picnic. I suffered debilitating morning sickness for the entire pregnancy, both times. I was criticized that I was making too much of this and women for centuries managed to carry on their normal lives while being pregnant, why can’t I. I looked at my husband and promptly puked on his shoes. You are not the asshole, your husband needs to check himself and possibly read up on what it’s actually like to carry a human to term and all the things the mother can not do when she’s sick because it might harm the baby. Having a head cold or allergies can be absolutely horrible while pregnant. Allergies especially because they, unlike a cold, can go on for months. You take care of you and if your husband doesn’t understand then he doesn’t understand. Do have him in the delivery room for an eye opening experience.
NTA If your husband thinks you’re a killjoy now, he’s in for a real education as your pregnancy progresses and the baby arrives. He needs to read a Guy’s Guide to Pregnancy, man up, be a supportive partner and quit complaining.
NTA but you’re married to one.
NTA but prepare yourself. You’re about to become a mother of two.
Nope! You’re not!
NTA
When an argument resorts to name calling though… time to take a step back for a bit & come back to the conversation later.
This is something you’ll need to work out because taking care of the baby while it’s inside is much easier than when it’s out. Your entire world shifts massively. Feeling enthusiasm for your usual activities and way of life BB (before baby) will change significantly AB (after birth) and as a couple you’ll need to develop a new normal. My kids’ father never did understand that or wasn’t willing to grow as a person. He stayed very self-centered and selfish. His relationship with his kids now? Not very deep or solid.
Surprise, pregnancy changes things! Just wait until the kid is here, he’s in for a real treat.
Of course you’re NTA. I second the suggestion he read A Guy’s Guide to Pregnancy.
NTA. My second child sat funny and gave me an unrelenting cough for the final 6-8 weeks of my pregnancy. I tore a muscle in my back from coughing. You bet I wasn’t in the mood to be chipper all the time.
I am certain that my coughing must have been unpleasant for my spouse. But he never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong.
NTA. You are literally creating a whole new person! Your husband needs a reality check and to grow some compassion. He does know that babies are also a downer sometimes, right?
NTA I hope your next husband is both smarter and more kind. (He’d almost have to be)
NTA. If your husband can’t even cope with this, he’s going to lose his mind when a colicky baby is “ruining everything”.
NTA. Your husband sounds mean, and based on this I’m not exactly confident in how he’ll be as a parent considering kids get sick literally all the time.
Is it too late to divorce him and take him for every penny he’s got?