I (14F) was left alone at home yesterday while my mom took my brother to get his ID. I started experiencing severe stomach pain (it’s also my time of the month) and wasn’t feeling well. When my grandma invited me to a rugby game, I told her I didn’t feel up to it due to the pain. She was understanding.
However, when my mom got home and I explained my situation, she accused me of faking it and called me lazy and useless. She compared me unfavorably to my older brothers, saying they’re good at everything. When I tried to calmly explain how I felt, she yelled at me. I lost my temper, called her a bitch, and ran off crying.
To make matters worse, my dad and brothers seem to think I’m being unreasonable and that I should just “toughen up” and deal with it. Since then, I’ve been ignoring my mom and acting like she doesn’t exist. I’m also considering staying with my grandparents for a while to cool off. So AITA for calling my mom a bitch and ignoring her?
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I (14F) was left alone at home yesterday while my mom took my brother to get his ID. I started experiencing severe stomach pain (it’s also my time of the month) and wasn’t feeling well. When my grandma invited me to a rugby game, I told her I didn’t feel up to it due to the pain. She was understanding.
However, when my mom got home and I explained my situation, she accused me of faking it and called me lazy and useless. She compared me unfavorably to my older brothers, saying they’re good at everything. When I tried to calmly explain how I felt, she yelled at me. I lost my temper, called her a bitch, and ran off crying.
To make matters worse, my dad and brothers seem to think I’m being unreasonable and that I should just “toughen up” and deal with it. Since then, I’ve been ignoring my mom and acting like she doesn’t exist. I’m also considering staying with my grandparents for a while to cool off. So AITA for calling my mom a bitch and ignoring her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I (14F) was left alone at home yesterday while my mom took my brother to get his ID. I started experiencing severe stomach pain (it’s also my time of the month) and wasn’t feeling well. When my grandma invited me to a rugby game, I told her I didn’t feel up to it due to the pain. She was understanding.
However, when my mom got home and I explained my situation, she accused me of faking it and called me lazy and useless. She compared me unfavorably to my older brothers, saying they’re good at everything. When I tried to calmly explain how I felt, she yelled at me. I lost my temper, called her a bitch, and ran off crying.
To make matters worse, my dad and brothers seem to think I’m being unreasonable and that I should just “toughen up” and deal with it. Since then, I’ve been ignoring my mom and acting like she doesn’t exist. I’m also considering staying with my grandparents for a while to cool off. So AITA for calling my mom a bitch and ignoring her?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m going to assume that you mean menstrual cramps and not stomach pain. I remember those first brutal years of menstruation, people don’t seem to understand that all you want to do is lay in bed with a heating pad, everyone saying just get up it’s no big deal. Here’s what you need to do: Get up. Take some ibuprofen. Go about your day. Fake it til you make it.
Someone telling you that you’re lazy and useless is not okay. Also calling someone a bitch is not okay. Sounds like everyone in your family needs to learn to be kinder.
ESH
Not really for ignoring her but maybe you can learn alittle patience is my only gripe. Do not jump to name calling because it only causes more tension. Assert yourself to let your pain be known. The more calmer you are the more you’ll be able to convey what you’re feeling. Calling her a bitch only makes you like her and add to the toxicity.
However you’re not an asshole for your mom being an asshole to you for saying those hurtful things to you. Nor should anyone. I’m concerned for your well being and treatment in your home.
Nta – please don’t listen to anybody dismissing your pain. It is truly important how woman’s menstrual pain is treated here in america. I have had severe pain with my periods ever since they started. When I was younger they would cause me to pass out. Even in the work environment I’ve had to go throw up and go back to my desk.
That does not mean that you should need to toughen up. Any day that I can when my period starts I take it to myself and get drunk for the first day or two until the pain goes away. I have been to many doctors about this and most of them just recommend ibuprofen.
Try looking up some videos of how men react when they’re hooked up to the machines that simulate the same type of cramps that a woman experiences during her period, and then see how woman react on those same machines. Don’t let anyone here dismiss your pain or tell you to toughen up. Only you understand how painful it is for you within your own body. And we do not all have the same experience.
Calling your mother a bitch is BEYOND asshole. Ok, your mother is also an asshole for ignoring your pain, but it’s not an excuse to call her a bitch.
Probably it’s a cultural thing, but if you do it here, you’ll mostly be kicked out of the house.
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Rugby? Yeah… I wouldn’t wanna go either
Don’t sink to her level. Be kind to everyone, everyday. Even if their not nice to you.
NTA. These comments are wild. A 14 year old, in severe pain, still learning emotional regulation, reacted to her pain being dismissed by a parent in a less-than-perfect but totally expected way for her age and you’re expecting more maturity from her than from her parent. Bullshit. Should kids be cursing at their parents in an ideal world? Of course not. Is it understandable that a younger teen may drop a curse word when their parent isn’t acting like a parent? Yea.
Sounds like a nasty situation.
Even as a man, I get that period pain is no joke. Your mother should understand that and her behaviour towards you was disgraceful.
However, calling her a bitch was not acceptable. Even if she was behaving like one. I’ll cut you some slack because of the extreme provocation, but you need to tone that down in the future.
Your dad and brothers behaved badly, but please remember they have never had a period in their lives and never will. They just don’t get it. That’s not an excuse for their behaviour towards you, but just an explanation for their lack of understanding.
I’m saying this is a technical ESH but with your mother as asshole-in-chief.
But your brothers are a different gender and she favors them over you
NTA. Trying to communicate calmly first is all you can really ask of someone. She was practically provoking you by accusing you of lying. Do you have a hot water bottle? My sister gets similar pains at that time of the month and holding a hot water bottle against her stomach helps.
No, you are not AITA because your mom know she has suffered from the time of the month so she can’t compare you to a boy knowing that the boys have never had a period or child labor
NTA
I might have a different take than others on here, but your mother’s the adult and shouldn’t be diminishing your pain, invalidating you by comparing you to your siblings, or yelling at you.
If this is part of a pattern, consider looking into reactive abuse.
And, yes, I’d strongly suggest you go live with your grandparents for a while as distance can be helpful.
NTA anyone who’s saying you are is a misogynist who also won’t accept the reality of debilitating period pain.
and PLEASE ask your grandma to take you to a doctor, there is help you can get for this. don’t just try and tough it out, you could be doing real damage. i know people who’s period problems left them infertile or chronically ill but it could have been prevented with earlier intervention.
NTA
Sweetheart, don’t listen to the men in your family, they haven’t got a clue.
Of course you are upset that your Mum didn’t support you, you have every right to be upset. You tried to explain yourself and she didn’t listen. It is unfair to compare you to your brothers.
Giving her the silent treatment is understandable, but at some point you’ll have to talk to each other. When you are calm enough, write down how you feel about what happened. Tell your Mum you need to have a talk and ask her to read what you wrote.
I’m sure she loves you. Try to remember that being a Mum to a fourteen year old is almost as difficult as actually being a fourteen year old and even doing our best we will have bad days and make bad decisions.
This is a big hug 🫂 from your random temporary internet Mum. Everything will be ok.
I have so hard time giving this a verdict. I mean you should not have called anyone a bitch. That’s not ok. No matter what they did. “They started it” is not a good enough excuse, and “they deserved it” isn’t either. Being a teen is not an excuse for bad behavior (only a reason for being lenient about the consequences).
That said, period pain is real, and it does not seem like your folks realize this. It is also not “just normal” to be in terrible pain once a month these days; treatments do exist and your parents should assist you in geting them. And calling your child useless is absolutely not ok.
#1:
“Mom, I am sorry I called you a bitch. That was out of line, no matter what.”
#2:
“Mom, can I ask your advice with my period pains? They are really getting too much for me.”
Preferably not in the same conversation.
If they dismiss you or do not apologize for their part, go to your grandparents.
I guess ESH but I feel kinda bad for saying that.
Yes, calling your mother a bitch makes you an asshole. Did you really have to ask?