ok so i’m still shook. i (28m) have a sister lisa (32f) who just got married last weekend. her fiancé mark is… i dunno man, he’s like super full of himself or something. anyway the wedding. omg the wedding was a mess. like she spent SO much money on flowers and this ridiculous dessert table but… half the chairs were missing? people were literally standing during dinner. the cake ran out like 10 minutes in. the DJ showed up 45 mins late. and the favors? one dumb hershey kiss taped to a card. my cousin literally whispered “wow this is crazy expensive for this” and i… idk i just said out loud “yeah… its a financial disaster”
like. silence. dead. lisa froze. mark turned beet red. mom looked like she wanted to kill me. little brother was snickering. one of my aunts literally said “wow, you’re so rude” and my dad just shook his head like 😳.
afterwards lisa won’t talk to me. mark legit stalks me with his eyes whenever i move. mom keeps sighing. dad keeps giving me “we need to talk later” looks. my cousin is now lowkey my ally bc she agrees but says i should’ve kept it in my brain.
but honestly?? i feel like i was just being honest??? like i didn’t call her stupid or anything i just said the wedding was a mess financially. i mean?? people say weddings are stressful but COME ON half the guests stood for 2 hours… and she owes her planner like 4k extra for no reason.
bonus drama: apparently my uncle thinks i “ruined the vibe” and my grandma called me “heartless” over text. my phone hasn’t stopped blowing up with people asking if i apologized. like. i didn’t. should i??? i hate fake niceness.
so reddit… AITA for saying it was a financial disaster???
p.s. yes i know i sound like a jerk. yes i feel a little bad but also… i kinda think i was right???
EDIT
ok so i’ve been reading the comments and omg i see all the YTA’s lol. i know i probably should have kept my mouth shut in front of everyone but… some stuff came out this week that makes me feel way less bad.
apparently my parents gave lisa 10k to help pay for the wedding and she spent like half of it on her honeymoon instead. so she basically didnt even try to budget for chairs, cake or the DJ bc she already decided bora bora was more important then guests having a seat. my dad didn’t even know about it until monday and now hes furious at my mom for hiding it. mom’s furious at me for “stirring things up” even tho i literally just said what everyone was thinking. lisa rage quit the family group chat for the second time this week and mark just reacted to my messages with a thumbs down. like… what even.
my younger brother dm’d me yesterday saying he totally agrees with me but didnt want to say anything in the chat. now hes getting grilled by my aunt for “taking sides” even tho he barely said anything. my cousin texted me “you’re insane but i lowkey support you” and at the same time sent lisa a selfie of her fake smile at the wedding so now cousin is kind of chaos fuel.
so yeah maybe i was an asshole for blurting it out but i wasnt totally wrong. the family group chat has officially exploded. dad yelling at mom, mom yelling at me, lisa yelling at everyone, mark giving thumbs down at all of us, uncle threatening to block everyone if this keeps going, and im just sitting here watching the whole circus.
i swear this is exhausting but also i feel like i kinda accidentally exposed what everyone was thinking.
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ok so i’m still shook. i (28m) have a sister lisa (32f) who just got married last weekend. her fiancé mark is… i dunno man, he’s like super full of himself or something. anyway the wedding. omg the wedding was a mess. like she spent SO much money on flowers and this ridiculous dessert table but… half the chairs were missing? people were literally standing during dinner. the cake ran out like 10 minutes in. the DJ showed up 45 mins late. and the favors? one dumb hershey kiss taped to a card. my cousin literally whispered “wow this is crazy expensive for this” and i… idk i just said out loud “yeah… its a financial disaster”
like. silence. dead. lisa froze. mark turned beet red. mom looked like she wanted to kill me. little brother was snickering. one of my aunts literally said “wow, you’re so rude” and my dad just shook his head like 😳.
afterwards lisa won’t talk to me. mark legit stalks me with his eyes whenever i move. mom keeps sighing. dad keeps giving me “we need to talk later” looks. my cousin is now lowkey my ally bc she agrees but says i should’ve kept it in my brain.
but honestly?? i feel like i was just being honest??? like i didn’t call her stupid or anything i just said the wedding was a mess financially. i mean?? people say weddings are stressful but COME ON half the guests stood for 2 hours… and she owes her planner like 4k extra for no reason.
bonus drama: apparently my uncle thinks i “ruined the vibe” and my grandma called me “heartless” over text. my phone hasn’t stopped blowing up with people asking if i apologized. like. i didn’t. should i??? i hate fake niceness.
so reddit… AITA for saying it was a financial disaster???
p.s. yes i know i sound like a jerk. yes i feel a little bad but also… i kinda think i was right???
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole bc i said out loud that my sister’s wedding was a “financial disaster” in front of all the guests. i know it embarrassed her and made her cry and probably ruined her vibe for a bit, even if i didn’t mean to insult her personally. i get why everyone is mad at me, maybe i should’ve kept it to myself instead of blurting it out.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info : are you married?
Yes, you’re 28 and talk and act like a teen.
Criticism is easy.
YTA
YTA. Did you pay for it? That wasn’t the time or place to make a comment like that.
YTA! It was not the time or place to say anything and you should have just kept quiet.
YTA You might have been right, but that doesn’t make you less of an asshole. It would have been one thing if you’d whispered back to your cousin, but you didn’t. You said it at a volume that multiple people heard you. That was rude, thoughtless, and heartless.
If you were a good and supportive brother, you could have tried to say something nice. Or if you can’t say anything nice, keep your mouth shut until you’re in private.
Yes. 💯. Especially, some of those things weren’t her fault like the DJ showing up late and the missing chairs. Even if she counted wrong, banquet halls always have extra seating. And since you pay per person, that doesn’t have any financial impact anyways. Lastly, Mark being full of himself is irrelevant too. It seems like there are other dynamics/issues at play here.
Not your wedding, not your money.
YTA
YTA. Grow the fuck up. If you’re going to talk shit AT LEAST wait until you’ve left the party before you open your mouth.
YTA obviously. You called her wedding a disaster when you should have been a gracious guest.
Are you always like this? Because you don’t sound like someone who’s enjoyable to be around.
Did you ever think maybe someone didn’t do the job your sister paid them to do? What did pointing it out at that point accomplish. YTA.
You should have kept to a quiet whisper and talked about it afterwards but it sounds like a complete disaster.
It sounds like the wedding planner owes your sister money for doing the worst job.
I can’t bring myself to call you an asshole because you’re being honest but use your inside voice next time
“Just being honest “ is not an excuse for being rude YTA
YTA. Sounds like you’re a really crappy brother too.
YTA
You were objectively rude, it’s was extrmely distasteful of you to call your sister’s wedding a financial disaster.
You claim you were stating your opinion but who asked you? This is not your wedding and you didn’t pay for it so why are you giving your opinion on it.
Learn to keep your mouth shut if you don’t have anything nice to say.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you thought you were right. If someone said it to you, you would freak out. Grow up.
YTA- you don’t need to say everything you think. Full stop.
YTA. You are confusing thinking that it was a waste of money, with saying it out loud in front of them and other people – these are two different things.
All weddings are a waste of money IMO, but I would never say that at someone’s wedding – in particular not to their face, or in front of others. Some of these things don’t sound like their fault – the DJ turning up late, or the venue messing up chairs, so you were just rubbing salt into the wound.
YTA
Illiteracy seems to run in your family. Your sister is financially illiterate, and you can’t read a room.
It doesn’t matter if you’re right. Or being “honest”. You’re the AH.
YTA
Typing this out like you’re 12 is bad enough but you should’ve kept your mouth shut.
Oh my god you’re 28?? I was so certain this was written by a 15 year old with no sense of social skills.
Yes, of course YTA.
YTA it doesn’t matter that you’re right what matters is that you were rude. Don’t be the guy that says I’m just being honest when in fact you’re being rude and degrading. This was her wedding day and you’re so desperate for attention you had to make fun of her. You got the attention you wanted.
YTA. My God. It’s your sister’s wedding, you didn’t pay for anything, and you chose to be a jerk.
You said the quiet part out loud and loud enough for everyone to hear while you were still at the event. It’s rude. It would have cost you absolutely nothing to be quiet. You “being right” is costing you comfort around your family right now.
YTA.
YTA . Sheesh they have eyes too and can hear . They know what went wrong and what was said . Fuck grow up .
I’ve been in more than a few wedding disasters; many far worse than what you described here. None of them I said a bad word about until the drive home, if at all. That is what you’re supposed to do because sometimes, the couple gets really unlucky and things happen outside of their control. There’s no need to make them to feel worse.
YTA.
Obviously YTA
It’s rude and unkind to voice your negative occasion loudly during an event you didn’t pay for and were a guest at.
You need to learn to keep your opinions to yourself, think before you speak and how to make a fulsome apology.
You can practice the last one by eating a large slice of humble pie by apologising sincerely to your sister, your BIL, your parents and anyone else who heard you. When I say sincerely I mean just that. No justifying your judgemental opinion, no weasel words like ‘I’m sorry of you were upset’, no laughing off as a poor joke etc.
At your age you should know better. This can be a great learning experience for you.
Dude, what an AH. YTA big time.
Let me teach you something that by 28 you should already have known: honesty doesn’t need to be brutal. “I was just being honest” is the excuse insufferable douchbags like yourself use to be rude to others. Honesty has a time and a place.
In the FREAKING WEDDING it is not the time nor place to be “honest” on your thoughts. You could have just shut up.
Who the f was benefiting from your honesty? How was that constructive? How was that helping? If the answer is no one and you were helping nobody then it means that fck what you think. Keep it to yourself. No one needs to know your opinion.
You say her husband is full of himself, I bet you are even worse if you still act like a moron teenager at 28 freaking years old and still think you are right.
You’re a, “I’m sorry…but,” guy aren’t you?
YTA. Sure you were right, but you can be right AND be an asshole.
Best lesson I ever learned was that relationships are often more important than being right.
[removed]
OMG I was like, yeah YTA.. hello? So OMG. It’s HER wedding, like srsly. Like but honestly? just being honest.
YTA. Whether or not it was true, it was rude and unnecessary to say, especially AT the wedding. You couldn’t hold your commentary in for a more appropriate time and place to share privately?
I have been to a wedding that wasn’t to my taste. One wedding had the worst tasting cake I have ever had (after the person who made it was bragging about how great it was) and another wedding someone sang terribly to the bride and groom. Through these things you just sit quietly and keep the thoughts in your head where they belong. It does no good sharing things like that out loud at the event.
YTA how would your cousin know how expensive it is?
And how old is your uncles to be referencing “the vibe?”
YTA- sometimes, when you can’t say anything nice try just saying nothing.
To quote the Big Lebowski, “no, Walter, you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole”. Apologize and move on and learn to think before you speak.
Inside thought bro. Of course yta
YTA – weddings are one of those things that you go an experience… take mental notes… and then complain AFTER THE FACT. you don’t sit AT THE WEDDING and talk shit about SAID WEDDING. it’s uncouth, rude, unnecessary, and disgusting to complain within earshot of the fucking couple
Massive YTA.
It wasn’t a financial disaster, it was a planning disaster. It sounds like they had a planner and it sounds like they got screwed. Do you think your comment was kind or helpful?
YTA, big time
You can be right without being rude. You stated something obvious just to be heard. It was unnecessary. The train was out of the station. You could have just rode it out and talked later. Though I don’t know why everyone already knew. You may have been speaking the truth, but it truthfully never needed to be said.
Feedback is more often about timing, that then actual message. Also, no offense, unless you’re paying for it your opinion was kind of unnecessary, especially at that moment in time. I’m not saying YTA, but you’re not being very aware.
YTA.
>i dunno man, he’s like super full of himself or something.
Starting right off with some projection. Nice.
>but honestly?? i feel like i was just being honest???
Classic asshole behavior. There’s a cool thing called self-control, and what’s neat about it is every thought you have doesn’t actually have to come out of your mouth. You should try it sometime. Being “honest” and being rude aren’t mutually exclusive. Let me guess – you also say rude stuff and then say you’re “joking” when people don’t react positively.
It’s bad enough to say it to other guests, but saying it in front of the hosts is just beyond.
The implied up-talking in this part of your post is also really obnoxious.
I suspect you have a history of being rude considering your entire extended family thinks you’re the asshole.
>i hate fake niceness.
Not being rude and taking accountability for the stuff that spews out of your mouth isn’t “fake niceness,” and it’s telling that you think it is.
In case you didn’t pick up on it – you’re the one that’s full of yourself.
I noticed you appear to have not had a plus-one for this wedding. Shocking.
Big YTA. Did you pay for that wedding? The old saying, “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” comes to mind.
That was an inside thought, and you shared it publicly, at sister’s wedding, in front of the guests. You embarrassed her! And you don’t seem remorseful at all. You owe her a big apology and hope that she decides to keep you in her life.
Let her make her own decisions unless she asks you for your opinion little sister.
YTA
This isn’t about being right, it’s about being polite. You were very rude.
you’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole
YTA
YTA. You don’t have to say every thought out loud.
Yta. You can be technically right and still an ahole.
This was written by a 28 year old? That’s embarrassing.
Yta. Work on developing a filter and social awareness. Just bc something is true doesn’t mean you need to say it out loud and embarrass people. Esp at a wedding ffs.
Yeah YTA. So what that things didn’t work out well? Shit happens in life, not everyone is a natural planner. It’s not your day. You’re there to celebrate the bride and groom, not bring them down. Learn some tact.
YTA you might of been right but wasn’t really the time or place was it?
YTA.
Being right doesn’t mean you’re not rude. Ever heard of “inside thoughts”?
Telling someone “wow, you’re really fat” is rude. Even if they are fat.
Telling someone “damn, you have a lot of acne” is rude, even if they have a lot of acne.
You sound socially unaware and emotionally stunted to make a comment like that and not see what’s wrong with it.
Yeah YTA, but im also confused why everyone reacted to your comment but didn’t care about your cousin saying what they did and insinuating they overpaid for garbage
It sounds like a logistical nightmare. Money doesn’t always correlate with competence.
YTA.
Sounds awful, but you don’t make the bride feel worse at her wedding. Especially not if you love her. The correct response would have been to tell your cousin that is not the time or place to discuss that. Then maybe someone should have spoken to the wedding planner and seen if there were any more chairs in a back room somewhere at the venue or if there was anything she could do to make guests more comfortable.i hate to think how much stress your sister and her new husband were under when they realized there wasn’t enough seats at the reception.
People that use the cop out “I’m just being honest” are just AH in my book.
You’re 28, in addition to being honest also exercise some tact.
YTA
It’s not polite to criticize the price/value of something you didn’t pay for, especially while you are enjoying the hospitality of the person that did pay for it.
The issue is not whether you were correct, the issue is you unnecessarily offended people.
ESH. That thought should have stayed inside your head. Also, not enough chairs for guests to have dinner? Not enough cake for all of the guests? Sounds like a planning disaster, and the wedding planner should be returning money to your sister.
You’re the asshole, easiest decision I’ve ever made on this forum. I hate people who say “I’m just telling the truth” and use that as an excuse to be a total dick. You don’t make someone feel shitty at their wedding,.
You’re almost 30. Old enough to know when to shut the fuck up and keep your comments to yourself.
Yes, YTA.
“i feel like i was just being honest???”
9 times out of 10, if you find yourself saying this, YTA.
Guess what? YTA. Even IF you were right, that was a thought that didn’t need to be spoken. Saying it out loud served NO purpose.
You’re too old to act this clueless. YTA.
“I was just being honest” is an instant YTA.
All your family that thinks you suck are just being honest too, but you come crying to reddit how unfair they’re being.
You were rude, tactless, judgmental and out of line with your completely unnecessary comment. You weren’t right. What you were was an asshole. YTA
YTA. A guest acts blind to whatever clown show disaster a host or hostess may be having.
Obviously this wasn’t what they wanted at their wedding. Clearly a wedding planner could have helped.
The bride was stressed and you announced, yep, it’s awful.
For some reason, this reminds me of my first apartment, and the first time I cooked blackened catfish for a friend, who was older than me. I smoked the entire apartment out. The pan can, in fact, get too hot, and clarified butter isn’t just regular butter from the fridge. I was in tears on the front porch, the pan on the stoop, smoke alarms blaring, smoke pouring in a black column from the door, and my friend just laughed, took a bite, and said it was absolutely delicious.
Soft YTA, assuming your sister isn’t a professional event planner and this is her first wedding, it can be hard to pull off. Presumably she already knew things weren’t going well, your rude comment wasn’t helpful because the mistakes had already been made at that point. You should apologize to her.
YTA. I had to go back and double check you weren’t 16. You’re 28! How do you not have a social filter by now or think saying this out loud about your own sister’s wedding was appropriate? I really really hope this is rage bait because you owe your entire family an apology in the absolutely bare minimum
YTA. It sucks, but more so that you didn’t immediately plead for forgiveness.
No, you were wrong!!!!
Some things are best left unsaid. And stop using the word ‘like’ so much. You’re 28yr old man, not a teenage valley girl.
When your wedding day rolls around – if anyone will marry you – I hope your sister stands up in the middle of it and announces she’s pregnant.
That the level of AH you are.
Regardless of how many things were going wrong the actual event that ruined this wedding was your thoughtless, inconsiderate, big mouth and you don’t even have the humility to meaningfully apologise.
YTA, you can be right and an asshole. So many times we see people on this sub complelty be assholes but try to defend it by acting like they were just telling the truth
I clearly remember the last time I did something similar. I was at the county fair, and they had one of those competitions where you win ribbons. It was a seasonal art competition and the winner had worked really hard on their project.
I made a really face about the one that won, and the winner saw me make it. They looked crushed.
Then my mom hauled me out of there and lectured me all the way home because I was 10 (as was the winner), when it was rude but at least developmentally appropriate.
YTA
YTA. You are 28 – certainly you know that just because something is true, doesnt justify saying it, right? Do you just go around telling parents that their kids are stupid and their pets are ugly?
Grow up, friend. You are absolutely the asshole.
YTA exactly why did you feel the need to just blurt out such a rude comment? Why is it so important for you to let everyone know that you’re just being honest?
You should be embarrassed.
YTA. Not every thought needs to be said out loud.
YTA – these are things you say in your head or at the very least in a soft whisper to person next to you if you trust them. Not out loud where everyone can hear you.
YTA. True it may be, it is rude to disparage wedding in the public way that you did. It was rude, unnecessary and insulting.
YTA, keep that shit to yourself or at least wait until the actual event is over. You think she needed you to tell her things went wrong? She knows, dude.
Ah yes “honesty” …..the fallback of the asshole. Every time.
Lemme guess. A 28year old dude who can’t believe his unsolicited opinion landed like a turd in a punch bowl.
BuT i wAs rIGhT! -OP
YTA and probably have been for a very long time.
YTA
Learn to keep that stuff to yourself or talk about it privately later to someone else. The fact you’re almost 30, talk like an actual teenager and can’t figure when not to open your mouth is concerning. Even if you’re right doesn’t mean you should blast it to the world. Consider other people’s feelings and how they might be effected by your words
YTA. Whether or not it was a good financial decision, or they got good value for their money, is not up to you to say especially while at the wedding itself.
YTA. Not because you’re wrong,but for saying it out loud in the middle of her wedding. Timing matters.
YTA You can be right and still be an asshole.
There are things you think but do not say. YTA.
YTA. Some things don’t need to be said AT the disaster site.
YTA. There are thoughts that are meant to stay in your head and thoughts that are meant to come out of your mouth. You definitely let the kind that’s meant to stay in your head come out of your mouth.
YTA. You’ve confused being right with having manners. Just because someone weighs 400 pounds doesn’t mean calling them fat to their face is appropriate. Yes, the wedding sounds mismanaged and a mess, but no one was under the impression that it was the event of the year. No one was fooled. Everyone knew it was a hot mess. That doesn’t mean you have impunity to let your inside thoughts outside. Frankly, I don’t think an apology would even fix it. Own that shit. If half your family goes NC with you, you earned it. Not a lot you can do now. You can’t etch a sketch erase that. Which is why you need to edit your thoughts before they do THIS!
Jesus. Yes, YTA.
Being honest doesn’t mean you can’t also be an asshole. YTA, obviously.
YTA. Yes it was true, yes everyone else was probably thinking it but they were probably trying to pretend like nothing was wrong so that Lisa could make the best out of what sounds like a shitty situation. Once one person says something that pretence and everyone joining together to make what good memories they could is shattered, it’s hard to come back from if you were in Lisa’s shoes.
Have a little empathy, apologise for your lack of tact.
Let me guess, your the realest guy in the room who always tells it like it is. Of course YTA, your complaining because you didn’t like your favour. The DJ was late but guess what, things happen, maybe the original DJ was sick, maybe he was stuck in traffic, but instead of helping your sister with her stress, you make it worse by being a jerk.
Were you right, who really cares? Do you go up to blind people and remind them they are blind? I mean it’s the truth but there’s no need to say it.
Sure YTA. Just say you’re sorry and do better next time. It’s not the end of the world
Being right doesn’t mean you aren’t an asshole. YTA for being a loud asshole at your sister’s wedding.
My brother’s wedding was bad. A lot went wrong. The food was… let be kind and say “not good”. The mother of the bride got hurt (long story). Music was briefly messed up.
My sister and I joked about it quietly where we were sure no one could hear. We still joke about it, on occasion.
We made DAMN sure ABSOLUTELY NO ONE could hear us, let along the fucking bride. Usually for A-hole status I require some malicious intent, but the level of carelessness here qualifies as malicious malfeasance in and of itself.
Holy shit, YTA. totally and completely. You took a bad situation and made it worse.
Assuming this is real.
God I hope it’s not.
I don’t get it. how did they know you were talking about her wedding?! Hell you could‘ve been talking about the Yankees! I’d have played that off…lol
YTA: you need to learn that inside thoughts don’t need to be outside words
YTA. Instead of trying to help your sister and your now brother in-law, you made them feel worse.
You could’ve asked the wedding planner to go find some damn chairs (or found them yourself), you could’ve chastised the DJ, you could’ve done a lot. You opted to embarrass your sister for… what?
It’s her wedding, you and the cousin are absolute AHs.
YTA you are old enough that you should understand that you can still be an asshole even if you are right.
I can tell you like to cause drama and be the center of attention. Well you succeeded and also hurt your sister who will never forget your poisonous comments
YTA.
Your job was to go, support your sister, and have a good time. Since she couldn’t fix anything that went wrong at that point, speaking loud enough to be heard by others was pointless.
You blurted out the quiet part. At that point, your job – see ‘supporting sister’ was to say ‘Doesn’t matter. We’re having a great time, sister looks radiant, and you’ll have stories to tell to your grandchildren.’
YTA while you were right some things shouldn’t be said
YTA Let me guess…you’re the type of person who has no filters and then claims you are “just keeping it real” and “it’s what everyone thinks but I’m the only one brave enough to say it out loud”.
Reading this without taking in the ages I assumed you were about 13 because anyone older than that should have f** known better
YTA
You could be right, honest but also an @sshole at the same time.
did your comments contribute anything, such as offering a solution, other than a brief “feel good” moment for yourself?
There is time and place for comments like these.
Imaging going to ICU in a hospital and say out loud “Yikes, these people look sick and probably dying soon”?
True you couls be right, those patients are critically unwell and can deteriorate, but did you sound like a complete AH with no tact? ABSOLUTELY
idk how this isnt common sense yet, but… if you pour an uncalled opinion all over someone without the intention to help… yes YTA… also.. doing it in front of every1 makes you an even bigger ass*ole
Yeah, that thought should have been a text. But lol 😆😆
I don’t know whether anyone else has already asked this, but . . . were you speaking into a microphone when you made that observation??
Because otherwise, the handful of people standing near you/at your own table should have been the only ones to hear your remark.
Your post makes it sound as though your voice boomed out over the PA system.
In any case, I’m gonna say NTA. Wedding guests are allowed to gossip amongst themselves. Whether or not what they’re saying is in poor taste is a separate discussion, but people ARE allowed to chat amongst themselves at events like this—and most folks, in fact, DO.
The only question for me is how did EVERYbody manage to overhear . . . because if you DID holler it at top volume or in an otherwise (electronically) amplified manner, then yes of course, you would have been the AH.
ETA: And my judgment here takes into account that not only were you not the only guest who had this opinion, but you weren’t even the first one to express it aloud; you were just agreeing with your cousin.
I guess at the end of the day, for me, whether or not you were an AH really comes down to the manner + volume of your expression of that agreement.
I feel like I entered a strange other worldly place reading that story. Where are the capital letters? And as soon as someone says low-key mid sentence I know they’ve got issues
You are not an asshole, but you’re crass and do not have manners. This isn’t about your sister, but if it were I’d say she took advantage of your parents generosity and the karma of that was getting called poor at her own wedding.
Yes you are the AH, was it your wedding? Nope than STFU and let your sister make her own decisions.
yes. say it a week before. say it 6 hours after. dont ruin the event, that is a once in a life time memory.
its not that what you said was incorrect but you’re wrong to have said it, to everyone, including your sister, during the wedding.
YTA
edit: youre 28? thats crazy
YTA. You don’t comment on the wedding AT the wedding, that’s just manners. Your sister’s financial choices are none of your business unless your money was involved and I can’t understand how you feel “less bad” now that your entire family is having a meltdown. It doesn’t matter if you were “right” or not! Forget “fake niceness,” try some real niceness to all the people now angry and hurt because of your thoughtless remark. This should have stayed between your parents and your sister, period.
This entire post makes you sound like snotty pre-teen, not a person almost 30 who actually cares about anyone in his family.
Info: how much was spent on the wedding exactly?
Yes you shouldn’t have said it loud enough for everyone to hear because i think the fact everyone was left standing up spoke enough for itself
Yta! Absolutely
I’d quite the chat for a while just until this blows over. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything else to say.
I look forward to the update when Lisa asks you to babysit her honeymoon babies. She’ll call you irresponsible and selfish and demand you babysit, you’ll say you’re just being honest but she’s a bad mom, phones will blow up and families will be divided.
ESH
ESH stop engaging over text. This is a textbook situation where you need to change mediums. Also you are clearly aware you hurt the wedding couple’s feelings. So yes you should apologize, unless it was intentional. In which case you should apologize anyway.
YTA – I went to a wedding g where it was 100% very low cost and you could tell. Maybe $150 -$200 on flowers, decorations for wedding and reception and hall rental, plus the cost of the celebrant and cake. The bride and groom forgot to get food for the reception so one of the parents ran out for subway platters. There was a cake I think but I think they spent more on the fog machine, lights and speaker for the reception than anything else. While yes I did think it was very cheap and not great. I didn’t say it to anyone at the wedding. I smiled, I celebrated and I congratulated the couple. Afterwards I placed bets with my partner how long the marriage would last (whole fun story there) it was about 1-2yrs. But I still didn’t say anything rude at the wedding.
YTA!!!!
I mean god. Who cares if the wedding was a mess. It was THEIR day. Not yours.
My wedding wasn’t perfect by any means. The day of, we had a wind storm that shut power off at the venue we chose. We didn’t have decorations or anything fancy for anyone. We had no party favors and sent no thank you notes because honestly, we’re budgeting our life and in this day and age life is hard and money is tight.
YTA because you decided to ruined someone else’s big day even though it wasn’t perfect, for them it might have been. Something’s weren’t perfect but the union of their lives was and you just being rude was completely unnecessary.
I honestly wouldn’t blame them for not wanting to speak with you for a long time.
YTA. Even if they decided to spend 5k for their honeymoon, what do you care? It was not your Financial burden… 🫠
For heavens sake how loudly did you say it? At most wedding receptions I’ve been to (even the small ones) you’d have to practically yell that for so many people to hear.
YTA x 1000!
You don’t criticise someone’s wedding. Even less so out loud at the actual wedding. Even less so when it is your sister.
You come across as a jealous, calculative and incredibly immature little kid. Are you sure you are 28?
The fact that you still try and justify your behaviour after so many people pointing it out to you show your lack of good character and class.
Clearest YTA I can remember.
Nta. Let the truth set you free.
So you don’t feel bad at all and your family is in chaos because you couldn’t keep your fool mouth shut? Whether the words you said were right or not isn’t the issue… that you said them at all is.
YTA no many how much you spin this on everyone else… actually that’s just digging you in deeper.
YTA and your update made you sound even worse, not better.
YTA. Being “Honest” isn’t a good excuse for being flat out rude.
>apparently my parents gave lisa 10k to help pay for the wedding and she spent like half of it on her honeymoon instead. so she basically didnt even try to budget for chairs, cake or the DJ bc she already decided bora bora was more important then guests having a seat. my dad didn’t even know about it until monday and now hes furious at my mom for hiding it. mom’s furious at me for “stirring things up”
Oof, this whole thing is a mess. I completely understand why your dad is mad. Family and friends had to stand because your sister didn’t get enough chairs for everyone because she used his money for the honeymoon. I’d be pissed too, it was supposed to be for the wedding.
I 100% agree that it sounds like your sister’s wedding was a financial disaster, but YTA for saying your thoughts out loud.
Yta- By twenty eight most of us have learned the basic lesson “manners and class are free”, yet you displayed neither. If you weren’t funding the wedding, you had no right to critique it as it was happening. Discussing financial matters that are not your own, on any level, is tacky.
It’s a free world, we are allowed to be immature, rude, tacky…but also have to accept being called out for it. My best advice is to apologize to your sister.
It was not an accident, you did it on purpose! That was not your place to say anything and if you did it should have been to your sis quietly on another day. You really did put a damper on what should have been a special day. It was her wedding and you were very critical because it was not up to your standards. You have caused a serious rift in the family and there is absolutely no justification for what you did. It was not your wedding and how it can about, what money was spent, or the set up was not your business. You were wrong! Eat crow and apologize to all.
YTA
come on bro
This has to be fake. Both in content and delivery.
Yta.
As momma always said “if you can’t say something nice, shut your %$#@ piehole”
OP, before you open your mouth in future, ask yourself three questions:
“Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”
The answer to the first of these may have been yes, but the answer to the other two was an emphatic no. What you said wasn’t kind, and it wasn’t necessary.
I sometimes break the second rule. Not everything I say is kind. But if the other person doesn’t need to know, I keep it to myself. I try not to be gratuitously unkind.
That’s what you should have done. If you had to share your opinion with your cousin, you should have whispered it like they did.
Weddings are always financial disasters. They never make a profit 😀 And also, YTA. Grow up already.
YTA. Even after your edit. You may be right, but what good did it do to say it? The money was already spent, and it wasn’t your money. Nos your money, not your wedding, and literally no one asked.
YTA your writing style and general self involved idiocy label you as a colossal arse. I have never met you and feel better for it
> and the favors? one dumb hershey kiss taped to a card
Look the chairs are dumb but come on man; assuming you’re Western, you’re lucky to be getting a gift at all ya twit YTA
Yeah, you for sure are TA. As her sibling you should have been supportive and said something nicer.
Not be such a snarky little asshole.
You’re writing skills are that of a teenager.
Perhaps you should go back to school with this generation and learn some tact, class, and empathy.
You’re stuck on ‘but I wasn’t totally wrong’ when you should be stuck on ‘I wasn’t socially acceptable and my comment was unnecessary and unkind’. YTA
Just let it go. In a few years this will just be a funny story. The perfect weddings are forgettable. It’s the ones where stuff goes notably wrong that remain in your memory.
Idk…I DONT think you’re TA. I find it extremely rude to invite people to an even that half-assed. Not having somewhere for guests to sit is diabolical. Yeah the cake part is ridiculous but I would’ve gotten over that had people had some here to sit. Not to mention, it’s extremely infuriating for your father to give her money under the premise of financially assisting with the wedding and you use it on something else AND your guests are left standing & hungry??? Absolutely not.
I have been to events like this and I was extremely frustrated that I had wasted my day & the event planner couldn’t even be bothered to have enough seating, food, drinks, etc. So yes, I’ve been to awful events where the hosts gave us a big slap in the face. Bottom line, if you can’t afford to host people then DONT DO IT! It’s ok to elope, downsize your budget or forgo a wedding altogether.
YTA. Now that I got that outta the way I do have to honestly say I actually laughed out loud when I saw the title(before reading the actual post) I totally understand why you felt the way you did but also think about this, there’s a reason your cousin whispered her opinion to you rather than impulsively blurting it out for everyone to hear. There’s a time & place to publicly state your opinions, that was NOT IT. I too have been a victim of “word vomit” resulting in embarrassing the crap outta someone when I didn’t mean to. Your opinion was & is totally valid. The outburst however, was not. Hopefully this situation blows over & you guys are back to being normal annoying siblings soon! Good luck OP🤙
You’re a nasty, massive AH. Even with the update to your post trying to make yourself sound better. Flaming AH.
YTA – that includes the edit. You sound like an immature asshole and you write like you are 15. Who cares if she spent the money given to her for her honey moon? Frankly that’s a better use of the money anyways. A lot of people can’t afford to actually go anywhere on their honey moon so they made a logical decision to spend more on that than the wedding. Now maybe they didn’t budget the rest of the money wisely, but you know what, it ain’t your wedding. None of those issues are your concern really. It’s a few hours and then it’s over.
Given the edits, I say ESH. This was a situation where if you have nothing good to say, you better say nothing. Doesn’t matter that everyone was thinking it or “you were just being honest” because no one asked you to be “honest”.
YTA (obvs, you know this from your update). But your “I was just being honest” is garbage especially at age 28 and here is why. There is an expression “Honesty without compassion is cruelty, kindness without honesty is manipulation”.
You were cruel.
Even if it’s true this isn’t the kind of shit you say out loud in front of the couple. You want to be catty you do it in private with your catty cousin. YTA.
NTA
While, yeah, it might’ve been a good idea to have said something later, after reading your edit, the only ones who are TAs are the ones siding with your mother and anyone else who thinks the choices made by your sister are anywhere near the realm of responsible. The $10k was for the wedding, not the honeymoon. Why your mom thinks it was okay she did what she did with it…well…that’s a her problem and she and the rest of the family who support her, including your sister and BiL, owe huge apologies.
ESH
You for making a social blunder.
Them for blaming the whole thing on you. If the wedding had been amazing and had ran smoothly and you’d made some stupid comment, no one would care. They care BECAUSE you were right and they were all trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Now they’re taking out all their wedding frustrations on you which is not fair.
YTA…just because you’re honest and/or right does not mean you’re not an A. There’s a time and place…and this wasn’t it.
Even with the edit it’s still YTA. The harm was already done. Drawing attention to it is an AH move.
And “I was just telling the truth” is what AHs say. There are plenty of truths in this world that don’t need to be spoken out loud.
YTA. However, I do agree with you, honestly, it does seem like a disaster and you weren’t the one who originally brought it up – you are allowed to have an opinion. But the YTA is not for your comment, it’s for your delivery. Personally, I would have been thinking the same thing, but would have held my comments in for a better place and time and just done a little low-key half nod in response to your cousin at the moment. Then if you truly had concerns or the topic was brought up again by someone else, you could have talked about it in person with whoever at some other point when it’s not in a public setting. Now unfortunately you are stuck between a rock and a hard place until you apologize – my advice would be to do a public (on the group chat) apology for how you handled your comment. Kind of word smith it a bit because you aren’t sorry for your comment because it’s true (I don’t believe in apologizing for something you aren’t actually repentant about). But you can be sorry in how you delivered it and how it affected them. “Dear BIL and Sis, I’m sorry for how I handled everything around the comment, I recognize it was not the time or the place and I’m truly sorry for all the stress I’ve caused.” They may or may not take it but it should be enough to show you are sorry for how it impacted them – which is obviously a lot because the whole family is flipping out about it.
You don’t sound like a jerk. You definitely without a doubt are.