For context, I (18F) have never gotten long with my step dad (57M), we’ve barely gotten along since my bio dad passed away. My mom (53F) has been married to SD since 2020
Recently my SD has been causing more issues with me. I asked him to shut the door because I was holding two dogs. I had my puppy between my legs and I was holding my mom’s 159lbs saint bernard with his collar so they wouldn’t run outside. He looked at me and rudely said “calm down” when I asked him nicely to shut the door.
The next day (yesterday) I came home with ice cream, I bought myself ice cream as a treat to reward myself because I’ve been cutting wheat out of my diet. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, he expected me to share my ice cream. He said “you brought home goodies and you won’t even share?” meanwhile he had his own ice cream in the freezer, along with many desserts on the counter. I also spent my own money on the ice cream so I didn’t
feel a reason to share.
I went to my mom because I was annoyed and she was in the kitchen when it happened. She told me “you’ve been rude to him lately” when I haven’t been rude to him at all and any of my “rude” behavior was me calling him out for being rude to me. She told me how I need to treat him better and stop being rude to him.
Today, I walked inside after my mom told me that a package came for us. My SD brought the box inside and decided to open the box so I could get my stuff. He looked at me and said “that’s mine” even thought he knew the box had stuff for me and my mom in it. My mom told him that he could go through her stuff and take anything he wanted but to not take any of my stuff. I decided to texted my mom and complained once again about his behavior because his words were unnecessary but instead she said I was being rude.
My last straw was when I found him in my snack drawer, I have my own drawer of snacks as I avoid wheat due to having a wheat allergy. My snacks are gluten free, which in the only one in the house who has a reason to eat gluten free snacks. I called him out as my mom has told him multiple times to stay away from my snacks and that snacks for everyone else are in the drawer below.
Am I the asshole for calling my step dad out after catching him trying to steal my snacks after 3 situations of him being rude to me?
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For context, I (18F) have never gotten long with my step dad (57M), we’ve barely gotten along since my bio dad passed away. My mom (53F) has been married to SD since 2020
Recently my SD has been causing more issues with me. I asked him to shut the door because I was holding two dogs. I had my puppy between my legs and I was holding my mom’s 159lbs saint bernard with his collar so they wouldn’t run outside. He looked at me and rudely said “calm down” when I asked him nicely to shut the door.
The next day (yesterday) I came home with ice cream, I bought myself ice cream as a treat to reward myself because I’ve been cutting wheat out of my diet. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, he expected me to share my ice cream. He said “you brought home goodies and you won’t even share?” meanwhile he had his own ice cream in the freezer, along with many desserts on the counter. I also spent my own money on the ice cream so I didn’t
feel a reason to share.
I went to my mom because I was annoyed and she was in the kitchen when it happened. She told me “you’ve been rude to him lately” when I haven’t been rude to him at all and any of my “rude” behavior was me calling him out for being rude to me. She told me how I need to treat him better and stop being rude to him.
Today, I walked inside after my mom told me that a package came for us. My SD brought the box inside and decided to open the box so I could get my stuff. He looked at me and said “that’s mine” even thought he knew the box had stuff for me and my mom in it. My mom told him that he could go through her stuff and take anything he wanted but to not take any of my stuff. I decided to texted my mom and complained once again about his behavior because his words were unnecessary but instead she said I was being rude.
My last straw was when I found him in my snack drawer, I have my own drawer of snacks as I avoid wheat due to having a wheat allergy. My snacks are gluten free, which in the only one in the house who has a reason to eat gluten free snacks. I called him out as my mom has told him multiple times to stay away from my snacks and that snacks for everyone else are in the drawer below.
Am I the asshole for calling my step dad out after catching him trying to steal my snacks after 3 situations of him being rude to me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. the fact I called him out after him being rude to me several times. 2. because I rudely yelled at him to get out of my snack drawer due to being annoyed at him for being rude to me for 3 days in a row
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is all pretty petty. Take your snacks and hide them somewhere else. Ignore him wanting your ice cream. Move out if the living situation is not working for you.
NTA. He acts like a jerk towards you. It is not rude to tell someone that they’re being rude. Even though they may claim that it is!
NTA!
He’s got it out for you and your mom is letting him mess with you.
Ignore him as much as possible. Hold your ground. Call him out on his bullshit and don’t be polite, just be factual and strong. Be firm. Bullies cower when they are stood up to.
But if he should get threatening or physical, call the cops immediately.
Do what you can to protect your things. Keep them in your room. Get a lock for your door or order a secret cam from Amazon for your room (I certainly would!)
I’d be scared he’s coming in my room at night or snooping when I’m not there. Is be very careful around that guy.
If your mom won’t help you, maybe another family member will?
I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It’s sooooo disappointing and disturbing when a parent chooses someone to be in your life and they are horrible human beings that you end up having to deal with.
These are power plays.
I’ll be blunt, your SD is not the problem. Your mom is the problem.
And I would tell her straight, “You’ve continued to choose him in every instance where any sane person can see that he is in the wrong. Going through mail that isn’t his, eating things I bought for myself, leaving the door open while I’m trying to keep your dog from escaping, it’s only been getting worse and worse. I’m on the verge of leaving home, and if you won’t start choosing me and doing the right thing, I will start choosing me and keeping both of you out of my life. I don’t need a mother who won’t back me up while her husband mistreats me.”
If you are now 18 and a recent graduate is SF trying to get you to leave? Making you uncomfortable and annoying so you don’t want to be home? Or is he just a jerk? Talk to your mom some more about the situation. Hide you snacks in a box in your room. Next start a list of stuff you need- birth certificate, social security card, bank information, a bit of cash in a go bag. If SF is escalating his behavior there is a reason and an end game in mind, be prepared. Hopefully your SF is in a jerky mood for no reason, but I’ve always thought and taught my children it’s best to be prepared. NTA
NTA
NTA. You’re eighteen. Tell him off.
NTA, and your mother has shown you how much she values you. Plan your escape, don’t have anything sent to the home, keep to yourself.