I’m not kidding. My (36M) girlfriend (35F) is obsessed with her cat (10M, if you’re interested). Dating for 3 years, living together for 2.
Since the pandemic, I’ve been home a lot more and have realised just how cat-crazed my gf really is. They do everything together. She doesn’t need an alarm because he wakes her up at 7:30 every day by sitting on her chest and gently nudging her face with his nose. He eats his breakfast while she eats hers. If we’re watching TV, he’s in her lap. If she’s working at her desk, he’s in her chair with her or chilling nearby. If he acts even a little weird (like hiding in the closet, which I guess he “normally” doesn’t do), she’s on the phone to the vet. She even takes him for walks with a little harness that I used to think was kind of cute, until I realised it just meant her obsession would not just be limited to inside the house.
Don’t get me wrong – I like the cat. He’s a chill cat, doesn’t mess stuff up around the house, very friendly and clean. But sometimes I would like to have my gf to myself. I’ve tried closing the bedroom door at night but the little houdini got in somehow and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf’s tits.
Any time I mention toning it down with the cat, she gets all hurt and makes excuses like how she’s had him since he was a kitten and they’ve been through a lot together. She’s even gone as far as to say he was her lifeline during a period of major depression in her late 20s. Every time, I back down and say ok, I get it, he’s family.
The final straw came when we were talking about relocating together to another country. She wants to limit our search to countries that don’t make pets fly under the plane, ruling out a TON of good countries. I finally stood up to her. Told her pets fly under planes all the time and it’s perfectly safe. Told her she was limiting our options for her own anxiety, not the cat’s safety – he wouldn’t be any safer purring at her feet while she pet him the entire flight. She tried to argue that he’s a “senior” pet, but I didn’t back down – WTF he’s 10? I showed her tons of airline literature about pet safe flying programs and whatnot. She tried to argue that “physical safety isn’t the same as psychological safety” and that she thinks it’d be too traumatising for the cat to go under the plane.
Here’s where I might be TA: I gave her a list of my top countries, all of which would require the cat to go under the plane. I told her that I wanted a future with her, but that I thought she needed to get serious help for her obsession with her cat, and to let me know when/if she decided to get that help so we could move forward with our lives. The ball’s in her court, I’ve been staying with a buddy, but it’s been about a week and she hasn’t called so I’m starting to wonder if I should have helped her find a therapist before I left?
TL;DR gave my gf an ultimatum about her cat obsession and now I’m worried there’s something more I should have done.