I (21M) called my girlfriend (20F) out for saying “It’s so discouraging to realize what tax bracket I truly am in” (or something along the lines of ‘i hate my financial situation’) after having her student visa denied.
She’s been wanting to study college abroad for a while now and her family has been setting her up for it. But after multiple attempts, shes been rejected all times. The thing is, because her abroad plan isn’t going through, her family is buying her a brand new car and a whole rehaul of all the things loosely needed for her studies here instead (they got her a longchamp bag, stanleys, and a bunch of highend things).
It irked me to hear her say that she’s frustrated with her financial situation when she’s already fortunate to have applied studying abroad multiple times and have a brand new car bought for her now that the plan can’t come through. I called her out for it and she’s calling me insensitive for invalidating her feelings and stopped talking to me for 4 days now.
I understand not being able to reach you dream school is frustrating but I can’t help but think her comment was out of touch and that she’s being unreasonable. Am I the asshole for doing this?
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I (21M) called my girlfriend (20F) out for saying “It’s so discouraging to realize what tax bracket I truly am in” (or something along the lines of ‘i hate my financial situation’) after having her student visa denied. She’s been wanting to study college abroad for a while now and her family has been setting her up for it. But after multiple attempts, shes been rejected all times. The thing is, because her abroad plan isn’t going through, her family is buying her a brand new car and a whole rehaul of all the things loosely needed for her studies here instead (they got her a longchamp bag, stanleys, and a bunch of highend things). It irked me to hear her say that she’s frustrated with her financial situation when she’s already fortunate to have applied studying abroad multiple times and have a brand new car bought for her now that the plan can’t come through. I called her out for it and she’s calling me insensitive for invalidating her feelings and stopped talking to me for 4 days now. I understand not being able to reach you dream school is frustrating but I can’t help but think her comment was out of touch and that she’s being unreasonable. Am I the asshole for doing this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action i did that should be judged is calling her out for what she said, and I may be seen as the asshole because maybe I should have sat and talked down with her about why she feels that way or because I am not understanding where she’s coming from. Im conflicted because, as someone who didn’t grow up well off and whose parents had to work hard to where we are now, its hard to hear her say that her financial situation sucks when she is clearly fortunate. But I also feel bad because studying abroad is something she’s wanted all this time, and its because of her financial situation that it isn’t going through.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA you gave her a simple reality check. Granted I hate when my boyfriend reminds me I need to do better at saving money I know it comes from a place of love and our future plans. It’s great her family is that supportive but it can be a negative. It doesn’t prepare someone to go through the real world situations. My dad bought me a car but it was my responsibility to put gas in it, make the $300 car payment and keeping any minor upkeeps to it. And that was at her age, full time in school, with a part time job and during the summer a second job on top. It taught me responsibility and how to appreciate my things more. Could you have said it better? Sure. But you’re not wrong and sometimes people need to be reminded of how truly lucky they got it.
NTA. She’s allowed to be disappointed about her visa, but crying poverty while her family drops $$$ on luxury items is wildly tone deaf. You weren’t invalidating her you were pointing out reality.
If her parents are funding her completely then she’s not in a tax bracket at all. She pays zero tax if she’s not earning so her delusional state probably needs bringing down a peg or two. It’s also unlikely that she is getting denied a student visa due to having too much money. It’s more likely that she is not providing evidence of enough money to support herself or there is not a belief she has a genuine intent to study.
I’ll go NTA here. Instead of complaining she would be better off finding out why she’s getting rejected and work on rectifying the issue
NTA – she’s so entitled, that she does not realize she even is. However, if she has not spoken to you in four days, I suspect you are now in this relationship alone. Or you should be. Dont chase her. She will come back, or she won’t. If you call her, you will set up a scenario that will be how your relationship operates from then on.
So she’s a dumb, insensitive person, with no grasp on reality? Sounds like a winner. NTA
Nta. Get a new gf. The entitlement is thru the roof. Imagine in the future if she’s ever let down, what the demands will be. You gave her a reality check n she didn’t like it
You’re NTA and she sounds like someone who had been overindulged so much she has never been given opportunity to learn how to react appropriately when she doesn’t get what she wants.
>because her abroad plan isn’t going through, her family is buying her a brand new car
What’s next, if she doesn’t get her dream job will they buy her a house?
I’ll slightly go against the grain here. The real issue is she’s bummed because she’s applied for this school several times and been rejected every time. You know what? That sucks. For anyone.
Ok, she made some comment about her financial situation. Yes, she’s lucky. Sounds like her parents give her lots of nice, expensive things. But this is one of those situations where you need to pause for a moment and process what’s really upsetting her. She’s not really upset about her rich parents. We all know she wouldn’t dream of giving that up. But she is upset about the repeated rejection and, honestly, that’s a fair thing to be upset about. Maybe you can just comfort her on that and, later, when emotions aren’t high, you can have a conversation about the tax comment.
NTA you should consider getting a new gf if I’m being honest