My parents own a number of rental properties in my town and essentially don’t work. They call it a business, but maybe once or twice a year they will buy a small house to flip, most of the work they subcontract out. They are incredibly well off, but are also very frugal with their money. They still shop in LIDL and the most you will get on your birthday is £15 in sweets. They eat out maybe 2-4 times per year for birthdays and the like. At the same time they have several homes worth well over £1M with pools and huge gardens which they move between.
I usually bite my tongue and don’t say anything about their business dealings, but recently they have had several tenants lose their jobs and fail to make rent. Rather than supporting the people who have been paying for their lifestyle they instead chose to attack them, calling them lazy. They have been in the process of evicting two sets of tenants and keep talking about how the system is rigged against them and how tenants have too many rights.
Recently I have been noticing their hypocrisy more and more and it has really started to bother me. I spoke up against them last evening when I was over for my sisters birthday, and they both blew up at me. They claimed that they worked hard, saved up and can now live well due to their smart decisions, but to me this seems unfair because in the current economy it would be impossible to do what they did. They take real pride in spending as little money as physically possible and called me stupid for not doing what they are doing.
So AITA for speaking up and risking my relationship with them?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My parents own a number of rental properties in my town and essentially don’t work. They call it a business, but maybe once or twice a year they will buy a small house to flip, most of the work they subcontract out. They are incredibly well off, but are also very frugal with their money. They still shop in LIDL and the most you will get on your birthday is £15 in sweets. They eat out maybe 2-4 times per year for birthdays and the like. At the same time they have several homes worth well over £1M with pools and huge gardens which they move between.
I usually bite my tongue and don’t say anything about their business dealings, but recently they have had several tenants lose their jobs and fail to make rent. Rather than supporting the people who have been paying for their lifestyle they instead chose to attack them, calling them lazy. They have been in the process of evicting two sets of tenants and keep talking about how the system is rigged against them and how tenants have too many rights.
Recently I have been noticing their hypocrisy more and more and it has really started to bother me. I spoke up against them last evening when I was over for my sisters birthday, and they both blew up at me. They claimed that they worked hard, saved up and can now live well due to their smart decisions, but to me this seems unfair because in the current economy it would be impossible to do what they did. They take real pride in spending as little money as physically possible and called me stupid for not doing what they are doing.
Am I the asshole for jeopardising my relationship with my parents over my disdain for what they do? Should look past it?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like what my parents are doing is morally wrong, yet I don’t want to ruin my relationship with them over what they do for money. I am conflicted and feel like standing on principles might be childish.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
You have every right to state your opinion. They called out their tenants, and you tried to make them see the other point of view.
If anything, you have more empathy than them, nothing to be ashamed of.
NTA!
Ugh awful behaviour from parents.
NTA at all. You are 100% right. Keep standing up to them.
NTA. If they end their relationship with you because you expressed your opinion, I would say good riddance. They may have made smart decisions in the past but it doesn’t seem smart to end a relationship when all you did was call them out on their morally dubious behaviour.
ESH why would bring this up at your sisters birthday of all places instead of in a seperate time and place where you could talk through your concerns. while they do sound like they are shitty landlords it is very presumable that you have grown up through their wealth and you shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you.
YTA
NTA for sure. Whether or not they realise it they are very fortunate and they are exploiting an unfair and imbalanced housing market for their benefit.
I know people like them often say things like “don’t hate the player hate the game” but the reality is some people genuinely don’t exploit and take advantage even when they can and that does make them better people. There is only so much personal responsivity you can reasonably shift onto “the system”.
Your parent’s are right that they have made choices and while those choices have been financially beneficial to them there are other consequences that they clearly want to pretend don’t exist.
Good for you for standing up for the people your parents are exploiting. Hopefully once they cool down it leads to a moment of self reflection.
NTA for speaking up as long as you are willing to accept the consequences. Personally feel they aren’t morally required to support tenants. Would be nice to do so but that would make it a charity not a business. They were clear about what they were doing and not pretending to be saints.
What kind of relationship can you have with anyone who can’t handle being called wrong once in a while?
NTA
NTA. It’s amazing when children break free from their environment’s “normal” behavior. Thank you OP, for your empathy towards other people. Sometimes, privilege removes humanity from humans.
You haven’t actually said anything about your parents that is…..bad.
I mean, there is nothing wrong with being a landlord or flipping houses. Those things are actually more labor than you think, and risky.
And of course you eventually evict someone who isn’t paying the rent. If you don’t, you lose big. You probably don’t know the whole story of those tenants.
Could your parents be TA? Possible. Are you TA? Possible, I don’t feel like I know enough to make a judgement. But I’m not going to judge people just because they own properties they rent out and flip. And being frugal isn’t a sin.
Avaricious people cannot be reasoned with. They need more. NTA. Keep good with them for the inheritance… but spend the lot of it on a road-side reptile rescue service. Name it after them! Run it into the ground!
Because they said it at sister’s birthday?
NTA
But you risk being cut off and they lose you. They are set in their way I doubt your input will make any difference.
When your parents die and you and your sister inherit, I assume you will be giving your share of the inheritance to charity?
I’d say mainly NTA but a soft YTA for doing it on your sister’s birthday.
If they think things are “bad” for landlords now (lol) they’re going to have a nasty shock when the renter’s rights bill comes in force.
Why bring this up at your sister’s birthday FFS? That makes you a massive AH.
If you had have shown your sister some respect and brought it up at a different time you would not be an AH, you are entitled to your opinion. Personally, your parents are running a business, not a charity…. They have obviously sacrificed to be in a good financial position, that doesn’t make them responsible for their tenants situation. The tenant signs a contract, whether you or I agree they have a right to run their business how they see fit. Where I live, a holiday destination, many people I know have pulled their investment properties off the rental market due to tenant behaviours of and only rent over the holiday period. We have a massive housing shortage here, at the end of the day it is their property that they own and it’s none of anyone’s business what they choose to do with what they own
YTA
As long as they are following the law they are not required to give people free lodging.
You really had to do this at your sister’s birthday dinner?
Sanctimonious much?
YTA, they worked hard and they’re allowed to collect money on their investments. If the government wants to subsidize their tenants rent then that’s their prerogative its not on your parents to house people for free.
You think they should let tenants stay in their houses for free and pay no rent? Have you actually thought this through? As soon as that happens, all of a sudden all the other tenants can’t pay rent either and you end up running a charity housing company with no I come only outgoings. YTA. Also YTA for raising this at your sister’s birthday party.
NTA. You’re not wrong for pointing out the hypocrisy, but they probably won’t ever see it since it benefits them not to.
NTA. Being a landlord is not a job. They are parasites, hoarding wealth like dragons. They are the problem in society, not it’s saviour. Feel free to share this comment with them.
YTA… and sound like an entitled one at that.