My sister and I have been planning for me to visit her for about two months now. We both set the dates and both requested the same time off. My flight is on Tuesday to go fly to see her. I didn’t buy my ticket till Thursday because I get cheap flight tickets the closer it is to my departure date. I informed her that I was going to buy it and let her know the arrival and departure times. The next morning she messages me that her friend’s family that she recently made up with again will be staying at her place with their son boyfriend and cats, while I am also planning on visiting. This girl is not a good person and has taken advantage of my sister many times. I also found out that she has been staying with my sister for almost a month now and knew they would be there when I visit. My sister’s place is also not very big, as I was planning on staying in their living room, I do not know where I would sleep now with three extra people now staying in a two bedroom house. I haven’t responded to her message, but I am planning on telling her that I don’t feel comfortable going and staying with them and if we can plan for me to visit another time. Am I in the wrong?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
My sister and I have been planning for me to visit her for about two months now. We both set the dates and both requested the same time off. My flight is on Tuesday to go fly to see her. I didn’t buy my ticket till Thursday because I get cheap flight tickets the closer it is to my departure date. I informed her that I was going to buy it and let her know the arrival and departure times. The next morning she messages me that her friend’s family that she recently made up with again will be staying at her place with their son boyfriend and cats, while I am also planning on visiting. This girl is not a good person and has taken advantage of my sister many times. I also found out that she has been staying with my sister for almost a month now and knew they would be there when I visit. My sister’s place is also not very big, as I was planning on staying in their living room, I do not know where I would sleep now with three extra people now staying in a two bedroom house. I haven’t responded to her message, but I am planning on telling her that I don’t feel comfortable going and staying with them and if we can plan for me to visit another time. Am I in the wrong?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am canceling my trip to see my sister that we planned two months ago three days before I go on it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA! You meant to go spend time with your sister, and now there are three extra people in the mix. Your sister hasn’t respected you and likely knew how you’d react which is why she didn’t tell you until (she thought) too late for you to change your plans. I would cancel the tickets and let her know that you really look forward to spending time with her when she isn’t distracted by house guests.
NTA, your sister is being a little manipulative knowing how you feel about this friend and waiting til the last minute to tell you that they are there. I wouldn’t go either. This isn’t what you signed up for and you wouldn’t have agreed if you had all the relevant information.
Nope you are not the ah. She should have been up front about this!
NTA. You don’t have to make drama about not going. Just say something like “It sounds like you have a full house. Let’s reschedule for a time when X isn’t there so we will all be more comfortable.”
NTA having that many people in that small space and just springing it on you last minute is not fair to you because you thought that it would be just the two of you
You’re well and your right to call the visit off until her life is a little bit less hectic
NTA your time off is your time off and you don’t have to spend it feeling awkward crammed in with a bunch of people you didn’t expect to be there.
Info, please
How do you get cheaper tickets the closer to uour travel dates vs people buying early for a cheaper ticket?
NTA. Just tell your sister that think another time is best or invite her to visit you, if you don’t like the friend staying with her.
Ugh, so entitled of you to expect somewhere to sleep…obvs NTA
She should have told you long before now. Is it too late to get a refund on your ticket. Or maybe you could use your time off to go somewhere else.
Does your sister know how you feel about her current guests? Was she perhaps hosting this family and they’ve overstayed their welcome and sister doesn’t know how to get them out of her home? I would cancel my reservations and do something different for my vacation if I were you. Your plan to tell your sister that you’re not coming does not make you a bad sister. NTA
No
NTA My younger brother does this shit to me all the time. Invite me over to hang out but I get there and there’s nowhere to even sit! Fuck that. I just say hi and goodbye. If he tried doing that when I have to fly to see him? Never again. If your sister cares enough, she will make the effort to come see you. My brother decided his friends are his family now… We’ll have to wait and see if his new family helps him financially or when he has his annual SSI paperwork to fill out.
Totally NTA. I would be really mad to find out that your sister has known for a month that the others would be there. That being said, though, I bet your sister really wants to see you, and that’s why she was dragging her feet on telling you.
But it’s okay to say, “sorry, that’s not going to work for me. I hope we can set up another date soon.” Keep it short and sweet. When time has passed and emotions are calmer you can talk more about it. But for now, keep a cool temper and cancel the trip.
Not at all.
NTA that sounds like an awful way to spend time with your sister in an overcrowded house with people you either a) don’t like or b) don’t know.
Have an honest heart to heart with your sister. Is it possible she wants you to visit BECAUSE they’re there and is feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of? And maybe wants a second set of eyes on the situation? Maybe she needs support. An honest conversation between you might find out more.
No. She shouldn’t have planned overlapping visits, especially with family and people they might not feel comfortable with.
nta at all, she should’ve informed you there would be other guests staying at her house from the moment she decided to let them stay. where does she expect you to stay while you’re visiting? it’s a bit rude of her to let you buy tickets and everything while still not informing you of the guest situation. especially if she knows of your problems with her friend. if she does, she was probably hoping that telling you last minute would guarantee that you’d still come regardless of the extra people there.
No this is not the trip you planned, the house is too crowded and noisy and crowded, go at another time. What is your sister thinking, a bit irresponsible
NTA it’s strange that she wouldn’t tell you ahead of time. I would just plan to go back when the house is less full.
NTA. I hope you can change/cancel your plane ticket. Your sister seems silly to have not shared that information with you ahead of time. I would be more than a little annoyed that she made me waste time planning for a trip when she already has a lot of company that will be staying with her.
I guess you’ll have to wait until her “friend” takes advantage of or disappoints your sister again before you’ll be able to go visit her. Unfortunately.
Cancel your tickets and don’t go. It will be a shit show.
NTA— the friend and her family have been there a whole month and your sister didn’t mention it one time. Smh. Like someone else said, tell her you want to reschedule, no excuses, be simple and direct. The omission of a very important detail makes your sister the AH because she may be trying to use you as a buffer to deal with her current situation. If you think she will be honest with you ask her why she didn’t tell you while you were making plans.
NTA
NTA.
If I were in your place, I would cancel.
If sis asks why, I would definitely tell her and ask why she is letting this moocher stay with her.
Otherwise, her place, she can do what she wants.
No
NTA. Like them or not, I wouldn’t go under these circumstances.
Of course you are not in the wrong to want to visit your sister when she has time and space for you. Simply tell her that you will rebook when she is free. But be prepared for her to not be free for a while; who ‘visits’ with their cats!! That family is there to stay….
NTA. She knows this isn’t okay, or she would have told you sooner.
You’re not wrong. Your sister should have informed you that extra people and animals would be staying with her. This isn’t the cozy sister reunion/visit that you envisioned as there are another couple there in a small space plus animals.
THis is your vacation and you shouldn’t have to spend it with people you don’t care for in an overcrowded apartment. I would ask you sister where she planned on having you sleep if she objects to your cancellation.
Most certainly NTA Your sister obviously manipulated the situation. Tell her that you don’t appreciate being manipulated and lied to (by conveniently timed information updates), and you expect HER to reimburse you for the ticket. I wouldn’t try to sugarcoat it. I’d call her flat out on it. Maybe then she’ll think better than to pull that crap with you in the future. That would be the last visit I’d plan for a very, very long time , if ever again.
NTA
She may enjoy their toxicity, but that doesn’t mean YOU have to put up with it.
“I’ll come at a different time when the apartment isn’t so packed. Also I want some one on one time with you, I’m not into sharing and I don’t want to travel in to see other people.”
NTA. She made the decision to let the other people stay even though she knew you had a trip planned to see her. I think it’s fine to let her know you’ll reschedule for when her house is less crowded.
Updateme
NTA
Tell her you aren’t coming and tell her it’s because of that friend that she waited to the last minute to tell you she was back friends with.
Ask your sister whether she needs your help removing her “guests”.
NTA
Decline but don’t make a big deal of it.
“Oh you know I can’t stand being around her, but it’s fine, we’ll just figure out another time,” and let that be the end of it.
NTA, though