AITA My (16y) son Simeon was supposed to be going to camp next week for the next 3 weeks. Over the weekend he was invited by his Aunt (my sister) to a barbecue to keep my (16y) nephew Eric company, beings thou all of the other children were significantly younger. To give little back story about 6 months prior I had told my sister to not even ask for my son to come over anymore with my nephew because my nephew ( who is fast and more mature than my son), had exposed my son to a vape pen. Something my Autistic son would not have had to experience if he had just stayed home. My nephews are pretty much Simeon’s only friends because he is not a social child. Stays to himself, always on his game, or in his room. And I was encouraging the friendship until my son ended up in the emergency room, his father and I thinking he’d been drugged with something much worse, based on his loud, unruly behavior when we received the call to come to the hospital. He was definitely not himself. By the end on that night I told them I did not want the boys hanging out together anymore. But family is family, Right? So fast forward to a month ago. My sister reminds me that camp is approaching. Both boys were signed up to go to camp before all of this, and I’m like okay this should be a good experience for both of them. I start prepping Simeon for camp. Then we get to the weekend before the boys are supposed to leave, and my sister invites Simeon to the barbecue. His dad drops him off and not even 30 minutes later is getting a call to come quickly that Simeon was acting erratically. Come to find out Eric only wanted Simeon to come because he’d gotten his hands on another vape pen. So yeah my son was having another reaction to another pen. I had so many different emotions all at once but mainly angry and embarrassed. But now these 2 boys are supposed to go off to camp together for 3 weeks. I told my son he can’ t go now. His therapist thought camp was a good idea to get him out of the house and be around peers. I also thought it was a great idea at 1st, now not so sure. AITA?
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AITA My (16y) son Simeon was supposed to be going to camp next week for the next 3 weeks. Over the weekend he was invited by his Aunt (my sister) to a barbecue to keep my (16y) nephew Eric company, beings thou all of the other children were significantly younger. To give little back story about 6 months prior I had told my sister to not even ask for my son to come over anymore with my nephew because my nephew ( who is fast and more mature than my son), had exposed my son to a vape pen. Something my Autistic son would not have had to experience if he had just stayed home. My nephews are pretty much Simeon’s only friends because he is not a social child. Stays to himself, always on his game, or in his room. And I was encouraging the friendship until my son ended up in the emergency room, his father and I thinking he’d been drugged with something much worse, based on his loud, unruly behavior when we received the call to come to the hospital. He was definitely not himself. By the end on that night I told them I did not want the boys hanging out together anymore. But family is family, Right? So fast forward to a month ago. My sister reminds me that camp is approaching. Both boys were signed up to go to camp before all of this, and I’m like okay this should be a good experience for both of them. I start prepping Simeon for camp. Then we get to the weekend before the boys are supposed to leave, and my sister invites Simeon to the barbecue. His dad drops him off and not even 30 minutes later is getting a call to come quickly that Simeon was acting erratically. Come to find out Eric only wanted Simeon to come because he’d gotten his hands on another vape pen. So yeah my son was having another reaction to another pen. I had so many different emotions all at once but mainly angry and embarrassed. But now these 2 boys are supposed to go off to camp together for 3 weeks. I told my son he can’ t go now. His therapist thought camp was a good idea to get him out of the house and be around peers. I also thought it was a great idea at 1st, now not so sure. AITA?
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> AITA for denying my son this opportunity by canceling his camping trip, even though this was my idea, just because my nephew will be there too?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>vape pen
ESH
NTA. It seems your kid will just get exposed to the vape pen again. May I ask, did your son willingly take the pen?
NTA. Eric keeps drugging your autistic son. Why would you send him to camp with his dealer?
YTA if your son was really looking forward to the experience, but NTA for being worried for him. I can only imagine how scary and difficult it is for a parent to make such a decision. But I feel like there are other things you could’ve done, like discussing the issue with the camp organisers and asking them to keep a close eye on your nephew or even keeping the boys at a distance until it’s confirmed that he doesn’t have any vape pens on him.
Seems this could be an opportunity to have a lesson learned and get him experience with learning lessons and saying no to peer pressure.
Do you think your son can now avoid vape pens since twice he had a bad reaction?
NTA, but you should find a way to get him some social interaction.
NTA. Your nephew is picking on somebody with a disability because he knows that he’ll become erratic and make a scene. He’s not looking out for your son’s well-being but rather exploiting his vulnerabilities. Is there another camp he can go to?
NTA, but if I were you I’d ask to have a private conversation with your nephew, or with your nephew and his mom. Did Eric understand what he was doing? He had already given Simeon a vape pen and caused a bad reaction, and now he was PLANNING to do it again? That’s pretty messed up if so.
I’m sorry about the summer camp. He sounds maybe a little too vulnerable for that kind of environment at the moment. Is there any sort of day camp he can do? Something to get him out of the house?
You are NTA, but unfortunately your sister is. She should be the one keeping her son, your nephew, from going to camp.
Before judgement: is Simeon able.to say no to his cousins and/or others? Is he easily.influenced? Are you afraid something will happen at camp?
I mean, the cousins are shitty little 16 year olds, no doubt, and they shouldn’t have offered again. But if Simeon can’t say no twice, even when knowing he can’t handle vapes, he needs to learn these skills. You can’t keep him at home forever.
YTA.
Your autistic son has no friends except his cousins, and he disobeys you to hang out with them because he’s probably crushingly lonely with no other friends. So he smokes with his cousins, and you’re mad, and…you respond by cutting off his camp, which is possibly his best chance to make new friends?
Where’s the logic in that? What is it you think will happen if he can’t make new friends? He’ll continue spending whatever time he can smoking with his cousins.
I can’t comment on whether you’re right to be mad at all, but your punishment is going to have exactly the opposite result of what you want.
NTA but why would you keep sending your son without you to hangout with your nephew? Obviously someone needs to supervise and it’s not your sister.
NTA if the other kid is going to be there.
INFO: what was in this vape pen? Nothing in a regular vape pen should be making your son act erratically. Is it actually the vape pen itself, or is the placebo effect/effect of doing something rebellious causing him to act out? Is your nephew a good kid with light rebellious behaviours, who’s just trying to include your son> Or is he giving him the vape to laugh at the autistic kid?
If your nephew is a true friend to your son, you are probably doing your son more harm than good by cutting him off from his only peer because of a vape. And your coddling attitude in general. I hate vaping, and you should educate your son on the dangers, but if I had to choose between that and the effects of being completely isolated from any other kids his age…yeah, the vape is lesser of two evils.
I’m sure you just want to protect your child. But honestly, autism or no, this is exactly the age where he needs to learn to be safely exposed to things like smoking, vaping, alcohol, and feel comfortable saying no. He will never, ever learn to interact safely with people his age if you’re coddling him over a literal vape. ‘My autistic son would never have had to be exposed to that’ is a hugely overprotective attitude to someone who is about to be an adult. I have to ask, was his behaviour after seeing his cousin actually problematic…or was he ‘loud and unruly’, as teenagers should be, because he was excited after having a fun time with someone his own age instead of rotting in his room at home?
If there is no problem with your nephew aside from the vaping, please let him go on the camp. I’m sure some time away would do such wonders for his independence and self esteem.
YTA because you are punishing your son for something his cousin did to him. Has your sister punished her son for getting his hands on a vape pen and giving it to your son?
The only person who shouldn’t be going to camp is Eric. Let Simeon go to camp and tell the counselors to keep Eric away from him. Explain what Eric has done in the past and let them know to keep an eye out.
YTA because family isn’t family when someone ends up in the ER. Stop sending your son to see his cousin. See if the camp has another session your son can attend.
NTA. Cousin doesn’t seem to care about your son. Maybe find him a new summer camp?
YTA
“Family is family”???? Your family drugging your son. Poor Simeon.
Soft YTA for keeping your son from going but NTA for not wanting him around your nephew. Does your sister not parent her child? Does she just laugh it off as boys will be boys? You could easily press criminal charges against your nephew for smoking underage and giving it to your son too and his mother as well for even letting her son have access to a vape pen to begin with
YTA: The camp has adults and unless you have some other awesome plan lined up for him, you will be setting him backwards.
INFO –
Will the two of them be together at camp constantly? In the same cabin or whatever?
Also, what the hell kind of vape pen is he using that your son is having such a huge reaction?
++++
Honestly, it should be your sister who is stopping her kid from attending. However, given that you can’t force that outcome, you will probably end up pulling your kid. That sucks for you, sucks for him. If you end up having to pull your kid from camp, I’d cut off your sister. Family is family, but YOUR immediate family is more important than the extended family.
the only asshole here is the “therapist” recommending an autistic kid to go to a camp without supervision, like what? You also shouldnt be so mad at him for wanting to hang out with his only friends (cousins) who actually care about him and wont disrespect him like other “peers”. Yes smoking isnt good but all kids have a smoke once in a while at that age.
Honestly YTA. My son is tier one and has friends from school or neighbors I try to keep in touch with so he has a social circle. It’s the bare minimum you can do as a parent is to set up play dates with school mates.
If he’s old enough to know what vaping is then he probably knows other kids. If he’s doesn’t then get him into summer events at the library or mom/dad groups. There are also autism groups you can join together. Your goal is to shape your kid in the right direction and having no friends at that age isn’t your kids only problem.
While I can see why you took him from summer camp you need to have an open talk to your own child to not talk to his cousin as much at camp. Pep talk him to sticking up for himself and boundaries to go make new friends. Explain to him again what he says when meeting new people, how to tell they’re interested in being friends and remind him of negative social queues if they’re uncomfortable. I still do that with my kid just to make sure he’s not pushing people away bc he doesn’t know when a silent no means no.
Well, what else, other than camp, are you doing to help your son socialize? He should have more friends than just his cousins. He could sign up for an after-school activity. He could join a sports league for kids his age. You should encourage him to do something other than just sit in his room; that way, he’ll socialize with people other than your nephew.
Having worked at a camp, I know camp people pay close attention to substance abuse and put a stop to it.
Instead of just taking your son out of camp, you might consider having a conversation with the camp staff and ask them to keep a weather eye out for this, and to put your son and his cousin in different cabins.
If he is super sensitive to something, let the camp staff know..
But it’s perfectly understandable if you decide your son should wait a year because of his peer- and self- inflicted emergency.
Soft YTA. I get you trying to protect him but Send your son and notify the camp of what has happened so they can do their due diligence and make sure he doesn’t bring anything in that he’s not supposed to bring in. This cousin is a threat to anyone they come in contact with. Prevent it from happening to someone else’s kid.
NTA – it’s one thing to be around peers and do dumb kids stuff, but if he has allergic reactions, and they specifically got a vape pen AGAIN knowing he would have a bad reaction and need to go to the hospital, then that shows malicious intent. That’s not safe to be around. I would have a serious discussion with his parents. And to the point of some others who want to judge you for how you have sheltered your child, it’s not easy to navigate with someone who has social anxiety, autism, and other issues. Maybe there’s camps specifically for kids with autism. But I don’t blame you for keeping him home.
Nta! But you could find a different camp for him to go to instead that’s not with his cousin. There are camps for special needs kids that you could send him to.
INFO: What kind of summer camp is it and what supervision would Simon be under? I worked at a summer camp for 5 summers and when we had campers with certain disabilities we’d have a specific staff member assigned to them during activities to make sure they were safe and able to understand and participate with the other kids. If the camp has special needs programming then I think it would’ve been smart to first contact the camp and discuss your concerns and past issues with your nephew and son. Even if young counselors don’t take that stuff seriously their unit heads or camp director certainly will and can help come up with a specialized plan to make sure your son isn’t left unsupervised with the nephew.
Ultimately I guess I have to go with ESH because you jumped straight to canceling one of your lonely kids main summer social interactions instead of first talking with your sister about how her son is purposefully trying to poison your kid. Honestly you should tell your sister you’re going no contact with her unless she lets you go through all her son’s bags before camp to make sure he’s not bringing anything illegal. If she refuses you need to be firm and go no contact, you cannot use an excuse like “Family is family, right?” because your sons health and wellbeing are more important than two clear AHs (sister and nephew) who don’t seem to care about your sons life.
Lastly just wanted to say that if you do cancel this camp experience I hope you find some other fun socializing day camps for your son to participate in. Not sure where in the world you are but in the pacific NW of the US there an amazing organization that works with children and adults with disabilities called Mt Hood Camp Kiwanis. Even if you don’t send him to camp there they are just amazing people who have so many resources and connections to other organizations, so if you contact them I’m sure they’d be able to give advice or help find a suitable camp not far too far away.
Good luck and keep your kid safe!
ETA: Even if you’re not sending your kid to the summer camp you should speak with the director and let them know why your son isn’t and the issues with your nephew so that staff can keep an eye out for the safety of the other campers. If he’d do this to his own cousin twice then he wouldn’t bat an eye at doing this to another kid with disabilities at camp.
so basically your nephew knew what he was doing when your son went to over there AGAIN! your nephew is a shit! Send you son to camp but have meeting with the administrator of the camp prior.
YTA.
He literally went to the ER because he was given a vape pen and you shrug and say “Family is family, right?”
You say his only friend is his cousin? (With friends like that, who needs enemies?)
Your plan for the summer was to send him to a summer camp with his tormentor?
And then to “protect him” you take him away from one of the experiences his own therapist said would be good for him?
And why is your reaction “embarrassed”?? Of your own son? Why? Because he trusts his cousin because you model it that way?
Good god. Open your eyes. You need to talk to your sister about the F@$@DW pieces of crap she has and they need to have consequences for their behavior. Have her cancel *their* camp.
ESH.
Send the kid. Request that they be in different groups
Also teach your son to say no
YTA 100%. So you don’t want your son to go because of what his cousin did? That’s next level fucked up.
Good God, do you not like your poor kid? Stop sending him into danger before it becomes fatal. Your nephew is either trying to off him or amusing himself by poisoning your kid. YTA for risking his life with a kid who has no care for his safety. Especially if he’s not capable of saying no to dangerous activities.
Hell no, he can’t go off to camp with that monster! Find him another camp or something else to participate in where he’ll be safe.
I do love some of these comments, NTA not letting your teenage son go to summer camp because he got caught with weed twice is normal, you blaming the cousin for it maybe seems like you coddle your son too much. To the people on here saying the cousin is drugging her son, that’s extreme, there may be peer pressure involved but that’s apart of growing up and if he did it again seems like he may like it. Your assertion that the only reason your son was invited over was so they could make him hit the pen seems out there when you already admitted that they are his friends and cousins.
YTA “Loud unruly behavior” because someone is drunk/high is not a medical emergency that requires an ER visit. If it was, no one would survive college.
YTA for not finding a better solution then just crossing off summer camp of his list considering u could find many others and consider he rlly didn’t do anything NTA for being worried abt ur son I would be too
WTF is in that vape?
YTA
ESH It sounds like Simeon is easily influenced, and I’m not sure this is the right way to deal with that, particularly if his therapist thinks this would be good for him. In fact, this could help him get out from under his cousin’s influence a bit. The real culprit here is his cousin, and he’s the one who needs to take responsibility for the fact that he could have put his cousin in the hospital *knowing* what happened the last time.
NTA, protect your son! Don’t let him go. Find a new one that is meant for special needs.
Your son is vulnerable. He has to learn to say no, peer pressure is hard to fight.
I would let him go to camp but meet with both the counselors and the camp director. Tell them that your son and Eric must be kept apart as much as possible and never be left unsupervised. And be sure to tell them WHY and warn them about your son’s reaction when he is under the influence.
How autistic is your son? Can he not say no? Does he not know how to
Avoid bad things? If he’s that autistic maybe he shouldn’t go to
A camp. Maybe he needs a neurodivergent camp. NTA.
Yeah 16 without friends is rough. Would you be open to possible suggestions to help him make some?
INFO Did your son take weed and have a bad reaction or did he just freak out because he smoked a regular nicotine vape? Also, you say your son has autism, but is he cognitively delayed? Because your framing doesn’t seem to suggest that he was forced to vape. Like if the vape was there and he chose to hit it knowing how he reacted last time, shouldn’t he be the focus.
A lot of people have vapes and many offer to let others hit it. Unless he’s always gonna stay with adult supervision, which may be something he requires, he will probably hit another vape.