My friend and my boyfriend planned a surprise dinner for my birthday on a Saturday. A week before the dinner my friend moved to reservation to Sunday at 9pm so her boyfriend could come too. We all have work Monday morning but I didn’t think much of it, he mentioned it was late so I told him to message her that day to figured it out because I had nothing to do with the planning and the week went by with no one talking about. The day of my boyfriend messaged my friend asking her to change the reservation because he doesn’t want to be out that late on a Sunday and she can’t because it’s the day of the reservation. So he says he doesn’t want to go out anymore and for me to go alone with just my friend and her boyfriend. Am I the jerk for getting upset by this? I told my friend I couldn’t go because I didn’t want to be even more embarrassed that he wouldn’t go. He had a week to ask to change the plans and now he is mad at me because I’m upset he won’t come to the birthday dinner that they planned for me. My friend changed the date and we can always do it another time but it’s just the premise that he waited and doesn’t want to do this with or for me on my birthday.
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My friend and my boyfriend planned a surprise dinner for my birthday on a Saturday. A week before the dinner my friend moved to reservation to Sunday at 9pm so her boyfriend could come too. We all have work Monday morning but I didn’t think much of it, he mentioned it was late so I told him to message her that day to figured it out because I had nothing to do with the planning and the week went by with no one talking about. The day of my boyfriend messaged my friend asking her to change the reservation because he doesn’t want to be out that late on a Sunday and she can’t because it’s the day of the reservation. So he says he doesn’t want to go out anymore and for me to go alone with just my friend and her boyfriend. Am I the jerk for getting upset by this? I told my friend I couldn’t go because I didn’t want to be even more embarrassed that he wouldn’t go. He had a week to ask to change the plans and now he is mad at me because I’m upset he won’t come to the birthday dinner that they planned for me. My friend changed the date and we can always do it another time but it’s just the premise that he waited and doesn’t want to do this with or for me on my birthday.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I canceling an event that was planned for me because certain people changed their minds and would not come
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your boyfriend is though. He doesn’t care enough to go to your birthday dinner and is fine with you not having one. It seems more like your friend was planning it and your boyfriend was doing the bare minimum.
NTA. He could have said anytime as you say. I also don’t think it’s a good look for him that he does not care you’re upset. Even if he feels he’s not done wrong he could at least show some empathy… You’re his girlfriend.
YTA
You planned and agreed on a dinner on saturday. Your bf was ready to go on saturday. YOu are an AH for faulting HIM.
Blame your friend, she changed it without asking if it would work for the others.
NTA. First of all this wasn’t a surprise birthday dinner since you knew about it. As for your bf, he’s being a baby and that should be a huge red flag for you.
ESH especially your boyfriend because he could have objected sooner to the date change, but I still think that you should have gone.
This is my husband to a T.
NTA. And if I were you, I would seriously consider if there are other areas where your BF just cant be bothered to do the bare minimum for you, if he doesn’t even care enough about you to check the time of the reservation or eat his mistake and risk being tired on the morning.
But I also don’t understand your reasoning for not going yourself. Firstly because there is no need for you to be embarrassed about your BFs lousy behavior, so why do you feel like his actions are a reflection of you?
But secondly also because why would pass up the chance to celebrate with people who obviously care about you.
Go out to dinner and have a good time.
NTA, because it’s your birthday. Yes, they could have, and should have, communicated earlier in the week about any scheduling conflicts/preferences. I would typically side with your boyfriend (or anyone with his position) but given that it was a special occasion he should have sucked it up and gone to dinner. Especially since he had ample time to speak up during the week and adjust schedules.
Had it been just regular dinner plans I would not hold it against anyone for cancelling the day of because you can’t predict how you are going to feel in the future.
Happy belated birthday.
Very strange, why would your friend make it so late knowing you both work. She made it about her boyfriend and not about you or your boyfriend. He probably let her plan it and then realized how late it was the day of. He should have either went anyway and been tired all day at work or he should have been checking with the friend. However I feel your friend should have know all this but I think she just wanted her boyfriend to be able to come and that was all she was thinking about.
Is this even an AITH situation? Sounds like venting
Your boyfriend is lazy that he waited too late to change the reservation and then bailed on you. Not a nice thing to do. I would be upset as well.
Still out to dinner Saturday with the boyfriend. Tell your friend 9 is way too late on a Sunday night you don’t want to go then, your boyfriend don’t want to get in so you just going to stick the Saturday night and go out with him alone. Problem solved.
NTA. Your BF is being seriously passive aggressive. He had a full week to do this, which would only take a min and he couldn’t be bothered. He knew exactly what he was doing.This kind of behavior will only get worse if you stay together and/or get married making your life miserable.
I’m not understanding how this is a surprise, since you knew about it. But your friend shouldn’t have changed it to a late-ish Sunday dinner without clearing it with everyone invited, and your bf should have worked this out in advance rather than messaging her the day of the dinner. If I were you I would have gone for dinner with the people who planned the event in your honor.
NTA. You should have still gone and enjoyed yourself. Your boyfriend didn’t want to be there, it was important to him. At least your friend cares about you, so it’s a shame that you cancelled on them. Your boyfriend sucks.
No sounds like you dodged aggravation.
ESH. It was planned- one person doesn’t get to arbitrarily change plans on everyone else.
Your Bf should’ve called ahead of time to let her know that time wouldn’t work.
You should’ve also called your friend to let her know that wasn’t a reasonable time because it was going to inconvenience you too.
NTA. 9 PM on a Sunday is a sucky time, but your bf should’ve handled this for you for your birthday. If he knew he wouldn’t want to go he should’ve said something earlier
Doesn’t sound like a very good surprise.
Did he do anything else for you?
ESH- Your boyfriend should have discussed it with your friend sooner if he had a problem with the changed date. You should have said something sooner you had a problem with the changed date. Your friend should not be prioritizing her boyfriend for your birthday celebration.
So you want to punish your BF by bailing on your friend.
He dropped the ball. Talk to him about that and enjoy the party.
The friend changed the reservation to accommodate HER BF being able to attend.
OP’s BF was asked by OP to contact friend, to change it to earlier, because OP’s BF didn’t want it to be at 9pm, on a Sunday night. That makes sense.
However, OP’s BF never did it until the day of.
OP should have/could have called HER friend to say it was too late on a Sunday.
ESH
Is your boyfriend a teenager?
He is the A.
Your friend wanting to force everyone to go out late on a Sunday night just so her boyfriend can come to YOUR birthday is the asshole here. People who think they can’t do anything social without their partner are 🤮🤮🤮