I,(58 F), have been going to the same hairstylist for almost 30 years. I rarely ever cancel on her, and the last time I had done it was around 8 months ago.
Recently, I developed a painful cyst on my ear. I ended up going to the dermatologist where they were able to drain it, and I was put on antibiotics incase of an infection. Here’s where I may be the AH.
My appointment to get my hair done was coming up, and I originally didn’t think it’d be a problem. As time passed it was eventually the night before my appointment and I had ended up scratching the cyst which caused it to bleed. I decided to cancel as it became an open wound and I didn’t want to risk anything irritating it which ultimately led to my decision.
My hairstylist had originally been planning to come in early special for me, which made me feel even more bad, and I wish I had told her sooner. I ended up texting her as early as I could so she could see the cancellation before she made the trip. I apologized profusely and even sent her proof of my ear. All she responded back with was to please let the front desk know of all cancellations at this point. It was obvious she was upset and I again apologized, but if I had let the salon know she wouldn’t have likely got the message in time, and I was trying to be considerate.
Again, I have known this stylist for years, and I’ve always given her great tips, and have considered her a friend as well, since we have texted about other unrelated topics as well. I feel as though I didn’t do anything wrong other than let her know of my cancellation too late, but I feel this is an overreaction, and am considering changing salons.
EDIT: thank you all for your comments, I made this post for my mother to give her some insight on her situation, i appreciate all your help! 🙂
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I,(58 F), have been going to the same hairstylist for almost 30 years. I rarely ever cancel on her, and the last time I had done it was around 8 months ago.
Recently, I developed a painful cyst on my ear. I ended up going to the dermatologist where they were able to drain it, and I was put on antibiotics incase of an infection. Here’s where I may be the AH.
My appointment to get my hair done was coming up, and I originally didn’t think it’d be a problem. As time passed it was eventually the night before my appointment and I had ended up scratching the cyst which caused it to bleed. I decided to cancel as it became an open wound and I didn’t want to risk anything irritating it which ultimately led to my decision.
My hairstylist had originally been planning to come in early special for me, which made me feel even more bad, and I wish I had told her sooner. I ended up texting her as early as I could so she could see the cancellation before she made the trip. I apologized profusely and even sent her proof of my ear. All she responded back with was to please let the front desk know of all cancellations at this point. It was obvious she was upset and I again apologized, but if I had let the salon know she wouldn’t have likely got the message in time, and I was trying to be considerate.
Again, I have known this stylist for years, and I’ve always given her great tips, and have considered her a friend as well, since we have texted about other unrelated topics as well. I feel as though I didn’t do anything wrong other than let her know of my cancellation too late, but I feel this is an overreaction, and am considering changing salons.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action was cancelling the appointment last minute when the hair stylist was specially coming in for me, and that action might make me the asshole since I didn’t do it sooner but I did it to prevent further damage to my cyst
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA – you cancelled 2x in 8 months, once the day of when she was making a special accommodation for you. My stylist would fire a client for the 2nd cancellation in that timeframe.
Totally Not the Ass. Things happen, life happens. If this is the second time you’ve cancelled on her in. 30 years, she needs to chill. Who knows, maybe she’s not a morning person or she was having a bad day. Now it’s up to you if you want to continue your professional relationship with her.
NTA, you have a genuine reason to cancel late.
YTA. Offer to pay the money she lost. Less than 24 hours notice means she can’t fill the appointment and is out money. If you truly want to keep her and the relationship then make it right.
NTA
That she charges you for the appointment would be fair in my eyes since it is second time in a fairly short timeframe, and ideally you should brought that up from the start. But damn, that was one cold way to handle it from her.
I think it’s important for you to realize that even though you had a valid reason you greatly inconvenienced her and took money out of her pocket. Even if she understands it’s ok to be upset. You’re not TA for canceling but you are for being defensive and considering changing service providers. She’s allowed to be annoyed at the situation.
You weren’t being flakey, it was a medical issue. Usually there’s a fee for last minute cancellations but if there wasn’t, that’s on them. NTA
NTA. Life happens. She’s being petty which apparently is par for the course with hair stylists.
NTA but as another mentioned you are for being defensive. You knew earlier than the morning of that you shouldn’t go for the appointment but still waited. Instead of letting this drop or following up later with an apology, you’re holding on to this as though you did nothing wrong. She made a special accommodation for you and you inconvenienced her. She could have been having a bad morning as well so give her some grace. You don’t have to keep using her services but not owning up to your mistake and leaving her seems a bit of an overreaction if things are otherwise good.
NTA as long as you paid the cancellation fee.
NAH. This was a bit of an emergency and you did try to let her know. But she also has a “right” to feel frustrated about how everything went down. If you’re still communicating, it doesn’t sound like she wants to lose you as a client, but if you feel so uncomfortable as to move on, it’s understandable. ETA I do agree that offering some kind of compensation for her lost time is reasonable.
NTA. You had a medical reason to cancel, and it was something that didn’t come up until last minute. You’ve been a faithful client for 30+ years, having two cancellations within 8 months does not constitute the stylists childish and frankly petty behavior. Roles reversed, and she last minute had to cancel because of a medical issue, would you be upset?
They normally have a cancellation fee if you cancel with more than X hours notice, if you pay that then NTA. If you refuse to pay then YTA.
NTA.
You explained to her that you cancelled because you couldn’t safely get a haircut that day. Does she expect you to do something that’s unsafe for both of you? If she does expect that or if she’s not willing to extend you any grace after a 30 year long business relationship then I would terminate the business relationship.
While the timing is super inconvenient, I’m going with NTA. Honestly, I don’t understand why any professional that would want to work with a client who has a wound half an inch from their work space.
Cosmetologists are not supposed to perform service on someone who has a wound near where the service is going to occur. In fact, if you have gone to the appointment, most cosmetologists would have told you that they can’t perform your service until the ear is healed. If they see some health related issue, even if you, the client, wasn’t aware of it, they are supposed to tell you that you need to seek out medical care before they can do a service that close to whatever the issue is. This
NTA things happen and you can’t burden yourself for stuff like that. It’s an actual concern you’re worried about, so she can be mad all she wants! You had a very good reason for canceling even if it was last minute. Maybe the stylist should have cancellation fees, otherwise they can’t expect people not to cancel.
The only thing that would make me say YTA is you sending a pic of your ear. I hate getting unsolicited images of injuries/wounds. It added a gross factor to already bad news. Other than that, NTA.
What’s the big deal of letting the front desk know? Seems that is how she wants you to canal.
You cancelled the morning of when you’d known about the cyst for a week? You should absolutely still pay. She could have filled the time with another client and she has bills. YTA
NTA for cancelling in general.
YTA for considering a service change. That is an overreaction, when you can literally see the reasons why she might be disappointed in a last minute cancellation, especially when her request is reasonable. A cancellation is something the salon should also be aware of, and especially this last minute, the front desk should know not to expect and call you when you don’t check in.
YTA for waiting that long. I mean, if I see a hangnail cutting in within 3 days of a manicure appointment, I cancel because cosmetics + nearby wound = bad for everyone. If drainage (ew) happened in enough time frame that the wound was barely closed or scabbing over before otherwise asking her to touch your head, it should have been cancelled well in advance. Also, YTA for sending proof (ew ew).
ETA – I see your own ETA and 1 comment response saying now you made this for your mom. Cool if true but weird to switch up randomly/suddenly from the other comment replies firmly from “your” POV about your relationship with the stylist etc….
YTA. You had plenty of time to cancel before the night before, even if it was healing, if a light scratch caused open bleeding it wasn’t healed enough for hair care. Your doctor should have told you that and you should’ve asked.
You’ve been her client for years. You should have enough of a relationship to reach out and let her know you might have to cancel before the night before.
As a long time client you should’ve had the respect for your stylist and your relationship to warn her you might need to cancel, and then cancel in a timely manner. What you did was super rude.
If you want to continue with her you need to apologize, bring her something special (it can be small), and commit to her to doing better and do better.
I’m going with YTA. I fail to see how the stylist, who was coming in early for you and told you to please send your cancellation notices through the front desk, is overreacting.
You can change stylists at any time for any reason, obviously. But did you expect her to be grateful for the late notice? Might you want to change because you realize you didn’t handle this situation well and you’re embarrassed? Anyway, don’t expect others to be happy when their life and livelihoods are disrupted.
NAH
Unless you didn’t follow up by calling the front desk when she told you to. What did you expect her to do….send you flowers as a get well wish for your ear? You’ve been going to this person for 30 years and you’re considering changing salons because she didn’t gush over you?
You cancelled the appointment. It happens. But she probably can’t call work and say “Oh yeah, I got a private message that they are cancelling. You can take my word for it.”
Also, you say “rarely” and then you say 8 months ago. How often do you get your hair done?
NAH. Your mum cancelled, she told you the policy for future. Your mum made a mistake at not cancelling when it was drained. Could the stylist have offered more sympathy? Sure but your mum mucked up her day and she responded in the moment with a very neutral message.
Your mum would be an asshole for expecting grace and not offering it. If the stylist is her friend then why would this very small exchange ruin that? Your mum is the one over reacting now
NTA
A 30 year client-service provider relationship should not be ruined over a cancellation, even a last minute one with a medical reason.
With that said, it is a business relationship and you may value it far beyond your stylist. It is possible that your stylist sees you only as a client and not at a friend level. Keep that in mind going forward.