My mom has been crying and my dad has been texting me saying I’m selfish and don’t care what others think. I ultimately changed my name because my first name has always been a boys name and i’ve gotten bullied/ridiculed for it a lot. My mom INSISTS it’s universal but it really isn’t. About a year ago, I moved to Oregon, and changed my name a couple months ago. I changed my first name to what was my middle name, and chose an entirely new middle name that I felt was fitting. I have felt great about this decision up until today, when my mom got an email that I changed the name on my plane ticket for home… Now all hell has broken loose and I’m thinking I should just change it back to keep the peace. I really have felt good having a name I chose, but I feel like utter garbage for making my mom cry and be so upset. I fly home in 5 days and I’m terrified to face them now. I feel like such a horrible daughter… AITA?
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My mom has been crying and my dad has been texting me saying I’m selfish and don’t care what others think. I ultimately changed my name because my first name has always been a boys name and i’ve gotten bullied/ridiculed for it a lot. My mom INSISTS it’s universal but it really isn’t. About a year ago, I moved to Oregon, and changed my name a couple months ago. I changed my first name to what was my middle name, and chose an entirely new middle name that I felt was fitting. I have felt great about this decision up until today, when my mom got an email that I changed the name on my plane ticket for home… Now all hell has broken loose and I’m thinking I should just change it back to keep the peace. I really have felt good having a name I chose, but I feel like utter garbage for making my mom cry and be so upset. I fly home in 5 days and I’m terrified to face them now. I feel like such a horrible daughter… AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for changing my name legally and not warning my family beforehand, and that might make me the asshole because now my parents are extremely upset and angry with me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You are allowed to change your name as an adult.
I’m a bit concerned about you saying that “all hell has broken loose”. I understand your parents would be upset, but are they genuinely angry at you? That feels excessive.
NTA. You have to live with the name, they don’t.
NTA. You’ve done something very personal. Parents think a lot about names so when you change it you are rejecting their choice. However you say that it has been a struggle for your entire life. I would position it that they raised and adult who can make their own decisions to make the best of their life.
NTA. Your parents are way too dramatic. They had their chance, your whole life, to sell you on a name that has only brought you pain.
They are taking this personally because this is the name they chose for you. It’s time for them to accept the obvious. You kept your middle name. They should appreciate that. Just keep firm and tell them it’s not up for discussion. Leave the room if they continue to argue or cry about it.
The tears are a manipulation—don’t fall for it. Where were the tears when you were being bullied for a name you suffered with?
NTA. You didn’t have a say in the name that you got when you were born. Now that you do, you’ve decided that you don’t like it, so you get to pick whatever name you want. Your mom is being very selfish by insisting that you should stick with a name you don’t like just because she likes it. If she likes it so much, she can change her own name to it.
Not gonna lie. I would be very upset if one of my daughters changed their name ( one has a traditionally a male name). However, I would respect their decision. I think it’s more of an issue that she is no longer their little girl.
You didn’t discuss this with them ahead of time, or use your middle name for a while before legally changing your name? Just “surprise!” as a logistical issue for a plane ticket they bought you!
They also need to cool it, but ESH.
NTA. A name is a gift from your parents. Sometimes gifts don’t fit any longer, like a sweater, and it’s ok to give it away and choose a new one. My grown daughter changed the name I gave her when she was born. I was sad for a minute, but her new name fits her better, and she loves it.
NTA for changing it.
Your parents probably feel guilty/rejected because parents take a long time choosing a name and put a lot of thought into it.
But a bit of an AH for not telling your parents and just having your flight information sent to your Mom. It sounds like you trust your Mom enough that she’s probably involved in booking your flights (did she pay for them?) but not enough to have a conversation about legally changing it?