A few weeks ago, a former work friend asked me to help out with a job at their house knowing I run a very small side business around my full time employment. We were friendly at work, but the only time we ever hung out outside of it was once, years ago, when I drove 1.5 hours to see her on maternity leave. She’s never contacted me socially since. Her son is approx 8y now. Any friendship we had mostly came from me making the effort.
I flagged some safety issues based on the age of the house. We agreed on precautionary testing. I had her pay the lab directly-no markup, no charge for my time. I didn’t bill her for any pre-work like site visits or planning. The only invoice I sent was for the install day, which included gear (charged at my cost), and a full day of labor and travel.
During testing, I mentioned a click sound (likened to the sound of a light switch) from one part of the system. A week later, she messaged saying she wasn’t happy with it. I called, discussed options, and offered to return Thursday night (we agreed on that) since I’d be out of town that weekend.
But she didn’t pay the invoice by the due date. When I followed up (I had to pay my supplier), she replied that she didn’t feel obligated to pay since she was unhappy, and said I’d need to come Saturday morning instead-after we’d already agreed on Thursday.
I was upset. I’d already planned to return. I’d done a lot for free. So I emailed her a timeline showing all the time and work I’d put in (about 4x what I invoiced), said I was hurt by the changed plan and withheld payment, and made clear no further work would be done until the invoice was paid. I said any future work would be charged appropriately, and ended by hoping it was all a misunderstanding.
She replied saying there was no misunderstanding, that she’d “learned her lesson” about trusting friends, and that they’d get someone else to adjust it. She paid the invoice. I sent one last message thanking her and leaving technical safety notes for whoever she hires next.
Now I keep wondering: was I unfair to expect to be paid for my time? Would a better friend have done more for free, or ignored the schedule change and come on Saturday anyway?
AITA?
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A few weeks ago, a former work friend asked me to help out with a job at their house knowing I run a very small side business around my full time employment. We were friendly at work, but the only time we ever hung out outside of it was once, years ago, when I drove 1.5 hours to see her on maternity leave. She’s never contacted me socially since. Her son is approx 8y now. Any friendship we had mostly came from me making the effort.
I flagged some safety issues based on the age of the house. We agreed on precautionary testing. I had her pay the lab directly-no markup, no charge for my time. I didn’t bill her for any pre-work like site visits or planning. The only invoice I sent was for the install day, which included gear (charged at my cost), and a full day of labor and travel.
During testing, I mentioned a click sound (likened to the sound of a light switch) from one part of the system. A week later, she messaged saying she wasn’t happy with it. I called, discussed options, and offered to return Thursday night (we agreed on that) since I’d be out of town that weekend.
But she didn’t pay the invoice by the due date. When I followed up (I had to pay my supplier), she replied that she didn’t feel obligated to pay since she was unhappy, and said I’d need to come Saturday morning instead-after we’d already agreed on Thursday.
I was upset. I’d already planned to return. I’d done a lot for free. So I emailed her a timeline showing all the time and work I’d put in (about 4x what I invoiced), said I was hurt by the changed plan and withheld payment, and made clear no further work would be done until the invoice was paid. I said any future work would be charged appropriately, and ended by hoping it was all a misunderstanding.
She replied saying there was no misunderstanding, that she’d “learned her lesson” about trusting friends, and that they’d get someone else to adjust it. She paid the invoice. I sent one last message thanking her and leaving technical safety notes for whoever she hires next.
Now I keep wondering: was I unfair to expect to be paid for my time? Would a better friend have done more for free, or ignored the schedule change and come on Saturday anyway?
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for refusing to return and complete follow-up work until my friend paid her invoice as previously agreed?
It might make me the AH because she was a friend, and I held a professional boundary instead of just doing the fix and sorting it out after while she dictated a change of schedule.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You are not a better friend. For the low level of friendship that existed, you went way above and beyond. And handled it appropriately once she refused to pay. It all worked out just right.
NTA. This is why you should never do work for friends. Their expectations are sky high, but they are never willing to pay you what you are worth.
NTA: friends don’t let friends work for free.
I tend to pay my friends more than I would pay other people. I pay them for their expertise. For their education. Because my friends and I respect each other, I know they’ll give me better work than anyone else I hire.
NTA. You should have put a lien on her property until she paid the invoice.
Hopefully, you’ve discovered that working for friends, and family, is rarely worth it. They always expect more, even when agreeing upon the terms.
NTA, but this is why you don’t mix friends with business.
in the future, write up full cost invoice, put down your discount you are giving them, and then the amount they need to pay.
YTA for working without a contract. good thing it’s not your day job
NTA but take heed of her “trusting friends” lesson.
She isn’t a friend. And if you were closer, I would say friends don’t take advantage of friends, lol. If i had a skill and i did something for my friend for free it would be with the knowledge that if I need assistance I can depend on them.
This person is not someone you can call on and she only reached out because she needed something.
Good on you for standing firm and I like that you showed her the clear consequences of her tryjng to manipulate you.
nta obvi