I (35F) recently became friends with my neighbor, let’s call her “Sue.” Sue is recently divorced and moved near my house. We really hit it off and became good friends.
This weekend was Sue’s 30th birthday and she threw a huge party to celebrate. It was the first time I met most of Sue’s friends. I tried to be polite and sociable with everyone around me. I usually don’t talk much about myself and prefer to encourage others to talk about themselves when I don’t know them well.
At the party I met “Alicia”, “Marcia”, and Marcia’s husband, “Michael”. I chatted the most with Alicia. At one point Alicia and Michael were outside smoking so I joined them and asked Michael for a cigarette. I was mostly talking with Alicia and as far as I remember our conversation went something like this: she asked what I do for a living, and I told her I’m a camgirl. She asked me what a camgirl does, and I explained it in a technical way that camgirls are kind of like virtual escorts but my specialty is small penis humiliation. She proceeded to ask me a lot more about the subject, and two other people joined the conversation because they overheard us and were amused by the fact that I make a living mocking men with small penises. Just to be clear I’m completely against mocking someone for their physical attributes but this specific fetish has a huge audience so I kind of specialized in it.
The conversation lasted as long as the cigarette, so after that I didn’t bring up the subject of my job anymore. Michael was present the whole time, but he didn’t participate in the conversation. He spent the entire time looking at his phone
Yesterday Sue told me that Marcia complained about me. Marcia accuses me of being flirtatious with Michael, smiling too much, and talking obscenely around him. I explained to Sue that I wasn’t trying to come across as flirtatious to Michael at all and that I barely spoke to him the whole night. Sue said that nevertheless I should not talk about my job around other men and that what I did was really wrong.
I sent a message to Marcia apologizing if in any way I disrespected her or her husband. She didn’t respond and Sue told me that Marcia is still pretty mad at me.
I’ve been a camgirl for 12 years and almost all of my friends are also sex workers so I’m used to being extremely open about my job. But maybe I should be more careful about who I talk about it around in the future. At the same time I feel that I didn’t bring up the subject in an inappropriate way and maybe Marcia is overreacting
I want other people’s perspectives, and I’ll completely accept if I’m in the wrong and try to do better in the future.
AITA?
Comments
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I (35F) recently became friends with my neighbor, let’s call her “Sue.” Sue is recently divorced and moved near my house. We really hit it off and became good friends.
This weekend was Sue’s 30th birthday and she threw a huge party to celebrate. It was the first time I met most of Sue’s friends. I tried to be polite and sociable with everyone around me. I usually don’t talk much about myself and prefer to encourage others to talk about themselves when I don’t know them well.
At the party I met “Alicia”, “Marcia”, and Marcia’s husband, “Michael”. I chatted the most with Alicia. At one point Alicia and Michael were outside smoking so I joined them and asked Michael for a cigarette. I was mostly talking with Alicia and as far as I remember our conversation went something like this: she asked what I do for a living, and I told her I’m a camgirl. She asked me what a camgirl does, and I explained it in a technical way that camgirls are kind of like virtual escorts but my specialty is small penis humiliation. She proceeded to ask me a lot more about the subject, and two other people joined the conversation because they overheard us and were amused by the fact that I make a living mocking men with small penises. Just to be clear I’m completely against mocking someone for their physical attributes but this specific fetish has a huge audience so I kind of specialized in it.
The conversation lasted as long as the cigarette, so after that I didn’t bring up the subject of my job anymore. Michael was present the whole time, but he didn’t participate in the conversation. He spent the entire time looking at his phone
Yesterday Sue told me that Marcia complained about me. Marcia accuses me of being flirtatious with Michael, smiling too much, and talking obscenely around him. I explained to Sue that I wasn’t trying to come across as flirtatious to Michael at all and that I barely spoke to him the whole night. Sue said that nevertheless I should not talk about my job around other men and that what I did was really wrong.
I sent a message to Marcia apologizing if in any way I disrespected her or her husband. She didn’t respond and Sue told me that Marcia is still pretty mad at me.
I’ve been a camgirl for 12 years and almost all of my friends are also sex workers so I’m used to being extremely open about my job. But maybe I should be more careful about who I talk about it around in the future. At the same time I feel that I didn’t bring up the subject in an inappropriate way and maybe Marcia is overreacting
I want other people’s perspectives, and I’ll completely accept if I’m in the wrong and try to do better in the future.
AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Marcia’s upset her husband looked you up on OF, lol. Her problem, not yours.
Nta she’s worried cuz he has a small penis
NTA… how dare you answer a question a woman asked you IN FRONT OF A MAN gasp /s
Like seriously, I love that you’re open about what you do instead of lying about it. And you weren’t even telling the guy, he just happened to be there? How insecure can his wife actually be.
NTA. Maybe he’s got a small one and they got paranoid.
NTA. They asked a question you answered, they asked more probing questions and you answered, no where did you direct the conversation or keep it going when others seemed uncomfortable. I can see where some woukd feel your job isnt something to talk about, but obviously your not uncomfortable talking about it and others in the conversation wherent offended, id say this is totally on Micheal and Marcia for staying involved in the conversation. They where totally able to walk away if it bothered them
Soft YTA not shaming but saying a virtual escort people would translate to escort. If you said cam girl most move on.
NTA, if grown ups can’t have simple conversations about work then what the actual heck. Wife was engaging and never seemed to be squeamish. Wife is mad her husband now wants to get humiliated.
NTA, it’s very kind of you to apologise to her even tough she is the asshole. Pretty sure she’s just insecure and thinks Michael could be interested by what you do, her problem.
Yes you have a non-traditional job that may rub some people the wrong way, but to ask you to muzzle yourself when you’re specifically asked about what you do is unreasonable.
Seems like Sue’s friend Marcia isn’t comfortable having those conversations. She sounds like a prude TBH. And Sue is being influenced by Marcia’s reaction. I’m sorry you’re being told to behave a certain way around Sue’s friend, but now you know your audience.
Weird way to tell you Michael has a small penis. Nta.
NTA but maybe don’t discuss your specialty unless asked. While I’d personally love to hear details of this sort of work because it sounds like a job with cool stories to hear, it’s definitely not appropriate for a mixed crowd. If she didn’t know what a cam girl was a specific fetish is likely way more than anyone else in that conversation was prepared for.
That being said Michael is an adult and definitely could have left of he wanted to, his wife wasn’t even present and you didn’t flirt with him so none of that’s really on you at all.
YTA
NTA Is it possible that some people might be uncomfortable around talk about sex and sex work? Yes, and that’s something you should remember to try to be sensitive of. But this wasn’t that, this was just a jealous woman seeing you as competition because you existed too attractively near “her man”.
NTA. This man is an adult who can walk away from a conversation that he is not interested in/ makes him uncomfortable, correct? TBH, it sounds like the wife was jealous that you were getting attention because people found you and your job interesting.
NTA
“What do you do for a living?”
“If I answer that, Michael’s tiny penis will explode.”
NTA. You did nothing wrong. All you did was answer Alicia’s questions. You all are adults, it’s perfectly fine to talk about sex work around married men. It’s one thing to talk about it, it’s another to proposition him. You were very respectful and kind and answered questions about what you do for a living. If Marcia doesn’t like it, then she and Michael can stay in the house forever and never come in contact with the outside world. People have said worse in the company of married men.
NTA. Your work is also valid and if others don’t like it or hearing about it they don’t have to listen.
NTA if michael was so offended why didnt ge leave the convo. And why did he tell marcia about it. What a werido
NTA, she’s just projecting insecurities about her husband. Adults are allowed to talk about adult things with other adults in an adult way in an adult setting.
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NTA, he’s a grown man and you were just having a conversation answering questions. If she’s that insecure, I’d block her and move on. She sounds dangerous.
Edit for forgetting to add NTA
NTA It really sounds like he was mentioning the conversation he overheard and she got jealous possibly? Michael might just be running with an idea that you flirted with him because he doesn’t want to be in trouble for simply “listening in” or Marcia thinks you were talking about what you do specifically because there was a man around so that to them says “she obviously wants him”. I don’t think you did anything wrong. sex work (while becoming less of a taboo in certain settings and with certain people) is still very much a topic people think is best left unspoken and still heavily frowned upon. Have Alicia back you up if anything if the whole “Marcia is mad” continues as it could hurt your relationship with sue. She asked what you do, she chose more questions about your job to ask, she saw Michael sitting there on his phone.
NTA that wife sounds really insecure. Michael could have walked away at any time during the conversation. He’s a big boy, and can control himself.
NTA marcia is a weirdo
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NTA. Sex workers are people too, and you weren’t discussing with children. You didn’t invite Michael to be a small penis humiliation victim for a show. He and Marcia could have excused themselves from the conversation and gone back to the party. Sadly people try and project their own moral/ethical codes to other people.
I’m guessing but Michael may have been on his phone trying to find your videos/show as I imagine leads a sexually repressed lifestyle and Marcia found found out that she isn’t fulfilling his fantasies.
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NTA
Lol. Looks like he’s projecting (or not?).
NTA I wouldn’t be friends with the neighbor either, she is too judgmental for someone comfortable with sexuality.
NTA. Michael is a big boy now. He can walk away or listen if we wanted.
Nta. No ma’am you didn’t do anything wrong. Your conversation was with the other girls and nothing you said was anywhere close to flirting with him. Yall are all adults he was way older than 18 he made the choice to go looking stuff up. If he would have been just 18 or 19 or had some mental issue i wouldn’t bring up that kind of stuff but in the situation you were in you did nothing wrong. She was just mad because he looked
So Michael went and squealed to his wife about the conversation rather than just walking away if he was uncomfortable? Jesus…
You’re definitely NTA
He felt insulted 🤣🤣 Poor baby.
Clearly NTA. Work is work.
Nta her insecurities are not your problem. She’s just worried her husband is going to go looking for your profile now.
ESH, you meet someone’s friends the first time and immediately start getting into the weeds with what exactly you do for sex work?
Not putting out feelers? Try to get clear how people will react? I dont think it’s assholish but I dont think it’s smart to do and this could have been prevented.
NTA, if the conversation and situation went the way you wrote it then no NTA. It’s your job I mean must you lie
My take- Michael has a small penis and is curious about you and Marcia feels threatened by you.
NTA. Her relationship with her husband isn’t your business even if you were being flirtatious. Their relationship is their responsibility.
If she’s terrified that you might flirt with her husband, why? Is he not loyal? Is she not trusting? If someone was flirting with my wife, whatever. If she’s flirting, I’d take issue with it.
Wonder what he was looking up on his phone the whole time. Nta
NTA
Sex work deserves respect, and other people’s insecurities aren’t your problem.
NTA. Marcia’s insecure. That’s not your problem.
NTA but maybe avoid talking about sex work with a married man in the future lol
Isn’t that just advertising?
NTA, you didn’t bring up the topic. You were asked about your job and follow up questions. The people that felt uncomfortable should’ve moved on 🤷🏻
Did Michael get offended because you specialize in something he’s insecure about? Still not your problem.
Yta
NTA. Y’all were chatting about work, you’re a sex worker, so you chatted about work. People are awkward and weird about talking about sex, but also it sounds like folks were curious about how sex work works? It’s an interesting industry that most people don’t actually know much about. I think whatever problem Marcia and Michael have is a Marcia and Michael problem, not a you problem.
I don’t understand the responses to this. And it is contradictory to say “I am against mocking people for physical attributes,” then proceed to make a living doing just that, and tell everyone about it at parties.
Also, if I had a party where you were a guest, and if there were a good cross-section of people, i.e., men, women, different backgrounds, etc., I would not want someone (male or female) talking about their job as a sex worker / only fans / cam girl. Not only is it “seedy” but that’s adult talk for more private spaces.
There may be people there who have body image problems unrelated to your “speciality” who could even be triggered by hearing how you humiliate people via video. There could be people who have that desire, or women who have a husband who does and who doesn’t like it. There could be people who don’t want to talk about fetishes, there could be people who are offended by this fetish because they are “totally against” doing what you are doing, which you also say you are totally against.
Totally inappropriate, and everyone who says otherwise has lost their mind / is a nut job / prostitute/ only fans/camgirl/ fetish person.
Keep it in private.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. Sometimes people get jealous and act up for no good reason. At most she feels threatened and insecure and doesn’t have the self awareness to ask herself why
Also: there’s a potential Michael is small and she’s worried he’d be into that. My first assumption is she feels threatened you’re a professional sex worker tho and that made her question her adequacy in bed
DOUBLE STANDARD- You’re good. Could he have told you about his job? Work is work.
If people don’t like the subject, they do not have to listen. Grow up
Are these people that couldn’t ask you to change the subject?
Or are they unable to walk away?
NTA
Sounds like the wife got offended because Michael might have been interested.
Maybe they need to work on their marriage before they attack others for things they’re uncomfortable with
Nta.
Clearly it was a crowd-pleaser. Furthermore, at any point, Michael could’ve left the convo if he felt uncomfortable.
Sue has no place to state what you did was wrong. Marcia has no place making demands. If Marcia is this insecure on the fidelity of her husband, they need to seek counseling or divorce already.
Alicia took an interest and inquired more. Others joined in out of curiosity. If Sue is that concerned about it, she should inquire to Alicia or others that partook in the conversation to understand the whole of the situation.
So Micheal is so fragile that he can’t even hear about the fact that people perform sex work without this being some kind of threat to his marriage? That’s a pretty weak argument. Sounds like a bunch of lames to me.
Yta for apologizing to someone when you did nothing wrong.
NTA, the freedom of talking about the nature of your job (which you should be able to do!) comes with the social consequences sometimes. Like you said, you’re used to being among friends who understand or do similar work and we can forget that it isn’t going to fly with every social group you come across; maybe particularly neighbors who default to being more pleasant/uptight/traditional than other nontraditional spaces where there’s less pressure to act a certain way.
So just keep that in mind going forward! Maybe throw out a disclaimer if you want before going into details like “I know this is NSFW and I don’t want to offend anyone”
In reality my personal guess is luckily most people were receptive but this guy got reminded of his small dick, got really insecure, and embellished the situation to make you sound worse than you were as payback for the humiliation.
Guess whose husband got caught paying women to humiliate him about his small penis. 🤣
NTA.
NTA
Michael didn’t really care much at all and Marcia is projecting. Marcia is threatened by you.
NTA, you didnt make a song and dance about, it was asked and answered. Sounds like a prude neighbor who just gets upset that sex exists and kinks are a thing. Dont waste too much mental energy on people who just want to chastise you for things they personally dont like
NTA. Also very disappointed in Sue. It sounds like she’s taking the path of least resistance by scolding you. Easier to behave as if you did something wrong than to challenge Marcia’s bias.
If you really like Sue and want to continue a close friendship, might be worth a serious talk.
NTA. Some people don’t like to hear all about ER stories or first response stories or what happened in the OR that one time, but some people are fascinated by them. Ditto with your work. You shouldn’t have to censor yourself when you obviously had some fascinated listeners just because someone SO might get tittilated by the description. If someone is not interested in your stories, they can exit or change the subject. If sometimes SO is threatened by you or your stories, that’s between them, not on you.
I am assuming this is advertising for yourself. YTA.
NTA, how is it inappropriate to talk about sex betEen adult
If he was really bothered by it, it was up to him to speak up or leave the group (i find myself easilly bothered when a conversation is about some medical detail, and i won’t stay around if it’s the main topic)
Also who in the world would take suck topic as flirt ? Especialy if you goes in detail about your speciality
NTA. You could have asked if he minded before going into details like you specializing in. Though, that’s just a “could have” not really a “should have”
I don’t see any problems on your end. He could have left, and him and Marcia clearly have trust issues that she is projecting on you
YTA. Sex work is not a legitimate job and we need to stop normalizing it as if it is.
NTA
NTA
You did nothing wrong, they’re just being shitty.
“smiling too much?” Really?
There’s a lot that’s pointing toward Marcia feeling either insecure or envious, but this but stood out like a sore thumb.
While sex work isn’t something everyone is comfortable discussing, this was not a situation like that. This very much sounds like a woman decided to take her insecurity out on you, rather than speaking with her husband and trying to resolve things.
I’m voting NTA.
NTA. I honestly don’t understand why people are so uptight about you talking about your job. You were among adults, at a social gathering. If you had that conversation with my husband directly, it would not bother me at all, better yet with him simply present.
Michael is a regular caller.
NTA you were replying to Alicia’s questions and Michael is the A cause he was on his phone eavesdropping and then snitching to his wife, acting like a literal child. if he was uncomfortable he could’ve walked away, and how is that flirting if he wasn’t even paying attention to you?
Marcia is the A cause she isn’t speaking to you, ignoring you and instead of talking to you, she is talking to Sue. also talking about sex in your 30s is obscene now? I imagine she also has a low opinion of you as a person.
Sue is the A cause she can’t dictate what you (an adult) say to other (adult) people.
Unsolicited advice: get better friends.
NTA. I worked in porn for 10 years about 10 years ago and have been a part time educator on sex and kink since before that, even.
I still have trouble with almost this exact same scenario, where some people are deeply interested in what I’ve done and what I know and some people are deeply offended by the conversation.
What I find most frustrating about it is that no one ever repremands the person asking a million questions. Why is only one side of this conversation inappropriate?
Dear Marcia. I am so sorry that my job description triggered you and your husband over his small penis. In the future I will only discuss small penis issues if you are paying me.
I get the feeling Michael was on his phone trying to find her cam site and got caught by the wife.
Michael has a micro penis
I’m surprised that you don’t get more of this from wives. It sounds like a simple case of jealousy. I’m guessing her husband said something to her about you and she is blaming you. Obviously, her perfect husband would never even think of cheating on his perfect wife unless he was tempted by some wicked harlot.
Is Marcia concerned that Michael is a customer? Weird….
NTA.
NTA ‘Marcia’ has a stick up her a$$.
NTA it sounds like Michael lied to his wife and he exaggerated his role in that conversation, so she thinks more happened.
NTA, sounds like Micheal had a teeny tiny chip on his shoulder about something…
Do I think you should be more careful talking about your job, when your job is small penis humiliation? Hell yes girl, that’s not something you talk about in polite society, with people who don’t know you.
You are in a different circle when you’re with all your friends who are sex workers, that is all their life, fine: you work in the Demi-monde. But sex, death, and gross things – I’m not saying they are the same, they are instead all somewhat taboo topics- are not things anyone expects to hear detail about at a cocktail party or anything casual. Similarly at a cocktail party, I would not expect to hear -*nor do I want to hear*-
-details of a mortician (or scientist!) cutting up and embalming people
-details of how my soldier pals killed people
– details of my butcher and his job
-toilet habits of anyone
– sex habits of anyone, and here that would include your job
Anything gross or icky, same as I don’t want to be surprised by nudity, gore, dogs pooping, or anything gross or frankly just too intense, on TV when I did not CHOOSE that, knowing what it is. It’s *polite society*.
Just because all the morticians talk together, or the butchers do, or the executioners, or the surgeons, or the pimple poppers, OR the sex workers – does not mean the rest of the society wants to hear about all this, in public, unexpectedly. Heck, I can talk about doing surgery on a bunch of defenseless animals for science, cutting open their brains, throwing their brains in a blender… do you understand? Did you want to hear that? Even if someone was freaking asking me for those details at a party, I would not tell them at a party! I would say ask me later, this is pretty gross, no one wants to hear this stuff accidentally. And that’s without the fact that what you do for a living is actually triggering for some men who might be listening.
So yes, YTA, for talking about such things in polite society without knowing who the people are, and broadcasting it in ways no one wants to hear accidentally. Yes, one person wanted to hear you and asked all these questions, so that makes them also an a****** for the time and place. But you should know better by now, that you are in a demi-monde, and the rules IN the demi-monde are NOT The same as the rules for polite society.
Show you understand the rules of polite society are not the rules of your demi-monde, or you won’t ever be invited back. Probably too late now for this group, they won’t ever trust your judgment now.
NTA. There’s so much stigma about sex work when it’s just work. Would she have had a problem if you were a nurse at a clinic that does prostate exams instead?
People are such fucking prudes sometimes. They use general moral values to justify their insecurities and this sucks NTA
Sex worker for 12 years and doesn’t know how to code switch around civies sure ok buddy
YTA.
You posted on Reddit knowing 99% of the replies would be on your side and backing you up and saying you did nothing wrong and the other party is just misogynistic and sex shaming.
And technically that’s true. You did nothing wrong and a job is a job.
However, in the real world and in real life situations I think you know walking about sex work to totally random strangers could offend someone.
The same way if you started loudly saying you support a very controversial figure or cause. Or if you wore a racy outfit to a baby shower. Or started smoking weed at the party.
Yes, technically what you did and my examples are not “wrong” but they are bound to make someone feel unwelcome. And you know that.
NTA. It’s 2025. Just call ’em snowflake prudes and laugh it off