I’m(24m) getting married to my fiance(28f) in two weeks. My step brother “Pete”(25m) is mad that I chose my best friend “Charles”(28m) as my best man.
Honestly, choosing Charles was a no-brainer because Pete and I aren’t close. Yeah, we’re step brothers, but we never lived together. I used to live with my mom and he lives with my dad and step mom. We didn’t go to school together. We only “hung out” when I visited my dad, and even then, the times he came out of his room when I was over were few and far between. Even in the last 6 months. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve talked to Pete. Where as I’ve talked to Charles pretty much every day in the last 6 months. I used to invite Pete to do things with me and call to chat so we could actually have a brotherly relationship but he never accepted any of my invitations or answered any of my calls so I gave up trying. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want much to do with me.
On the other hand, Charles and I are really close. Charles and I have known each other for 11 years and we used to hang out pretty much every day. He chose me as his best man for his wedding. He’s like an older brother to me. I’ve gone to him for advice and I’ve been there for him when he needs me. If I’m being completely honest, I see Charles as a brother while I don’t really see Pete as a brother, or even a step brother, just the son of the woman my dad married.
Nothing against Pete. He seemed like a decent guy and he was (and still is) invited to the wedding, he just wasn’t in the wedding party because he’s basically a stranger.
Anyway, the whole reason I made this post is because I got a text from Pete earlier today. He found out I chose Charles as my best man and said he was hurt that I didn’t choose him, then he demanded I make him my best man. I apologized and said I was sticking with Charles and he messaged back, saying he wasn’t coming if he wasn’t my best man.
Around half an hour after that, I got a call from my step mom. She went off on me for not choosing Pete as my best man. She said I should have chosen him because “we’re brothers.” She ended her rant by saying she wasn’t coming if Pete wasn’t my best man, then she hung up. Shortly after that, I got a text from my dad saying I should just make Pete my best man to keep the peace.
Now there’s this little voice in the back of my head that’s wondering if I should just make Pete my best man. AITA for choosing my best friend instead of my step brother as my best man?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I’m(24m) getting married to my fiance(28f) in two weeks. My step brother “Pete”(25m) is mad that I chose my best friend “Charles”(28m) as my best man.
Honestly, choosing Charles was a no-brainer because Pete and I aren’t close. Yeah, we’re step brothers, but we never lived together. I used to live with my mom and he lives with my dad and step mom. We didn’t go to school together. We only “hung out” when I visited my dad, and even then, the times he came out of his room when I was over were few and far between. Even in the last 6 months. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve talked to Pete. Where as I’ve talked to Charles pretty much every day in the last 6 months. I used to invite Pete to do things with me and call to chat so we could actually have a brotherly relationship but he never accepted any of my invitations or answered any of my calls so I gave up trying. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want much to do with me.
On the other hand, Charles and I are really close. Charles and I have known each other for 11 years and we used to hang out pretty much every day. He chose me as his best man for his wedding. He’s like an older brother to me. I’ve gone to him for advice and I’ve been there for him when he needs me. If I’m being completely honest, I see Charles as a brother while I don’t really see Pete as a brother, or even a step brother, just the son of the woman my dad married.
Nothing against Pete. He seemed like a decent guy and he was (and still is) invited to the wedding, he just wasn’t in the wedding party because he’s basically a stranger.
Anyway, the whole reason I made this post is because I got a text from Pete earlier today. He found out I chose Charles as my best man and said he was hurt that I didn’t choose him, then he demanded I make him my best man. I apologized and said I was sticking with Charles and he messaged back, saying he wasn’t coming if he wasn’t my best man.
Around half an hour after that, I got a call from my step mom. She went off on me for not choosing Pete as my best man. She said I should have chosen him because “we’re brothers.” She ended her rant by saying she wasn’t coming if Pete wasn’t my best man, then she hung up. Shortly after that, I got a text from my dad saying I should just make Pete my best man to keep the peace.
Now there’s this little voice in the back of my head that’s wondering if I should just make Pete my best man. AITA for choosing my best friend instead of my step brother as my best man?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I chose my best friend instead of step brother as my best man and now he’s mad because he thinks he should be my best man
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No, you are not the ass hole, you are entitled to have whoever you want as your best man. It’s your wedding and you can choose whoever you want to be at your wedding
NTA Why is everyone making YOUR wedding about them. Id say something like…
“(Insert family member name), I’m sorry you’ve chosen to not attend our wedding, we love you all, but this day is about us and our love and unfortunately this is what I’ve chosen for my wedding and if you can’t be there to support us unless we choose Pete, that’s your decision”
NTA, ywbta if you made Pete your best man though
This probably is real, but it doesn’t feel real.
I could never imagine this drama amongst mature adults. I guess it happens.
For this to feel real, though, there would have had to have been a lot of step-drama growing up with this merged family. Jealousy, foot-stomping, etc
Nta. Just sounds like you’ve got 2 empty spaces to fill
NTA – your wedding, your choice.
Even if he was your bio brother it would be ok for you not to have him as best man.
Just tell him and stepmom they are entitled to choose what they want to do.
The same as you are entitled to do what you want to do.
Absolutely NTA, I can’t understand how a person can try to make another couples wedding about themselves. It’s YOUR wedding day, you choose who your best man is and anyone who truly cares about you will just be happy for your big day and glad that they get to be there for you in whatever way you decide.
Edit: had to come back and say that Pete doesn’t deserve to be in your wedding anyways and sounds like a spoiled brat
NTA and everyone just discovered 2 weeks before the wedding he wasn’t a the best man. That’s shows how out of touch he is with you and your life. No not change a thing. If they don’t come they don’t come. But make sure they know that’s a bridge they are burning and they will have to be the ones to rebuild it when they have to cross back over.
NTA, your relationship with your stepbrother is clearly a fairy tail he and his mother share. Stay the course, you have done nothing wrong.
NTA
It’s your wedding, you (and your fiancee) are calling the shots. No, not your dad, mom, stepwhatever, FIL, or God forbid, MIL.
A best man and maid of honour are positions someone is called for, not something one can enroll by calling dibs!
NTA. Your best man should be someone you deeply care for, not someone who happens to be family.
NTA. Step Mom and Step Bro doesn’t get to tell you what to do on your wedding day. If they don’t want to come, they don’t have to. Stick with Charles.
NTA. Call their bluff. My guess is Pete is embarrassed that everyone will think you’re not close because he’s not in the wedding party.
Absolutely NOT TA! Your BEST friend should be your BEST man! Obviously! You will regret it if you pick your step brother. Whoever is YOUR beat man is YOUR choice.
Your dads the AH.. he should stick up for you.. your day your choice… step mom and step bro dont have to go…
Stick with your choice. And if they both don’t show up let your Dad deal with it
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. Honestly it sounds like Pete and his mom are doing you a favor by not attending. They sound very entitled.
This is the same step-brother who got upset when you gave your fiancee’ a “forehead kiss” and told you to “stop forcing your perfect relationship down his throat”, right? Where on earth does this “little voice” come from?
Sounds to me as though you need to invite your Dad out for a coffee and tell him just what you told us. There was a time when you made overtures and issued invitations, trying to become friendlier, but Pete made it clear he didn’t want much to do with you and you respected that. As a result, you don’t have much relationship with Pete and what you do have is marginal.
Where does that “little voice” even come from? NTA but you will be if you ditch Charles for Pete
Your “best man” is supposed to be someone who stands by you personally and supports your relationship. It’s quite common for people to choose a close friend over a distant sibling. If Pete now wants to build a closer relationship, it needs to start within the family and socially, not at a major life milestone. You’re not going to be choosing as best man someone who has never wanted to be close to you before, and who recently criticized your relationship and you at one of the rare times you saw him; you will choose someone who has been there for you on the daily for the past 11 years.
Tell your Dad if this causes him, his wife, or her son to not attend your wedding, you’ll miss him, but you won’t be blackmailed, and that “keep the peace” sounds like shorthand for “cave to unreasonable demands so my wife will stop hassling me”. That sounds like a “him” problem.
PS I would bet that this whole thing is being spearheaded by Stepmom, who wants to present a “happy family” front to relatives and friends. Dollars to donuts if you got Pete alone and asked him why this is such a deal to him when he barely wants to spend time with you and even told you to stop forcing your relationship down his throat, it would come out that his Stepmom is pushing him to push for this.
Fuck that. It’s your wedding, and your best friend is you best man.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Your “brother” is for making demands and issuing ultimatums. Same for your step mom.
Tell your dad they can get bent.
NTA – And here’s your first challenge to set your boundaries and keep them. You made a choice (a good one with good reasons). Nothing has to be done for “family” or for looks. Tell them they can accept your choice and move on or not. The more they push back, the more they move into “not invited” status. If they call to talk, it’s only about your choices for your wedding and never to put pressure on. Cross the boundary, they get hung up on and no contact for a while. Any flying monkeys contact you, they get a warning and put in timeout, plus that adds more time onto the no contact for your immediate family members.
See this as an early wedding gift – you’re seeing the toxicity of your family right now. How you choose to deal with it will set the tone for the rest of your marriage, including what happens with future kids and contact with them. Towing a firmer boundary line now may help for any future interactions.
NTA. Why can’t Pete “keep the peace” and accept that he isn’t your best man. Why can’t Pete compromise since it’s not his wedding.
You shouldn’t have to compromise on YOUR wedding day that you and your fiancé are paying for. If he doesn’t want to come, then so be it. It’ll save you the cost of 2-3 people.
NTA. Your wedding your choice. And Pete is in no way best man material if he is not comming for you to the wedding but to show off as a best man. Your step mom you can ignore. Yes she has to stick up for her son and if so so be it. Sad but give her the option and don’t be mad. For your dad – he wants to keep the peace at his home. Ask him what would qualify Pete to be a best man. When he was ever there for you.
It is relatively uncommon for brothers to be the best man. It happens when brothers genuinely are each other’s best friends, and it also happens when the groom actually has no friends.
It would be normal to include your stepbrother as one of the groomsmen, but not normal to have him as a best man.
NTA
Nta. so what if they don’t come. it’s your wedding not theirs
NTA it’s your wedding lol
Laugh at him and tell him to think about how he’s acted these last few years. Dude is a clown man, ofc you’re NTA
I pity OP for having such shitty social life they would even question this
Nta. Your dad, Stepmom and step brother are ta.
NTA! Tell your father that you chose someone who you are close with and you barely have a relationship with SB. They are not going to bully you and if it is a problem, don’t come. Don’t let them guilt you on a relationship you didn’t have!!!
NTA – Stand your ground and don’t give into bullying tactics.
Yes, your dad may not come to your wedding but that will be his choice.
NTA.
It’s your wedding, so you can pick whomever you want to stand by your side as you commit to honor and love your wife (and new best friend btw). That doesn’t have to automatically be a relative. A lot of people do pick siblings as they will always be your sibling, but friends can come and go. Plus some siblings are close. But there is zero guarantee and just the way life goes.
If you still want him to be a part of the day, you can find another place for him….usher. Walk your step mom or maybe a grandparent to their seat, etc.
NTA, This is your day. Charles sounds like the BEST MAN for the job. Tell your family that you’ll miss them at the wedding, but Charles is it.
This behaviour precisely is why Pete isn’t your best man, and clearly your dad made a poor choice in his second life partner.
They all didn’t have this conversation with you months ago? Outcome would have been the same buy why now?
It sounds like Pete isn’t in the wedding party at all, not just that he isn’t best man…what if you give him something to ‘do’, like a reading or some kind of responsibility during the ceremony? It’s a nice way to honour a family member while not having them directly IN the party. I mean it may be too late now if they’re having a full-on tantrum but it can be hard for step-family to find their place in each other’s lives.
Even your dad? Who presumably knows your best friend and your friendship w him? Thats absurd.
All due respect, this post is nonsense. You know you’re NTA. It would be ridiculous to even consider him for best man.
I guess there are no new stories, let alone actual real stories, on this sub anymore.
lol NTA and your stepmom sounds bananas. So she’s doing you a favor by not going.
NTA-Charles is your brother in every way but blood. Pete is your stepbrother because of choices his mom and your dad made. You don’t have a relationship with him by his choosing. You owe him and your stepmom absolutely nothing when it comes to your wedding.
NTA. It’s ur wedding. Choose who you want. Let them not come and when everyone asks where they are let them know too. These kind of people SUCK. Even if u did make Pete ur best man. They would still find something else t complain about next.
NTA. And as for the people who’re threatening not to come to your wedding if you don’t switch your best man, that’s money in the bank on savings that you can repurpose towards your honeymoon account.
Here’s the thing: it’s way more fun as well as a healthier response to celebrate your wedding with the people who actually show up and are genuinely happy for you and your new spouse. Focus on them. On that day, ignore everyone else who is a no-show or who, for whatever reasons, objects to any preparations that you made for this celebration. They are irrelevant.
As much as it’s the bride’s day: it’s the groom’s day, too. You have as much say of who attends the wedding/who belongs in the party as the bride does. That being said: you are definitely NTA.
Your step family is making your day about them, and your father is doing nothing about their behavior. Honestly, cut your losses, OP. Disinvite your steps. Watch them change their tune. If not: disinvite your dad, too. He’s prioritizing them during one of the most important days of your life. He obviously chose the family to side with during YOUR wedding.
Heck, do you happen to have a cool step dad? Maybe even Charles’s dad? Family is found. Do the fun father-son wedding stuff with one of them, since they’ll likely step up for you since your spineless father will not.
Just tell them what you told us. Text them this entire piece I copied, this should answer any and all questions about why Pete is not ever going to be in the wedding party, or any intimate events.
“Honestly, choosing Charles was a no-brainer because Pete and I aren’t close. Yeah, we’re step brothers, but we never lived together. I used to live with my mom and he lives with my dad and step mom. We didn’t go to school together. We only “hung out” when I visited my dad, and even then, the times he came out of his room when I was over were few and far between. Even in the last 6 months. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve talked to Pete. Where as I’ve talked to Charles pretty much every day in the last 6 months. I used to invite Pete to do things with me and call to chat so we could actually have a brotherly relationship but he never accepted any of my invitations or answered any of my calls so I gave up trying. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want much to do with me.”
NTA. Your full blood brother still wouldn’t automatically be your best man. Pete sucks, and if he does end up coming he’ll act up.
NTA but why is “hung out”? Did you really hung out or nah?
NTA. With “keep the peace” your father means “give in, so I won’t have to listen to my wife’s nagging”.
NTA.
Your wedding your choice. Sounds like the wedding would be better off without Step Mom there tbh. Poor Dad caught in the crossfire, he’s just trying to play the peacemaker.
You’re definitely not the asshole here. Choosing a best man should be about who’s closest to you and who supports you, not just family ties. It sounds like you tried to build a relationship with Pete, but he didn’t meet you halfway.
It’s understandable you picked Charles, who’s been there for you consistently. Your wedding day should reflect what feels right to you, not other people’s expectations. Stick to what makes you happy you deserve that.
Sounds like at least 2 less dinner plates needed. Next!
NTA
If your step mom and step brother decide not to attend, that’s their decision. You shouldn’t feel pressured to have a fake best man!
Whose peace would you be keeping exactly? Tell Dad to support you rather than pressure you into something uncomfortable.
Why would you consider giving them peace over your own? NTA
NTA
NTA. Your stepmom sounds insufferable and so does her son. Let them skip the wedding and if your dad skips too – well, you know that your stepbrother is more important to him than you.
I’ll start it first by saying NTA. Charles has been more for you than your step brother Pete was ever was. He’s been with you though it all and I’m sure you both know it, you really don’t have a reason to not make him your best man and now not only because he made you one on his wedding, because he is literally more like a brother to you. So don’t let overeating Pete and her mom get in the way of that, this all makes sense a best man is someone you trust with your wedding as he holds the rings, so you nowhere near to that with Pete.
NTA
Ask yourself this question if the situation were reversed, and you demanded to be the best man at Pete’s wedding and threatening to not come unless you were made best man what do you think their reaction would be? I’m gonna bet it wouldn’t be to make you best man to keep the peace your wedding party should be the people that have been there for you and care for you. It’s not a photo op for your stepbrother.
Absolutely NTA
Tell your dad you won’t be held to ransom and if that upsets Pete and your stepmother then that’s THEIR issue
NTA
NTA – it wouldn’t be expected of a regular brother let alone a step brother if you aren’t close. Added to which it’d be a slap in Charles face to un-ask him at this point. Anyone not attending over this isn’t worth keeping in contact with.
Your wedding, your choice. Pete sounds like an entitled AH. He’s practically a stranger to you, Charles is more like a brother. Tell Pete he’s lucky to be invited at all! And to Pete and Stepmom, reply : “I’m so sorry you feel that way, we’ll miss at the wedding but respect your decision to not attend”
NTA
“People don’t necessarily choose their siblings for these roles: they choose the people they are closest to. The very fact that Pete’s immediate reaction to not being chosen is to threaten to not come is proof that he isn’t close enough to fill that role. After all, if he was close to me, he’d never dream of missing my wedding regardless of what role he got. And he’d never attempt to manipulate me through emotional blackmail…much less try to rally other people to boycott my wedding.”
NTA. I would not spend one minute worrying about whether they will come or trying to convince them to come: people who aren’t genuinely happy to see you get married are people who won’t add anything to your special day
NTA, the groom chooses their best made according to their relationship to that person. It sounds like OP tried to have a brotherly relationship with the stepbrother, only to have the stepbrother deny the outreach.
OP should stand by his decision to have his good friend be his best man and tell stepbrother and stepmother that he is sad about THEIR decision to not attend his wedding.
OP’s father needs to talk with his stepson /wife about them keeping the peace by not making outrageous demands /ultimatums 2 weeks before the wedding or at all.
NTA, choose your best friend and your best man. It’s kinda all in the title of the role. Pete sounds like a dick and so does his mum for enabling his shitty ultimatum.
Your dad isn’t helping the situation.
My response to Pete and his mum would be… ‘fine, don’t come then’ 🤷♂️ no loss for you mate
Make sure to let Pete & Step-mom know that they have been removed from the guest list and they’re being filled by friends. See what happens.
Don’t you dare change your plan for that manipulative woman and her son. Nta
Never submit to “keep the peace”, you just wind up empowering people to keep acting entitled. NTA and enjoy the wedding
Stepmom: “I’m not coming if Pete isn’t best man.”
You: “We’ll miss you.”
NTA
The stepbrother had many opportunities to be closer to the OP over the years and never met the OP half way. The OP made the right choice as best man because he picked someone who he is actually close to not because they are “family”. It hurts that his stepbrother, stepmother, and dad are put on the OP in a bad place but I hope that the OP doesn’t give in to the threats and intimation.
Updateme
NTA, you “owe” nobody the role of the best man.
Your best man is the person YOU want, YOU chose and who YOU think is best for the role.
Your best man is someone you know well and you trust to keep track of things on the day of.
My soon to be husband has a brother that is only a little younger but he still decided to make his best friend of more than 20 years his best man. I think my BIL would have been happy to be best man and I also think he is a little disappointed that he is not, but he never threw a tantrum or such. He just accepted it and he still is an important part of the wedding.
I get that 1000%, I was not the maid of honor for our best friends. I would have been happy to be but the bride chose her oldest friend and that is fine with me. It stung for a second but it’s not my choice and I have not ONCE felt the need to complain because it is the couples decision and not mine to question. I still had an important role in planning and keeping track of stuff and things and to do because the MOH lives 3 hours away and my partner was the best man. And you know what, it was fine, because it was not about ME it was about them, I was more than happy to help – that’s what friends do.
There are qualities of a best man or maid of honor you’ll be looking for.
– They KNOW you;
they know what you like, how much fun and games you want, how much feels you will want in the speeches and all.
– They will plan stuff YOU love;
both in terms of the wedding stuff and your stag night. They will plan a stag night that you will enjoy and not embarass you just because they find it funny. They will offer help and help preparing the wedding to a degree you want to and they can manage and they will be helpful doing so and not an additional thing to manage.
– They are reliable and you know it;
day of the wedding is stressful. There are many people, everybody wants to talk to you and stuff. You’ll need a person that keeps track of the time and the people and will usher people to sit down/go there/do thing/go to take pictures/you name it. You will need someone that is not drunk at 2pm. They will answer guests questions about the planned things on the day of. They will be happy to not enjoy your wedding to the degree as other guest because they got stuff to do.
They are willing to take time for the whole thing and will not be too busy to help.
– They will calm you down if you’re overwhelmed;
either the day of of before the wedding, should you panic.
– They are ready to step in and shut people up that disrupt the party.
– They know your bride and will also stop people from doing embarassing things to her.
If Pete is not all those things – which you will likely not know not knowing him – then he is not your best man. I would strongly suggest, not diving to deep into discussions there.
Send them a text or an email along the lines of
“Hey family,
I have come to understand that the choice of my best man has caused some irritation that I would like to adress before this evolves into a family drama that is not needed.
My choice of a best man was thoroughly thought through and I have not just chosen somebody off the street I met once, I have chosen a friend I have known for many years and who is my best friend. Charles is not some drinking friend I go out once in a while, I know and trust him and he has always been there for me. Those are qualities that I value very high and I have decided to chose my best man unrelated to family status. He’s also someone I know well enough to know that he can manage all the tasks that will fall onto a best man in the planning of this wedding; and it will be more than just attending and signing something. So I am going with my very best friend, who I work well with and whose best man I’ve been without being his brother.
I have not intended to hurt anybody with my choice of a best man and I am sorry if I ever gave you the impression you’d be my best man, Pete, leading to this disappointment. However I am standing by it. This is a choice I made for myself and the wedding and you don’t even need to worry about how something looks; there are many people that choose a best man outside of the family. It should be someone you’re closest to – not someone you chose because of a family title like stepbrother.
This is not a sign I do not like you, Pete. On the contrary. I would love for us to have a closer relationship, that I have tried to build in the past without having my effort returned. I would love for you to be a guest at my wedding. I would love for you all to be there and have a good time. I would love to have you there and I really hope you’ll be coming after all simmered down a little. The invitation is still open and I will be saving your seats for now.
However I will not be threatened into changing such a personal choice. I am sorry if one of you have been bullied to chose a person of your parents liking for such an important role. But I will not be.
Should you decide that this principle is so important to you that you can’t come, that is unfortunate as BRIDE and I were looking forward to you being there. But I can’t force you to come, I can only stress again that we would be very happy to welcome you.”
NTA. It’s your wedding it deserves to be special, not a charade to pretend like you’re a perfect family. Your stepbrother is basically an acquaintance more than a brother, so he has no right to demand or be upset about not being your best man. Tell them if they don’t want to come that’s fine because you’re not going to change YOUR wedding for them.
Definitely NTA, its your choice not his its your wedding for fucks sake.
I went from best man to nothing on my brother’s wedding day, he choose my youngest brother instead and I couldn’t give a shit as it has nothing to do with best man, only the people getting married.
Screw the circus monkeys! This is your wedding. If they don’t come, oh well. It seems like Charles is the only you can count on and won’t give you an ultimatum. Choose your peace. NTA
NTA, though your stepbrother and stepmother are. As for your dad’s comment that you should do it just to keep the peace, he means the peace in his house, which is his problem to deal with, not yours. He should put his foot down with his wife and his stepson – the day is about you and your future spouse, it’s not about them.
NTA…You chose your best friend as your best man. You don’t even have to justify that. Anyone who doesn’t like it is free to decline their invitation. Your father should keep the peace by telling his wife and her son to mind their own business.
NTA. If you give in now, what else are they going to try and make you do? Are they going to want your first born named after him? Maybe ask if he can live with you? Giving in will just make it easier for them to keep asking for more.
Nta
My spouse chose his friend over his brother to be Best Man. When it came time for wedding activities, his brother failed to step up. I expressed concern about this, to which my spouse responded, “And this is why he’s not Best Man.” He knew he could rely on friends over his brother.
In my opinion, it seems your step brother wants the title just to have the title. But when it comes to actually being there and keeping your sanity and emotions calm, you know it’ll be your friend who will help you most.
NTA and darn the entitlement and selfishness of people sometimes. Seems like it becomes more prevalent as I get older.
Never do anything like this just to keep the peace. In the vast majority of these occasions, keeping the peace is almost always the wrong decision. Its your wedding. You put in effort with Pete that has never been reciprocated. You need to tell you dad and step mom that you tried for long enough to engage Pete. That he never engaged you and that being connected by the fact your father married this woman doesn’t make you close to Pete. An invitation is not a summonses and you understand why your step mother may be upset at your choice but if you father doesn’t come to your wedding over this, he will have to deal with the consequences.
It is wholly unreasonable for Pete to even comment on your choice to begin with when he wasn’t willing to have a relationship that would potentially lead to such a selection. Your step mother is simply supporting her son and is clearly being ridiculous with her statement she wouldn’t go. Really? good riddance is what I’d be feeling. the entitlement of some people.
NTA. That position is for someone you trust and are close to. Pete is not someone you are close to and trust. Make a group chat with Dad, stepmom, and Pete. Be honest about not being close to Pete and explain why that is the case. Remind them that the position of best man does not go to family, it goes to the person who has been there for you. If they cannot respect that, then, though it is sad, you’ll miss them at the wedding, as they don’t want to attend to bully you into picking someone who doesn’t meet the requirements.
NTA. Just make sure that when step mom is a no show amd people at the wedding ask why, you tell them the truth. She didnt want to come if her son wasn’t the best man and you have a best friend for that.
NTA- Also I HATE “to keep the peace”, if there isn’t peace because of other peoples actions they need to stop creating drama and disturbing the peace and people need to tell them to cut that sh*t out to keep the peace.
NTA. Both pete and his family sound EXTREMELY entitled. I think it’s absurd how pete and his family act honestly.
He has never been close to you and has never taken the oppurtunity to get closer to you even though he has had loads of chances.