My half sister is the result of my father cheating on my mom. So it’s no surprise that apart from a few aunts, uncles, and cousins my family doesn’t really like her and will often times exclude her from family events.
I personally never held a grudge against her because she’s the closet thing to a sibling I have since I’m an only child and besides I just never understood taken anger and frustration out on the child of an affair because she’s a victim of the whole situation too. So I’m sure you can imagine that I hate how they pretty much just try to push her out of the family and make sure she doesn’t feel welcomed. An event was coming up nothing crazy it was just a simple get together. (this was a 2 weeks ago) and I knew they wouldn’t invite my half sister so I just decided I wasn’t going and was going to hang out with her for the day and that’s exactly what I did on the day of the get together.
After a few minutes of hanging out I get a text from my mom asking where I was. I simply replied that I was with half sis and that I wasn’t going to the get together. Like 2 minutes later my phone was blowing up with texts and voicemails/recordings from our family members. A lot of them were simply just insults being hurled at me and half sis and the others were asking why I would rather spend time with her over the whole family. I decided to wait until things cooled down before giving a response to my family. After leaving around 10pm I finally decided to text my mom and other family members telling them that half sis is part of the family in my eyes and shouldn’t be treated like garbage for something she had no control in.
And that’s pretty much the story I haven’t really gotten any responses to my texts beside from the few family members being stubborn and saying how I was in the wrong but I haven’t backed down on my opinion.
Edit: as someone in the comments pointed out I should have mentioned that the event/get together had family members from both mom and dad’s side of the family
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My half sister is the result of my father cheating on my mom. So it’s no surprise that apart from a few aunts, uncles, and cousins my family doesn’t really like her and will often times exclude her from family events.
I personally never held a grudge against her because she’s the closet thing to a sibling I have since I’m an only child and besides I just never understood taken anger and frustration out on the child of an affair because she’s a victim of the whole situation too. So I’m sure you can imagine that I hate how they pretty much just try to push her out of the family and make sure she doesn’t feel welcomed. A little get together was coming up (this was a 2 weeks ago) and I knew they wouldn’t invite my half sister so I just decided I wasn’t going and was going to hang out with her for the day.
After a few minutes of hanging out I get a text from my mom asking where I was. I simply replied that I was with half sis and that I wasn’t going to the get together. Like 2 minutes later my phone was blowing up with texts and missed calls from our family members. A lot of them were simply just insults being hurled at me and half sis and the others were asking why I would rather spend time with her over the whole family. After leaving I finally decided to text my mom and other family members telling them that half sis is part of the family in my eyes and shouldn’t be treated like garbage for something she had no control in.
And that’s pretty much the story I haven’t really gotten any responses to my texts beside from the few family mentoring stubborn and saying how I was in the wrong but I haven’t backed down on my opinion.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I decided to skip out on an event
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH because while yes she is your family. She isn’t anyone else’s family. She’s not related to your mom or any of her people. So why would they want to hang out with her? Also, it is an AH move to cut out your mom and her family in favor of your dad’s. On the other side, your family blowing up on you was inappropriate… but I’m getting the feeling this wasn’t the first time you’ve hurt your family like this with your favoritism.
What are the living arrangements? If you, your mom, dad and half sister live together, I agree with you.
If not, I don’t.
Yta
There are plenty of things in your life that dont include your half sister.
She has plenty of things in her life that dont include you either. If she has friends that want to see her (their friend) and not you too, does that mean theyre “punishing” you or “taking something out” on you? Or does it simply mean that she is their friend and they want to see her?
If this is for your mother’s side of the family, then thats who it’s for. Every person doesn’t get to invite extra people that they’re connected to, and then pretend that the family is being mean for excluding someone who isn’t on their side of the family ?
NTA
“Now, why exactly would I want to spend time with people who hurl this level of vitriol at me for treating another human being well?”
When they asked why, you should have screenshotted the nasty responses and said this right here is why.
If she isn’t related to your Moms family what is the issue here? Were you raised in the same home? Why would they include her. Where is her mother and your dad’s family.
So where did she live when you were kids?
NTA.
You don’t owe your family your time. If you’re an adult who lives independently you don’t have to go to family get togethers just because you’re asked. And if that family makes you uncomfortable and angry because they bad mouth someone you love, then you absolutely don’t have to go. HOWEVER, they are also under no obligation to invite your sister. They aren’t her family. I agree that they are being petty and mean to bad mouth her as she had no choice in who she was born to. But they don’t have to invite her.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. Your poor sister! I commend you for sticking by her. Please continue to do so. If your relatives rant at you, look at your watch and say, “How do you have the moral high ground. I’ll give you three minutes.” Then set the timer. Cut them off at 3 minutes. Forced to condense an emotional and complex argument can help you get out of listening to a rant. Give them feedback, and end the conversation. Stick to your guns.
YTA
Why can’t you have a relationship with both your family and half sister?
Oh wait. You can. You’re just being difficult about it.
Also, what side of the family was this event on? Because if it was your mom’s side, then you’re even more unreasonable given that your half sister literally isn’t their family.
So this is your mom’s side of the family? You’re mad at them why? They’re not her family, your dad’s side is. YTA.
You are hurting your mother further, yes not your half sister fault but it wasn’t your mother’s fault either. You are rubbing the affair in your mother’s face, you were hurt by the affair but not as badly as your mother was. She has a right to not want the reminder of her husband’s infidelity around. I just read your parents aren’t even together and this is your mothers family, wtf should your half sister be invited to your mothers family get togethers?!?! You are a cruel witch. YTA
NTA You are more mature than all the adults around you.
I’m actually shocked at the number of people who think its ok for a group.of adults to be cruel to a child, simply because she’s the product of an affair.
OP, you are a very kind person, and I’m glad your sister has someone like you in her life. Keep being there for her and maintain a strong bond. The both of you are lucky to have each other.
Ignore your family. People that cruel dont deserve any of your time or effort.
Why would you rather spend time with this nice, innocent person rather than all of us angry assholes who hurl insults at you and hate her for existing? NTA.
OP. Are your parents still together?? Does he attend your Moms family events?? Reply different if so.
Guys OP said in a comment that this event was a mix of both her mom’s and dad’s sides. (Hopefully it’s added in an edit).
Based on this NTA. If other members of your dad’s side choose to exclude her it’s fine (and admirable) that you stand up for her by spending time with her so she doesn’t feel completely excluded. However, only do this if your dad’s side is involved. Your mom and her side aren’t related so any event that’s just her side you should still go to if you’re able (i.e. no other commitments like school, work etc).
NTA but I wonder the ages here. How old are you, how old is the sister, did your family know ahead of time you weren’t going to show up? Etc.
NTA. You should thank your family, and tell them that all of their messages were quite helpful, as they showed you you made the right decision.
You drew a line of your on your half sisters side and so what if your mothers upset
Yta
Probably get voted down for this… but good for you or showing your sister some love.
Your mother’s family has every right to exclude her. But I agree, they have no right to be cruel.