AITA for cleaning my aunt’s disgusting sink even though she told me not to?
I (26F) am currently house and pet-sitting for my aunt. Before she left, she specifically told me not to do the dishes—she knows I’m a little OCD about cleanliness and I think she didn’t want me messing with her stuff.
Here’s the thing though: when I got there, her sink was full of dirty dishes and absolutely swarming with gnats. I don’t mean a couple I mean tons. The smell alone was awful.
I managed to ignore it the first night, but by the second night I couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t even have soap or sponges, so I went out and bought dish soap, scrubbers, and some bleach. I washed all the dishes, scrubbed the sink, bleached the drain, and even set out a DIY gnat trap (apple cider vinegar with dish soap in a Tupperware with holes in the lid).
Now she’s mad at me for cleaning it, saying I went against her wishes and invaded her space. But it was disgusting, and I was living there for a week.
So… AITA for cleaning out her sink?
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AITA for cleaning my aunt’s disgusting sink even though she told me not to?
I (26F) am currently house and pet-sitting for my aunt. Before she left, she specifically told me not to do the dishes—she knows I’m a little OCD about cleanliness and I think she didn’t want me messing with her stuff.
Here’s the thing though: when I got there, her sink was full of dirty dishes and absolutely swarming with gnats. I don’t mean a couple I mean tons. The smell alone was awful.
I managed to ignore it the first night, but by the second night I couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t even have soap or sponges, so I went out and bought dish soap, scrubbers, and some bleach. I washed all the dishes, scrubbed the sink, bleached the drain, and even set out a DIY gnat trap (apple cider vinegar with dish soap in a Tupperware with holes in the lid).
Now she’s mad at me for cleaning it, saying I went against her wishes and invaded her space. But it was disgusting, and I was living there for a week.
So… AITA for cleaning out her sink?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cleaned out my aunts sink after she told me not two it might make me the asshole that I did clean the sink anyways as it is her house
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You don’t have to allow a festering biohazard for….I really can’t envision why she is upset.
NTA. Leaving a filthy sink for a person staying at her place is incredibly rude and unsanitary. She ought to be grateful that you cleaned up for her.
I’m leaning toward NTA. It seemed to become an eye-watering health hazard. And the fact that your aunt didn’t have proper cleaning supplies speaks volumes. If she wants people in her home, she could at least have it clean in the first place. It’s basic consideration in this context.
NTA
Who the hell leaves for a trip with a sink full of dirty dishes?!?
Let alone expects someone to baby-sit the mess?
NTA. Your aunt knew you were staying over and still left unhealthy living conditions for you.
She should be grateful
Y T A: the gnats were her pets! You were petsitting! You were supposed to take care of them, not kill them and destroy their habitat.
Kidding, obviously. NTA. Why should you spend a week in that kind of gross environment?
NTA. You were house-sitting and you had the right to a basic level of cleanliness and livability. If she didn’t want you messing with her disgusting unsanitary mess, she shouldn’t have left it for you. Also she shouldn’t have left you the mess even if she did want you to clean it.
NTA, ordinarily I’d judge you TA because she specifically asked you not to clean her dishes, but you’re STAYING there?? yeah nah she can’t expect you to live in rotting food & bug conditions, if she wanted you not to touch it she needed to get it livable before you got there
NTA. She told you not to clean, but she didn’t tell you to live in a filth-covered, gnat-infested NIGHTMARE. You did what anyone with BASIC decency would do: cleaned up the mess.
If she didn’t want you touching her stuff, she should’ve made sure her place was actually LIVABLE before asking you to house-sit.
Honestly, she’s lucky you didn’t call animal services on her for making her pet live in that kind of environment 24/7/365. That’s what I probably would’ve done the second I saw what was happening there. She should be THANKING you, not complaining.
NTA. You didn’t invade her space, you were doing a favor she requested. Sadly, you’re no longer available for such favors and she can find someone else to watch her (eww!) house and pets.
Bit of a tough one. I’m the kind of person where if someone said I couldn’t breathe oxygen in their house I would either hold my breath or most likely not enter their home. However, I also would not be able to stomach the kitchen you describe. If I were in your shoes I would’ve told my aunt that either the sink gets cleaned or I’m not staying there and leave the choice to her.
Think I need to go with ESH. Your aunt should’ve left you more sanitary conditions in which to stay. You should’ve followed the request or refused to stay.
NTA and she has given you a perfect reason not to house sit again. Bonus!
NTA. A gnat-infested sink isn’t a ‘preference,’ it’s a health hazard. You did what any sane person would do.
No. That’s beyond gross
NTA. You’re there for a week. There is no way you should be required to live in unsanitary conditions because of your aunt’s weird controlling behavior
NTA. It was a health hazard. I hope you got paid for sitting. If not, tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about you not following her instructions as you won’t be pet sitting anymore.
I would like to know if there was any specific reason she didn’t want you cleaning the dishes.
NTA.
Part of caring for pets is providing them with a clean home, which she obviously failed to do.
Anyway, any harm to her is temporary. If she wants her sink to be dirty again, then she can simply avoid cleaning it for a while.
NTA. That’s gross. I’m not OCD and I would have lasted an hour, tops, or as long as it took me to get cleaning supplies.
What is wrong w ppl, leaving a smelly science experiment in the kitchen sink for a visitor to tolerate for a week??
So you were supposed to house sit a house without a usable kitchen?! This reads like some kind of weird control/test on the part of your aunt. Hard NTA
NTA. Is she much older? Any mental health issues that you know or suspect? This sounds like something brimming under the surface. I’m curious what the rest of her house (bathrooms especially) look like…
I’m totally lost on this one. Why didn’t your aunt want you to do dishes? May I assume you house sat for her while she’s elsewhere?
I can see her not wanting to do something like smoke in her place, but dishes?! And you cleaned the sink with swarming gnats every which way?!
You’re not only NTA, but should be canonized as a saint. Cleaning a sink can get nasty.
I don’t mean to be rude, but might your aunt be suffering from dementia on some level? I once knew a woman whose 80+ YO mother suffered from Alzheimer’s, and getting the woman to shower by a certain date was on a check list for her social worker to avoid an Assisted Living facility. Her mother once punched her college age granddaughter for daring to throw out a rotten tomato.
Whether that is or isn’t the case, you’re definitely not TAH for cleaning up while you’re there.
Do you have OCD?
NTA. The fact that she didn’t leave you with a clean space for the week, while you were helping her out, makes her a big AH. You have every right to make a space that you have to live, eat, and cook in for a week clean, sanitary, and safe.
I would think twice before doing her any favors in future, as she sounds selfish and unreadable.
NTA I can’t go away without making sure everything in my house is reasonably clean and tidy, bins emptied – etc and I could never have someone stay if I left my sink like that . You had no choice but to clean it or move out – just don’t look after her house/pets again.
Imagine the everyday living for her pets? How very sad. Humans don’t deserve animals. Thank you for cleaning and giving them a respite from the filth
NTA but she’s embarrassed. Doesn’t make it right but that’s probably what she’s feeling.
ESH
Her for leaving the mess to begin with. Gross.
You for disrespecting her wishes. She asked you, specifically, to leave that mess alone. You didn’t. I see your side, and agree with you on it being gross. But you did do exactly the thing she asked you not to do. Regardless of what ever it is, it is an asshole move.
NTA your aunt has some sort of mental illness. Just be advised thats all but good on you for helping her clean.
If you were just a passerby and not living there for a week then maybe……… Just kidding, anyone with a bit of common sense would clean the sink. NTA because you had to live there for a week and that means you were in direct line of any potential harm that could have been caused because of the gnats. So yes it was completely your business to clean that damn disgusting sink.
The fact that you admit to a “little OCD” is quite telling.
Admit it, one dish in a sink drives you crazy. You obssess about it. Every time you walk into that room, all’s you can see is that absolutely filthy kitchen sink just full of one single dish. Amirite?
And the gnat? The house was just swarming with them? Really? And you are sure they are from that absolutely filthy single dish in the sink, right? And maybe not from the dish of apples your aunt left you and one is a little soft? Or maybe you left the screen door slightly open and they got in then? It absolutely has to be that filthy sink full of one single dirty dish, right?
You were told not to clean. You shouldn’t have cleaned. For all you know, your aunt has developed a severe allergy to Comet and bleach, and you may have put her life in jeopardy by having that smell airborne in her house!
Yes YTA for doing what you were told not to do.
Is she a hoarder, or is she messy like this in other areas of her home? If so then you’re definitely NTA because the cleaning of the dishes would have been the bare minimum that needed to be done in order to stay there a week.
If she’s not a hoarder or otherwise messy then still NTA but something is seriously wrong here. Because why would you deliberately keep that one small area of your home that messed up but leave the rest clean? It just makes no sense. Something else is happening here. Because aside from the bathroom, the kithcen is the one area you cannot leave alone if you’re going to be living there a whole week. It’s like she deliberately set you up to fail by putting cones up around the sink and saying, “you’re not allowed to touch this one little area that you absolutely need”. Weird.
NTA. Tell her to find another pet sitter. That’s absolutely disgusting.
NTA
If she wants someone to house and pet sit, it needs to be an inhabitable environment.
It is thoroughly unreasonable to expect someone to live in the conditions you described.
NTA.
I don’t know if your aunt was simply messing with you because she knows you’re a bit OCD about cleanliness, or she’s just more on the nasty side.
Either way, once an infestation takes place, all bets are off. Expecting someone to live in filth when they’re staying at your home is crazy. The fact you were helping her out by housesitting makes it even crazier.
Let her be mad. Also, let her get someone else to help next time.
>Before she left, she specifically told me not to do the dishes
I’m leaning toward NTA, but you really should have addressed this with her instead of tacitly agreeing to her demand, then going against her wishes.
When she told you not to do the dishes, you should have said something to the effect of, “No, there is no way that I’m leaving dirty dishes sitting around. I will keep the kitchen clean, or you can find yourself another house sitter.”
Something wrong with your aunt, OP. NTA
It’s interesting that she had no cleaning products around. I wonder how she usually cleans up. Maybe for some reason (which I can’t even imagine) she didn’t want you to find out she had no cleaning products. NTA. She shouldn’t have left that disgusting mess and expect you to just tolerate it.
Might be unpopular, but NAH.
I have relatives who are hoarders who do the same thing. When we think of hoarding we think of, well, hoarding, but in this case the behavior is directed toward the sink. Their disorder, (which is heavily connected to OCD, btw– you said you have it, maybe your aunt does as well) leads them to have panic attacks or meltdowns when their things are touched. Which is why her being upset is justified; she is dealing with an untreated mental health issue.
However, you need a sanitary environment. And ultimately, what you did was to her benefit, even if she’s unable to appreciate it right now. She’s eating food from that kitchen and she needs clean dishes.
So I don’t think either of you are assholes. Just two people who are (or who might be, in your aunt’s case) living with OCD.
ESH – Dealing with older adults is a tricky situation. You did something she specifically asked you not to do. You dont know what shes going through, and honestly, I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes if I didnt care to stay on this persons good side.
Well, it was either that or leave the pets.
NTA I think it was kind of a test from your aunt because who leaves and let that behind for a house/pet sitter. How would you have made food for yourself in that kitchen?
I don’t have OCD but I would have been grossed out too. Cleaned or even left and don’t come back. (of course take pet with you or make other arrangement for it)
NTA but your aunt is for leaving that mess.
She is an AH for leaving the disgust for a week. Wow!