Yesterday was my friend A’s birthday dinner. She invited a few friends from another group, including a guy I knew a bit and another I barely knew and we shall call him Guy 1. During the dinner, I ended up talking a lot with Guy 1 because we naturally clicked and had a lot to talk about. I wasn’t trying to ignore A. She was sitting right next to me and I tried to engage her too, but the conversation just flowed more between me and him.
Today, A called me upset. She said she felt left out and that I could have talked to her more. She also said it reminded her of the first time we met Guy 1, when she felt sidelined in a similar way. On top of that, she thinks Guy 1 might like me because of how we interacted. She said she doesn’t want to mix our friend groups like this again because she doesn’t want to feel excluded.
I apologized and told her I didn’t intend to make her feel that way. I feel like I did nothing wrong. I was just talking naturally with someone I clicked with, but I also understand that she felt left out.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Yesterday was my friend A’s birthday dinner. She invited a few friends from another group, including a guy I knew a bit and another I barely knew and we shall call him Guy 1. During the dinner, I ended up talking a lot with Guy 1 because we naturally clicked and had a lot to talk about. I wasn’t trying to ignore A. She was sitting right next to me and I tried to engage her too, but the conversation just flowed more between me and him.
Today, A called me upset. She said she felt left out and that I could have talked to her more. She also said it reminded her of the first time we met Guy 1, when she felt sidelined in a similar way. On top of that, she thinks Guy 1 might like me because of how we interacted. She said she doesn’t want to mix our friend groups like this again because she doesn’t want to feel excluded.
I apologized and told her I didn’t intend to make her feel that way. I feel like I did nothing wrong. I was just talking naturally with someone I clicked with, but I also understand that she felt left out.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my friend feel left out but talking with another guy more than her while she was sitting next to me at the dinner but it was not my intention but i could have engaged more as she was sitting next to me and could have been more aware of my surroundings
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I would say NTA. Sounds like it wasn’t intentional you engaged with someone else less. And then to say she doesn’t want to mix friend groups again because she felt left out sounds a bit dramatic to me.
She was upset, You apologized. That should be that. NTA
NTA if you were consciously trying to include her in conversation then you weren’t ignoring her. And there were other people at the table so it’s not like she was left alone. Did she expect that everyone would be looking at her the entire time even when she was speaking to someone else?
Also, idk how old you all are but the idea that you might get along with her other friends is not a valid reason to keep you apart. In fact it’s the opposite – she’s actively stopping you from making friends? She’s not being a good friend if she’s blocking you from getting to know/spend time with people you enjoy. Keeping friend groups separate is for when they don’t get along, like the friends who you go clubbing with on Friday night and those who you go hiking with early on Sunday morning, just because you can’t find things everyone wants to do. Not keeping all her friends separate so they all know her the best, that’s just keeping her in the center of the solar system.
i think because it was A Birthday Party For Your Friend Specifically, you should have spent more time with her