The title says it all. Yesterday, I discovered that husband used my pumice stone. When I confronted him, he says that he doesn’t see the issue with him taking it without asking and us sharing it. Apprently, he’s been using it for a week now.
He says he was seeing it for a while and suddenly decided that it would be good for his feet. Why he didn’t decide to buy one for himself is beyond me.
Now, he’s upset that I’m complaining about it and says that he can’t feel good with a person who’s disgusted by him. I didn’t say I was disgusted by him, but I just don’t think that this is the type of a thing that should we share.
AITA?
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The title says it all. Yesterday, I discovered that husband used my pumice stone. When I confronted him, he says that he doesn’t see the issue with him taking it without asking and us sharing it. Apprently, he’s been using it for a week now.
He says he was seeing it for a while and suddenly decided that it would be good for his feet. Why he didn’t decide to buy one for himself is beyond me.
Now, he’s upset that I’m complaining about it and says that he can’t feel good with a person who’s disgusted by him. I didn’t say I was disgusted by him, but I just don’t think that this is the type of a thing that should we share.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I complained about husband using my pumice stone 2) husband says that I’m the asshole for not wanting to share things in a relationship
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Tell him you have been using his shaver and toothbrush. Just to see how he feels. (But don’t actually do it)
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Nta he is pumice stones remove dead skin. So yuck. Why would you want to have his dead skin on anything you use. Tell cheepo to buy his own pumice stone. Just so unsanitary and gross.
NTA tbh I also find this a bit gross. I get its your husband but I wouldn’t want to share mine.
A good solution would be to gift him his own, helps mitigate the confict in a kind way, and then no more sharing the forbidden stone
NTA – I would tell him that it is not sanitary to share but you’ll buy him one (and you a new one too). This is why many people bring their own pumice stones when they get pedicures. Bacteria & Fungi Can Live in It. You cannot really clean them, It’s like sharing the same washcloth or tooth brush. Its not that he is gross, its that ITS gross.
If feet had toilet paper, it would be like sharing foot toilet paper.
NTA. It’s common courtesy to ask before you use any kind of hard-to-clean hygiene item. Nail clippers? No big deal. Something porous like a pumice stone? I’d definitely ask before I used it.
YTA
Buy him his own pumice stone.
NAH just tell him you don’t want to share and move on. There are people out there who share deoderant, tooth brushes, etc. I personally wouldn’t but this is a huge overreaction.
NAH, but you’re overreacting. “Ew, gross, dead skin!”, um…the epidermis (outer layer of skin) is dead, end of. You shake his hand, you hug him, you pat his belly, you scratch his back…you’re touching his dead skin. Get another pumice, fine, but there’s no need to make a big shmeal of this.
Sharing a pumice stone is like sharing a toothbrush, just no.
NTA. Give him a hug and explain that wet foot goo is gross from anyone’s feet. Go get him his own.
NTA. Athletes foot is a thing and there is no way I would want anyone using anything that is a potential carrier for a foot ailment.
NTA. That’s gross, and it’s weird for him to be butt hurt about you saying something about it. Let him have it and buy yourself a new one. I think he should replace it, but he’ll probably just have another pouty fit if you ask. Also, put away your new one. He seems a little too comfortable using your PERSONAL hygiene items.
NTA for sure.
I had so many issues with my ex when it came to this. He would feel free to take anything. Just took, never asked.
In my opinion this is really bad behaviour. People need to understand that all you have to do is ASK FIRST. Just because you live together, are married, share a bathroom/kitchen, etc. does not give you permission to use or take something without asking.
My current boyfriend has zero issues with this. He always asks first. It seems so simple now.
Even if you’re married you’re still an individual. All of your things are not automatically his; nor anybody else’s.
It’s nasty. My spouse and I chat to each other while pooping and still we do not share dead skin removal tools. That he has nail or foot fungus is a HELL NO and he should have known that!
NTA.
Aside from the hygiene, he’s parentifying you byusing something you’ve arranged for your own self care, like a little kid emulating mommy and daddy by experimenting with their grooming products. That’s clit shriveling behavior.
People make issues out of the pettiest things and wonder why their relationship sucks.
NAH. Many people would share a stone and others would not. Buy him one for himself and move on
NTA
Let him have that one and get a new one.
NTA Is really that hard to ask to use something? Jeez
“. . . he can’t feel good with a person who’s disgusted by him.”
LOL. So what’s he gonna do, then—move out on his own so he can ‘feel good’ again?
I mean, good for him for suddenly deciding he should maybe start taking care of his feet, but ” . . . he doesn’t see the issue with him taking it without asking and us sharing it.” ?!
Fer the love o’ F _ _ k.
Rule of thumb: if it’s in the bathroom, you don’t share it, period. At least, NEVER without asking first.
You don’t share toothbrushes and nail clippers and shower puffs and tweezers . . . and you don’t share pumice stones!
NTA
YTA I would not even think twice about this so why would he if you didn’t say something first? Spouses share all kinds of shit. I share my pumice stone and foot grinders and nail files with my husband. We share a bed too. There’s all kinds of dead skin cell exchange happening
It’s a PERSONAL hygiene product. Let him keep the one he’s used and buy yourself another. I wouldn’t want to share it with my husband and I’m in no way disgusted by him.
Yta.
I might be in the minority here but NTA, love my baby to pieces but I don’t want the chafing skin tool to be shared. We’re all just gross animals at the end of the day but I’m a picky higher being lol. However I do think complaining about it is over the top, just buy a new one and say hey this is my skinning and that’s your skinning rock.
NTA. It’s not unreasonable to not want someone else’s biological detritus contaminating something you’re using to sand down your skin. Ask him how he feels about sharing razor blades, or toothbrushes.
Stand over him and scratch your head so flakes of scalp rain down on him, and when he’s grossed out act all offended that he’s disgusted by your dead skin.
NAH.
You think it’s a personal hygiene item that is gross to share. Personally, I agree. But if you’re married, you’ve presumably shared other… things. So using the same pumice stone for a week shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
He doesn’t see that it’s gross to share, especially with his wife. That’s a reasonable position, it’s just not your position.
Luckily, there is an easy fix. Just get two pumice stones, and tell him you don’t want to share.
He’s not gross, but sharing dead foot skin is… kinda gross to you.
NTA ewww no. It’s his pumice stone now. Google some articles about how you are never supposed to share a pumice stone for hygiene reasons and show him it’s not just you, and he is taking it too personally.
NAH
Different people are grossed out by different things, sounds like you have an issue with feet. I wouldn’t care if my wife used my pumice stone, but she doesn’t like other people’s feet same as you and wouldn’t use mine or me to use hers.
you need to communicate that you aren’t grossed out by him specifically, it’s just that you don’t want anyone no matter who using your foot care items.
he needs to accept that this isn’t a logic issue, it just is what it is. You have a “thing” about feet that means there will be no sharing of foot care product.
I can see your point. Give him that one and buy yourself a new one. Tell him you just don’t want to share your pumice stone, just like you don’t want to share your toothbrush lol.
Thats so very, very nasty.
NTA. my husband and i share a lot of things, but foot cheese isn’t one of them.
NAH, fine line to draw to not share it but, no reason for the husband to treat it like a loofah or a wash cloth if that line wasn’t drawn ahead of time.
YTA this is such a non issue i don’t even
Pumice stones are like $6. Just buy a new one for yourself and tell him you don’t want to share.
YTA. Y’all are married – do you have sex? If so, you’re slurpin’ and slatherin’ all up in each other’s juices. That’s way TF grosser than some dried skin cells.
You’re upset that someone you presumably have intercourse with and share some amount of bodily fluids with is using your stone on their foot…..
What a dumb argument.
It’s irrelevant what anyone thinks. For you, this is a boundary. That’s okay. You talked about it, you communicated your boundary, it costs him 5 bucks to respect said boundary.
All that being said, my husband is a thief at heart and incorrigible, and at some point I had to make a decision for my own sanity. I now usually buy multiples of the stuff that he tends to steal from me 🤷🏼
Yta I’m quite the germ freak and this wouldn’t even cross my mind as gross. Isn’t it cleaned in between uses?
Just go buy yourself a new one, and give him the old one. Because it bothers you. Make a new rule that no one can use your personal grooming items. He’s never going to see it your way, but he can probably remember 1 rule. NTA.
Totally YTA. Do you even like your husband?
NTA that’s how you end up with warts and other transferable issues like athlete’s foot.
Personal hygiene items are not to be shared – toothbrushes, nail clippers, razors, pumice stones
NTA, if he want to use pumice stone, he should get his own, i’d ask him how he’d feel if you used his toothbrush to brush your teeth, since it’s the same kind of personal care item
TMI but, you know, couples suck in each others genitals and do butt stuff, IDGAF if we share a pumice stone. A small bit of dead skin is so unmercifully low on the care radar.
YTA, what’s a stupid thing to get the ick over.
I’m leaning toward NAH since everyone has different standards especially of what they’ll share with a spouse vs stranger. Personally when I used a pumice stone I was washing it thoroughly after each use and deep cleaning routinely, if you clean well between people it shouldn’t be an issue, though I doubt he was.
NTA. I have to be honest initially I thought y t a because you’re just scrubbing dead skin but the more I thought about it the more disgusting it felt. I wouldn’t want someone using my washcloth, towel, loofah, etc.
I can’t go as far as comparing it to someone using my toothbrush but it’s aporoaching that feeling.
NTA. You do not have to share EVERYTHING, and I’m not even talking about the pumice stone here. Bacteria, skin cells, etc. That’s nasty.
YTA y’all literally swap body fluids and a pumice stone bothers you? Hahahaha
NAH
He doesn’t see why it’s gross, explain it to him and buy another one.
This doesn’t really need to be an issue.
NTA! HE NEEDS TO GET HIS OWN DEAD FOOT TISSUE SCRAPER! THOSE FUNKY FOOT FILINGS DONT NEED TO MINGLE! Yeah pretty gross
YTA.
This man is your HUSBAND. you’ll exchange body fluids with him, but won’t use the same rock to scrub your feet?
Unless he has fungal foot issue or verrucas, what’s the problem exactly?
NTA. First of all, it is yours. Just because you are married does not mean you loose the right to person items. Second, using hygiene items of another person is disgusting. He probably uses your toothbrush and thinks it is no big deal. Third, he’s twisting your words in order to win. This is extremely manipulative. And that, I find disgusting.
NAH
Your husband seems uninformed about the hygiene of sharing a pumice stone. It’s like sharing a toothbrush or washcloths. If he’s never used one before it’s not surprising that he wouldn’t know that it’s unhygienic to share them. You have the right to feel disgusted by this, but IMO you should apologize to him, and clarify that you don’t find him disgusting, just the practice of sharing an object that is easily clogged with dead skin from an unpleasant part of the body.
Oh, and buy a new pumice stone or two while you’re at it, if he wouldn’t want to keep the one he’s taken over. They’re sold at the dollar store.
Yta
ESH. You don’t need to convince each other who is right, you need to accept that you disagree and come up with rules going forward. You can tell him can’t use your grooming stuff without asking you, but you can’t convince him it’s disgusting.
ESH. him for apparently not caring that he has foot fungus when he used your foot rock, and you for running to reddit with such a nonissue instead of just telling him why you’re uncomfortable with it.
I see no issue in sharing pumice stone. But to each their own I guess.
NAH
NTA
There are certain things I dont share with my husband because they are my personal hygiene products. The people in the comments that go on about sex and exchanging fluids are missing the point of comfort and consent. You consent to exchange fluids during sex. It is part of the arousal.
Just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you have to share literally everything. That comes down to personal preferences. And as a good partner you should be able to respect certain boundaries. If you dont know you just ask and if you do something that your partner is uncomfortable with you apologise and dont do it again. Its really simple. Consent.
NTA. If it wasn’t a big deal why didn’t he say something
YTA- Not for being upset, but because you (probably) confronted him poorly and now you’re looking for a way out of being accountable for his hurt feelings.
You didn’t disclose what exactly you said to him but the way you describe it says enough. It’s clear you believe you’re in the right and now you’re looking for people to validate you. He’s established that your complaint made him feel bad, and you’re dismissing it by saying, “well I never said you were disgusting“.
His intentions weren’t to hurt you when he used your stone, however by continuing to complain in a way that he’s stated upsets him you’re actively being malicious.
It’s a foot rock. Buy yourself a new one and learn to say sorry.
Yta. This is such a non-issue I don’t understand why you’d be upset.
Does your husband have a foot fungus that you didn’t talk about?
I’m certain you have swapped much more disgusting bodily stuffs.
For heaven’s sake if he’s your husband you’ve probably swapped actual bodily fluids not just skin on the outside.
Do you also get upset that he uses your soap?
Or do you use separate soaps too? Do you have your own special utensils that you use in the kitchen? He can only use that spoon and you can only use the other spoon? Are there bowls in the kitchen that you use individually and nobody ever uses a different bowl or plate?
I’m trying to see how deep this thing goes for you. Is there only one pillow on your bed that you can use and then even after it’s been washed nobody else is allowed to touch it?
Cuz in my home when we wash the dishes they all just get put back in the shelf and then people can grab out whatever dish whatever they need a dish.. and when we wash the pillows we just throw new pillowcases on them willy-nilly and so someone might get a different pillow on their bed.. and since the pumice stone gets rinsed after every use.. it’s clean..
Did you ever tell him that this kind of thing would be an issue cuz this one’s far from an obvious issue that people have.
I suppose if it really bothers you you could always just purchase another pumice stone a few weeks/months early and let him have the one that he’s been using and you can have your designated one.
idk my boyfriend and I share a pumice stone.. is it that unhygienic to share one?
YTA
I thought it would at least be something to be reasonably mad about like he used it to get motor oil off his hand calluses, and I’d get it, but just using it normally? Let it go. This isn’t something to get hung up on your spouse using of yours.
NTA. This is like sharing a toothbrush. There’s no reason to fill a porous stone with dead skin and who knows what from the bottom of one person’s feet, then grind it through the layers of skin on the other person’s feet. That’s his stone now. Tell him you’ll get him another when he needs it and get your own. Let him know that for you, it’s like sharing a toothbrush, and it’s just an ick.
NTA, tell him to buy his own. Or hell, you buy him his own. You’re allowed to not want certain things shared REGARDLESS of how often you swap bodily fluids during intimacy and kissing and whatever else. Just because you make out or screw doesn’t entitle someone to your PERSONAL hygiene products. Using body wash, lotion and toothpaste is one thing, but toothbrushes and other things? If you’re not okay with it, you’re not okay with it. And that’s fine. And it has me eye rolling at the Y T As I’m seeing.
Meh. You swap spit and other bodily fluids. I used my wife’s underarm razor in the shower to shave the nads every day for a year, and she just laughed. Just get him to soak it for 5-10 minutes in peroxide after he uses it. If he refuses, just buy him his own.
YTA i could see if it was a stranger or your roommate, but your husband? It also seems assholeish to come to reddit with such a silly question just to prove your husband wrong about borrowing your foot rock. But I agree with the others that have said just buy yourself a new one and let him keep the old one.
People comparing this to sharing body fluids are bothering me lol. It’s different. It’s like how I have asked my husband not to get in bed with street clothes on even though I’ll hug him while we’re wearing our street clothes. Yes, I am touching him with his street clothes on and essentially getting the germs on me, but those germs don’t touch our bed. Our bed is CLEAN so after we’re showered and going to sleep, we stay clean.
With your situation, you’re using your pumice stone to get clean. From my perspective, having another person’s dead skin on my pumice stone doesn’t make me feel clean.
Long story short, NTA. Just buy your own pumice stone and remove it from the shower if you don’t want him to use it. If he’s trying to make it a you problem when you’re only asking him not to use your hygiene products, he’s the asshole. Ask if he wants to start sharing a toothbrush too. 🤮
I don’t see how having hygienic preferences makes anyone an asshole. 😭
100% NTA! dont let anyone tell you otherwise. he used it without asking you which was his first mistake, then getting “upset” as a grown man because you confronted him?
NTA. In the most loving, low boundary relationship I’ve ever been in, I still wouldn’t want the thing I wash my feet with to get used on my partner’s feet. That’s like scrubbing with the same washcloth 🤮
Sharing with your partner should never include anything hygiene related because nobody wants to give the person they love athlete’s foot. If it makes him feel better and you’re up to give him a taste of his own medicine, tell him you have foot fungus and you don’t want him catching it, then give him a hard time when he freaks out because you’re the disgusting one
YTA. You’re making this into a big deal when it doesn’t need to be. Some people are fine sharing pumice stones, some aren’t. If you had told him beforehand not to use it and he did anyway, different story.
Just get a new one and tell him you don’t want to share.
YTA – I’m assuming you stand in the same shower as your husband?
ESH
It used on your feet. It’s not a toothbrush.
He’s an AH because he used it without at least asking you.
You’re an AH because you’re making it a way bigger deal than it is
YTA! He’s literally licked your butt hole, who f-ing cares! This is your husband whom you literally share everything with! Once you reach the level of marriage where you literally share shavers and toothbrushes you’ll know it’ll last a lifetime!