Me (26M) and my coworker (27F) are both single and we went to a club together a few months ago. We have a couple mutual friends at the office and they wanted to have a night out on the weekend. I don’t remember much of what happened there but after we had gotten drunk we ended up making out and going back to her place in an Uber. The next morning I was feeling a bit awkward. I told her I had a good time and went back to my apartment as soon as I got dressed.
I was worried this might cause problems since we work together so I spoke to her after a shift like two days later. I said we probably shouldn’t do it again and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us but she assured me everything was fine and I didn’t have to worry about it.
However, about a week after that she approached me and proposed that we start sleeping together more often, like a friends with benefits thing. She said that since we both enjoyed it, it didn’t have to be a one-time thing. She also said that she doubted she’d fall for me so there also was no issue there.
I was still hesitant but since she didn’t think it’d interfere with our jobs, I agreed to it. Problem is, after we started having sex more I also started to catch feelings for her. I really enjoyed spending time together and I wanted this to be more than just hooking up. She’s patient, funny, friendly, and I really like seeing her smile. I knew I wasn’t her type but I couldn’t keep it a secret. I decided to tell her how I was feeling after we met up at my place and she asked if I was joking at first. When I told her no she got frustrated, saying that we had a good thing going and now it’s over. Then she left and has been pretty short with me at work.
I regret telling her and ruining things, I don’t know how to make things right. I know she doesn’t feel the same way so I haven’t tried to push it, I just feel really bad.
Comments
> I don’t know how to make things right
You can’t. Unless you invent a time machine.
Well nothing much to be done here, just move on.
NTA. You just got real about your feelings. Sucks it didn’t work out, but better than bottling it up
The only thing you can do now is not make it awkward at work
You did nothing wrong except banging a work chic. Being honest is the way.
So ending was a wise choice. She wants to be FWBs. I can’t do that either. I would always catch feelings.
One of you needs to relocate your employment location. When that happens you could reapproach her and ask her out to dinner.
This exact thing happened to me in the 90’s. After our first night she had second thoughts and wanted to call us off.
So I said OK. But when I no longer wanted to go to lunch with her,because my feelings were hurt,she completely flipped her script,came to my office,silently demanded that I go to lunch with her and then I got an apology BJ in the TGI Fridays parking lot.
She’s a girl.
She might change her mind.
Take it as a lesson learned. You aren’t the type that can do FWB. As for things at work just be normal, it’s natural for her to take a step back after you confessed feelings that she doesn’t share.
You were honest, I think you did the right thing. Think about it, if you would not have told her then you’d be with all those feelings trapped inside you and suffering in silence. By telling her there were only 2 options, unfortunately the option that she took was to cut things there because clearly she does not feel the same about you. My advise would be, let go and go on, sometimes things doesn’t go as we wish.
Are you TA? No.
You made an incredibly obvious mistake, and so did she. It’s not a big deal. Happens all the time. If you fixate on it and make it awkward or keep pursuing her post-rejection, then you’ll be TA. Just be mature and move on. She is not interested. Leave her alone.
Don’t spread the story around work that it happened; if she spreads it around, just make it a non-issue. You guys slept together. Now you don’t do that anymore. It’s nobody’s business why.
Move on broski plenty of fish in the sea and there is a saying dont shit where u eat
I think you should focus on cooling things off at work, stay respectful, and move forward. Over time the awkwardness will fade, and this will just be “that one thing that happened.”
NTA – Now you’ve learned something about yourself. You are a human with feelings and are at risk of growing close to people with whom you have intimacy. Who’d a thunk?
If she’s not reciprocating you need to move on. You didn’t ruin shit.
You did the right thing confessing your feelings even though it sucks you can’t keep hanging out or hooking up. It’s just how it goes sometimes. This has happened to me before and maybe I did at first because I wanted to keep seeing this guy but with more space from the situation I don’t regret telling him that I liked him at all because I was being true to myself. The longer you let it go on the harder it will be eventually when it ends. Move on and act normal at work
Bro had free rein to free booty calls no strings attached and fumbled? Bruh comeeeeeeee on hit the gym pal
NTA you did nothing wrong here.
You caught feelings, like an adult you told her about it. But she acted like an asshole because her fun was now ruined according to her.
I wonder if this type of thing has happened to her before and she’s frustrated. But still, that’s not your fault.
She could’ve been an adult and recognized the situation and politely told you that she wasn’t interested in anything further and we should just go back to being coworker/friends
But her making it a negative thing is what is causing the problem. Nothing you did.
I guess the lesson would be to be careful getting into any kind of relationship outside of friendship with a coworker
NTA for telling her you caught feelings, but a good lesson learned about workplace hookups. As my grandad once told me: “never dip your pen in the company ink.” (He was old, but clever).
Damn dude. Dont catch feelings. I know its hard and if you do never express them. Lesson learned move on.
NTA. Heart wants what the heart wants.. Unfortunately for you, her’s does as well… And it doesnt want you. Chalk up another life lesson and move on. There is no salvaging.
Let me guess…first time doing NSA/FWB sex? Yeah you can’t unring that bell my guy. Take it as a teachable moment. When a woman says she wants NSA sex and you start attaching strings it’s going to F it up.
NTA
You didn’t ruin anything, it was just not sustainable. Telling her how you feel was the eight move.
And she doesnt have to feel that way. But giving you a hard time about it is a dick move.
She was pretty up front about what she wanted. It didn’t hurt for you to try though. Sorry it didn’t work out. Nobodies the asshole
Move on. If you didn’t tell anything you would still have the sex, but not the love anyway.
There’s no making it right. You caught feelings, which is perfectly natural. You were honest about it, as well you should. She didn’t reciprocate these feelings, which is a bummer, but it happens. Now you know and you can both move on.
Don’t think you could’ve kept it going if you had kept your mouth shut, your probably not the only one on her radar. It would’ve hurt you regardless if she isn’t into it for the same reasons as you.
Nothing wrong with what you did. Dont worry about her the best you can. And just keep living. You said what you said.
You caught feelings, put yourself out there. Didn’t work out. At least you found out before there were FEELINGS (or kids). You have a long life ahead of you. When you find the right one you will know.
Try hooking up with her sister.
Damn brotha. That sucks, what really sucks is if you just kept quiet for a little while longer SHE eventually would’ve started to catch feelings for YOU and then you wouldn’t have to convince her of nothing. You spoke too soon
Move on. Not worth the drama. Plus if she sees you living a good life she may come rushing wanting to be part of it on your terms. Either way you will have choices beyond her.
Not the A-hole. That was her response to you expressing yourself. That’s all you need to know! ✌🏼
You took your shot. Now its time to move on. You are better off taking your shot that be in constant torment over wanting more and not having it. You are nta obviously.
don’t shit where you eat.
NTA. Start hanging out with another girl and see your xFWB catching feelings.
It’s okay to generate feelings for someone but now you have to move on.
Don’t do anything unless you wanna wind up in HR for harassment. Just let it be, keep things strictly professional with her at work, and act like nothing ever happened.
Also, in the future, don’t bang chicks you work with.
NTA
For work peace, you can either just only deal with her about work things or tell her that you are sorry that you made her feel awkward and that you’d like to go back to just friends (without the sex). The second, I personally wouldn’t do. She knows where to find you if she wants to talk.
A simple, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same about you so I think we need to just be friends without the sex, would have been plenty. Instead she acted like she was on a tv show.
Both of your sides are valid.
Move on, my man. Just move on. I’ve been exactly here.
Also, you guys work in the service industry, yes? That would make the most sense.
Rule #1 of a fwb situation – never catch feels.
Good for you bud! You got laid and you had the balls to lay in on the line and tell her how you feel.
She wasn’t about it but who tf cares.
Go do it again!
FWB 99.999999999% of the time end up with one side catching feelings. Sorry it was you bro, At least you got closure.
It’s ok. People do develop feelings for each other if they are intimate on a regular basis. Your coworker is trying to compartmentalise her life. But she was the one who approached you not vice versa. That makes her kind of predatory. Best thing you can do is be very polite to her, very. But have nothing to do with her otherwise. She has creepy values and she uses people sexually and then gets mad because they respond with feelings of closeness.
Trust me, this woman is a serious creep.
Your heart doesn’t want to believe that. But she is
There are people who have FWB situations. This can change if one person feels more. But both people are supposed to be respectful of each other.
So, my advice is to be polite to her at work, but avoid her completely otherwise. She is a tourist and a creep.
You did the right thing for your own mental well being. This would have likely been unhealthy to continue given you developed real feelings.