So my (27F) sister (34F) is really into alternative wellness stuff. Crystals, sound baths, lunar diet cycles, you name it. No judgment, live your life. But she’s now pregnant with her first child and has decided to have a “silent birth.”
If you don’t know what that is (I didn’t), it’s basically a birth where everyone including the mother is supposed to be completely silent. No talking, no music, no words of encouragement, no pain sounds (???), no crying, and no noise from the people in the room. She said it creates a “peaceful soul transition” for the baby.
Now here’s where it gets weird. She invited me, our mom, her doula, and her husband to be there, but we all have to sign a ‘noise contract’. Like an actual printed document. If we sneeze, cough, clear our throat, drop something, or make any sound whatsoever, we’re to “immediately remove ourselves from the birth space.” There’s a list of “sound offenses,” and sneezing is #3. (Sniffling is #4.)
I have seasonal allergies.
I told her, “Hey, love you, but I don’t think I can commit to being 100% silent for what could be a 30-hour labor. What if I have to pee and accidentally bump something?” She said I was being unsupportive and that my “vibrational resistance” was affecting the baby already. What?
Anyway, I politely declined. I said I’d love to come visit right after, but I can’t guarantee silence for that long without turning into a statue. She flipped out, called me selfish, and said this was “the most important moment of her life and I’m bailing because of a potential sneeze.”
Our mom is still going but is terrified and now has a sinus spray holster.
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So my (27F) sister (34F) is really into alternative wellness stuff. Crystals, sound baths, lunar diet cycles, you name it. No judgment, live your life. But she’s now pregnant with her first child and has decided to have a “silent birth.”
If you don’t know what that is (I didn’t), it’s basically a birth where everyone including the mother is supposed to be completely silent. No talking, no music, no words of encouragement, no pain sounds (???), no crying, and no noise from the people in the room. She said it creates a “peaceful soul transition” for the baby.
Now here’s where it gets weird. She invited me, our mom, her doula, and her husband to be there, but we all have to sign a ‘noise contract’. Like an actual printed document. If we sneeze, cough, clear our throat, drop something, or make any sound whatsoever, we’re to “immediately remove ourselves from the birth space.” There’s a list of “sound offenses,” and sneezing is #3. (Sniffling is #4.)
I have seasonal allergies.
I told her, “Hey, love you, but I don’t think I can commit to being 100% silent for what could be a 30-hour labor. What if I have to pee and accidentally bump something?” She said I was being unsupportive and that my “vibrational resistance” was affecting the baby already. What?
Anyway, I politely declined. I said I’d love to come visit right after, but I can’t guarantee silence for that long without turning into a statue. She flipped out, called me selfish, and said this was “the most important moment of her life and I’m bailing because of a potential sneeze.”
Our mom is still going but is terrified and now has a sinus spray holster.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. confronting my sister about having a quiet birth despite that being nearly impossible with everyones seasonal allergies 2. because she specifically requested everyone to be SILENT, i do not believe i did anything wrong and yeah
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Imagine being ejected from childbirth for having allergies.
Sounds like an absolute nightmare. NTA.
If this is true, its pretty extreme and weird. I’ve never heard of silent births outside scientology, and I’m not sure they are even advantageous to the baby. I’m not sure I’d sign a contract about sound either, though I’d be mighty curious whether your sister will indeed be entirely silent, and how that would work if there are medical issues, or any professionals required to be involved durign the birth, as they would need to communicate with her. So I guess NTA.
NTA. I hate to tell your mom. but the sinus spray isn’t going to silent either.
I don’t know why but the line “I have seasonal allergies” absolutely took me out. NTA.
Is this her first child? Cause no way if she’s never done this before will she be able to keep quiet. NTA
Tell us your sister is into Scientology without telling us your sister is into Scientology.
NTA your title is misleading, doesn’t sound like you confronted her, you just asked questions and then decided it wasn’t for you. What happens if your sister makes a noise, does she have to leave the room? 😂
All I can think is,it is going to be hard to kick herself out of the room when she screams through a contraction.
NTA. Your sister sounds insufferable
I wonder how does the sister herself plan to stay silent during labour. Is epidural included in her plan?
Lmao
NTA
NTA she’s gonna break that silence quite a few times guaranteed wtf is she gonna do then?
That baby coming out screaming is really going to ruin the vibes, instantly ejected from room, nta
NTA omg as someone with severe ADHD even if I signed a paper with the absolute best of intentions I could not be silent for an entire labor.
The stress of having to try to be silent, not even sneeze, would stress me out so much I’d end up with nervous farts like a fuckin’ dog in the car.
That’s so weird and extreme. I think you’re absolutely right to skip the labor and come in after the silence is broken.
Also, will doctors even agree to this?? You’d think they’d need the freedom to speak to each other. Seems like a real issue
NTA. This has to be her first baby. Because no one who has been through labor could possibly be this delulu about the realities of how that is going to go. Don’t sign. Encourage everyone else to not sign. She needs an spic reality check.
I’d opt out anyway, I don’t want to see that. I don’t understand why childbirth has become a spectator sport.
Is she having a home or hospital birth? Because refrigerators can be loud in a silent house. And I laugh thinking about a silent hospital.
I’ve had both and let me tell you, women are not silent during birth. And they shouldn’t be. Moaning (not yelling) is good for the pain. I’ve even heard growling helps. Birth is not a “controlled” situation.
Maybe your sister wants to prevent unnecessary chatting or people ignoring her when she needs them? I can see her worrying that you all will be distracted and talking to each other and leaving her alone without support? (Pregnancy brain is weird). Or maybe talking would be distracting to her? Idk. I can’t imagine having that many people “focused” on me like that. I get annoyed when there are too many nurses in the room.
Either way NTA.
Impossible nta
YTA for missing out on what will be an amazingly funny spectacle. Don’t cheat yourself of what is bound to be incredibly entertaining. You’ll only have to kinda be silent until she’s at 6-7 cm dialated and then she will either be making her own noise or not be able to concentrate or hear anyone else’s noise. So smile, nod, RSVP “yes” and enjoy the show!
– had 2 natural childbirths. Neither was remotely silent.
NTA. As someone who had three unmedicated births, I’m not sure how any woman could do this. But good luck to your sister. Her body, her rules.
I feel sorry for the baby. Is he or she allowed to cry?
NTA
Perhaps you should pleasantly agree to the silliness and when you inevitably make a sound, remove yourself as fast as you can and enjoy your escape.
Sometimes there’s no benefit in telling someone that they haven’t thought through their plans.
Is your sister in some kind of cult because I’ve never heard of this kind of nonsense outside of literal cults.
NTA
Your sister has clearly never given birth before. Her demands are absolutely ridiculous. Communication is essential during the birthing experience.
What’s she gonna do when the baby comes out screaming? Kick ’em out?
I’d love to see how silent she is after a few hours of labor.
NTA Stay far away.
I have a feeling that her stance on “pain noises” might change once she starts. Tell her that it’s a release of energy or something idk…
No way. Super respectful actually. You didn’t tell your sister she’s an insufferable, unrealistic idiot, you simply removed yourself from a situation you aren’t comfortable with. That’s incredibly mature and I applaud you.
ETA: NTA, obviously
NTA
Tell your sister ‘babes, you are not going to be silent through this birth. you will scream.’ I would go and try my best for silence, ready to laugh my ass off when she broke and finally screamed.
NTA but also your title is super misleading. You didn’t confront her about anything. You just said you didn’t think her expectations (which it sounds like you weren’t even trying to get her to change) just isn’t something you can commit to and she took it poorly. If you’d like to be there for part of it maybe you could tell her you can be there for shorter periods of time or maybe just closer towards the end of something. But if you’d can’t do it you can’t do it and that’s just fine.
No offence but your sister is crazy- bet she will be the first one to break to contract.
I would just laugh in her face. There’s no such thing as a silent birth. That shit hurts like hell. Actually, I’d go to the “silent birth” and then shush her every time she screamed or grunted.
I was going to be mad at you. And then I was not because you simply said you cannot do but she should try. Nta
Were there sounds when the baby got in? If so, it makes sense for there to be sounds when the baby gets out. Call it balance.
Lol. Glad you are declining the invite. I’ve always found the idea of guests at a birth bizarre. This does sound entertaining though lol. I screamed during both my births and made all sorts of other noises too lol. Can’t be healthy to try and hold that all in and be silent. Please update us on how it went!
I think she is taking the idea of a “silent birth” a little too far. Maybe I am not understanding it, but I have always understood it to be not the entire labor but just when baby is actually being delivered, there is only soft noise, most notably no screaming/loud noises from the mother as she pushes.
NTA. She can ask for something this ridiculous, but you get to say no.
You must UpdateMe after your sister has her baby. I look forward to hearing how long it took for her to break the silence.
Just like Scientology
I think this is made up. Funny though.
why in hades do you even want to be there? just decline
While your sister is being ridiculous with her demand, you could have just humoured her for the time being. All her silent birth nonsense will go out the window the minute shes in full active labour
NTA. I can imagine everyone just watching and waiting for the whole day 😂
Title is misleading. I don’t think you confronted her for having a silent birth. You declined your invitation to attend her silent birth.
You can be supportive by astral projecting yourself to her side. NTA.
And, uh, I wish her the best of luck.