My older sister has always struggled with her mental health. She has bipolar disorder with mania and borderline personality disorder. Growing up, our mom constantly excused her behavior because of her diagnoses. Now, at 29, my sister uses her mental health to justify every bad decision—overspending, cheating, etc.—always saying, “I was manic.”
Recently, she told me her plan to leave her husband: cheat on him until she finds someone to fund her lifestyle. She refuses to get a job and intends to take her child with her once she finds the next guy. I told her I did not support cheating and that she should get a job and leave properly. She yelled at me, so I hung up. She then sent angry texts and Snapchats for days, escalating when I didn’t respond. Eventually, she blocked me for not responding, so I blocked her on everything.
I thought it would blow over as usual, but it didn’t. She checked into a psychiatric hospital on my nephew’s sixth birthday. I didn’t comment, but when he FaceTimed me later, his dad (my brother-in-law) took the phone and vented about her behavior. I mostly listened and acknowledged that I understood his frustrations. I didn’t give my opinions.
Later, he twisted that conversation into something else and got her angrier. According to my mom, she’s been blowing up my phone since—but she’s blocked. A few days later, she checked herself into the hospital again, then started calling and leaving voicemails from the unit phone. I didn’t answer. After she was released she mailed me a 7-page letter accusing me of being a horrible person, saying I abandoned her, and even saying I don’t deserve my job in mental health.
I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. She’s always known I don’t condone cheating—our dad cheated on our mom, and it deeply affected us. She’s cheated before and blamed it on being manic. I’ve set boundaries and asked her not to involve me in these situations, but she ignores that and gets mad.
I haven’t spoken to her since blocking her, and I have no desire to continue being harassed. I spoke with the local prosecutor and learned I’d need to press criminal harassment charges before I could request a no-contact order. I’m unsure if that’s the best route, but I’m exhausted. I’ve spent 24 years walking on eggshells, being verbally abused every time I didn’t enable her behavior.
I just want peace. I want her to leave me alone. I can block her, but I can’t exactly change my address. I don’t want to mend our relationship—I just want the harassment to stop. Would I be the ah if I pressed charges to get a no contact order?
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My older sister has always struggled with her mental health. She has bipolar disorder with mania and borderline personality disorder. Growing up, our mom constantly excused her behavior because of her diagnoses. Now, at 29, my sister uses her mental health to justify every bad decision—overspending, cheating, etc.—always saying, “I was manic.”
Recently, she told me her plan to leave her husband: cheat on him until she finds someone to fund her lifestyle. She refuses to get a job and intends to take her child with her once she finds the next guy. I told her I did not support cheating and that she should get a job and leave properly. She yelled at me, so I hung up. She then sent angry texts and Snapchats for days, escalating when I didn’t respond. Eventually, she blocked me for not responding, so I blocked her on everything.
I thought it would blow over as usual, but it didn’t. She checked into a psychiatric hospital on my nephew’s sixth birthday. I didn’t comment, but when he FaceTimed me later, his dad (my brother-in-law) took the phone and vented about her behavior. I mostly listened and acknowledged that I understood his frustrations. I didn’t give my opinions.
Later, he twisted that conversation into something else and got her angrier. According to my mom, she’s been blowing up my phone since—but she’s blocked. A few days later, she checked herself into the hospital again, then started calling and leaving voicemails from the unit phone. I didn’t answer. After she was released she mailed me a 7-page letter accusing me of being a horrible person, saying I abandoned her, and even saying I don’t deserve my job in mental health.
I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. She’s always known I don’t condone cheating—our dad cheated on our mom, and it deeply affected us. She’s cheated before and blamed it on being manic. I’ve set boundaries and asked her not to involve me in these situations, but she ignores that and gets mad.
I haven’t spoken to her since blocking her, and I have no desire to continue being harassed. I spoke with the local prosecutor and learned I’d need to press criminal harassment charges before I could request a no-contact order. I’m unsure if that’s the best route, but I’m exhausted. I’ve spent 24 years walking on eggshells, being verbally abused every time I didn’t enable her behavior.
I just want peace. I want her to leave me alone. I can block her, but I can’t exactly change my address. I don’t want to mend our relationship—I just want the harassment to stop. Would I be the ah if I pressed charges to get a no contact order?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the asshole because I am considering pressing criminal harassment charges against my sister. She has mental health issues and it would then give her a criminal background, but she is harassing me and I want it to stop
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, she is clearly harassing you over your decision to not support her more “unconventional” decision in life, so it’s okay to at least put a restraining order against her.
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Nta. That poor child needs to be saved. Where are your parents in all this?
This is WAY above Reddit’s pay grade. You need to be asking a lawyer, and probably speaking to a therapist yourself
That said, NTA whatever you choose. You’ve made in clear you’re not her emotional support human, and she’s disregarded that repeatedly and consistently.
NTA
If you are in the mental health profession you are aware that bipolar disorder can be treated and isn’t an excuse to just run rampant doing whatever you want to people.
NTA. HOWEVER – think long and hard about what you do because it will probably affect your relationship with your nephew.
NTA. I agree with others that this is probably above our paygrade as this is getting serious with high steaks.
FWIW, if you and the husband have an okay relationship with him you may be able to maintain a relationship with your nephew through him. Extra betrayal for your sister but… It’s a route I’m familiar with and i’ll leave that there for privacy reasons. And as I’d be team “Get the charges and protection order” given your comment you just want the harassment to stop… but talk to a lawyer first you may have other options that we aren’t aware of for your location. This is quite serious and some experts are needed to plow through this one.
NTA a mental health issue is NOT a way to avoid responsibility for your actions. You need to look out for your OWN mental health, your sister’s issues are the responsibility of her, and possibly her husband and your parents.
NTA. Sounds like she needs the harsh wake up call. If you’re really done with her then just go forward.
NTA but is it necessary at this point. Txt your mom to list your issues & tell her you are going no contact with your sister. Ask her to tell your sister this & if she continues her harassment or contacts you again you will move forward to get a restraining order.
I would start with a lawyer and issues a cease and desist letter and progress it as needed based on her response.
You need to consult with an attorney in your area as laws vary per state.
Edit; word
You would not be the AH if you pressed charges. Please press charges when you get a chance! My mother’s sister is probably BPD but never looked for help and almost killed my mother even before I was born. You don’t need people like that.
The first thing you need to do is send a short, clear message telling her to not contact you. You can’t do anything legally if you haven’t explicitly communicated that. Didn’t sugar coat it, don’t explain your reasons. Just tell her to not call, text, write you or otherwise communicate to you.
Next if she continues, send a cease and desist letter. There are templates and instructions online or you can hire a lawyer to ensure it’s done correctly.
If she continues to contact you, you’ll then have the paper trail you need if you decide to pursue harassment charges.
Do what you need to do to stay sane yourself.
NTA
You need to take what steps are needed to protect yourself
NTA
It sounds like it’s time to go low contact with your mother & no contact with your sister. Having similar DNA sequences doesn’t give someone the right to abuse you.
NTA.
But a high level of mania can result in hypersexuality, irrational spending of money, extreme irritability, and generally difficult behavior. It’s one of the reasons that people with bipolar have such high divorce rates.