My nephew is two and the last time I was visiting my sister I could see he was coloring (actually attempting to color lol) something with some crayons, and I didn’t even realize he was using his left hand until my sister took the crayon from him and put it in his right hand. I noticed that he seems to be left handed and she was “encouraging” to get used to use his right, which sounds insane to me, like what’s the problem at all?
And I call my sister out on it and she said she was just “giving him a push in the right direction” because left handed people have to get used to so many stuff that are designed to right-handed people, and she was pissed because I was acting like she was one of those old school teachers that would force kids to be right-handed; she says that if he continues to use his left hand when he starts going to school then she will just “accept it”.
The entire conversation seemed crazy to me and I told her she was just making things harder for him. And she ended up saying I have no say in how she raises her son. So I just kept quiet but I’m not sure if I overstepped or if I was the AH for even saying anything.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My nephew is two and the last time I was visiting my sister I could see he was coloring (actually attempting to color lol) something with some crayons, and I didn’t even realize he was using his left hand until my sister took the crayon from him and put it in his right hand. I noticed that he seems to be left handed and she was “encouraging” to get used to use his right, which sounds insane to me, like what’s the problem at all?
And I call my sister out on it and she said she was just “giving him a push in the right direction” because left handed people have to get used to so many stuff that are designed to right-handed people, and she was pissed because I was acting like she was one of those old school teachers that would force kids to be right-handed; she says that if he continues to use his left hand when he starts going to school then she will just “accept it”.
The entire conversation seemed crazy to me and I told her she was just making things harder for him. And she ended up saying I have no say in how she raises her son. So I just kept quiet but I’m not sure if I overstepped or if I was the AH for even saying anything.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> What should be judged: I questioned my sister for making my nephew use his right hand to color and realizing she didn’t wish he was left handed. Why this can make me the asshole: my reaction made clear I thought she was being ridiculous and also that I was criticizing her as a mother which might be an overstep because it is for her to decide how to raise her children
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Handedness is natural and efforts to correct left-handedness can be harmful
Forcing left handed children to be right handed can cause significant emotional damage. NTA.
NTA As leftie I can assure you I have had no problem adapting and thriving in a right handed world. How ridiculous.
NTA but your sister is .
NTA. This is absolutely harmful and unnecessary to her child. Can you talk to the father about this, if they are reasonable and in the picture? Or tell her to speak to her son’s doctor so she can hear about how damaging it is from a professional?
NTA. This is a very bad idea, and it creates all sorts of issues for kids, including problems with coordination. I’d thought this practice had been entirely discredited and ended by now, but apparently not. Have your sister ask the pediatrician about this. She probably won’t take your word for it, but hopefully a doctor will straighten her out.
You need to report her. This is child abuse.
NTA. She is actively stunting his development. I have a left-handed son. It’s never been an issue.
NTA – this is like dyeing your kids hair because you wanted a blonde, or making them wear colored contacts.
Maybe kid will be a righty or br ambidextrous, but she’s not going to be able to change it.
NTA, your sister is insane. Being a south paw is fine.
NTA. I once tutored a boy whose mother forced him to write with his right hand. It ruined his fine motor skills in both hands and he struggled to even hold a pencil properly.
NTA. I have a left handed daughter, and she was more naturally ambidextrous than her sisters because most things are built for right handed people.
Half YTA. Your sister has a valid point and he is her son, not yours. Not because you’ve seen your nephew used his left hands once or twice that you know better. She lives with him daily and sees practicality. There is no reason to fight over this honestly other than you kindda being a “I know better” kind of sister.
NTA.
I’m left handed. There are two things I’ve had to adapt to in life.
Ergonomic scissors that literally only work if you’re right handed.
And stupid people who acted like being a leftie was a problem.
NTA. If you ask me, forcing a left handed person to use their right hand is abuse. I had a teacher in HS who was a lefty, and he said that the nuns at his Catholic grade school forced him to use his right hand. Your sister is acting like one of those old school teachers and deserves to be call out for it. What does your nephew’s dad think?
Send your sister this link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6758284/
NTA. My MIL insists this is the correct thing to do because she successfully switched my SIL—who is now a surgeon—to a righty. Apparently they don’t make surgical instruments for left handedness?
NTA, show her this thread or maybe get some articles that discuss why she’s making a mistake doing this.
NTA. I am also left handed, did everything left handed until 11-12 because I knew then I could never be a PC gamer with a left handed mouse configuration. The only thing I exclusively do with my left hand is write and I”m basically ambidextrous with everything else (mouse, scissors, toothbrush, etc)
NTA
Your sister needs to just let things be. If nephew is naturally left-handed, then so be it. There’s no good that can come from trying to force him to be otherwise.
I am left-handed, so is my son. I would never have dreamed of trying to encourage/force my son to change his dominant hand. Why? Because anyone that does is fucking weird.
NTA. I’ll try to send my grandmother from the grave to give your sister a few taps with a ruler every time she tries this.
NTA. Trying to force a lefty into righthandedness is outdated and harmful. I would speak to the father if he is in the picture I would also tell her that it is a form of abuse and you will report it if she keeps it up.
The only parenting thing my father did that I agree with, was to place objects the baby might want (like a spoon) on the baby’s right. If the baby was going to be left handed, then the baby would reach across, but if the baby didn’t have a clear preference for handedness, then he would be biased towards using his right hand.
Perhaps you could suggest this to your sister. It is not the same thing as trying to force a hand preference, because the child is in control.
My kindergarten teachers slapped my hands when I wrote left handed. Turned me ambidextrous. No real harm done. But you shouldn’t interfere beyond the first recommendation.
not the arsehole. She is though. all she’s missing is the ruler…
My son is ambidextrous so far, but his mother is left handed. And while his mother would agree life is a little more inconvenient, we’re not going to force our kid to pick the right hand if he’s more inclined to use his left. Why have kids if you’re so neurotic you have to micromanage them to that extent?
Edit: NTA
ESH – kids naturally use both hands. Kids can favor a hand between 2 and 4 but they typically still use both hands. They don’t start to show a clear and consistent preference until around the age of 4 to 6. Your sister should let him use both hands but it’s not that big of a deal to switch hands. My oldest used her left hand to eat and her right hand to color at the age of 2.
I’m left-handed and I don’t feel like I’ve struggled to do anything. Additionally, it’s my understanding that children switch between hands until the dominant one becomes dominant around or after 3. She’s stressing over something she can’t control that may not even be what she thinks. NTA
I’m 41 and left handed, I’ve made it this far just fine. Your sister is weird.
ETA: forgot my judgement, NTA
NTA, but I get it. I have 2 left handed children. I was frustrated they aren’t right handed as it makes so many things more difficult, left handed scissors are the death of me! But…. I didn’t physically put pencils in their right hand. So while I understand where she’s coming from, you can’t force which hand they draw with.
NTA. A teacher did this to me and I ended up with mixed hand dominance. I can write with my right hand but nearly everything feels more comfortable in the left hand. It’s so frustrating trying a new skill, not knowing what hand to use, and wondering if you’re just using the right hand.
My son seemed to lean toward left-handed but only barely as a baby. His occupationaltherapist said kids that don’tdemonstrate a strong preference by age 2 or 3 usually have trouble with fine motor and handwriting later in school. I get your sister’s point, that it would be easier to choose the right right because the world is primarily designed that way, but lots of things in the world are designed for other people and we adapt (examples: straight relationships, average weight people, average height instead of short or tall people). My son’s teacher asked us if we wanted his left-handed preference “corrected” when he wrote with the right hand. I told them no – let him use whatever his brain tells him to.
My mom told me horror stories of getting slapped with a ruler in school for using her left hand for tasks. Ultimately now she is ambidextrous, so that’s actually helpful. She still will use her left hand for cutting with scissors and things, but writes best with her right hand now. I agree that it seems barbaric to punish kids for using the limb their own brain prefers. And I can tell she was traumatized by this corrective training as a child. It changed her personality to a shy, fearful kid.
Here’s the thing though – your sister isn’t probably going to change her mind. And she is allowed to decide how to raise her own children even if you don’t like it. You can try to show her studies showing the risks/negatives of changing handedness, but she will probably still do what she wants. 🤷🏼♀️
NAH. He’s 2, it’s not that deep. My kids switched their preferred hands multiple times. She isn’t gonna stop him from being left-handed.
Hippopotamus
My brother was sadly forced to use his right hand for writing in school (1970s). He never switched later in life but his handwriting is kind of terrible.
Your Kid knows which hand to use. Dont forced it
I literally just posted elsewhere that when I was in kindergarten my teachers labeled me as having a learning disorder because I couldn’t use my right hand. NTA.
NTA. Your sis IS acting like those old school teachers. How do I know? They did the same this to my sister when she was a kid. IN THE 70’s because it was “evil”. I was born in the 80s and am left handed. I’m in my 40’s now and can do everything just fine.
NTA. Proud lefty here who’s absolutely useless with their right hand
NTA. Im one of those people that were smacked with a ruler for using my left hand. My handwriting sucks. My hand-eye coordination for sports is all over the place.
Info:
What do you mean by “called her out on it”?
Because that’s literally the most important aspect of this to me and you were really vague about it.
NAH
I disagree with your sisters approach but it doesn’t sound like she’s actively abusing him or some shit, she just thinks life might be a little easier if he can naturally be right handed this early on in his life.
AGAIN I don’t think she’s correct here but it just doesn’t seem like that serious of an issue at this point.
If you dug your heels in and at all implied she’s abusive or a bad mother, then yeah, YTA.
But other than that this is a big nothing.
Let it go unless you notice signs of abuse or obsessiveness about the issue.
She’s ultimately right that she’s the parent, you’re not, you won’t improve anything by digging your heels in at the “I’m gently encouraging them to use their right hand more” stage of parenting.
NTA but I also don’t think it’s a serious enough issue for you to bother making it a point of contention. People are going to parent in ways you don’t agree with, as long as it’s not abuse it’s best to just keep your mouth shut.
NTA
Your sister is weird. He’ll be fine using whichever hand is natural to him. My grandfather is 94 and was born left-handed. He was forced as a boy to be right-handed. Nowadays he writes right-handed but uses his left for everything else.
NTA – your sister is silly to think that you can encourage something that is the opposite of her child’s natural instincts.
My dad was forced to be right handed and it hasn’t hurt him in any way. He can write either right or left.
NTA. My grandfather was switched and developed a stutter afterwords that took years to get over.
When I was a kid in the 90s my preschool teacher was very upset I was going to be left handed. My mom was like, “well, it’s not surprising, I am, and three of her grandparents were switched” and the teacher said with this horrified gasp “IT’S IN THE GENE POOL!”
Anti lefty sentiment is still alive and well in a certain conformist segment of the population. Your sister has a prejudice.
Why doesn’t she go the whole hog and tie his left hand behind his back, like the nuns who taught my nan used to do to her? 🙄
NTA. I’m left handed and I’ve literally never felt like I’ve missed out on anything due to that.
NTA as someone who is left handed he will continue to be left handed.
NTA, your sister is discriminating against her son like an early 1900’s schoolmarm. I’m left handed. I’m glad I never had to deal with that bigotry. My grandmother did, but I had no idea people were still this ignorant 2025.
That happened to me in preschool and I can’t write with either hand. She’s an idiot.
NTA
NTA. I’m left-handed. So are two of my mom’s siblings and three of my cousins, so it’s obviously genetic on her side. If he’s got those genes, she’s not going to be able to change that.
NTA. But your sister is. Forcing a kid to use the opposite hand can cause ALL kinds of problems. Low self-esteem, cognitive issues, a stutter, you name it. Poor kid!
I’m a lefty!! I can use both hands for just about anything though!! I feel like it’s a perk!! Nta but also not your child
I am a left handed person. The ability to adapt to using things unconventionally is a gift. Many tasks you learn for the first time can be learned righty because you don’t know how to do it yet anyway. I am also a contractor and most tools (especially saws) are made for right handed people. Some things I have figured out lefty and some things are just plain unsafe so I will just use them properly. Your sister is wrong for this, he needs to figure out what’s comfortable himself. Also lefty loosy right? Jars fear me. I have more leverage for unscrewing things and that’s fun.
Being a south paw has never negatively impacted my life. Minus writing on mounted white/chalk boards, lol. In fact, it was pretty useful in sports and finding other lefties is always fun, even as an adult. NTA.
If he ends up being a baseball pitcher it’s an advantage.
NTA, but your sister is. Kid will not be able to do anything properly until he gets to school.
My youngest son is left handed and I never tried to change him. Yes, in some areas there were road blocks. He was into team shotgun sports, clay targets and all, and we had to find one that was the right fit. He also plays golf no issues there. Baseball, perfect. So no, you don’t go and change it.
My dad, who if he was still alive would be 102, told me that while in grade school growing up in Ireland,the nuns would strike his left hand with a stick to force him to be right handed,because the “left hand was the hand of the devil”.
He ended up being the most incredibly skilled ambidextrous finish carpenter; but had little respect for what any nun would ever notify my parents of while me and my siblings attended Catholic grammar school in Brooklyn,NY.
NTA. This was done to me and I’ve resented it all my life
Does your sister think your nephew is a warlock. NTA, she’s a weirdo.
Both my parents and I were all switched. Is it harmful? For me, it wasn’t. But it also isn’t ideal. Kids face enough challenges. Being taught that the hand they instinctively use is “wrong” shouldn’t be one of them.
NTA. But you aren’t the parent. You can’t take it any further.
So my mother was born in the 40s- tell your sister that what really worked for the nuns who ran her school was hitting 4-year olds with rulers when they picked up a pencil with their left hand. My mother remembers that.
She may not be using punishment, but she’s teaching her child that there is something wrong with them if they want to use their left hand. She IS one of those old school teachers. She is forcing something on her child that is so completely unnecessary.
NTA, how about she lets her child find out what the most comfortable way to write is without her mother interfering.
NTA
I am a natural lefty, but since I could write with my right hand legibly, was only trained to use my right. Thing is, my untrained left handed writing is way better than my trained, right handed writing. I was ridiculed in school in the 80s because my handwriting was horrible. Your nephew needs to be allowed to use what feels correct for him.
NTA. She’s never going to listen to you. Call the nephew’s pediatrician and give them a heads up. I’m sure they have plenty of experience dealing with parents like this.
She must be asian. Signed, a born lefty whose ignorant mom forced me to be right handed via methods of violence.
My pediatrician actually scolded her and said that was outdated superstition and now she has potentially caused learning disabilities because my brain was already wired to work a certain way.
NTA. Your sister is definitely acting like my old Catholic school principal who forced me and my brother to use our right hand, not our left. For me, not too bad a problem. I was old enough to know it was wrong and kept using my left in secret, and I was (I can’t spell the right word, sorry) dual handed, so I can still use my left hand a little bit, writing is messier, but I can still write with my left as well as use chopsticks. My brother, it was messed up. He can’t use his right hand or left hand properly now. The damage was permanent. Your sister is going to mess up her son for life.
Besides, most people these days who are left handed do not have to get used to right handed products. They sell stuff for left handed people now. Maybe not in the big box stores, but certainly there are more than enough places online that sell things like left handed scissors and stuff like that. If he gets into music later, they sell left handed guitars. It’s not a big problem in this day and age, or at least, it shouldn’t be.
Scientifically proven to cause stuttering.
NTA. My mother tried to get me to switch from left hand to right…and I’m in my 60s. Tell your sister that the 1950s want their attitude back.
My parents actually did this to me and it still affects me now. The way I hold items in my right hand which is technically my writing hand is not as easy as it is with my left side. They insisted that they did it because they wanted to be able to teach me how to write and they didn’t know how to teach someone to write left handed.
Oddly enough, both parents admit that they actually never taught me how to write and I just…picked it up and figured it out one day lol
I’m actually switch-handed, which is different from ambidextrous. It’s kind of cool but also wildly inconvenient. Back in 2016, I broke my right wrist and the transition to being lefthanded was actually pretty easy, but my left handed writing is not as pretty as my right hand. Still very legible.
I’m a dancer and my left sided spins, leaps and splits are stronger than my right. I literally do mostly everything with my left hand except write but I’m constantly switching items from my right to left hand and vice versa. For instance when I cook, the grip on my right hand is all jacked up and my hand cramps up faster, so I switch.
NTA but as others stated, it seems as if she won’t change it. But perhaps point out the confusion it’ll cause the child and find some lefthanded resources
I’m left handed. My brain is wired to to use my left hand. She’s going to make things unnecessarily difficult for him. Just let him develop normally.
NTA. Your sister is a nutjob. Sorry. The poor kid is going to suffer if he cannot be himself and just write like he would. She cannot make him right -handed. All she will manage to do is make him uncomfortable and frustrated.
I remember the nuns in my Catholic school trying to make a kid right-handed. They used to think being left-handed was being “wrong”-handed. Sounds like your sister shares this sentiment.
My fiancé is left handed and is still afraid to use pencils. It’s a lot of frustration. NTA.
NTA forcing us to use our right hands can cause serious, lifelong problems. Depending on the severity of the “encouragement” it can be considered abuse.
But your A of a sister needn’t worry too much: the world is geared towards righties, he’s going to learn to do some things right-handedly just because left-handed tools are harder to find and more expensive, and most adults don’t know how to teach us to use them, anyway.
I’m trying to be very measured in my response to this story, because if I witnessed a right-handed adult mistreating a left-handed child, especially their own child, I would need to be restrained.
This is absolutely unacceptable, and your sister needs to be educated on the damage she could do to her son’s cognitive and behavioural development, and to his mental health.
Don’t let her continue this.
NTA as a semi ambidextrous lefty, I never found it a great inconvenience. I write with my left-hand but do a lot of other things like sports with my left. In certain sports like baseball, being a lefty is an advantage
NTA. It’s our job to call our siblings out. And she was acting like an old school teacher.
When my daughter started using both I rolled with. Now that it’s clear she’s right-handed (has better control) and only uses her left because she sees my sister (left-handed) and me (broke my right wrist as a child) do a few things with our left hands.
My point is, yes he’s not your child, but he is your nephew and we should stand up for the best interest of kids in our family when their parents are being silly.
NTA my school forced me to become a righty which messed up my early school years.
NTA.
Im a lefty. I could never draw or write well with my right hand. That doesn’t mean I didn’t learn to do so. My friends probably noticed I used my left hand. Never got bullied or called out for it.
Being left handed is not really a big deal from my experience, but forcing people to be right handed? That can actually be harmful. You can’t just …. Not be left handed. It’s embedded. Its like trying to make someone not autistic. Forcing it only creates resentment, if not deep seeded issues.
Your sister is trying to force a ridiculous standard of “normal” onto her kiddo.
NTA nephew has enough on his plate trying to figure out how to be a person, why make it harder for him? My daughter is ambidextrous, her nursery was trying to encourage her to just use her right. I told them to mind their business 😂
NTA what decade is she living in?
NTA
My middle child is left-handed, graduated first in his class, and is in his second year at college in one of the top engineering programs in the country. Tell your sister to look up how many presidents are left-handed. I think they tend to be capable because their brains have to figure out the world backward and forward. Your sister is a bit dumb.
nta. your sister needs to grow up. clearly isn’t mature enough for a child.
NTA. Your sister is making a big deal over nothing. I write with my left hand, and bat and play tennis left-handed. Everything else is naturally right-handed for me. Basketball, billiards, bowling, throwing anything, using scissors, power tools, can openers. Lots of left-handers are actually cross-dominant, so she is probably creating a problem where there is none.
Children should use both their hands until they are around 3-4. If a baby uses only one hand, it is a concern that should be addressed with the physician. I think your sister doesn’t have some damaging approach that you need to interfere. If she were aggressive about correcting or shaming a child, then yes. But obviously she doesn’t do that. So if I must say YTA.
NTA
NTA
She’s screwing up his brain right now, and that will result in REDUCED coordination and worse handwriting, etc.
NTA are we in the fucking 70s again????
NTA preventing child abuse is not the same as “telling someone how to parent”
People still care about that?!
NTA and your sister is absolutely one of those old school teachers who force you to use your right hand.