for context my ex was shot last night in the face. i found out this morning and was distraught i called all my family members and talked to them while seriously sobbing, he’s been a big part of my life but the thing is we dated when we were 14 and ive always seen him as a friend, a best friend, he’s helped me thru so much and vice versa. My bf of a year and half made me cut him off in october, because he hated me talking to any guys like i mean ANY. i’ve been talking to him behind his back and i know it’s wrong but he’s always been there and he needs me to be there for him because he’s been going through a lot and i know my bf would just make me cut him off, i don’t have feelings for him even in the slightest and he doesn’t have any for me we’re JUST FRIENDS. I told my bf what happened while trying not to bawl because i didn’t know how he would act, but surprise he was PISSED at me for being upset over it, he hung up and we didn’t really talk at all today when i really needed him. AITA?
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for context my ex was shot last night in the face. i found out this morning and was distraught i called all my family members and talked to them while seriously sobbing, he’s been a big part of my life but the thing is we dated when we were 14 and ive always seen him as a friend, a best friend, he’s helped me thru so much and vice versa. My bf of a year and half made me cut him off in october, because he hated me talking to any guys like i mean ANY. i’ve been talking to him behind his back and i know it’s wrong but he’s always been there and he needs me to be there for him because he’s been going through a lot and i know my bf would just make me cut him off, i don’t have feelings for him even in the slightest and he doesn’t have any for me we’re JUST FRIENDS. I told my bf what happened while trying not to bawl because i didn’t know how he would act, but surprise he was PISSED at me for being upset over it, he hung up and we didn’t really talk at all today when i really needed him. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> because i have a boyfriend and shouldn’t be crying about someone from the past
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are in danger.https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/#:~:text=Coercive%20control%20is%20an%20act,the%20heart%20of%20domestic%20abuse.
Leave this bloke, now. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, NOW.
He is being controlling and you are in an abusive relationship.
You should cut this abusive man off of your life. This is basic isolation. It wont only stay with any man (which is already ridiculous and alarming) but he will also say things like “i dont want you to talk with this girlfriend and/or you are spending so much time either your family stop it”. Leave this abusive relationship and block this toxic man. You deserve way way better. NTA this context but YTA to yourself if you stay in this relationship
NTA Leave him. Don’t let a man control you or isolate you.
NTA.
PLEASE leave this man and be safe about it. This guy is a red flag.
He asked you to cut ties and you betrayed your bf by talking to your ex. Why not get back with him instead of staying with your current bf. Sorry to hear your ex got shot but you need to choose between the two.
You were talking to your ex behind ur bfs back? Uhhhh yeah. You’re ta. Should’ve just broken up with him if you wanted to be friends w ur ex so bad. You’re literally choosing him over ur bf.
Leave him
get out of this relationship now! he doesn’t like you talking to any men – massive red flag. he will isolate you from your friend and family. you are in an abusive relationship. not sure which country you are in but you need to get in touch with a Women’s Aid. Please do not stay in this relationship the abuse will get worse
NTA
Please get support and get out now. Have a trusted person there when you move your things out and do it while your partner isn’t home. Then stay with loved ones. If you don’t have someone who can do this for you or maybe even regardless, there are services out there to help you. Being in an abusive relationship, plus such a serious injury to your ex are both reasons to see a psychologist or counselor.
NTA you will regret how this bf is influencing your friendships in the future. He is not worth it, choose your friends.
NTA. Current BF is a possessive douchenozzle. Leave him while you can. Don’t stay with someone who is controlling and doesn’t trust you.
The fact your current partner was insecure enough to stop you from speaking to any men and cut you off from someone who you briefly dated as a teen and was basically a childhood friend…
Big red flag. 🚩 That’s controlling behavior in itself, but also his reaction to you confiding in him over someone who you cared for that had passed was emotionally manipulative. And the silence and abandonment attests that.
He wants you to feel horrible and in the wrong.
He wants you to beg him back and it’s all to put you in your “place.”
Do not go back to this person. Leave. It’s only going to get worse.
NTA.
NTA
I dated a girl for 3 years and about 6 months in, her ex boyfriend died suddenly in his late 20s. I knew his family because it’s a smaller community in our city. I took it upon myself to call my girlfriend to make sure she was doing okay.
I was secure in our relationship and being a regular human being because I loved her.
You need to safely get out OP
Your NTA but your bf is. He sounds immature, petty and insecure. After this I’m not sure why you would want to be with him. He sounds like he has zero capacity for empathy.
NTA but your controlling, insecure , jealous BF is.
A partner who tried to cut you off from your existing friends is bad news.
A partner who can;t grasp tht you would be upset when a log-standing friend is seriously injured is seriously lacking in empathy and compassion.
A partner who can’t handle the fact that you have had previous partners a insecure and immature.
The fact that your bf ‘doesn’t like’ you talking to other men is a massive red flag. That’s very controlling, and goes well beyond him being concerned about a spefic ex. Next thing you’ll find he’s trying to stop you hanging out with your female friends or policing where you go or what you wear in case there are other guys around.
I’m sorry about your friends’ injury but the real issue here is your abusive boyfriend. It sounds as though you and he don’t live together, which is good.
If you want to stay with him that’s your choice,. but consider sitting down with him, explaining that he needs to be able to accept that yo are a whole person and capacble of making your own choices, andthat while he can *ask* you to limit conrat with someone *wher there is a valid reason* , it’s not something that it is appropriate for him to demand nad tht his beavaviour is coming over as very controlling and inappropriate. If he is willing to reflect on his actions and work on his own insecurities and jealousy, fine. if not, walk away before you get in any deeper with this guy. The liklihood is that he won;t be prepared to acknowledge that his actions are not reasonable and won;t be interested in changing. He will probably try to make you think that you are at fault, or that by wanting him to trust you you’re somehow admitting that you want to cheat on him, becasue that’s the kind of ridiscukous crap this kind of insecure controlling AH tend to pull. Don’t fall for it.
In a healthy relationship, you trust your partner. He is making very clear that he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t respect you enough to believe that that you are capable of speaking with / spending time with other men without it being sexual, he doesn’t accept your own judgment about what friendships to maintain.
Ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust or respect you?
NTA at all! Obviously the most common reaction to someone who have been an important part of your life being shot is to be shocked, scared and therefore crying. No matter how much contact you have had while with your current boyfriend that’s a legitimate reaction.
Besides that it’s ridiculous of your boyfriend to force you to cut off contact with a childhood partner, of course he can be just a friend. And you should be allowed to have friends, which it sounds like you aren’t , and it also sounds like you know how messed up that is. I wouldn’t continue into adulthood with him by my side.
wow dude needs a reality check. like, who gets mad over that? yeesh.
Nta. Run away as fast as you can, that is not okay. I’ve cried to my fiancé about my ex that I’m friends with when they were in the hospital, and he held me and talked to me about it because that’s what you’re supposed to do when your partner is upset and hurting and needs you. That is what your bf should’ve done. You can do better and you deserve better.
Just break up. Having a partner you feel like you need to lie to is not worth it.
Should probably find out where the current bf was at the time of the shooting….
NTA. I implore you to break up with your current BF. I know you have feelings for him but he’s controlling and heartless and you ABSOLUTELY will be happy to be rid of him when things calm down. And I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
yep, 🚩 town. get outta there.
Oh, I am gonna be so downvoted for this…
You are both assholes with your boyfriend. He is an asshole for ignoring your emotions about losing someone who was very important to you. As a good boyfriend he should’ve been more supportive when he knew that your ex died (just a little bit).
On the other hand – you are an asshole too. Your boyfriend stated his boundaries when he told that he doesn’t like you talking to other boys, it might be selfish or controlling, but those are his boundaries – and you agreed with those , otherwise you would’ve dumped him for those boundaries. And, given that, you lie to him and talk to your ex under his back? This is a total redflag. To be honest, it is as bad as cheating – how would you feel, if you told your bf to stop talking and sleeping with his ex and instead of listening to you, he continued doing it behind your back? Wouldn’t be nice. It is the same here.
YTA, and your Bf is TA
U shouldnt be in a relationship if u cant resist the temptation of talking to ur past lover. Ur relationship is toxic from both sides. Ur bf is too controlling, and ur simply unfaithful. U should respect each others boundaries and they shouldve been implemented before yall had started dating.
Imo ur NTA and TA at the same time. Its human nature to care for people n thats why im saying ur partly not to blame, but talking to your EX behind your bf’s back is completely out of order.