I (22F) was estranged from my father for years before he died in January of last year. He cheated on my mom a number of years ago and became aggressive with me when I insulted his affair partner, who was someone we knew very well before the affair was exposed. I cut him off after that.
I don’t know the exact timeline but he and that woman had a child in the last five years, then broke up, then she got with another guy and had a kid for him and then there was a weird set up with her and my father where they lived together but I guess the youngest kid was pretty unwanted. This woman OD’d in 2023 and my father died after her. There was a big deal made about custody and my grandparents took my father’s bio daughter.
The case worker wanted both kids to be placed together and a relative of their mom’s was willing so my grandparents lost custody. But something happened and they ended up back with her. But the case worker said it wasn’t going to last apparently because they wanted both kids placed together. This is when they tried to involve me.
They said I had never met my “siblings” and I should get to know them and raise them. I refused. They argued that they were older and I was young and had the energy to raise kids. I said since both were “my siblings” then both were their grandchildren and grandparents made more sense to raise kids with all the experience and money they had compared to someone in their early 20s.
Eventually they were told it was a struggle to find a placement in family for both so they could keep their bio grandchild but they were encouraged repeatedly to take the other child and so they turned to me. They resent doing the sibling visits between both kids so they want me to take both and allow them to see their grandchild while I keep the other kid away from them.
I refused and said I want nothing to do with either kid and I was not playing games with kids lives. They should be cared for and wanted and I have neither of those things for either kid. My grandparents pushed me to change my mind and started all these guilt trips and I told them to fuck off with that and they need to deal with the requests to take the other kid or say bye bye to their grandchild because I was not raising those kids and I wasn’t even interested in meeting those kids or knowing them.
They said there was zero need to speak to them like that and I said they needed to forget my number. I blocked them after that.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. You’d just be miserable along with the two kids. Hopefully the kids can get placed together.. away from your grandparents.
You’re clearly NTA here. You’re only 22 yo. It’s a difficult situation but you’re too young to have to deal with this. I would gently suggest getting to know your sibling when you’re ready because they’re innocent in all this, however, if you’re not ready then don’t force it because they’re just a kid. They won’t understand. Also just wondering what the ages of the kids are? But definitely 100% NTA.
NTA
Your grandparents are very entitled to demand anyone to take custody of both kids so they can play grandparents to only one of them! You’re right in that what they want to do is “playing (minds) games” with those kids! And, you’re a stranger to both kids regardless of your relations to them!
“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
NTA. I love how elders push you to the point where fuck off is the only way to get them to stop but then they are shocked you’d speak that way. Good call cutting them out of your life that relationship has run its course. Also their plan is basically child abuse. You take 2 kids and we will treat them differently. That’s reason enough to say no because the other kid gonna need therapy to deal with that imbalance growing up. Your grandparents don’t exactly sound like decent upstanding people.
NTA
Your grandparents though….. How horrible to bitch about taking your grandchild to visit their sibling, after they’ve lost both parents. Your grandparents, in my honest opinion, are monsters. They don’t care about the well-being or the mental health of their grandchild. Selfish on a whole other level wanting you to adopt 2 children so they can ignore one of them. Gross.
Good for you standing up for yourself.
I hope the social workers find a place for those children to be together. Absolutely heartbreaking.