Hi Reddit | (16F) live with my single mom. For background almost a year ago my grandpa had to get his leg amputated because of gangrene. During his recovery, my mom was only one out of her siblings. (one brother and two sisters) who visited at him every day, who took off of work to take care of him, and handled everything. None of the others stepped up.
At one point while he was in the hospital, my grandpa’s hemoglobin levels dropped so low that he was at life or death. Instead of any of them going up there to see him or help my mom they basically texted my mom, “Keep us updated”. That made me really mad. I was already irritated because I was in virtual school. So I already don’t have that much interaction as it is, and on top of that my mom was barely home or too exhausted to spend time with me because she was constantly at the hospital.
On top of that at the time my grandpa’s dog was having separation anxiety from him we were going to take him in, but l have two cats and they were stressing each other out. So my mom begged my aunt (let’s call her Sarah) to take him. It’s not like she couldn’t. She already had two dogs, they all got along fine. She didn’t have to keep him forever only a short period of time. But the entire time she had him, she would always complain about the dog. And anytime we point out she doesn’t help. She just uses “well I took care of dad’s dog” as her excuse.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago my mom had injured her hand at work and she was going to have to get surgery done on it. She asked my aunt Sarah to help with my grandpa’s laundry since he can’t do it himself yet (he’s still recovering and he’s not supposed to driving, and is getting adjusted to his prosthetic still). When my mom called her, Aunt Sarah immediately start making up excuses. I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer and started yelling into the phone, calling her out and cussing at her. I said stuff along the lines of “you don’t have time to do grandpa’s laundry but you have time to smoke weed, go out on dates, go party hang out with your friends, go play volleyball, plus you work from home, but you can’t do his laundry while my mom has to get surgery.”
At some point, she eventually agreed to do the laundry “for two weeks only.” then a week or two went by and my mom called my grandpa. He said she still hasn’t picked it up. Aunt Sarah has even told me before that she doesn’t think she should help him at all because “he never did anything for her.” But she still borrows his car, so clearly he does do things for her. In the end, after my mom texted her angrily, she finally picked it up.
But I’m still mad because my mom is always the one carrying everything, and her siblings act selfish and ungrateful. Also my Aunt Sarah cried and played victim, Later, to my grandpa and he expected me to apologize to her which I refused.
So Reddit, AlTA for cussing out my aunt?
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Hi Reddit | (16F) live with my single mom. For background almost a year ago my grandpa had to get his leg amputated because of gangrene. During his recovery, my mom was only one out of her siblings. (one brother and two sisters) who visited at him every day, who took off of work to take care of him, and handled everything. None of the others stepped up.
At one point while he was in the hospital, my grandpa’s hemoglobin levels dropped so low that he was at life or death. Instead of any of them going up there to see him or help my mom they basically texted my mom, “Keep us updated”. That made me really mad. I was already irritated because I was in virtual school. So I already don’t have that much interaction as it is, and on top of that my mom was barely home or too exhausted to spend time with me because she was constantly at the hospital.
On top of that at the time my grandpa’s dog was having separation anxiety from him we were going to take him in, but l have two cats and they were stressing each other out. So my mom begged my aunt (let’s call her Sarah) to take him. It’s not like she couldn’t. She already had two dogs, they all got along fine. She didn’t have to keep him forever only a short period of time. But the entire time she had him, she would always complain about the dog. And anytime we point out she doesn’t help. She just uses “well I took care of dad’s dog” as her excuse.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago my mom had injured her hand at work and she was going to have to get surgery done on it. She asked my aunt Sarah to help with my grandpa’s laundry since he can’t do it himself yet (he’s still recovering and he’s not supposed to driving, and is getting adjusted to his prosthetic still). When my mom called her, Aunt Sarah immediately start making up excuses. I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer and started yelling into the phone, calling her out and cussing at her. I said stuff along the lines of “you don’t have time to do grandpa’s laundry but you have time to smoke weed, go out on dates, go party hang out with your friends, go play volleyball, plus you work from home, but you can’t do his laundry while my mom has to get surgery.”
At some point, she eventually agreed to do the laundry “for two weeks only.” then a week or two went by and my mom called my grandpa. He said she still hasn’t picked it up. Aunt Sarah has even told me before that she doesn’t think she should help him at all because “he never did anything for her.” But she still borrows his car, so clearly he does do things for her. In the end, after my mom texted her angrily, she finally picked it up.
But I’m still mad because my mom is always the one carrying everything, and her siblings act selfish and ungrateful. Also my Aunt Sarah cried and played victim, Later, to my grandpa and he expected me to apologize to her which I refused.
So Reddit, AlTA for cussing out my aunt?
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> What action I took was cussing out my aunt and Why that might make me an asshole could be I shouldn’t be cussing or it my have the been my place to say what I said.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and nothing to apologize for.
NTA. She deserved it. Can you do your grandpa’s laundry while your mom is recovering?
NTA!!! I would have done the same.
NTA. your mom is carrying everything alone you being upset at your aunt’s lack of help makes 100% sense.
NTA But not the best way to handle it. Cussing her out only made the situation worse in the long run. She needed the wake up call though so no, you shouldn’t apologize
INFO:
What is your aunt’s relationship with your grandfather like?
If they have a strained relationship or if your aunt went no-contact with him, if there’s some history there and aunt would rather not have anything to do with her father, then that’s her call. She’s not obligated to help the man just because they share DNA.
This would 100% be me if my sister called and said she needed help caring for one of our parents. My sister still has a relationship with them, which I would never begrudge her that, but I haven’t talked to them in over a decade. I have no relationship with them, and if one of them needed care after a major health event… that’s not my problem. I’d wish my sister well helping them, but I’m not obligated to help them or have a relationship with them again.
we don’t get to spend other peoples’ money or time.
sorry.
your mom should only do what she can and wants to do. i don’t assume there are great social services where you are or affordable help, but call in what you can for what you personally and your mom can’t handle because –
you cant just assign people things or create expectations for others. your aunt, if she had more clarity and backbone should have said no or done what she agreed to, but no.
yelling doesn’t help either. but, related, grandpa can tell you who to apologize to all he wants, but if you make amends with your aunt is none of his business either.
finally, curious why your uncle is exempt from care tasks. maybe he can do grandpa’s laundry.
ESH.
NTA for you but honestly the dynamic there is a big toxic play, like her aunt who does nothing can whine to your Opa and you have to apologize. Your mother doing everything without any thanks or recognition. Your mother not defending you. It’s not healthy, could you maybe ask your mother to go to therapy? There is a lot to unpack there and maybe setting some boundaries for your mother could help her for taking more time with you.
Why don’t you help then? You blame your aunt but you haven’t said a single thing you’ve helped with. Instead, you just complain your mom is doing it all.
And yes, taking care of the dog even with a bit of a push is helping.
I have no clue what your aunt and grandfather’s relationship is like, but considering even he told you to lay off I’m going off that your intersecting yourself into something you don’t have on the details on.
Also, why do you expect one aunt to contribute and not the other aunt or uncle?
Kid, don’t ever stop being this cool. NTA