My bf (23m) and I (23f) currently have guardianship of my little sister (16f). The reason we have guardianship is because my mother (44f) is abusive and got arrested for domestic violence against said little sister. Our father (44m) contributes $400 a month to “help” because he can’t be “inconvenienced” with taking care of a child.
To set the tone of the situation, over many years, I explained to my family that I was enduring the same abuse, and no one did anything about it. Because of this, I was determined to help my little sister the way I wish I could have been helped at her age.
Last year, (the first time she got removed from my mother’s care) my sister was placed with my aunt and uncle. There was strict instructions for there to be no contact between our mother and my sister.
Instead of upholding no contact, my aunt instead decided to go as far as inviting our mother TO HER HOUSE, encouraged phone calls, etc. Because of this, the case got thrown out, because my aunt essentially lied to DHS about the “progress” between my mother and sister.
Fast forward a few months. My aunt once again had my sister in her care (this time there was no law enforcement involved). The day of my little cousin’s birthday (my aunt’s granddaughter) my aunt decided not only to invite my mom to the party (AGAINST HER OWN DAUGHTER’S WISHES) but had my mother RIDE IN THE CAR WITH THEM. MY SISTER INCLUDED.
During the party, our mother LITERALLY chased us around Skyzone trying to antagonize us. This lit a fire under my ass, and on the way home my boyfriend and I filed multiple reports to DHS.
The result? WE HAVE “temporary” GUARDIANSHIP! (We’ve had her for 6 months and are guaranteed another 7)
During this process, there have been MANY court dates. All of which my aunt was supposed to attend, but she didn’t by playing the “I can’t make it because of my health” card. (She admitted herself this was a bs excuse to avoid court).
My mother’s tactics know no end, so she is a serial group chat harasser. Usually, I ignore these group chats, because I always get made out to be the villain in my family. Lately, however I’ve been on a journey of self growth. I know what you’re thinking… “why would you engage?”. Truth is, a lot of my pain over the years has been caused by me not using my voice. Part of my healing process has been telling people how they have hurt me and letting them go if necessary.
Back in November, we were invited to my OTHER little cousin’s birthday. (Once again: our mother was NOT invited). After driving TWO HOURS, we arrived at the party only to see that ONCE AGAIN our aunt had invited our mother meaning we couldn’t even attend the party due to the no contact order which she KNEW was in place.
This obviously upset my sister, boyfriend, and me because it was more than evident that she had “picked her side” so to speak. This resulted in me “going off” in the family group chat after my mother kept sending pictures of her at the party. (I’ll attach messages)
Recently, the group chats have started up again. I’ve essentially been no contact with everyone in them, because in my eyes silence is compliance. (It’s important to note that even though my aunt preaches “peace” she is my mother’s main enabler. )
So now I ask… am I the asshole for cutting off my toxic family members?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: My bf (23m) and I (23f) currently have guardianship of my little sister (16f). The reason we have guardianship is because my mother (44f) is abusive and got arrested for domestic violence against said little sister. Our father (44m) contributes $400 a month to “help” because he can’t be “inconvenienced” with taking care of a child.
To set the tone of the situation, over many years, I explained to my family that I was enduring the same abuse, and no one did anything about it. Because of this, I was determined to help my little sister the way I wish I could have been helped at her age.
Last year, (the first time she got removed from my mother’s care) my sister was placed with my aunt and uncle. There was strict instructions for there to be no contact between our mother and my sister.
Instead of upholding no contact, my aunt instead decided to go as far as inviting our mother TO HER HOUSE, encouraged phone calls, etc. Because of this, the case got thrown out, because my aunt essentially lied to DHS about the “progress” between my mother and sister.
Fast forward a few months. My aunt once again had my sister in her care (this time there was no law enforcement involved). The day of my little cousin’s birthday (my aunt’s granddaughter) my aunt decided not only to invite my mom to the party (AGAINST HER OWN DAUGHTER’S WISHES) but had my mother RIDE IN THE CAR WITH THEM. MY SISTER INCLUDED.
During the party, our mother LITERALLY chased us around Skyzone trying to antagonize us. This lit a fire under my ass, and on the way home my boyfriend and I filed multiple reports to DHS.
The result? WE HAVE “temporary” GUARDIANSHIP! (We’ve had her for 6 months and are guaranteed another 7)
During this process, there have been MANY court dates. All of which my aunt was supposed to attend, but she didn’t by playing the “I can’t make it because of my health” card. (She admitted herself this was a bs excuse to avoid court).
My mother’s tactics know no end, so she is a serial group chat harasser. Usually, I ignore these group chats, because I always get made out to be the villain in my family. Lately, however I’ve been on a journey of self growth. I know what you’re thinking… “why would you engage?”. Truth is, a lot of my pain over the years has been caused by me not using my voice. Part of my healing process has been telling people how they have hurt me and letting them go if necessary.
Back in November, we were invited to my OTHER little cousin’s birthday. (Once again: our mother was NOT invited). After driving TWO HOURS, we arrived at the party only to see that ONCE AGAIN our aunt had invited our mother meaning we couldn’t even attend the party due to the no contact order which she KNEW was in place.
This obviously upset my sister, boyfriend, and me because it was more than evident that she had “picked her side” so to speak. This resulted in me “going off” in the family group chat after my mother kept sending pictures of her at the party. (I’ll attach messages)
Recently, the group chats have started up again. I’ve essentially been no contact with everyone in them, because in my eyes silence is compliance. (It’s important to note that even though my aunt preaches “peace” she is my mother’s main enabler. )
So now I ask… am I the asshole for cutting off my toxic family members?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Nta
Nah, ditch anyone who uses “womp womp”
Please document your mom adding your sister to chats and ensure the social worker and court are aware! They’ll be interested to know if she isn’t following instructions.
Block them. Stop texting them. You’re only fueling their pettiness at the expense of you and your sister’s own peace and mental health. It’s clear both of them are toxic and only have their self interest in mind, not those of you or your sister. The fact your aunt won’t show up in court is so self-serving. They’re both blatantly ignoring the elephant in the room which is the fact that you have custody of your sister based on your mom’s abuse and your aunt’s blatant refusal to follow court orders, and yet are acting like YOU are the problem?! Ugh I’m so upset for you. thank you for advocating for her so hard. This has to be so difficult for the both of you but I’m sure she appreciates you having her back. I’m so sorry you have to both spend your youth being bigger adults than your parent and her sister. I hope you both find peace. Blocking them if at all legally possible is the way. Otherwise, no contact and mute their #s in your phone.
Just sent her infractions to the court snf never aee them again
Mute them on your phone and your sister’s and do not respond or engage any further. Don’t block them because you will want the messages they send for documentation. Nothing will change. Your mom is an abuser and your aunt is AT BEST an enabler if not emotionally abusive herself. You will never be able to fix these people. You will never be able to change them. You have to ignore them and move on with what is best for the minor in this situation who has no control over what’s going on. Continuing to engage will only feed the fire. Look up the term gray rocking. Get an attorney if you can. If you can’t, speak to your social worker about what legal aid may be available to you.
It’s not overreacting, you are complying with a court order.
What the fuck are you doing in a group chat with these assholes? Seriously. I barely enjoy group chats with people I like and you’re in there with your actually abusive mother and her facilitating sister. I get that using your voice may be part of the healing process, but constantly exposing yourself to people like this who casually throw out shit like calling that dude an illegal? There has to be a point where this sort of shit is more harmful than helpful in your healing journey or whatever the fuck you want to call it. For me that point would be well behind me, considering what you’ve said about them and their behavior.
Fucking talk to them through the courts and if they don’t make their hearings they can be held in fucking contempt. There’s literally no need to be running logistics / family trauma through a text chain.
From a guy with normal amazing parents, cut these chucklefucks loose. They’re trading on your apparently infinite goodwill and you are continuing to allow them to do so. My parents raised me such that I have the self esteem necessary to tell them to fuck right off and die if they ever tried to treat me like you’ve been treated.
NOR – You have a great reason to go NC. Mute them in your phone so you can gather the evidence. But stop responding. Stop showing up at events. Go live your best life without them.
>Do you want to know what is actually illegal? you.
>Puerto Rico is a US territory… yeah… goodnight.
OMG
(you also left your sister’s name in the previous screenshot(#6))
NTA. You seem like a really good big sis and I’m glad your little sis has you there protecting her and backing her up.
It doesn’t seem like the rest of your family can be trusted to have you or your sisters best interests in mind. Don’t let them stray you from your path.
See if you can extend the restraining order to include your aunt
You haven’t blocked all of the names you wanted to OP please check your slides.
UpdateMe! I’m glad your sister has you to protect her. Mute the people in the group chat but don’t block them, if they’re just muted you will still be able to see all the messages they’re sending and you may need those. I hope everything works out well for you and your sister and I hope that soon you’ll be able to block and cut the toxic family from your life.
You are the furthest thing from an AH and I’m deeply sorry for what you’ve endured as a child and that nobody listened to you or came to help you.
I don’t know you but I am proud of you for being the hero your little sister needs and your boyfriend is also an incredible partner to be supporting you both this way.
Wishing you strength and hope you find peace so that you and your sister can heal. ✨❤️