I (18F) made an agreement with my older sister (23F) earlier this year. She told me that if I put everything I had into my exams, as in truly gave it my best and worked hard, then she would help me financially with a big chunk of my university fees. It wasn’t a random promise either. She knew how stressed I was and offered it as motivation. I took it seriously and held onto it like a lifeline.
So I threw myself into studying. I skipped meals, lost sleep, took extra tutoring sessions, and basically cut out everything else in my life just to focus. The whole time, I kept telling myself that it would all be worth it because she had my back.
After my exams, I found it weird that she didn’t bring it up at all. She never asked how they went or talked about anything financial. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful or pressure her, so I waited. Months passed.
Then just recently, I asked her about it. She told me that she wasn’t going to help anymore, and not only that, but she had already decided this back in June while I was still doing my exams. She didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to “lose my motivation.”
I feel absolutely crushed. I trusted her completely. I did all of this partly for myself, but a huge part of me pushed through because I believed she’d be there at the end of it. She let me believe in something that wasn’t real and then pulled the rug out from under me.
Now I don’t even want to talk to her. I’m too hurt. I don’t want to be around my family either because they think I’m overreacting and that I should just “move on.” But university is insanely expensive and I genuinely don’t know if I’ll be able to go now.
So AITA for not wanting anything to do with her after this?
Comments
YTA. I mean, you have every reason to be disappointed and never trust her again. But this is hardly reason to never speak to her again.
Nta, I couldn’t even imagine if my sister did that to me
If this is real, NTA. You were extra motivated because you thought you had your sister’s financial support. I bet if this happened the other way around, your family would still be on her side if they think you are “overreacting”.
But i really doubt this is a real story. However, if you are in the US, look into FAFSA and Tap. Fastweb also has a lot of scholarships.
I would hope that you realize that doing your best on your exams should be a given. I know it’s hard and requires sacrifice, hard work and dedication. But the work you put in will be for your benefit. Your sister should not have made the promise of help if she had no intention of helping you out. I would take this as a lesson learned and not depend on her in the future. Her true character came to light but at the end of the day she is still your sister.
NTA. Stop talking to her – if she asks, say you don’t interact with people who don’t keep their promises.
NTA, your sister had the option to shut up but decided to speak and now it’s reasonable of you to expect her to be accountable to her own words.
Yeah, you will just move on when she just pays for the uni. NTA.
Nta. Keep no contact. Did she even apologize?
Updateme
Tell the family she lied to you aboit something major. You dont move on and real family dont lie like that. And as she did it she doesn’t see you as family so you are returning the same energy. Being the bugger person helps everyone but the victim and you are the victim here..
NTA. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your sister lied to and manipulated you. She can claim it was for your benefit, but regardless, it was a cruel joke.
YES TA Not sure why you needed outside motivation to do your best possible in school. Grow up
You should have given 100 % regardless…..but your sister is not a nice person.
Where there’s a will , there’s way….good luck
YTA you have to study for yourself, not expect others to come save you. You are an adult now, welcome to the real world! Where many people will disappoint you, just try your best to not become your biggest disappointment… 😉
You are only as good as your word. I guess your sister is just no good.
NTA What excuse did she give? Did she even give one?
NTA for being upset. I am guessing you are not from the US. But if you are in the US. Suggest you start with community college. Can significantly decrease the cost.
Your family and relatives are going to tell you that you are acting entitled and that your sister doesn’t owe you help. She doesn’t, but that isn’t the issue. The issue is that someone you trusted lied to you and manipulated you.
You don’t have to stay no contact, but treat her as an acquaintance, not a sister. Be polite, but impersonal. Never ask her for help, never share your thoughts and secrets with her, maintain your distance. If you are ever asked why, simply say, I understand now that trusting her was my fault, I will never make that mistake again. Close relationships require trust, and she has lost mine, I doubt she will get it back. She feels justified in what she did, and that is her right, but from my perspective, she is not someone who I can rely on, so it is best I just keep my distance and rely only on myself.
You’d only be the asshole if you continued to have a relationship with her. She lied… she knew from the get-go she wasn’t going to help you… it was a lie created so you’d do well and maybe earn some scholarships.. They lied cheated and deceived you. Do NOT bow to pressure from your family… this was more than a lie , they deliberately deceived you, all of them. Im sure your parents knew in advance. They just went along with it knowing it would push you to do your best. All it did was deny you the last of your highschool joy, a time you’ll never get back… and now you may not get to go anyway. This was a purposeful act… Shes destroyed your relationship and now they are banking on your forgiveness and that you’ll “move on” eventually. HOLD YOUR GROUND. If you dont make sure this act of betrayal is punished they will ALWAYS lie to you when convenient. Don’t speak with her… and be low contact with your parents.. short answers …and dont hang out with them like you normally do. This was such a huge betrayal… dont forgive it.
INFO. How were you planning to pay these fees if she didn’t offer.
NTA, this is a hill to die for and don’t listen the sh*tty people both here and in your real life that tell you “its not a big deal” or “be the bigger person”, fck them
Not sure why all these academic purists are calling you the AH. If you think something unreachable is possible through the help of someone else, you go for it. You could have gotten a job, figured out alternatives to normal university, etc. she lied to you. Of course you’re hurt and disappointed. NTA.
NTA – Your sister is an AH. I’d cut her out of my life too if I were you.
NTA she misled you. That really hurt. For the family that says otherwise, ask them are they stepping up since she clearly is an untrustworthy source? If not tell them, they are NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL
NTA. This is a suing offense. What you need to do is get text messages of her saying she promised you financial help for university. Gather as much as you can.
NTA, that’s really shitty of her.
NTA for the disappointment. YWBTA to end your entire relationship over a promised GIFT. A really EXPENSIVE, almost nobody can afford to do, GIFT. Did her circumstances change?
Even if her circumstance didn’t change, ending an entire relationship over it seems extreme. Maybe you view her differently now, but at the end of the day, she’s human and prone to human error.
Have a discussion about how it made you feel and maybe even talk about how it made you lose trust in her. Take time apart to marinate, but don’t let it consume you and dont let it completely end a relationship if this is her biggest mistake/mis-judgement throughout your relationship.