(I (29f) should preface by saying I have bad PP anxiety, I’m trying not to overthink here.)
My sister (18f) is very self-centered, narcissistic, and heavy on the victim-mentality (nothing is her fault ever, it’s always someone else). If the spotlight isn’t on her, if things aren’t benefiting her, she doesn’t get her way… she will do WHATEVER to make sure it is.
(Peak example: I was pregnant in June, my water broke at 33 weeks.. I texted my family (I have 3 other siblings, 4 total) and 2 hours later my younger sister texts that she’s in the ER because “she felt like she was having a heart attack.”.. doctors conclusion was that she’s overweight, and had too much caffeine that morning…) — repeat similarly for EVERYTHING. I have distanced her a lot over the past 3 or so years…
Everyone knows my husband and I are very private. We hardly interact on social media. No photos are ever shared online, only a few pics via text messages to immediate family.
My life feels like a reality TV show since this next event and I’m ready for someone to pop out and go “its a prank” but that has yet to happen..
Monday night, I was on Instagram.. A “follow suggestion” came up of my younger sisters online handle…. just slightly different. Think Katie, but then respelled to Kayte type thing.. and it was a very not-common name.. so it was very obviously my sister.. I clicked the profile.. she has photos of my daughter posted… with captions like “I’m so in love”, “You’re my everything” and “girl mom!” “look at her new onesie!”. It’s photos I’ve sent the family group chat… every single one. Even the ones of my husband and daughter with “I love you” captions AND our hospital birth family photo where she’s cropped my face out. The profile had a couple hundred followers, and not a single one was anyone I knew.
I immediately told my husband, who called my dad as I was in the bathroom hurling my nerves into the toilet. Dad forced sister to take the whole profile down. My husband wants to press charges. I haven’t been able to eat or hardly sleep worried that there’s more profiles, worried that I was too comfortable and my daughter is going to get kidnapped (I know this is my anxiety here). Worried my sister is going to show up at my door and murder us.
In my mania, I texted my sister and said I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She would NEVER have a relationship with my daughter, and she was NEVER allowed at our home again. I’ve changed all the passwords to shared streaming services out of fear (again, anxiety, I know this), and I’ve made an emergency appointment with my therapist. I have completely severed any and ALL ties.
Now, my Dad is asking me to reconsider to maintain order in the family. Keep things amicable. Only see her on holidays, keep her out of chats, don’t interact unless we have too. That she was just “going through something” and I was overreacting because the profile is deleted, she learned her lesson and apologized (not to me, to Dad because I blocked her).. AITA for still wanting a complete burnt bridge??? AITA for still thinking about filing charges????
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Reminder not to downvote assholes | This is simply a copy of the original text, it is not a sign you did anything wrong |
Original copy of post’s text by /u/ThrowAccountAway1000: (I (29f) should preface by saying I have bad PP anxiety, I’m trying not to overthink here.)
My sister (18f) is very self-centered, narcissistic, and heavy on the victim-mentality (nothing is her fault ever, it’s always someone else). If the spotlight isn’t on her, if things aren’t benefiting her, she doesn’t get her way… she will do WHATEVER to make sure it is.
(Peak example: I was pregnant in June, my water broke at 33 weeks.. I texted my family (I have 3 other siblings, 4 total) and 2 hours later my younger sister texts that she’s in the ER because “she felt like she was having a heart attack.”.. doctors conclusion was that she’s overweight, and had too much caffeine that morning…) — repeat similarly for EVERYTHING. I have distanced her a lot over the past 3 or so years…
Everyone knows my husband and I are very private. We hardly interact on social media. No photos are ever shared online, only a few pics via text messages to immediate family.
My life feels like a reality TV show since this next event and I’m ready for someone to pop out and go “its a prank” but that has yet to happen..
Monday night, I was on Instagram.. A “follow suggestion” came up of my younger sisters online handle…. just slightly different. Think Katie, but then respelled to Kayte type thing.. and it was a very not-common name.. so it was very obviously my sister.. I clicked the profile.. she has photos of my daughter posted… with captions like “I’m so in love”, “You’re my everything” and “girl mom!” “look at her new onesie!”. It’s photos I’ve sent the family group chat… every single one. Even the ones of my husband and daughter with “I love you” captions AND our hospital birth family photo where she’s cropped my face out. The profile had a couple hundred followers, and not a single one was anyone I knew.
I immediately told my husband, who called my dad as I was in the bathroom hurling my nerves into the toilet. Dad forced sister to take the whole profile down. My husband wants to press charges. I haven’t been able to eat or hardly sleep worried that there’s more profiles, worried that I was too comfortable and my daughter is going to get kidnapped (I know this is my anxiety here). Worried my sister is going to show up at my door and murder us.
In my mania, I texted my sister and said I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She would NEVER have a relationship with my daughter, and she was NEVER allowed at our home again. I’ve changed all the passwords to shared streaming services out of fear (again, anxiety, I know this), and I’ve made an emergency appointment with my therapist. I have completely severed any and ALL ties.
Now, my Dad is asking me to reconsider to maintain order in the family. Keep things amicable. Only see her on holidays, keep her out of chats, don’t interact unless we have too. That she was just “going through something” and I was overreacting because the profile is deleted, she learned her lesson and apologized (not to me, to Dad because I blocked her).. AITA for still wanting a complete burnt bridge??? AITA for still thinking about filing charges????
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NTA only talk to her if she changes a lot!
Nta burn the bridge but keep a float in case she changes as 18 is young. But from what you have said she seems pretty rotten and spoilt (overweight as well) and as a younger person her social media antics just make me cringe and wonder what the hell is wrong with some of my generation.
So for now burn that bridge life is stressful enough without having to deal with unnecessary bs. Protect your peace as much as possible
I’d set this decision and thoughts about it to the side until you are in a better head space. It sounds like you are taking steps to do that. What she did was definitely horrifying and your sister seems damaged in the head. Enjoy that new beautiful baby. I am not saying you can’t/shouldn’t decide to block her out and you definitely shouldn’t unblock her now, if ever. You certainly don’t need her in your home. She has shown she is untrustworthy.
As far as charges, I don’t know how that would work. And I suspect your parents would have to pay for her legal assistance if she was charged which would throw a bigger wrench in everything.
Again, congratulations on your baby!
No no no. You need to keep this woman away from your child.
I hate to feed into your anxiety but I would look into moving. She sounds unhinged and we don’t know what information she’s given to those people following that account.
She could have posted stories with her name and address and you would never know.
Protecting your daughter is the most important thing even if it makes you look paranoid.
If I were in your position, I would move and not give anyone the address. Your parents have shown they can’t be trusted either.
I’m so sorry this is happening but you’re doing the right thing by being paranoid. At this point you have no idea how deep this goes or why she did it or anything else.
But please consider moving. You don’t know the people following that account and you don’t know what interaction your sister had with them.
Not only should she never be around your family again, you need to go LC with your parents. No one should know your address for the forseeable future. If she was doing this, she was probably doing more and your address is likely to be compromised. Move and don’t tell anyone where you moved.
Please be extra careful and don’t just assume it’s over. Make a plan with your husband and get started.
NTA
I’d go fully momma bear too, it may be anxiety but I’ll never blame a mom for protecting her kid.
You did right and if you feel like you wanna stick to your guns, stick to em. Don’t even consider forgiving her unless she genuinely changes and shows remorseful behaviour.
Saying sorry isn’t enough when the safety of your child is out there. And additionally so many social media platforms are flooded with paedophiles since trump took office and social media company’s let you post and comment whatever nowadays
The amount of pedos I find when just scrolling is insane; even on videos where it’s kids doing cute wholesome shit, the comments are just vile
File charges for what? It is not illegal to post pictures of your niece. I would go extremely low contact and only be civil on holidays. Keep her blocked. I do think you are overreacting. Your sister is still a teenager… teenagers do stupid things… their brains are not fully formed yet. Get a cheap ring cam for your home. See your therapist.
Filing charges for what? Yes you’re overreacting by trying to get the police involved for your sister being weird.
She’s weird and I’m glad she deleted it. That doesn’t mean she needs to go to jail ffs
Breathe, don’t make any decisions you can’t undo right now, breathe some more, and talk it over with your husband and therapist for a little while. This feels hideous, and it is, but it’s not an emergency. It’s over. The account is nuked. That’s the most important thing, and it’s been done.
she was pretending to be your daughter’s mother? she sounds unbalanced.
NTA
I’m glad you are seeking support for your anxiety. It’s not entirely down to being a new mum, though. Your sister is unhinged, and it’s not on you at this vulnerable time of your life to placate your family by having contact. I would be apoplectic, I don’t post my kids online because the dangers are very real, and the rare occasion I have, it’s private and only for select people. It’s not for anyone else to post, especially without permission!
I hope your family backs off trying to talk you into contact. You don’t need this right now.
NTA. You are doing what is best for your family it just happens to conflict with your extended family. Plus if you back down it shows your sister your words have no meaning and can be challenged. Keep the NC in place because that is in the best interest for your daughter and do you really want a person like your sister being able to have influence over your daughter? Sister doesn’t exactly have the qualities you want a child to mimic.
NTA for immediately blocking sister and restricting her from your and your daughter’s lives because that was a huge invasion of privacy. However it is good you have made an appointment with a therapist. There is nothing you have said that indicates your sister did anything beyond being a self centred immature teenager. It’s your choice to go no contact if you wish. I think that’s overkill especially since you can restrict her from posting images of your family plus she immediately took down the page. But what we think is irrelevant, what’s important is ensuring you feel safe and hopefully your therapist can help you determine what that looks like for you and your family.
NTA! Maintain order in the family? Perhaps he needs to maintain HIS daughter. I’d be completely NC with her until she got psychiatric help.
She pretended your child was hers. That’s some seriously F’d up behavior. You don’t know what she was planning.
I’m not sure what charges you could file, but you could talk to the police and a lawyer about getting a restraining order.
Tell your dad that you have your own family now and “family” holidays will be held at your house with your family, not them. If, IF you want you can set a date for your parents and other extended family to visit minus your sister, only if you want and only if you trust they won’t show up with her anyway.
NTA she’s being enabled af by your dad
NTA and I know this is AITA but also NOR!
This is beyond inappropriate and huge breach of trust. It was your decision to keep your daughter’s pictures between family and it needs to be respected (anxiety or not). She only apologized because she got caught, not because she knows it was wrong. That compiled with her history of inappropriate behavior where she misses the part where what she is doing is wrong on multiple occasions…
She’s not some little kid anymore, she should know better. She can’t keep crossing boundaries and I don’t blame you for not giving her the opportunity.
I wouldn’t press charges though, the profile is down and charging her won’t change the fact she has already done it. The blacklisting her is enough punishment.
Your sister is envious of you and your life. Yeah what she did is a weird/sad craving for attention but this catastrophy is something you are playing up in your head.
Talk to your therapist and keep contact low.
NTA I agree it’s weird to post your baby without letting you know especially if your super private,,,cropping you out is also crazy
but I’ve done this with my baby cousins where I took pictures of us together and posted it on my priv story because they are like my babies! Comes from a place of love
If she triggers this level of anxiety, you cannot allow her into your life. Period. You deserve to feel safe, and you will not feel safe around her ever again. Her behaviour was bizarre if not outright psychotic, and some things are unforgivable. This is one of them.
I agree with your husband, criminal charges are warranted here.
NTA. She not only violated your privacy but also your baby daughter’s and potentially put her face out there for the internet, forever. She could’ve called or reached out to apologize to you in person (unless she lives halfway across the globe). The creep factor goes up tenfold when she’s captioning photos like it’s HER daughter. At best, she’s severely unwell and too emotionally immature to be around you and your family without getting serious professional help. At worst, she’s a psychotic, delusional narcissist who is best kept out of your life. Fsck “maintaining order in the family.” Sister dearest blew up that bridge when she went behind your back and made a FAKE FAMILY WITH YOUR INFANT CHILD.
NTA. At some point there’s going to have to be consequences for her actions and deleting the profile is hardly a consequence. Your dad’s solution does sound pretty fair as long as huge boundaries are maintained if you do have crossover during holidays, but he’s also still making excuses for her behavior, which is very disingenuous. You and your husband are the sole decision makers with how to proceed and the actions you’ve taken so far have been reasonable. You don’t have to make an immediate decision on what to do in the future about this, you can take some time to breathe and decide. Thanksgiving and Christmas aren’t for a few months and even when those roll around you don’t have to have made a permanent decision on your sister.
Uh, no. This girl lied on social media saying she was married to your husband and had your daughter. WTF?! Stay away from that crazy girl and tell your dad SHE NEEDS HELP!