My girlfriend’s sister wants to come visit us at our apartment in the city. The problem is she wants to bring her POS boyfriend. We have to play nice with him while we visit her parents house for her sister, but I don’t have to do that under my own roof. I won’t have him here and I won’t be nice to him at all. I told my girlfriend he’s not welcome here. She agrees he’s a jackass, but she wants me to “be nice” and doesn’t want to hurt her sister’s feelings. I don’t like him and I don’t like the way he treats her.
Little context: They have an extremely toxic relationship. They have been off and on for almost 3 years now. At the beginning of their relationship, he was insecure and made her cut off all of her male friends because he had “trust issues” and even after she did that he still didn’t trust her and threatened to post nude photos of her and put them on the roof of her dads car. Extremely fucked up. Then they got back together?? and it seems like everyone has just forgotten that he did that. But more recently, he decided to break up with her to hookup with another girl but not before asking her if he could still be with her while sleeping with the other girl. Like what the actual fuck? So he did that. Played with her feelings for 3 months then decided he had enough of the other girl and came back. She forgave him. Moved on. Everybody just forgot it happened, again. Then, a few months later. She caught him in New Hampshire at his family’s cabin with that same girl, alone. And he lied about it to her. Said he was going to this concert thing alone, but he was actually bringing her.
Completely lied about it and only admitted it when he was caught red handed after she drove to the cabin in the middle of the night because she had a hunch. And thank god she did because If she didn’t catch him, he probably would have lied more. And now, they are back together. Like nothing happened. And the most annoying part is that everyone and her family still allows him to hangout, still buys him gifts for Christmas and his birthday. Still hugs him and treats him like family. Like what the actual fuck? They are good people. They have good hearts. It’s not their fault and I know they are just doing it for the sister but I don’t have to do that. And I’m not as nice as they are.
So that’s my reason. And of course, she wants to bring him when she visits because they are stapled to each other. I won’t fake nice with him in my own apartment. Not in my casa. Our homes are the one place we get to have peace and privacy away from the rest of the world. As my mother always said “my house, my rules” and I don’t let people I don’t like into my house. I’m not about to feel uncomfortable and fake a smile with this guy in my own house. No way. I feel like this is pretty self explanatory?
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My girlfriend’s sister wants to come visit us at our apartment in the city. The problem is she wants to bring her POS boyfriend. We have to play nice with him while we visit her parents house for her sister, but I don’t have to do that under my own roof. I won’t have him here and I won’t be nice to him at all. I told my girlfriend he’s not welcome here. Her sister is, but not her boyfriend. I don’t like him and I don’t like the way he treats her.
Little context: They have an extremely toxic relationship. They have been off and on for almost 3 years now. At the beginning of their relationship, he was insecure and made her cut off all of her male friends because he had “trust issues” and even after she did that he still didn’t trust her and threatened to post nude photos of her and put them on the roof of her dads car. Extremely fucked up. Then they got back together?? and it seems like everyone has just forgotten that he did that. But more recently, he decided to break up with her to have sex with another girl but not before asking her if he could still be with her while sleeping with the other girl. Like what the actual fuck? So he did that. Played with her feelings for 3 months then decided he had enough of the other girl and came back. She forgave him. Moved on. Everybody just forgot it happened, again. Then, a few months later. She caught him in New Hampshire at his family’s cabin with that same girl, alone. And he lied about it to her. Said he was going to this concert thing alone, but he was actually bringing her.
Completely lied about it and only admitted it when he was caught red handed after she drove to the cabin in the middle of the night because she had a hunch. And thank god she did because If she didn’t catch him, he probably would have lied more. And now, they are back together. Like nothing happened. And the most annoying part is that everyone and her family still allows him to hangout, still buys him gifts for Christmas and his birthday. Still hugs him and treats him like family. Like what the actual fuck? They are good people. They have good hearts. It’s not their fault and I know they are just doing it for the sister but I don’t have to do that. And I’m not as nice as they are.
So that’s my reason. And of course, she wants to bring him when she visits because they are stapled to each other. I won’t fake nice with him in my own apartment. Not in my casa. Our homes are the one place we get to have peace and privacy away from the rest of the world. As my mother always said “my house, my rules” and I don’t let people I don’t like into my house. I’m not about to feel uncomfortable and fake a smile with this guy in my own house. No way. I feel like this is pretty self explanatory?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I don’t want to hurt my girlfriend’s sisters feelings and make things awkward. But I feel a moral obligation to not like him.
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“my house, my rules” Then why are you bothering to ask us? NTA
I’m going to go with NTA on this one. My former BIL’s wife and I disagreed on a few things, including who could discipline my children. She was NOT one of the 4 people that I trusted to discipline my kids properly (she would use physical means in order to correct them, and had done so a number of times and always when I wasn’t there) I would put up with her presence in my MIL’s house, but I informed my husband, in no uncertain terms, that she was never allowed to cross my threshold and he backed me up. I got along great with my BIL, and he understood my reasoning. He never brought her over, only their kids.
NTA I think people who choose these problematic partners need to stop expecting other people to subject themselves to all that. If she’s ultimately more ok than not with all that toxicity, that’s on her and it doesn’t mean you have to welcome him into your home. You can just see her elsewhere as you have been.
NTA, and i would go further, quit playing nice all together, whether he is in your city or you in his. His behavior is unacceptable and needs to be called out at every instance.
NTA, I wouldn’t want him in my home either. But let me give you a little perspective on why her family seems complacent here. They are likely keeping her options open for when she finally decides to actually leave him. If she gets cut off from family now, it will make it easier for him to manipulate and isolate her, which will keep her in this trap of a relationship for longer. It’s not a pleasant choice to make, but I guarantee, her family continuing to “welcome” him is a ploy so that she is not taken 100% from them and still has some sort of escape plan. Even if you don’t allow the boyfriend into your home, which is totally your right, keep every line of communication open with the sister and see them out in public or at your parents’ home whenever you are able to keep your composure around him. One day, hopefully soon, she will leave him, and she will know that you, your girlfriend, and her parents are safe to run to.
NTA you’re a real one. Not tolerating this shit is how it stops a lot earlier than it would otherwise.
NTAH – Why even allow the sister at your house, she’s the one with no morals taking him back. Why is the bf getting all the blame, its the sister allowing him in everyone’s lives. Screw her too.
NTA. But your sister in law is an adult, and is allowed to make her own decisions, even if they’re terrible. You don’t have to like the guy, but as long as they’re together, you do have to accept that he’s “a part of the family”.
Your biggest issue here is with your girlfriend. It’s not just your house, it’s her house too. I’m not saying either one of you is wrong, but you both have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on.
I think you have already figured it out lad. And I fully agree with you. Your house your rule.
INFO: How do you and your GF decide about things regarding your SHARED apartment? Can she ban your friends from the apartment if she doesn’t like them?
As you said, “your house, your rules.” However, you referred to “our apartment.” So if your GF wants to let her sister and sister’s BF visit, why do you alone get to decide?
I understand not “normalizing” this AH’s behavior by acting like it’s alright. But I also understand supporting the sister and inviting her in VS. cutting her off. If your GF cuts off her sister, then the sister is MORE isolated with this creep. Her self-esteem would suffer, and she may feel more stuck.
BOTTOM LINE: NTA for calling him out on his shit. But you need to agree with your GF about who may visit your apartment.
NTA. And honestly we need more men like you in this world. Thank you for stepping up.
NTA. Your right, your house, your rules!
NTA. I feel so bad for the little sister cause it sounds like you’re the only one who actually cares about her.
NTA and stop playing nice no matter where you are this prick doesn’t deserve it and get your girlfriend to see the light. Her sister needs help and to break away from what is clearly an abusive relationship.
NTA. I’m never going to understand trying to keep the peace in situations like this. If I don’t like someone then I’m not gonna be around you. If they ask why then I’ll tell them.
NTA.