So, I’m traveling to some countries in Europe with my 14-year-old son, and this is his first time here. It’s a big, expensive trip for me because we live 16hrs flight time away from Europe. Since I am in Europe, I decided to get a flight and visit my aunt because I lived with her for two years when I was 15. I stayed at her place out of respect, even though I could’ve gotten a hotel nearby. Originally I was supposed to be there for 3 nights.
After night one, I realized her house rules are still the same, and honestly, they’re a bit too much for me. It has always been too strict but now that my son is here I feel bad it doesn’t feel like holiday for him. Some of her house rules are like not letting me buy a small table fan for the bedroom (it’s summer and super hot, no AC);
She also forbid me to open the window at night due to it might be being too cold for me (it didn’t);
When I locked the door to the bedroom she ordered me not to do that and said that there is no thieves in the area (“unlike where I came from, an Asian country” this was her words;
My son and I also have to wipe the bathroom tiles on the side of the shower after showering;
Hang the towels in a correct way (if I do it wrong she flips out);
We have to dry ourself inside the shower and not outside the shower;
Only open the window to the bathroom at certain times;
I can’t turn on the bedside light at night even though my son doesn’t usually sleep in darkness;
Make the bed before we go out even just to the store nearby to buy some food.
I find all this uncomfortable, but I was trying to be respectful.
Today, she took me to my old school. Near the school, she went into a shop to try on some trousers (which was fine by me), and my son and I got bored, so we stepped outside to get some air and to sit down (we were tired from our previous walks on our Europe trip + jet lagged).
About 15 mins later, she comes out and tells me I should have told her when I left, because I’m “the child” (I’m 37F) and she’s the adult, and I should have more respect. She also said that I need to set a good example for my son. On the way to the school, she mentioned something about me needing to teach my son our native language (he’s in an international school and thus he does not speak our native language) also to always cook for him instead of getting takeouts, when she knows full well that I’m a defense attorney and not a domestic housewife.
That was the last straw for me. I told her I was just outside, and she could see me from the window. I decided I didn’t want to stay another night since I wasn’t comfortable and didn’t want to be judged on a holiday. I always pride myself as being a good single Mom but her words makes me feel inadept. I also cancelled our schedule to meet her younger brother because I didn’t know him at all and mentally I was just over the whole situation.
She seemed hurt, but I feel like I was just standing up for myself.
AITA for leaving and not staying another night?
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So, I’m traveling to some countries in Europe with my 14-year-old son, and this is his first time here. It’s a big, expensive trip for me because we live 16hrs flight time away from Europe. Since I am in Europe, I decided to get a flight and visit my aunt because I lived with her for two years when I was 15. I stayed at her place out of respect, even though I could’ve gotten a hotel nearby. Originally I was supposed to be there for 3 nights.
After night one, I realized her house rules are still the same, and honestly, they’re a bit too much for me. It has always been too strict but now that my son is here I feel bad it doesn’t feel like holiday for him. Some of her house rules are like not letting me buy a small table fan for the bedroom (it’s summer and super hot, no AC);
She also forbid me to open the window at night due to it might be being too cold for me (it didn’t);
When I locked the door to the bedroom she ordered me not to do that and said that there is no thieves in the area (“unlike where I came from, an Asian country” this was her words;
My son and I also have to wipe the bathroom tiles on the side of the shower after showering;
Hang the towels in a correct way (if I do it wrong she flips out);
We have to dry ourself inside the shower and not outside the shower;
Only open the window to the bathroom at certain times;
I can’t turn on the bedside light at night even though my son doesn’t usually sleep in darkness;
Make the bed before we go out even just to the store nearby to buy some food.
I find all this uncomfortable, but I was trying to be respectful.
Today, she took me to my old school. Near the school, she went into a shop to try on some trousers (which was fine by me), and my son and I got bored, so we stepped outside to get some air and to sit down (we were tired from our previous walks on our Europe trip + jet lagged).
About 15 mins later, she comes out and tells me I should have told her when I left, because I’m “the child” (I’m 37F) and she’s the adult, and I should have more respect. She also said that I need to set a good example for my son. On the way to the school, she mentioned something about me needing to teach my son our native language (he’s in an international school and thus he does not speak our native language) also to always cook for him instead of getting takeouts, when she knows full well that I’m a defense attorney and not a domestic housewife.
That was the last straw for me. I told her I was just outside, and she could see me from the window. I decided I didn’t want to stay another night since I wasn’t comfortable and didn’t want to be judged on a holiday. I always pride myself as being a good single Mom but her words makes me feel inadept. I also cancelled our schedule to meet her younger brother because I didn’t know him at all and mentally I was just over the whole situation.
She seemed hurt, but I feel like I was just standing up for myself.
AITA for leaving and not staying another night?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I decided not to stay at my aunt’s house another night after she criticized me for going outside without telling her and for expecting me to follow her house rules, which I found very strict and uncomfortable. I understand that I was a guest, but I felt she was unfairly judging me and treating me like a child, which upset me. I left because I didn’t want to be in an environment where I felt disrespected and uncomfortable, but I worry that leaving might have hurt her feelings or made her see me as ungrateful.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Respect is a two-way street. Yes, as a guest you should treat the host and their home with respect- but as a host, you should treat your guests with hospitality and not like children.
NTA. Her house – her rules.
If she wants people to stay in her house, she must set her rules accordingly.
She has no right to complain about people refusing to stay in her house due to her rules.
NTA you are an adult. If you can afford to stay in a hotel you can stay in a hotel if you want to. You need no reasons.
NTA
> I stayed at her place out of respect
But I don’t get this at all.
Wouldn’t it be more respectful not to intrude on someone’s space?
NTA “we seem to be in your space too much, so I’ve booked us a hotel near by.”
NTA she sounds lonely and and not good company. Its your holiday and you want fun
NAH. Ho-hum family vacay drama
NTA, nothing wrong with leaving a situation that’s stressing you out like that.
NAH.
I’m not going to call your aunt an AH for wanting her house the way she wants it, or otherwise still being the same person she’s always been.
And you’re certainly not an AH for prioritizing your own enjoyment of your holiday. Life’s too short.
You gave it a try.
Just stay in a hotel. It will be a good thing for all involved. No need for additional drama. She clearly has issues with understanding hospitality.
Yta your whole family sounds rude and you sound like a bad parent. Your son is 14 and can’t sleep without a light on and that’s OK with you that he is so immature for his age. You can afford a hotel so quick sponging off your aunt if you think you are too important to respect her rules. Wow!
NTA maybe there’s a cultural thing going on here but she sounds extremely controlling, who wants to spend their vacation this way. Saying “you’re the child” to a grown-ass 37 year old woman (a mother of a teen herself!) is especially ridiculous.
NTA..she sounds like a control freak.