This just happened and I want other peoples opinion on whether I was wrong.
I (23F) live with my brother (29M) and his gf (31F). We split the rent 3 ways. We all work 4-5 days a week.
My brother’s girlfriend’s birthday was last Saturday and I wished her a happy birthday. The next day, she and my brother went on a trip for an about 4 days which I assumed was her birthday celebration.
Just now, my brother asked me if I was attending her birthday party tomorrow and I was kinda surprised because no one told me about the party.
I’m very tired from working and was planning to finally get my hair done tomorrow so I did not plan for any outing.
The whole thing feels too last minute to me, so I declined and he was kinda surprised.
Also, I don’t know any of their friends as I’m new to this place and it’s gonna be so awkward for me. I don’t want to put myself in that situation. I feel a bit guilty about it.
Edit: We live together so I don’t want things to be awkward. He’s gonna tell all my siblings and parents that I refused to go to his gfs party and they’ll start attacking me. He has a bad habit of turning things around and making everyone gang up against me.
This is not the first time he has made a last minute plan and dragged me along with them. They’re too spontaneous and it can be exhausting for me.
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This just happened and I want other peoples opinion on whether I was wrong.
I (23F) live with my brother (29M) and his gf (31F). We split the rent 3 ways. We all work 4-5 days a week.
My brother’s girlfriend’s birthday was last Saturday and I wished her a happy birthday. The next day, she and my brother went on a trip for an about 4 days which I assumed was her birthday celebration.
Just now, my brother asked me if I was attending her birthday party tomorrow and I was kinda surprised because no one told me about the party.
I’m very tired from working and was planning to finally get my hair done tomorrow so I did not plan for any outing.
The whole thing feels too last minute to me, so I declined and he was kinda surprised.
Also, I don’t know any of their friends as I’m new to this place and it’s gonna be so awkward for me. I don’t want to put myself in that situation. I feel a bit guilty about it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I’m TAH because it’s his girlfriend and I’m meant to be there because I’m his sister
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA for not attending a party you weren’t invited to. Even if invited, you can decline for any reason.
NTA, your brother should have told you about the party ahead of time rather than last minute. This is on him, not you, you’ve already made plans and you can decline the invitation for any reason.
NTA.
I think it’d be sweet to get her a little gift your brother can take to show you care, but I don’t think you have to go.
I’m also an introvert that struggles with last minute plans, so I get it.
….okay, and? What’s the issue here OP? You said he “acted surprised” but… that’s it? Did your brother get mad? Did his girlfriend feel offended? Are they acting funny towards you? What? I’m not sure what the problem here is, are you just a chronic over-thinker…?…
NTA they should have invited you when they put it together. You have other plans and I wouldn’t change them due to them not giving you time
I won’t say you’re the ahole but you live together and it’s your brother’s gf. I guess I would be disappointed you won’t make the effort. Sounds like all you have is a hair appt. Like the rest of the day nothing, so it seems you have time to rest. You could go and dip early. Again not the ahole but would a little effort be that bad?
You politely declined a last minute invite. Maybe they both thought the other one had invited you.
neither of the other two are mad or pouting.
Always save yourself! You are not obligated to go to anything. You have your reasons not to go. Politely decline. Contribute a small gift- perhaps something towards the party like a bottle. Don’t feel guilty about this! Life is too short.
She’s your roommate and your brother’s girlfriend and you have no plans. Yes YTA. “Feels too last minute to me” What does that even mean? Are you incapable of making last minute plans?
Why didn’t the gf ask you as it’s her birthday?
NAH
Kind of sounds like you are the kind of person that needs 24-48 hours to prepare for socializing and your brother is the opposite
If he mentions it, just tell him “I appreciate you asking me to do things but I am not spontaneous like you. I need a day or two to mentally prepare myself to be social. It’s just how I am built”
NTA
Tell your family to mind their own business.
Time for another place to live?
“He’s gonna tell all my siblings and parents that I refused to go to his gfs party and they’ll start attacking me. He has a bad habit of turning things around and making everyone gang up against me.”
You’re NTA for turning down an invitation, not at all. You are slightly, accidentally being an AH to yourself though! This boyfriend sounds dreadful – you deserve better! 💜
Edited to add: NTA
My siblings were built like this while im more like you..
itd be things like “hey can you pick me up from the train station?”
‘Sure, when does your train get in?’
“Im here now”
“Wtf…”
Constant things like that until i told them all i wasnt doing any last minute favors, idc what it was or how important the event, i need 48 hours notice. My whole family tried to give me shit, i stood my ground. Then for about 4 months they just stopped asking me for favors (which..wasnt a punishment lol) and when they realized i wasnt changing my stance, suddenly it was the easiest thing in the world to give me 48 hours notice when they needed something. Just stand your ground when you know youre right.
NTA, he invited you, you refused, I would suggest you talk with him and his gf together say you appreciate the invite but it’s your day off ot you want to just sleep and relax, just explain your reasons, it’s up to them if they understand or not