Partner and I recently got engaged, and my parents have offered to take us out to dinner to celebrate at my mom’s favorite restaurant. The catch is that I really dislike this place. I have made this known previously and it has even been a running joke with them about how I am terrified of the restaurant (which is fine! I can take a joke!) but it is just not making me feel very good that in order to celebrate us they offered to take us somewhere they know we don’t like.
The restaurant is fine. It’s not even bad. My problem with it is that it’s in my hometown and it’s a spot where, without fail, my parents will see their friends. Their friends will come up to the table and say hi and stay and talk a bit. I don’t dislike these people and gladly socialize with them in other contexts but I just hate having to sit through these interactions while I’m at dinner. We often usually see people from my high school which also isn’t my favorite. I am not a particularly socially anxious person but I just really dislike this for some reason.
When I was invited I tried to make a lighthearted joke about it being “my favorite” and my parents said they don’t want to drive very far. I gently offered to chauffeur everyone somewhere else since it was a special occasion and offered a list of places I love/have been wanting to try for the occasion.
This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.
This whole thing is bothering me a lot more than I thought and kind of hurting my feelings and making me feel unseen. It is putting me in a bad mood and making me want to stay home since if I bring it up again I will be the one making a big deal and being rude etc and I will never hear the end of it. I feel the only way to keep this from being an issue is to go along with it and “celebrate” somewhere I don’t even want to be just to please my parents.
AITA?
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Partner and I recently got engaged, and my parents have offered to take us out to dinner to celebrate at my mom’s favorite restaurant. The catch is that I really dislike this place. I have made this known previously and it has even been a running joke with them about how I am terrified of the restaurant (which is fine! I can take a joke!) but it is just not making me feel very good that in order to celebrate us they offered to take us somewhere they know we don’t like.
The restaurant is fine. It’s not even bad. My problem with it is that it’s in my hometown and it’s a spot where, without fail, my parents will see their friends. Their friends will come up to the table and say hi and stay and talk a bit. I don’t dislike these people and gladly socialize with them in other contexts but I just hate having to sit through these interactions while I’m at dinner. We often usually see people from my high school which also isn’t my favorite. I am not a particularly socially anxious person but I just really dislike this for some reason.
When I was invited I tried to make a lighthearted joke about it being “my favorite” and my parents said they don’t want to drive very far. I gently offered to chauffeur everyone somewhere else since it was a special occasion and offered a list of places I love/have been wanting to try for the occasion.
This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.
This whole thing is bothering me a lot more than I thought and kind of hurting my feelings and making me feel unseen. It is putting me in a bad mood and making me want to stay home since if I bring it up again I will be the one making a big deal and being rude etc and I will never hear the end of it. I feel the only way to keep this from being an issue is to go along with it and “celebrate” somewhere I don’t even want to be just to please my parents.
AITA?
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> I questioned an invite to a restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. I think it might make me the asshole because it’s rude to decline when they are offering to pay.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. you have a right to decline. if you didn’t they might as well throw you in a van and bring you there. an invitation is a request which of course you can decline.
NTA. They know you don’t like it there. You offered reasonable alternatives. And sucking it up and going isn’t working for you.
If they want to do something to celebrate you, this isn’t it. Fine to decline.
NTA, just tell them you can’t celebrate someplace you don’t enjoy being. And if they want to bring up your manners, you can remind them how rude it is to invite someone to anything you already know they won’t enjoy
NTA. If your parents want to do something nice for you, maybe it should be something you actually enjoy. Sounds less like a celebration and more like an excuse for them to socialize. Honestly, offer to drop them off at the restaurant and go celebrate your engagement somewhere fun.
NTA for declining. This is such a “boomer move”… it relies on the good manners of others to get away with rudeness. Your parents want the bragging ability to say they took you out to congratulate you, but they aren’t interested in it being nice for you, really, or a genuinely thoughtful gesture. They want to do the easy thing no matter whether it’s enjoyable for the people being celebrated and any attempt to nudge this towards something real is called “rude” so they can get away with it.
NTA, when doing something to celebrate someone you select a restaurant that the celebrant would enjoy, not what makes it easier for you.
Your parents are being silly.
NTA. They know exactly what they are doing. What they want matters far more to them than what you want.
NTA.
Just decline the invite, point out you are not a fan of the location they chose. It’s your engagement, you have the right to celebrate at a place you and your fiancée like.
INFO – Is it a money thing? Is the place they are wanting to go cheaper than the ones you have suggested?
NTA, stay home
>This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.
Obviously if you’re inviting someone to dinner the polite thing is not to try to make them go somewhere they don’t like.
It’s unfortunate that your Dad is unhappy with your response to his rudeness, but the cause is his rudeness, not your being upset by it.
Info: is there a reason you can’t say no?
Soft YTA, have you told them why you don’t like the place? I mean you even said you have been joking about it. Is it so terrible to hear mom’s friend Cheryl tell you about her bum knee. How often do your folks go out? Is this one of few opportunities for mom to socialize? It’s not the wedding it is not even the engagement party, now I would not have told you off, but Dad is not wrong you were invited to this restaurant for dinner, if you don’t want to go say no.
NTA. Tell them you won’t be joining them. But they can go themselves and celebrate without you. Or cancel at the last minute when they are already there.
NTA – I think it was rude for them to invite you to dinner at a location they know you dislike.
>This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.
It’s an invitation, not a command performance. And the only rude thing was his insistence that you go somewhere he knows you don’t like. Ask him how polite it is to invite someone to dinner at a restaurant they hate.
NTA. They’re NOT celebrating your engagement, they’re just using that as a reason to eat out at THEIR favourite place.
NTA
An invitation is not a summons.
A bit on the impolite side to suggest other venues, but then it is your parents so not that big a deal.
Do the polite thing and decline the invitation.
The only failure of manners I see is insisting on taking you to a place they know you don’t like to celebrate your engagement. That is rude. Invite them someplace awful for their anniversarry and see how “rude” they feel objecting. NTA.
You need to learn to use more of your backbone. You’re an entire adult now and it doesn’t matter if they aren’t pleased with your decision. Go celebrate with your partner and call it a win. Are you going to let them mow you down over future wedding and life decisions too? If you can handle this disagreement, it just might set you up to stand your ground, as needed in the future.
I think you need to approach your dad or possibly both parents and just say, “Do you not like me? I know you love me and, of course, I love you, too, but it seems like you want to hurt me. I’m really struggling to understand why you want to take us to a restaurant you know I hate to celebrate a very important, momentous occasion in my life. I would never want to offend either of you, but I would like to have a nice memory of us celebrating my engagement and it feels like it’s more important to both of you that you have a nice time and not me and my fiancé. Help me understand.”
NTA. Just don’t go. Respect is a 2 way street something your parents don’t seem to understand. That’s how my parents and I stay very close we treat each other with respect and like adults. They were disrespectful to you first.
>This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes
“Yes, Dad, I understand that’s one option, but you’ve put me in this spot by knowingly inviting me to a restaurant that I do not like. As a result, and since you’re not interested in me driving everyone to a different location, my polite response will be to decline, but thank you for the offer.”
NTA. It seems like establishing and holding a line in the sand would be good for all of you although unpleasant for a bit. Either they get over it or they don’t.
NTA. They’re just trying to show off for their friends. It isn’t even about your engagement. If they tell you you are being rude about it, remind them that they intentionally pick a restaurant you are not comfortable at because you know it will not be about your engagement but just them visiting with friends. You will only go if they reserve a private room so you and they can actually celebrate
NTA, but contrary to most Reddit posters sometimes you just have to suck it up. How often do you go to this place? Go and the pain is over and move or don’t go and hear about it for a very very long time. Choose your pain.
Perhaps they like this place bc this is where they are seen.
NTA. Next they’ll suggest you should have your wedding there!
Decide if you would rather celebrate someplace else that perhaps even if it means you would be paying your own way or paying for your parents
What are you a show pony? Take a valum or eat a thc gummie just to relax, spend most of your time in the bathroom,, lol smh
Parents should offer to take you to a place of your choosing in this situation, not shame you for their stubbornness. Feeling unseen, indeed!
They may enjoy sometimes showing you off to their friends and that’s fine, sweet even, but this is your celebration, and you deserve the focus and appreciation at this time.
NTA, the probably know theyre going to run into ppl they know and want to show off their recently engaged kid. Im guessing this dinner was more for them than you.
It’s rude of them but it sounds like they want to show off your engagement to their friends if they run into people they know.
If you’re not willing to suck it up, just decline the invite.
NTA, and it would be hilariously petty if you made a point of seating them with people they don’t want to talk to at your wedding. But in actuality, I think you can also make the point that you don’t want to be subjected to your parents telling all the people in the restaurant about your good news and having to field all that attention while you’re just trying to eat.
Could lunch or something also be a compromise? If there’s a time that the restaurant is less crowded, you can avoid seeing so many people
NTA. Seems to me they want to go their so they can brag to their friends about your engagement. I understand the whole “someone is offering to pay” angle from your father, but this is supposed to be about you. And if your dislike of the restaurant is well-known, they were purposely ignoring your opinion on the matter.
“This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.”
Tell your dad that Miss Manners says that telling someone off for being rude is always rude. If they insist on taking you somewhere that you don’t like, you can insist on just not going.
NTA
NTA
Your parents are.
I would decline it without giving any reason. They already know the reason.
At some point in life you put your foot down, irrespective of the relationships. This is called growing up. If you dont put a stop on their AHolery, they will come back with another one. Be bad once and stop it there.
NTA. It’s no longer a celebration if it makes you feel nervous or uncomfortable. Just say thanks, but no thanks.
nta
Me: in my ‘60 to give an idea its not about different times or…:
I actually consider it as rude as a minimum to invite someone to a place that’s known to not be liked by the invited person. That counts even more so if its to celebrate the invited person for whatever reason.
An invitation is not a court summons. If the option is for X than a polite “Thank you, but no thank you.” would suffice.
If they push, explain “this may be your favourite restaurant, but I have already explained that it isn’t a place I enjoy. As this is a celebration of my event, I would prefer to go somewhere I would enjoy, and the evening you suggested would not be one I would enjoy. I am more than happy to discuss other possibilities, or even do a meal between the four of us at home, but I do not wish to celebrate my event at that restaurant. Thank you for the offer though.”
If they get mad, than they are just pissed at you setting a boundary that they are on the wrong side of. In which case, revert back to the original “thank you for the offer, but no thank you”, shrug it off and move on.
NTA
NTA
You have 2 simple choices:
Choice 1 : go with their suggestion and be upset.
Choice 2 : reject their suggestion and they get upset.
I vote you go with #2 since they knew ahead of time you would be upset and they are doing this on purpose. Throw it back at them and they will learn eventually.
NTA
You have 2 simple choices:
Choice 1 : go with their suggestion and be upset.
Choice 2 : reject their suggestion and they get upset.
I vote you go with #2 since they knew ahead of time you would be upset and they are doing this on purpose. Throw it back at them and they will learn eventually.
NTA but your parents are.
NTA but your parents are.
ESH the parents should be more flexible with making plans on somewhere everyone agrees to. and you, jesus this whole explanation of why you dont like this restaurant is just cringe. I dislike everyone in this story with the exception of your fiance because i dont know enough about them.
ESH the parents should be more flexible with making plans on somewhere everyone agrees to. and you, jesus this whole explanation of why you dont like this restaurant is just cringe. I dislike everyone in this story with the exception of your fiance because i dont know enough about them.
NTA for asking for alternative restaurants.
Just say thanks but no thanks. Tell them you don’t enjoy the place and if they decide an alternative you’d reconsider.
NTA for asking for alternative restaurants.
Just say thanks but no thanks. Tell them you don’t enjoy the place and if they decide an alternative you’d reconsider.
NTA
You have 2 simple choices:
Choice 1 : go with their suggestion and be upset.
Choice 2 : reject their suggestion and they get upset.
I vote you go with #2 since they knew ahead of time you would be upset and they are doing this on purpose. Throw it back at them and they will learn eventually.
Go to dinner but don’t wear your engagement ring.
When everyone stops by and your parents want to show you off, there won’t be a ring for everyone to see.
Passive aggressive? Oh yes
Petty? Oh yes
So I’m from a small town, and I think I understand. This sounds like it is about your parents, who want show you and your new fiancé off instead of a celebration dinner for you.
Going to a local restaurant (even one you don’t like) is the point. They want their friends to interrupt dinner and say hi.
NTA but you’re not going to talk them into another restaurant. It’s not about you.
So I’m from a small town, and I think I understand. This sounds like it is about your parents, who want show you and your new fiancé off instead of a celebration dinner for you.
Going to a local restaurant (even one you don’t like) is the point. They want their friends to interrupt dinner and say hi.
NTA but you’re not going to talk them into another restaurant. It’s not about you.
NTA. If it is actually to celebrate you and your fiancé, they would have took your feelings into account and not picked a place you hate. This is a show for them, they want to talk to their friends an and brag about your engagement. It’s rude to offer to celebrate someone with something they knowing hate. It’s like if I hate knowingly hate sushi and my boyfriend takes me out for a surprise sushi dinner because he loves it.
NTA. Grow a spine. If someone invites me to a place I don’t like, I thank them, let them know it is a place I don’t enjoy going, but would like to go out with them somewhere else.
I’m not going to a place I don’t like unless it is to celebrate someone else.
NTA – they keep inviting you to a place you don’t like, that’s rude AF. Your dad should look in the mirror and tell himself off.
NTA. your dad totally is though. he seems to need a refresher course on what politeness is, and shouldn’t be trying to school you on it when he clearly doesn’t practice what he preaches.
it’s your celebration, not theirs. it’s polite to make sure the person (or people) you’re celebrating actually like/enjoy the place you’re celebrating at. it’s rude to invite someone somewhere they don’t like, and even ruder to make them the problem when they voice this. which should just be common sense but apparently your dad missed that.
honestly, i wouldn’t even go at this point. you tried compromising and eating at the one restaurant seems more important to them than actually celebrating your engagement.
NTA. your dad totally is though. he seems to need a refresher course on what politeness is, and shouldn’t be trying to school you on it when he clearly doesn’t practice what he preaches.
it’s your celebration, not theirs. it’s polite to make sure the person (or people) you’re celebrating actually like/enjoy the place you’re celebrating at. it’s rude to invite someone somewhere they don’t like, and even ruder to make them the problem when they voice this. which should just be common sense but apparently your dad missed that.
honestly, i wouldn’t even go at this point. you tried compromising and eating at the one restaurant seems more important to them than actually celebrating your engagement.
NTA. your dad totally is though. he seems to need a refresher course on what politeness is, and shouldn’t be trying to school you on it when he clearly doesn’t practice what he preaches.
it’s your celebration, not theirs. it’s polite to make sure the person (or people) you’re celebrating actually like/enjoy the place you’re celebrating at. it’s rude to invite someone somewhere they don’t like, and even ruder to make them the problem when they voice this. which should just be common sense but apparently your dad missed that.
honestly, i wouldn’t even go at this point. you tried compromising and eating at the one restaurant seems more important to them than actually celebrating your engagement.