So I’m a M(39) my brother is 37.
I’m quite the Halloween lover and decorate my front yard every year and I really enjoy being creative and making my own props as well.
Today, I was going into the garage to grab my neon green skeleton Then I saw the old hand carved merry-go-round horse my grandfather had made years ago that after he passed away my grandma gave to my brother. Even though we both wanted it.
Well my brother had taken it and painted over it and it had sat on our outdoor backporch for almost 2 years. Then when we got our porch redone he just tossed it out on the backyard patio in the elements for a6 months before finally tossing it into the garage where it’s been for probably another 4-6 months. Now. Its neglected
it’s broken, cracking and was covered in dust and cobwebs and just looked terrible.
I decided to spray paint it all black and was gonna hit it in spots with some glow in the dark green paint I had that would make for a cool effect at night. Then have the skeleton riding it while holding a lantern.
Well my brother saw it painted black and lost his f-ing mind. In our front yard he’s screaming and cussing at me that I’m destroying his property and the cherished memories of our grandfather he had.
I explain to him that the way he’s treated this horse has not been in a cherished way and leaving it in the elements and garage for over 3 years to rot and ruin shows he really didn’t care about it all that much and that’s he’s overreacting for no reason.
He picks up the lantern and proceeds to punt kick it into the front of the house, Begins aggressively crying and runs in the house where he continues to cry uncontrollably.
My mom tried to remain neutral about it. Though she admittedly sees no issue with what I did.
Thoughts among family and friends is mostly split but I wanted to know what neutral parties thought about it.
Am I the Asshole? Or is my brother Overreacting?
Comments
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So I’m a M(39) my brother is 37.
I’m quite the Halloween lover and decorate my front yard every year and I really enjoy being creative and making my own props as well.
Today, I was going into the garage to grab my neon green skeleton Then I saw the old hand carved merry-go-round horse my grandfather had made years ago that after he passed away my grandma gave to my brother. Even though we both wanted it.
Well my brother had taken it and painted over it and it had sat on our outdoor backporch for almost 2 years. Then when we got our porch redone he just tossed it out on the backyard patio in the elements for a6 months before finally tossing it into the garage where it’s been for probably another 4-6 months. Now. Its neglected
it’s broken, cracking and was covered in dust and cobwebs and just looked terrible.
I decided to spray paint it all black and was gonna hit it in spots with some glow in the dark green paint I had that would make for a cool effect at night. Then have the skeleton riding it while holding a lantern.
Well my brother saw it painted black and lost his f-ing mind. In our front yard he’s screaming and cussing at me that I’m destroying his property and the cherished memories of our grandfather he had.
I explain to him that the way he’s treated this horse has not been in a cherished way and leaving it in the elements and garage for over 3 years to rot and ruin shows he really didn’t care about it all that much and that’s he’s overreacting for no reason.
He picks up the lantern and proceeds to punt kick it into the front of the house, Begins aggressively crying and runs in the house where he continues to cry uncontrollably.
My mom tried to remain neutral about it. Though she admittedly sees no issue with what I did.
Thoughts among family and friends is mostly split but I wanted to know what neutral parties thought about it.
Am I the Asshole? Or is my brother Overreacting?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for taking the merry-go-round horse my grandpa gave him and repainting it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It was his property, and you took it without asking.
It’s that simple – no matter how you try to spin it.
YTA.
It’s his stuff, he’s allowed to mistreat it, you’re not, YTA
YTA
It wasn’t yours to dictate how he took care of his heirloom. If he wanted to destroy it, it’s his right.
You should have asked first.
It was his. You said “after he passed away my grandma gave to my brother”. So, regardless of how he treated it you should have asked him before painting it. YTA.
YTA – How the hell did you make it almost 4 decades without the lesson “ask others before you use their stuff” ever once getting through?
I was trying to show appreciation for my grandpa’s work by showing it for others to see and enjoy. I didn’t think letting my grandpa’s work rot in a garage or out in the rain was the way to remember him. That’s where I’m coming from. Because his mistreatment would eventually lead to it being completely ruined and lost and what does that say about a cherished memory.
NTA but in hindsight could’ve asked
YTA. It wasn’t yours. He’s allowed to modify it how he wants, and even put it away and not use it if he wants. You are not.
YTA. Enormously. You knew what you were doing because you’re jealous your grandmother gave it to your brother. It wasn’t yours.
(also I hope the ages are wrong and you’re 19 and 17, lmao. if not, big yikes. Grow up).
YTA. At least 75% of this is bullshit. Do better next time. Report back to your class.
>Even though we both wanted it.
This is your attempt to make it plausible.
> In our front yard he’s screaming and cussing at me that I’m destroying his property and the cherished memories of our grandfather he had.
This is where you lost the audience. You need more of a hook–your initial hook was already bad–consider more of a “give-and-take” description. Have you read Raymond Carver’s work? Please do, then you can work from that point. Seriously.
YTA. It was still his property. You should have asked him before you painted it. If you weren’t bitter that he’d gotten it instead of you, you never would have done that.
I can’t get past two guys in their late 30’s still living with their mom.
YTA
How someone release treats their property simply isn’t your business.
YTA. It was not yours. You could have asked your brother if it was okay to paint his horse. You could have expressed concern to your brother about how he was treating his horse. You chose to paint it without permission instead. Your mother should kick you both out, how does she tolerate this childish behavior.
If it’s not yours, why touch it? It was never given to you, and regardless of whatever state it’s in, you have no right to alter it in any way. You said he desecrated it when he painted and treated it how he did, so by that logic, you painting over it is just adding to the desecration. As children, we are taught to keep our hands to ourselves and not touch something that doesn’t belong to us. Children understand this very clearly. You’re in your 30s and still haven’t learned. Yta.
YTA
It’s not your stuff
ETA
If it was that important to him, he should have taken care of it and shown it the respect it deserved as an heirloom given to him. However, it was not yours to meddle with. You should have spoken to him and asked him if you could use it.
Esh
You should have asked.
But holy heck – he’s 37? And acting like a toddler? Yikes.
YTA. Let’s try a different scenario. Take your grandfather out of it and say that your brother bought the horse at an antique store. Would you still feel justified in taking it and altering it without his permission? I’m guessing that you feel a certain ownership of it because it was your grandfather’s and because you really wanted it to remember him by. If you would still alter something your brother bought instead, then you have an issue with not respecting other people’s things. If you felt entitled to use it because you wanted it first, then you have an issue with not respecting the decision your grandmother made after your grandfather passed… and also an issue with not respecting other people’s things.
YTA. It wasn’t yours. That is literally the only salient point here. It doesn’t matter if you were jealous. It doesn’t matter if he left it lying around for 2 years or 10 or 20. It doesn’t matter if he planned to use it for firewood. It was his property to use or not as he chose. You had no right, what so ever, to this item because it was not your property. Lets be very blunt and clear. You are a thief. You stole this item from your brother. And then you ruined the item.
YTA for taking your brother’s stuff and modifying it without his permission. And for likely making this whole thing up since I can’t actually imagine a 37-year old bawling his eyes out over something he abandoned. And because your friends and family would not be split when you’re clearly the AH.
ESH, you painted it black; he punt-kicked the lantern.
Sorry did you say your brother was 7? What was that reaction??
ESH, had to check the ages again and my jaw is dropped.
You all are nearly 40 acting like 4 year olds
Do both of you still live at home with your mother?
You are unequivocally* the asshole. It wasn’t yours, end of story.
*since you seem to have a problem with simple concepts, that means “without a doubt and no room for argument because the facts are that clear.”
Assuming this post is real…YTA you knowingly took (argument could be made for stole) something that didn’t belong to you.
YTA-it didn’t belong to you. Full stop.
It wasn’t your horse, was it? Don’t touch your brother’s stuff! Yiu’re both assholes. Damn Talk to each other. Words solve many conflicts.
ESH
Jaysus.
I had to go back and check ages.
You are 39 years old? Are you sure that’s not months old?
Truthfully I think you’re both AHs and he is overreacting but you are far bigger the a hole.
YTA.
YTA
“Hey man what do you wanna do with Grandpa’s wooden horse? It’s pretty cracked and busted up so I was gonna make it a Halloween decoration. What do you think?”
A quick conversation would’ve saved you all this. You still have 3 weeks until Halloween spray painting it could’ve waited until you talked with him.
YTA
How fucking old are you two? Acting like 5 year olds???
YTA it wasn’t yours, you knew that, you don’t get to decide after the fact that he didn’t take good enough care of it so you can turn it into a tacky Halloween decoration. Covering it in black and glow in the dark paint doesn’t seem a while he’ll of a lot more respectful of it than all the neglect you accused your brother of.
I’m stuck on 2 nearly 40 yr old men living in their mom’s house fighting over a carousel…
But, for the sake of judgement, it’s his carousel to mistreat, not yours. YTA
WTF is wrong with your brother that, at the age of THIRTY SEVEN, he had a crying fit over anything less than someone’s death?