Ex wife (34f) and I (36m) divorced 4 years ago after a two and a half year long divorce. We split physical and legal custody of our children (11, 9 and 6). Things are not civil and as you can tell our divorce process started during her pregnancy with our youngest. I won’t go into all the details but we divorced after a large financial betrayal on top of years of both of us feeling like there was little respect for the other. The divorce was not civil and it dragged on for as long as it did not because of the pregnancy alone but for financial reasons.
My ex was dating her current husband by the end of our divorce and it was an awkward period. Ex’s family and I remain on good terms which bothers her husband and always did. Because my ex doesn’t want to take the kids shopping for my birthday or Father Day when asked her parents have and that bothers him because they don’t do the same for him. I do it for my ex because the kids ask. I include Christmas gifts in that because again I’m asked. Her husband doesn’t like it but he sure as hell never has.
The most recent issue came up when my kids asked to have me for father and kids photos that my ex’s family were organizing. They invited me and I went and took the photos with my kids. Ex’s family and I talked for a while and I left the event early but it pissed him off that I talked to ex’s family at all and didn’t leave as soon as the photos were done. But what really bothered him was I was invited instead of them having him stand in for the dad photos. The kids didn’t get photos with him that day which may have created more problems. But ultimately he complains that I disrespected him by getting along with his wife’s family (his words) and she’s got his back because she thinks it’s unfair her family doesn’t hate me like she does.
AITA?
Comments
NTA – youre their dad. If she has issues with you having a relationship with your children’s grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc – she can take that up with them.
You didn’t disrespect anyone
NTA. You are taking care of your children the best way you know how. And it sounds like your ex’s family are doing this as well.
Keep being gracious and kind and civil.
They can take their disrespect and shove it.
You’re their dad. Always will be.
NTA the new husband has the maturity of my three year old.
NTA. This is a healthy example to set for your children. You’ll always be connected so it’s important to try to foster good relationships if at all possible. Your ex needs to mature her mindset.
I kept my ex mother-in-law and I love her dearly. Every two weeks she and my adult children all go out for breakfast. I have no relationship with my ex-husband but I’m definitely keeping my mother-in-law as we were friends for my entire marriage and before that. She was my matron of honor at my wedding. You are completely in the right to do what you do for your children
If it’s a problem for him he probably shouldn’t marry a woman with kids already. NTA
Edit: thanks for the award
Nta. Yall divorced. You are still their niblings/grandkids parent.
My dad was a pallbearers to my maternal grandparents 20+ years after my parents divorced.
NTA. No one can control another person’s actions. They were your family for a time, and it is okay if they still care for you. It isn’t the same as 40 years ago where people always picked sides.
wow. Those poor kids. Shame the ex and the turd new husband see them at all
NTA. It sounds easier for her and her husband to blame you than for them to admit that her family probably doesn’t like him very much.
He sounds annoying, but overall your ex is the AH for letting someone else complicate your coparenting dynamics. If they get divorced next week, you are still going to be the kids dad. You are still going to have to deal with her. You are trying to make it as painless as possible for everyone (especially the kids) and she is letting this guy create chaos for his own ego.
NTA – You and your kid’s grandparents are working to make your kid as healthy as possible in this situation. It sounds like your ex-wife still has stuff behind you and the marriage.
Every time new husband talks about “his wife’s family”, if you respond with “my kids’ grandparents”, maybe the two of you can start agreeing that you’re stuck with each other for quite a while.
NTA. It sounds like his problem. Continue to be the best parent you can be and have great relationship with the in-laws. Let him self-destruct on his own.
I’m going to guess that your ex-in-laws like and respect you more than they like and respect your ex.
Definitely NTA!. Ex’s new hubby is a whiny little b*tch, and your Ex is even worse for supporting it!
He’s a twunt- and maybe retahded and doesn’t know the definition of disrespect.
NTA-you didn’t do anything disrespectful. You are doing what you need to and are supposed to do for the kids. You are putting them first.
NTA. Your ex wife refusing to take the kids shopping for gifts for you is just gross and immature. You are their father and always will be and the kids will remember stuff like that when they are older. Your ex in laws sound amazing. Them inviting you to family pictures is so mature and makes the kids happy I’m sure. The new husband is very insecure lol. He married women with 3 children and an active father in their life. They are both trying to create more hostile relationships instead of sucking it up and being adults. It should be about the kids happiness. If they can’t put the kids happiness before their pride then they are pathetic.
NTA. You’re not responsible their butt hurt
NTA. People who are unwilling to put their kids first when the marriage ends shouldn’t have kids in the first place. Your ex sounds awful, but in the end, her attitude will only turn the kids against her and her new husband. It will be her own damn fault.
Updatebot, updateme
Well at least she has a good family. NTA
Don’t marry a single mom if you’re jealous and insecure… He put that burden on himself and you ex wife is bitter and ridiculous it’s best for your kids that you get along with her family!
I make it a point to seem my ex FIL every time I’m in town even though my kiddo is grown. I’ve known him for 25 years and just because me and his daughter don’t get along doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t.
NTA, bad divorces lead to co-parenting conflicts. Have fun torturing your EX and the real AH in the room.
NTA – those are your children’s grandparents and they’ve never done anything but be kind to you
NTA. Rise above. You’re doing great.
NTA it’s not your fault your ex in-laws like you. He’s insecure and if he don’t feel secure in the relationship with your ex-wife, he either needs to leave or they need to go to a couples therapy.
NTA but keep tracks of it. It might get worst, and it can be needed if they try to play with custody or blame you for imaginary toxic behavior. I would also keep contact the lowest possible with your ex, to avoid to be equally blamed.
I wonder if #2 realizes the future is full of bleacher time, audience time, birthdays, graduations, weddings, and other milestones that the kids will want to share with ALL
of their loved ones.
NTA
He’s dating a woman with kids and an Ex, you’re going to be in their lives, it’s gunna happen. I could ALMOST see where he was coming from if yoy stayednfor the entire party but you showed up, chatted, took pics and left, thats it. Dude needs to grow up and get over it.
Cheating in there too I think, it is common during pregnancy, though I understand why it is not being included. You are leaving so much out of this post and seem incredibly selfish….Get some counseling, respect exes boundaries and peace out.
NTAH – Your ex and her husband need to grow up and fast – if they carry on this way, they will end up alienating the kids totally (I expect that will be your fault too!!)
People make their own connections beyond their spouses. If something were to happen to your ex, that ensures you’d still be keeping that connection for your kids strong and the more family the kids have, the more resources.
I have a good relationship with my ex in laws. When my ex ghosted both them and our children, it was ip to me to keep those ties strong and I was able to do so because, while giving him space and following their lead when my ex was still around with respect for his new relationships, I stepped up when his latest girlfriend drive a wedge between them and just took over arranging seeing them for holidays and events.
How is you being present being disrespectful. He’s just mad that he cant just swoop in to be the “better dad” because he’s with the mother. He needs to sort out his issues and you r the least of his problems.
NTA, that is the thing about divorce with kids, you are family regardless of any paperwork saying otherwise. You cared for and were cared for by your ex in-laws. That shouldn’t have to change just bc of a legal decree. One cannot be decree to love and care or not love and care for someone. That poor man, so insecure of his place, unable to play with the other kids already at the playground. Wants everyone to shun you, someone they know and care for, for him, an unknown, new kid to the playground. Tisk, tisk. NTA. The example you and the grandparents are setting for the kids is far better than the one this new member is wanting them to set. Poor guy. He only looks weak in everyone’s eyes being a whiny baby.
NTA. You’re the dad, not him.
You’re not the AH here. Your kids asked for you, their dad, to be in those photos that’s completely normal and healthy. It’s not “disrespectful” to maintain good relationships with your ex’s family, especially since that benefits your children in the long run. The issue isn’t your behavior, it’s your ex and her husband wanting everyone else to share their bitterness. This sounds more like an insecurity problem on your ex’s husband’s end. You can’t control how he feels about you, but you can control keeping things civil for the kids. Stick to honoring their requests and let her family decide how they want to interact with you. If her husband feels overshadowed, that’s between him and his wife’s family not something you need to fix.
They need to watch out before her family really chooses you and cuts her and her childish husband off. Updateme
How sad that he’s so mad about you and your ex-in-law having a relationship when it’s good for your kids🤦🏻♀️ Those are your kids not his and he shouldn’t be encouraging it because it will benefit the kids!! NTA
I am still extremely good friends with my former in-laws, and if my ex-wife’s new husband has an issue with it, I’ve never seen/heard about it.
It would be pretty petty if he did. I knew them, and was very close, for over 20 years. He’s been around for 3 years. But he’s a good guy from what I can tell, and we have no friction, including the recent 90th birthday party for my ex-father-in-law.
I’m sorry that you have to put up with that.
NTA
If there were no kids involved, I could understand it being awkward for a new partner for the ex to always be hanging around. However, you two have kids and you will always be the father of their grandchildren. This means that you will forever be family. If he doesn’t like it, he needs to deal with that on his own. I actually raised my eyebrows when I got to the part where you said that he was upset that he didn’t get to take pictures with them instead of you. You are their father, not him. That part was super weird to me. It sounds like he’s feeling insecure about his place in the family but that’s for him to work out.
It’s not for him to project that on to you. I’m not sure if I’m using the right word right now but that’s the best I can come up with. That being said, you were not in the wrong here at all. It’s fine for you to get along with an ex’s family, in fact, I think it’s healthy when you have children. Keep showing up and being a good dad and forget what he thinks. Continue to do what’s best for your children despite his feelings. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong here and he needs to work through his feelings.