My wife is not ‘fat’ but she has gained weight after she delivered our son and she’s still not fat or obese, she used to be skinny and we both think that it is actually a blessing that she has gained some weight.
A month ago my wife and me went to dinner with my friend and his wife, we didn’t see them in a long time almost 2 years (he lives in a different country because of his job) and after they came back we planned for dinner.
We were enjoying our discussing about our old days but his wife suddenly said that my wife has become ‘fat’ and they are going to stay in our city for a few months and she will hit gym and asked my wife to join her.
My wife said that she doesn’t want to hit gym yet but she said if my wife doesn’t hit gym she will gain even more weight and probably turn obese.
I interrupted her and said that my wife is not ‘fat’ and if she gave birth and if she was in my wife’s place she would understand, our little get together didn’t go well as we were expecting.
I was offended and didn’t talk to him since last month and I decided to distance myself from him and his wife, he contacted me and asked me if I took offense with how things went last time, I didn’t reply back to him yet but I want to maintain distance between us and possibly even cut him and his wife off forever.
Comments
NTA. He didn’t say it but also didn’t get his wife to apologize. You should probably give him at least a small explanation as to why your icing him out as he may think he shouldn’t be punished for what his wife said.
NTA. You went two years without them and you can go 200 more.
NTA. That was rude beyond measure. You stood up for your wife. GOOD! Of course someone would take offense to that. Honestly, best to just let the friendship die at this point. If he doesn’t understand what his wife said was rude and hurtful, he’s not much of a friend. They are not your friends. They are judgemental AHs.
NTA. EW do not let this man and his gross ass wife near yours. I guarantee anytime she hears either of their names shes taken back to that horrible dinner.
Mild NAH (No A**holes Here). I’m assuming your friends don’t have kids and haven’t gone through what you and your wife have, so they may lack perspective. That said, if we’re all aiming to be adults, it’s fair to clearly lay out that you were expecting something more meaningful—maybe a “congrats” on the baby—not a shallow comment about body weight. What was said was uncalled for and understandably offensive.
Your friend and his wife should’ve taken your interruption as a polite signal to stop, apologize, and move the conversation in a better direction. Instead, letting the night sour and now avoiding the issue shows a missed opportunity—for all of you—to grow into better friends during a vulnerable time.
NTA. Wow. She’s a raging bish. No reason to have her around at all. And it sounds like he just sat there and let it happen? Nope. Buhbye.
I’m not going to say anyone is an AH here. Maybe everyone is. Maybe no one.
But, there’s nothing wrong with having a conversation to try to understand each other’s perspectives. You can tell your friend: “Yes, an offense was taken”. And maybe he will explain that there was a cultural or language misinterpretation. Or maybe there won’t be a palatable explanation. I don’t know.
At the end of that conversation, maybe you both will decide to go your separate ways. Maybe the fences will be mended. Either way, it will be better than each side just assuming the perspective and intentions of the other.
In a sea of useless spouses and partners here on Reddit, you are an absolute gem! Your wife got herself an absolute keeper.
And yes, if cutting him off or going low contact brings you peace, do it!!
That is just unbelievably rude. Don’t hang with people like that.
NTA “Of course I took offence and so did my wife. Your wife was incredibly rude to my wife and instead of apologising, your wife doubled-down after we challenged her. I have no desire to ever be in your wife’s company again as she was judgemental and insulting towards a new mother. Those are not qualities I want in my life.”
NTA for distancing yourself. But you will be TA if you don’t have a conversation with your friend first.
I would reply with… your wife thinks my wife is “fat,” I think yours is a B. I would want to get in the last word. Then block, block, block! Good riddance to the two of them. NTA
NTA, but you should tell him what his wife said was extremely offensive. Sounds like he’s a complete dumbass. That being said you are an amazing husband for defending your wife in the moment.
NTA. However, you should have been open and honest with him. “Yeah, man. I DID take offense to that. It was rude and certainly uncalled for.” Anything to that effect and maybe add whatever else. I get that guys will say that shit to each other (morbidly obese guy here), but I don’t know too many guys that have ever taken it so personally as I know women certainly do. That was a fucked-up thing for her, or anyone, to say
NTA
You could reply or not totally up to you. If you want to end the friendship totally up to you. Nothing wrong with saying, yes I was totally offended, and wether they believed it was offensive or not, you don’t want friends that say hurtful things like that. You will be ending the friendship and future contact here. Have a nice life.
Text back with well your wife ran her big fat mouth that’s why. NTA everyone know it’s rude as fuck to call someone out on their weight like it’s totally not necessary us fat people know we are fat we have mirrors. Shut the fuck up about it.
NTA it’s considered rude to comment on anyone’s body but I find it especially offensive to call someone with tiny humans fat, it takes a lot of time and energy to keep tiny humans alive and reasonably happy
NTA. Don’t respond. Not people you want in your life anyway.
NTA King!!
NTA.
If your friend doesn’t care about how rude his wife was, then he’s not worth it, you don’t need to spell it out for him, don’t waste your time. Great to see you have your wife’s back, mate.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your wife. She might be going through postpartum, or be dealing with an eating disorder. People need to stop commenting on other peoples weight!
NTA if the weight becomes a serious health issue then immediate family or really close friends ie the brother or sister that should have been then have a difficult conversation if you think you have to. Never comment on friends partners strangers or what have you. And for close family I’m talking you are about to lose mobility and be eligible for a reality show. People are different and not everyone values the struggle necessary to be like an Instagram filter. People can be happy and healthy all sorts of ways but basically she overstepped her prerogative in a rude manner that your friend knows is true but wants to sweep under the rug.
Is his wife foreign? In some cultures saying that is not considered rude.
NTA
You don’t owe them an explanation, NTA
What a good husband….NTA. First she was rude….calling your wife that just had a baby fat.
NTA…
Your wife handled herself pretty well, but gf did not let go.
He asked the question – Tell him:
“yes. I took offence and think that the relationship has run its course.”
You win the Husband of the Day award 🏆.
No notes.
Sorry, no. Friends’ wife has got to go! She doesn’t get to insult your wife,and you’re right to defend her!
If people cant act like adults you are not the asshole for walking away. You are however an asshole for letting reddit decide for you, asshole.
NTA i love that you didnt respond and explained yourself. I wish it was more normalized to not waste your time teaching adults what they should have learnt when they were 5. Let him and his wife be social idiots and wonder what went wrong forever.
NTA he isn’t your friend anymore, he’s just a habit…which you need to break
Reply with one word: YES
His shitty wife owes your wife a sincere apology.