I (32m) stay in a block of 8 flats with a c.30f neighbour a couple floors above. We don’t really know each other except for the occasional friendly greeting & light conversation when we pass each other in the common areas.
Each flat has its own dedicated parking space, and one morning when leaving for work I noticed a fresh oil patch in her space. At the time I did realise it could be quite serious and that I hope she knows but as my day went on I kinda forgot about it. Over time the patch grew larger and for some reason I just assumed she must have known about it as the oil patch was quite obvious and she must have seen it pulling in to her space. So I didn’t ever say anything, and in my defence our paths never crossed since I noticed this – I like to think I would have mentioned it if we had bumped into each other but that’s an alternative universe.
Anyway, fast forward 2 weeks, I had completely forgot about this. While out washing my car, she came home in a new (to her) car and we struck up a conversation. I asked her about it and she proceeded to tell me that when travelling to work her car broke down and left her stranded. After getting it recovered at great expense the mechanic told her that the car ran out of oil and needed a new engine which she couldn’t afford. I immediately remembered that I actually knew about this issue and felt awful that I didn’t say anything, ultimately causing her to lose a lot of money.
She doesn’t know I knew. When I told my friend he called me the asshole for not going out of my way to tell her – and with the benefit of hindsight I agree I should have done everything to let her know. I can’t stress enough how bad I feel about it.
However, without the benefit of hindsight, AITA?
Comments
Nope, NTA. Gauges and warning lights on the dash. Ignore them at your own peril. Warning light probably came on and she stuck a piece of black tape over it so it wasnt a distraction.
NTA. If you’re going to drive a car you gotta know some basic maintenance. Checking oil, water, windscreen wipers and tyres should be a routine thing. With all of the computerisation of vehicles these days, it’s impossible to do major things, but all of those things are pretty simple. You have nothing to be guilty about. It will be interesting to see how long her “new” car lasts.
Not your car Not your problem end of it, its on her.
It would have been nice to say something or leave a note, but ultimately not your responsibility.
“Excuse me, miss, I noticed that..” I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!
The oil patch was obvious and growing and she had no curiosity about it and what that meant for her car? Definite NTA. This was a good life lesson for her, maybe she’ll notice next time.
NTA. She has eyes too.
NTA. My opinion… females want to be equal to men… one of the things they need to be equal about is maintenance of their respective vehicles.
Seems that the biggest AH was your friend.
NTA. There is zero chance she wasn’t dueling warned and her ignoring all the signs. She has a huge oil patch on her driveway and once the oil was low enough her car would have given her an alert inside her car. This is on her and you are essentially strangers.
if you could see the oil so could she. if she was stupid enough to not check her oil levels and then drive it when the warning lights came on then she learned a hard life lesson.
NTA but keep playing stupid and point out the oil spot to her now and help her connect the dots for what to look for in the future
Her car = Her problem
I mean, I definitely would have said something to her if it just kept getting bigger and she didn’t seem to notice, but it’s not like it’s your responsibility. At this point there is 0 reason to say anything about it, would only damage your relationship.
OP – both you and your friend are assuming that she would have listened to your warning. Neither have proof she would have listened because a puddle of ANY fluid under a vehicle is a cause for concern.
NTA
NTA. This is why cars came with dipsticks for the longest time. You’re supposed to check it regularly. Ideally, every month, and if you start noticing it is low, you monitor more frequently, like weekly or at every fill up. Also, keep a quart in your trunk at all times.
I had a Chrysler with an oil leak so bad that it would only hold about 2 quarts in the pan out of the design spec of 5 quarts. So I carried 2 spare quarts at all times mixed 50/50 with a stopleak additive. When the oil light would come on, I’d immediately pull over, stop the engine, and add 1 of the quarts. Got by like this for 3 weeks until I was able to get to the mechanic to replace the pan.
YTA – one small act of kindness would have cost you nothing and would have made her day. Now you feel guilty and karma will get you.
Best thing you couldve done is look at her and say “oh i wonder if that spot on the pavement was your car then?” To kind of allude to it.
Nta regardless
She’s an adult and it’s her responsibility to understand basic maintenance and warning signs for her own car. It would have been neighborly of you to alert her but ultimately this is her problem she probably could have avoided with some care and attention.
NTA. Not your responsibility to upkeep someone else’s car. Plus there’s gauges for this. Now in my car if my oil gets low, it not only dings , but a red light blinks as well. That’s in 2005, so I know newer models have something.
Tell your friend mind their business.
Lol you’re good, people gotta learn to grow up sometime.
NTA
Just learn from this.
It’s easy to not notice oil stains as you drive into the spot. You noticed it because her car wasn’t covering it.
It’s better to tell someone something needs their attention and be told, “Thanks, I know.” than to have this happen.
Be kind to yourself.
Your title and the story are very different. Oh man. I was expecting this to be you watching a Karen run over a boulder or something.
Yeah, you’re 5% AH on this. Stick a note under the driver’s side windshield wiper to tell folks things. I live in a large apartment complex with a lot of poor neighbors with leaky cars. But there are a dozen or so buildings, each with 20+ units. If any of my unit neighbors had a leak I would leave a note, ideally. Likely the result would be the same though: I’d tell myself to remember to write the note next time and forget ad infinitum.
nta, not your job to take care of her car.
YTA. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you be glad if someone told you something was wrong when you had missed to notice? We are social animals, cannot survive on our own. No one cannot cover all bases, and this is how we manage to live.
When I took my driving lessons, we were told to go around the car before getting in. That’s how I noticed an oil leak as soon as it happened and immediately noticed my father (it was his car).
NTA she ignored all the signs. She probably learned a valuable lesson from this.
You know Op, unless her car is an antique there are sensors on most modern cars that show when stuff goes wrong.
I was taught to pay attention to any fluids leaking.
She’s an adult. She is her own worst enemy.
NTA
She probably neglected the basics of ownership.
If you own something, read the manual. It explains all the flashy lights on the dash. NTA.
NTA.. When one owns a vehicle they should know the basics of reading the gauges and warning lights. It’s not rocket science. You can think “IFs and WOULD’ves” until you’re blue in the face. IF you ran into her you WOULD’ve told her, and I’m sure you would have.. But don’t feel guilt or think of yourself as an AH. You have your own responsibilities and things going on. This is all on her. It sucks to be her, but it was her responsibility to know and the proper maintenance there of.
Not your responsibility to babysit other adults and remind them of car maintenance
NTA
Her car her responsibility unless she’s got someone else who does that for her etc.
I’ve known since I was a kid that a car leaking oil is a bad sign and to get it to a mechanic etc.
I grew up with a single mother and 2 older brothers and I’m the youngest a girl and I learned how to check my cars fluids every season and as needed, change a tire aka the basics. Plus more but that’s irrelevant lol.
She parks in the same spot so she saw that oil stain and did nothing. Likley where ever she works the same thing was happening too.
Also I’m surprised that management didn’t say anything to her about the oil leak. When I lived in an apartment or rentals they were very picky about cars leaking oil .