I (30F) recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend (29M) after months of feeling emotionally overlooked and unsupported. I’m a single mom of two daughters. I’m financially stable, have my own home, and fully provide for my kids. I wasn’t looking for someone to rescue me—I was looking for a true partner to build a life with.
When we met, he was making about $42K. Now he’s in the sheriff’s academy making $89K. I supported him emotionally and practically during that transition, and I truly believed in him. He said he loved me, and I loved him deeply.
To be fair, he did show some effort. He went places with me and my daughters, and even took my family on a trip to Arizona. But when it came to real commitment—moving in together, planning a shared future, or building a family—he avoided it.
He told me he has to look out for himself right now and save up financially to buy his own home. He’s also one of the main supporters of his family, so a lot of his time and energy goes to them. I respected that—but it became clear that I was not part of his long-term plan. He told me I have questionable judgment and that he isn’t sure he wants a family with me. When I asked how he viewed a child we were expecting, he got defensive. Eventually, I made the painful decision not to continue the pregnancy, because I realized I was carrying everything—physically and emotionally—on my own.
When I told him I want someone who wants to build financially and emotionally with me, and who sees my daughters as part of the life they’re choosing—not as a burden—he had nothing to say. Just silence. No reassurance. No effort. Nothing.
My mom believes he was stringing me along while holding out for someone “better,” and honestly, that’s what it feels like. I feel incredibly sad, used, and devalued—not just as a woman, but as a mother. I gave so much love and support, and in the end, it felt like I was never seriously considered as part of his future.
AITA for walking away from someone I loved, even though he sometimes showed effort, because he ultimately couldn’t offer the life or partnership I was ready to build?
Comments
In the end it’s you’re choice , but I think you read to much into his actions .. people progress at different times and different stages of a relationship ..
Girl! Run far away. If a man can tell you he doesn’t know if he wants kids with you, knowing you are carrying his baby, he has made it very clear that you are not in his plans. Your daughters deserve to see you happy, and that doesn’t mean being an afterthought. NTA, and anyone saying otherwise isn’t being honest with themselves or you!
The reality is that you are a kick @ss mom that provides a good life for your daughters. You made sure they were treated well by your ex while also knowing they would be a major part of the life you wanted to build with him because they should never feel replaced. You gave up the relationship because you knew your daughters deserved more than he was willing to give while he looked after himself. It would be much harder for them to watch you stay in the relationship, giving up the things that are important to you, only to see you devastated when he left after he bought his house and found a woman he wanted to have babies with. Instead, they are watching you deal with the pain of losing a relationship that did not provide the three of you what you deserved because you know your worth. Just because someone puts in some effort and makes you happy sometimes doesn’t mean you should stay after discovering your paths were never going to merge in the ways you wanted. That is self-love, and it is beautiful!
Good luck finding a partner who wants to create a happy life with you and your girls involved as much more than just his cheerleaders. 🥰
NTA
His silence says it all. You’d be wasting your time if you stayed with him.
NTA. You made the right decision for you and your girls. He was using you as a place holder until someone better came along. When you tried having an adult conversation, he turned into a mute little boy.
Good riddance to bad rubbish and a great example for your girls to see what NOT to put up with. You are your daughter’s first teacher and they learn how to navigate relationships by watching you. Glad you realized he was wasting your time, because you deserve better. Good luck.
NTA. I’m also gonna rewrite your last paragraph for you.
“My partner wasn’t willing to put in the effort to build the life/future I (and my children) wanted to build. So I walked away.”
I hope that makes you feel less guilty about the situation when you read it like that.
Building a family and a future with someone is a task nobody should half ass. Girl, run.
Girl come on now.
He’s damn near 30 acting like this??? There is no hope for him
My bet is he’s been cheating on you.
NTA- yeah time to run away. It’s time for you to find another fish in the sea.
told myself I was fine being single or just fwb for the longest time but there usually comes a time when ppl will want to find a life partner cuz they’re sick of being alone most of the time….that time has come for me now go figure the lone wolf for most of his life suddenly wants a partner
You made the right decision and you know it. Sorry you’re hurting right now. Wishing you the best.
Hmm 🤔 what a quandary. The Door 🚪 was your best decision.
I’d rather be single and alone than to be with a piece of a man. It’s either all or nothing.
NTA. YOU GOT YOU! And that’s all you need. You’re doing well for yourself. Do some self care and heal. Someone better is out there and you will find them. Until then keep leveling up.
NTA. How long were you together?
Of course not. I feel sad that you have to ask this. He was prioritising himself… why would it be wrong for you to the same for yourself and your children? You have a right to decide your own future, and settling for less than you deserve is a recipe for disaster. If he can’t prioritise you now, it will only get worse, not better. Bravo for being strong and recognising this.
I have actually used the Bridget Jones line before: ‘I’m afraid that’s not a good enough offer for me.’
NTA
It was not meant to be. Finding any man willing to take on single mother with young children will be very difficult.
You are a SMART woman!!! and
NTA at all. Just because this man did some bare minimum things doesn’t mean you made a mistake. He’s not for you and you did the right thing.
NTA telling him goodbye was a decision to put yourself and your children first, as you should. Your mom is right; he was just stringing you along until he found someone he preferred more. Why would you even question your decision? You know in your gut it was the right one, right?
NTA, obviously, he is. I don’t get why people who aren’t serious even string people along, let alone a single mom. That is so much worse. You and your family build bonds, and it affects everyone, not just the 2 adults.
Now, he allows someone wonderful and caring to raise his kid. Did he just not want one yet? He won’t find someone better, just so you know. You obviously would’ve done anything for him, loved and respected him, and he used that kindness to help get him where he wanted to be. You to a guy like him is collateral damage on his way to douchehood.
You are much better knowing now than investing anymore into him. Sorry
NTA, it sounds like you were a placeholder when he was down now that’s he’s on the rise he’s not sure. Move on
You are brave and I’m seriously in awe and inspired by your decision. You will get through the hard part of missing him and wishing what could’ve been hopefully sooner than later. And I’m certain the other side of it is much brighter for you and your kiddos. Yall deserve more and you not only recognizing it but taking actionable steps to show you know that is fucking gangster. I waited 2 years before I left after I realized I deserved better. And I went back twice after that lol.
Mom’s know better!!Stay strong u did the right thing!
The fact that he’s trying to become a cop checks out with his shit personality. You do not want to date a cop.
You don’t wanna buy a house or marry someone who can’t see a future w you…. Tbh if you’re both just on a FWB or dating phase and ok with that, then great!! But if he isn’t ready for a future right now, maybe give him a little time to think about it as it is a big step. But maybe also he just doesn’t see a home and marriage and baby and all with you. (Just possible thoughts on it.)
But I did see this Steve Harvey video. A woman was saying something similar about her bf not being ready for more. Steve asked does he have a good job, is he getting paid well, can he support you? She said no. Steve explained that women have a biological clock. Women want a home and a baby by a certain age. Men have financial clock. They want to be financially secure before they make big commitments bc they want to be able to care for you/the family without struggle. So if the man isnt financially well then he may fear the rest of it will be unwell. But if the finances aren’t an issue, then I can’t speculate on anything else cuz obviously I am not there to se it all. Just a thought tho. Best wishes 🥰💕
He wants to start his own family from scratch.
NTA – you dodged a bullet. It doesn’t sound like he’s as invested as you are in the relationship.
Why do you mention his salary. Very jarring.
Not even a little bit—you are absolutely not the AH for walking away. In fact, what you did was incredibly brave, self-respecting, and, frankly, deeply maternal. You recognized a painful truth: that love—real love—requires alignment, mutual investment, and a shared vision for the future. You weren’t asking for perfection or constant validation. You were asking for presence, commitment, and clarity. That’s not unreasonable—that’s the foundation of a healthy partnership.
It sounds like you gave your heart, your time, and your unwavering support to someone who, while maybe well-intentioned at times, was not willing or able to meet you in that same place. The fact that he remained silent when you shared your deepest needs says more than any grand gesture ever could. Silence in those moments is a kind of answer—and it’s often the loudest one.
You showed up fully: as a mother, a partner, and a woman with a clear sense of her worth and her future. You deserved someone who would show up fully, too. It hurts because you loved him—and because you hoped he would grow into the man who could walk beside you. But in choosing to walk away, you didn’t give up on love—you honored it. You protected the version of love you know you and your daughters deserve.
You’re not only not the villain here—you’re the hero of your own story. And while it’s okay to grieve, it’s also okay to feel proud. You set a boundary that said: my life, my children, and my heart are not side projects—they’re sacred. Anyone who doesn’t recognize that doesn’t get to stay.
He already gave you the answer to your questions. He’s NOT the one. Block him up, go NC. Move on. There are good men out there that can value you and love you for who you are. You deserve better!
Your post reads like you never discussed any of this stuff with him and waited till you were pregnant to mention it.
NTA. You want a future, he didn’t. Best not to waste any more of your time and energy on a relationship that won’t go anywhere
>AITA for ending my relationship because my boyfriend wouldn’t commit to a future with me?
No one is ever wrong for ending any relationship for any reason. If it isn’t working for you, it isn’t working for you, and not wasting any more time in a relationship that isn’t working for you is a wise move.
>To be fair, he did show some effort. He went places with me and my daughters, and even took my family on a trip to Arizona. But when it came to real commitment—moving in together, planning a shared future, or building a family—he avoided it.
At this point, I think you should have had a very serious talk with him about this issue. It seems like you were holding in your fears instead of glaringly bringing them front and center in bright sunlight. That was a mistake.
>He told me I have questionable judgment and that he isn’t sure he wants a family with me.
This part of your post gets a little complicated for me. It sounds to me like he just did not want to raise some other man’s kids and couldn’t get past it. Which is neither wrong nor bad, although he should have been crystal clear with you about this from the very start. It would have saved both of you a lot of time and heartbreak.
>When I told him I want someone who wants to build financially and emotionally with me, and who sees my daughters as part of the life they’re choosing—not as a burden—he had nothing to say. Just silence. No reassurance. No effort. Nothing.
He said it all by saying nothing at all.
>My mom believes he was stringing me along while holding out for someone “better,” and honestly, that’s what it feels like. I feel incredibly sad, used, and devalued—not just as a woman, but as a mother. I gave so much love and support, and in the end, it felt like I was never seriously considered as part of his future.
I’m sorry. I know this is very painful for you, but I feel like you kind of ran away from reality for a while. But, ultimately, you made the right decision, and now you can move on.
Good luck to you.
I think you know this answer already.
The most generous interpretation is you two were incompatible because you wanted different things at this point in your lives.
The more likely scenario is Mom is right.
You and your girls will be better off without carrying his dead weight.
NTA
This is dripping with a.i
You dodged a bullet with that one! Leave him in the dust where he belongs.
You deserve better and will find someone thrilled to build a future with you.
Best of luck to you. 🍀
Yta for waiting till you’re pregnant to bring all this up to him.
NTA. Block him and go no contact.
NTA, he took you for granted.
Both. YTA but NTA.
NTA because you and your children deserve love and to be shown love not shown tolerance. You deserve to have the life you want.
YTA because personally as a single mother of 2, you should probably be looking for a man with children as well. That way it eliminates any issues when it comes to your kids because they are already familiar with the differences that come with children being involved. I.E – he’ll always come 2nd or 3rd.
NTA
Men decide when it is right time to settle down with a woman on their timeline. He has to be ready mentally, financially and emotionally.
He said he was not on all three. You were not a part of his long term plan, today.
When women push men to go on their timeline men run.
He is young and when he is ready he will marry who is in front of him then. I see this all the time a guy drops sports watching or gaming and married in 2 years… . We say men do not have biological clocks they have objectives. When they say or think they are ready they get married.
Sorry about the baby. That timing was awful.
Not wanting the same future is never a bad reason for ending a relationship. However, you skipped over some points and I can’t help but think there is more to it. For him to say that you have “questionable judgment” is pretty harsh. Did something in particular happen to make him say that?
He gave you plenty of red flags which you simply ignored. Take care of your daughters. It may be years before you find someone who appreciates you. I was in the same position and because I could take care of myself and 2 sons, many men simply weren’t into a ready-made family. I saw that early on and did what I had to do for my kids. Now I’m 84 and living with my 65 yr old son who at least appreciates what I did for him all those years, not someone who might have resented it. BTW, get some birth control if you’re going to be having sex with anyone. Put your energy into your daughters–they’ll appreciate it more.
NTA.
You’re clearly building a man for someone else.
NTA. Probably the best decision you’ve made in years. You may not see it, but you were acting desperate. You were auditioning for a Mrs. role with a casting director who did not choose you. You showed up multiple times and he never said you got the part. He wasn’t playing you, you were playing yourself. You fell in love, he didn’t. There were so many red flags you chose not to see them. All you could see is what you want, not what he wants. Unfortunately your birth control method failed, you were pregnant and because he didn’t respond how you wanted, you aborted his child. Who paid for it? Was it a joint decision to get the abortion or solely your decision? I have seldom seen a man rejoicing when his unborn unplanned child is aborted. That’s whether or not he wants the relationship.
His comment about your judgment being questionable should have let you know that you do not share the same perspective in life. Not only that, he helps his family financially. That alone tells you he is not ready for long term commitment. He also wants to achieve more in his life before any commitment. He doesn’t sound like a bad guy. He’s just not your guy for all the reasons he told you. You’re right to move on.
Next time don’t come off so desperate. Instead speak with confidence. Tell him upfront that you are seeking a life partner. Find out his one year and five year goals. If they don’t include a long term relationship or marriage, move on. Don’t spend months trying to prove you’re worthy of commitment. You’re either the ONE for a guy or you’re not. Being direct about your wants and needs will work to your benefit.
NTA
You and your children were only a placeholder in his miserable life.
Good riddance, I say!
How long are you two together?
Because that would influence the decision.
It’s different if you are 1 year together or 5 years?
NTA. If he wasn’t willing to put any effort into a relationship, you would have been carrying the full load, forever. It doesn’t sound like he understands how relationships are sustained. Ending it was your best option.
There is never a bad reason to end a relationship. If you felt it should end, it should. Hard stop.
Hmmm, nobody is wrong here.
You are in a different stage in life than he is.
I understand why you want commitment. And you are right when I see it from your side . You have kids and surely, when I have a spouse I would also want that he at least has the mindset to commit long term and think and talk about the future. And wants that future.
But I can also understand him. He is building up at the moment, and maybe more stressed than you think as the main provider for his family. And probably wanted to make it right with you too.
Dividing your Energy and trying to make everyone happy is not easy.
Because how I see it, a little more than one year is not a lot of time. Especially when you can’t put your focus solely in one direction. I would be overwhelmed with the situation.