My (28F) fiancé (29M) and I have been together for 10 years. We got engaged in September 2024 and started trying to plan a traditional wedding. Unfortunately, I had a pulmonary embolism about a month after the engagement, which delayed everything (so crazy). Once we were ready to move forward, we quickly realized that even the most basic wedding in our area would cost us upwards of $25,000 — and honestly, that felt overwhelming and not worth it.
In April 2025, we decided we would elope in Las Vegas this September for our 11-year anniversary. We wanted something low-pressure, fun, and focused on us. We’ve been planning little touches and documenting parts of the journey for our friends online — it’s been exciting, lighthearted, and meaningful to us.
But when we told my partner’s family, things took a turn. His parents got upset— because our elopement conflicted with their 32nd vacation to the Outer Banks that they say they can’t reschedule or they’ll lose out on money. We get married on a Friday and their vacation starts on Sunday but even tho his dad owns his own business, they can’t take the time off to be there because his mom just started a new job. They seemed more frustrated about the scheduling than anything else, but instead of talking to us directly, they went to his sister and essentially told her I was “jealous” of her recent engagement (which happened at the end of May). That added a whole extra layer of drama that feels completely untrue and unfair.
His sister was immediately upset and called me selfish and a disappointment for “excluding” family and accused me of doing this on purpose. We tried to explain that we’re not asking for anything — no gifts, no money, no help — and we just want to celebrate in a way that feels right for us.
But the whole thing has spiraled, and I’m dealing with way more stress than I ever wanted — especially since eloping was supposed to avoid this kind of pressure. We’re still sticking to our plan, but the guilt-tripping and side comments are starting to piss me off. After 11 years of being together this elopement wasn’t the end of anything, this is the start to our new journey and there was is do much to look forward to.
So… AITA for not inviting his sister or family to our elopement and refusing to change our wedding plans?
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My (28F) fiancé (29M) and I have been together for 10 years. We got engaged in September 2024 and started trying to plan a traditional wedding. Unfortunately, I had a pulmonary embolism about a month after the engagement, which delayed everything (so crazy). Once we were ready to move forward, we quickly realized that even the most basic wedding in our area would cost us upwards of $25,000 — and honestly, that felt overwhelming and not worth it.
In April 2025, we decided we would elope in Las Vegas this September for our 11-year anniversary. We wanted something low-pressure, fun, and focused on us. We’ve been planning little touches and documenting parts of the journey for our friends online — it’s been exciting, lighthearted, and meaningful to us.
But when we told my partner’s family, things took a turn. His parents got upset— because our elopement conflicted with their 32nd vacation to the Outer Banks that they say they can’t reschedule or they’ll lose out on money. We get married on a Friday and their vacation starts on Sunday but even tho his dad owns his own business, they can’t take the time off to be there because his mom just started a new job. They seemed more frustrated about the scheduling than anything else, but instead of talking to us directly, they went to his sister and essentially told her I was “jealous” of her recent engagement (which happened at the end of May). That added a whole extra layer of drama that feels completely untrue and unfair.
His sister was immediately upset and called me selfish and a disappointment for “excluding” family and accused me of doing this on purpose. We tried to explain that we’re not asking for anything — no gifts, no money, no help — and we just want to celebrate in a way that feels right for us.
But the whole thing has spiraled, and I’m dealing with way more stress than I ever wanted — especially since eloping was supposed to avoid this kind of pressure. We’re still sticking to our plan, but the guilt-tripping and side comments are starting to piss me off. After 11 years of being together this elopement wasn’t the end of anything, this is the start to our new journey and there was is do much to look forward to.
So… AITA for not inviting his sister or family to our elopement and refusing to change our wedding plans?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing to change our elopement plans and date because my fiancé’s family wants us to
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
What did your partner say to any of it? He should be talking to them and calming them down. He should help you relax so the stress goes away.
NTA. It sounds more like a conflict in scheduling that they are blaming you for. They could choose to go or not. Their choices aren’t your fault
INFO. Does the Vegas trip include invitations for anyone else to join, or is it just you two?
If it’s an open thing like ‘if anyone can join us for the weekend please do’, and / or if your family was pointedly invited and you knew his couldn’t make it because of their trip, YTA
If it was always intended to be only you two on the trip, then NTA
Which was scheduled first? Your trip to elope or their trip to the outer Banks?
I hate the concept that you are absolutely obligated to invite certain people to life events just because they are family. No. If they cant behave or cause stress they are not invited anymore and you are NTA 🤷🏼♀️
Clarification….was your elopement supposed to be the two of you and parents/immediate families? If so, YTA. You’re having like 4 guests and doing it at a time where 2 of them can’t go.
If you weren’t planning on inviting them at all, then N T A, but then why did they know it 4 months in advance?
YTA
You don’t know how elopement works. You ad your partner just quietly get a license. Then get married.
After that you send out marriage announcements.
Telling everyone date and location of it in advance makes it a wedding.
Since its only going to be the 2 of you and no parents, then they have nothing to be mad about.
But if your parents is going to be there, I dont blame them for being annoyed.
Why did you tell people that you were going to elope before you did it?
What did your family say about the plans to leave them out of your wedding?
What did your boyfriend say to his family about their reaction?
NTA, it sounds like you’re better off without them there. Realise though, that their resentment is never going to go away and you’ll be hearing about this for the rest of your marriage.
Your partner should really be taking more of a stand on this instead of leaving you to shoulder the stress alone.
You can elope but, yes, family will be left out and likely hurt.
Usually an elopement is just the bride and groom, an no family would be invited. Is this an elopement or a really tiny wedding, in which you’re scheduling it when his family can’t come?
NTA
My husband and I did the same thing except we eloped to another country. It was an all or nothing invitation: either everyone in both immediate families came or not at all. We eloped alone and had a wonderful honeymoon, all cheaper than a wedding would have been and we bought a house. We eloped alone because someone in my family couldn’t go. My in-laws were sad and upset they couldn’t come.
It is about the beginning of YOUR marriage. Have a party when you get back to appease the in-laws, and they will get over it— but you must have a united front with your partner.
Eloping means no family is there. No family. At all. None. No family. No mom, no dad, no sister, no brother, no 3rd cousin twelfth removed. No one. So… I guess NTA? Since the whole premise is insane.
I thought eloping was supposed to be a secret until it happened? Loose lips sink ships 🤔🤷
This is a little confusing… Are you eloping (which would be just the two of you) or are you having a small wedding? Why would his family be invited to attend?
The marriage ceremony is about the two of you, not his parents or anyone else, and your partner needs to remind his family of this.
INFO: You decided in April. When did you tell your partner’s parents? I’m confused how they could accuse you of being jealous of an engagement that didn’t happen until the end of May – how could your partner’s parents confuse the dates so badly?
I say invite them to be present & assume they won’t come. Make that invitation effort but most normal people don’t blame others for their conflicts. Remember these people will be in your life for years.
NTA.
Why are you dealing with your fiances family though? Leave it to him to lay it out to his family and tell them to leave you alone
Does anyone understand that sloping means you go and do it by yourself. You don’t tell anyone in advance and you don’t invite anyone. You come back and say, “We’re married!”
Once people know in advance, you are, in fact, planning a wedding.
Did you know they had this vacation scheduled before you picked the date? Do you really want to elope (which would be no family) or do you want a small wedding? Who told you what his parents allegedly said to the sister? If you had planned to actually elope, none of this would be an issue since no one would’ve known anything. You don’t invite people to an elopement — what you really seemed to want was a small wedding.
So it’s not really an elopement (just you and your fiance) it’s a small wedding and you chose a day (although not intentionally) that his parents can’t attend. They are understandably upset. YTA
NTA
Stop answering any of it, and let HIM handle HIs family.
ESH really. If you are having others at the ceremony other than 2 witnesses then you are not eloping. It then becomes a small wedding.
If you are truly eloping then there should be no concerns about when it happens because no family will be there. Fiancé’s family are just being jerks.
If you are actually having a small wedding then you should be talking to the immediate family (parents at least) about your plans. I would rather have my parents there than be stuck on a specific date.
After the information that you originally intended it to be a family trip until it conflicted with their holiday date YTA.
Yes your anniversary is important but it’s incredibly sus you picked the same day his parents go on their anniversary trip for your holiday. His family absolutely have the right to be angry at you
It’s not elopement if you’re inviting family, it’s a small wedding. You didn’t give your guests enough notice.
You could easily change the date but won’t. It’s your right to do that, but I’m not surprised they’re pissed. I guess technically NAH
Isn’t the whole point of elopement to not have other people there? After ten years, you should have just gone to the courthouse.
Eloping means running away secretly to get married. If you’re documenting it online, either you’re not eloping, or you’re exceptionally bad at keeping a secret.
Was your plan to get married without any friends or family present? If so, now you know why the “secret” part of eloping is really important. Sneaking away is romantic, but once you start telling people, it turns into having a wedding and being too cheap to invite any guests.
And no, even the cheapest wedding in your area will not cost $25,000. I can assure you that no matter where you are, poor people do actually manage to get married and have weddings without spending $25,000.
NTA.
Stop talking to them all. Put them on mute. Let your fiancé deal with his family, this is HIS responsibility.
He needs to sit down with them, without you, and express HIS anger and disappointment in their behaviour. He needs to call them out for attacking you over plans you made TOGETHER.
He needs to make it clear to them that you haven’t done anything wrong & that HE wants them to back off with all the complaints and apologise to you.
He needs to make sure his sister knows that their Mom lied to her to get her to join in with the bullying of you, because that’s what that was.
He needs to make sure they understand that if they don’t he will also be putting them on mute for the time being and you two will be going ahead and enjoying this planning time and the wedding itself without them.
It’s really sad that his family have done this, but you can’t allow it to ruin your special day. And more importantly, your fiancé can’t. He has to deal with his family, and cut them off for a while if they won’t back down and apologise.
You are not eloping, you are getting married without other people being present since you have already shared your plans with them.
Just be grown-ups, get married and tell people this is your choice.
I’m a bit confused. I thought elopement, by its nature, meant you run off and get married and tell people afterwards. It sounds like this is a small wedding in Vegas, which is fine, but I didn’t think that’s what an elopement was.
NTA. This should be your fiancé’s problem, not yours.
Unrelated: Has the meaning of the word “elope” changed? This sounds like a small destination wedding.
So your planning a destination wedding without checking his immediate family were free?
I would be heartbroken to miss the wedding of one of my children. It is absolutely your wedding, and obviously you can do whatever you want, but his family can feel about it however they want.
Going away to get married and bring families a small destination wedding.
Getting married and telling everyone afterwards is an elopement.
If you’re scheduling a destination wedding generally you’d find out the availability of the people you really want to be there BEFORE booking it. Not book it and expect everyone to cancel their plans.
NTA
Nothing wrong with your plans. I honestly wish you both the best.
Is there a way for your fiance’ to tag in and be the only point of communication. Providing a shield to you?
Honestly, I feel like they are being inflexible. As far as making it to their son’s next big step in life. It was thrown in the too hard basket. Then they went with guilt tripping and emotional sabotage.
Personally, It would make me less likely to accommodate them. But I’m a little on the petty side.
This is your future together, it’s your marriage. If you are on the same page as each other on the wedding/elopement. Then the inlaws can like it or lump it. At the end of the day. It’s not about them.
YTA for having no idea what eloping even is before posting about it.
NTA not your fault they don’t know what elope means
YTA for incirrectly calling a destination wedding an elopement, which I rather suspect is just a tactic on your part to try to get people on your side.
NTA but your first mistake was telling his family or yours anything. You guys should have just done it and told them afterwards. Then you could have just planned a little party down the road when it would be good for everyone else. If you’re are dead set on doing on your anniversary, then you will have to keep dealing with the fall out. There’s still time to sneak off and do it without anyone knowing, it just wont be on that date.
You are having a micro wedding not eloping.
ESH
planning an elaborate elopement and sharing the planning process on social media and excluding family/friends from attending is a choice you are making that you have every right to make! but idk, people are allowed to feel how they wanna feel. i think you could’ve saved yourself a whole lot of this drama if you just eloped and told them after the fact.
Need more info – is anyone invited or is it just the two of you going?
I do think you’re NTA because it’s your wedding and do whatever you can. Let them know this has been a very painful decision for you because the medical circumstance made it impossible to have the wedding you really wanted. Make them feel guilty as hell for making it about them.
NTA. They want a traditional wedding or at least to be included but they are not getting it, so they are angry. Get married immediately at city hall or your town hall and let your fiance tell them it’s done. Then use Las Vegas as your honeymoon.
NTA but fiancé’s family seems to be. They are forgetting that your health crisis precipitated your change in plans.
They may not have handled this in the best way, but they want to be there for you guys.
Could you do a courthouse ceremony and then “elope” for your honeymoon?
NTA Eloping used to mean skipping the wedding drama by running AWAY from the drama, two people who just wanted to be married. Now it seems to be a catch-all for “don’t want to mess with a traditional wedding”. I think this is where it goes off the rails. If family and friends are invited in advance, even casually like “Hey, if you’re around, we’re getting married on Friday and would love to have you join us”, then it’s not really eloping; it’s a micro wedding with others involved. That’s what this sounds like. If having some family, even feuding family, involved is what you want, the drama attached is what you get. If you just want to get married your way and start that new life, get out of town early and get the job done, alone and with deferred drama. Someone may still be sad, angry, disappointed that they weren’t included but YOUR wedding took place YOUR way and their unhappiness is theirs to deal with.
Elope for real. Don’t invite any family from either side.
With all the drama that has ensued maybe just actually elope but do it spontaneously instead of sticking to a date. You’ll have new special day to celebrate.
YTA. Elopement is the wrong word. It’s not just you and your spouse going away. You planned a micro destination wedding.
Typically when you’re doing a destination wedding, it’s common courtesy to check on the schedule of your nearest and dearest to make sure they can actually come before scheduling. You do have a responsibility to check what’s going on in their lives before throwing a destination wedding. They’re your fiancee’s parents!
Why would his parents think they’d be attending an elopement? That is very strange to me.