My partner intends to work abroad as a teacher for 4-5 months next year. Whenever we have discussed the financial aspect of me staying behind, she has brought up that she would be okay with paying 25% of our rent while she’s away.
Her thoughts are, she’s not living at our apartment while she’s gone, so why should she pay half. For context, our rent is utilities included, so it’s not a matter of paying a utility bill for water or electricity that she’s not using.
For added context – we currently make very similar income (she makes more gross but pays more into a pension), although I have been out of university for 2 more years than her. It’s not like I make so much more that the additional rent wouldn’t affect me much. Currently my portion of rent is about 25% of my post-tax monthly income. By picking up the additional 25% it pushes me to 44%. My main focus since graduating has been on saving for a house, and as such the majority of my funds are “locked” in an FHSA (Canadian tax advantaged account for home purchase) that I can’t withdraw from without taking a large tax hit.
As mentioned, she will be employed when she’s abroad which would pay for her expenses of rent and food with a decent amount leftover. Aside from that, she is going to enjoy the sights and turn it into a pseudo vacation.
From what I gather, it is roughly 800-900$ in rent weekly, and her pay is $420 daily pre-tax, 5 day workweek.
My thoughts are that she should pay 50% of rent, as that is what we have been doing and what we agreed to when signing a lease and moving in together, but not necessarily any additives such as internet or streaming services. An example that I’ve tried to convey is that if this were a vacation that we were both going on, and not deriving any income from during the stay, we would save up money prior to afford to actually do this; You don’t just leave all financial responsibilities behind you.
If it were me in her position, I feel like I would have been expected to save up 4-5months rent before going to pay that off, and then whatever money I make on the trip goes to expenses and enjoying the trip itself.
I really need an outside point of view. I am trying to be encouraging of her going as I am sure it would be a wonderful experience, but the financial aspect of it just leaves me angry with how little consideration has been given towards how it will affect me. Am I the asshole for expecting this of my partner?
TL:DR – partner is leaving to work abroad for 4-5 months and we cannot agree on a fair way to split expenses while she’s gone.
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My partner intends to work abroad as a teacher for 4-5 months next year. Whenever we have discussed the financial aspect of me staying behind, she has brought up that she would be okay with paying 25% of our rent while she’s away.
Her thoughts are, she’s not living at our apartment while she’s gone, so why should she pay half. For context, our rent is utilities included, so it’s not a matter of paying a utility bill for water or electricity that she’s not using.
For added context – we currently make very similar income (she makes more gross but pays more into a pension), although I have been out of university for 2 more years than her. It’s not like I make so much more that the additional rent wouldn’t affect me much. Currently my portion of rent is about 25% of my post-tax monthly income. By picking up the additional 25% it pushes me to 44%. My main focus since graduating has been on saving for a house, and as such the majority of my funds are “locked” in an FHSA (Canadian tax advantaged account for home purchase) that I can’t withdraw from without taking a large tax hit.
As mentioned, she will be employed when she’s abroad which would pay for her expenses of rent and food with a decent amount leftover. Aside from that, she is going to enjoy the sights and turn it into a pseudo vacation.
From what I gather, it is roughly 800-900$ in rent weekly, and her pay is $420 daily pre-tax, 5 day workweek.
My thoughts are that she should pay 50% of rent, as that is what we have been doing and what we agreed to when signing a lease and moving in together, but not necessarily any additives such as internet or streaming services. An example that I’ve tried to convey is that if this were a vacation that we were both going on, and not deriving any income from during the stay, we would save up money prior to afford to actually do this; You don’t just leave all financial responsibilities behind you.
If it were me in her position, I feel like I would have been expected to save up 4-5months rent before going to pay that off, and then whatever money I make on the trip goes to expenses and enjoying the trip itself.
I really need an outside point of view. I am trying to be encouraging of her going as I am sure it would be a wonderful experience, but the financial aspect of it just leaves me angry with how little consideration has been given towards how it will affect me. Am I the asshole for expecting this of my partner?
TL:DR – partner is leaving to work abroad for 4-5 months and we cannot agree on a fair way to split expenses while she’s gone.
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> Gf thinks she shouldn’t pay 50% rent while on vacation, I disagree. Am I an asshole for this stance?
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NTA, she should pay rent while she’s gone. But if utilities are included in rent, maybe you can give her a bit of a discount since she won’t be using electricity and water and stuff while gone?
I think you need a different subreddit for this. Opinions on how to compromise with financial differences would I think be more valuable than decided if you’re an AH or not. This situation isn’t black and white, but the answer isn’t ESH either.
No verdict – buuuut you two probably should’ve talked about this BEFORE she took the job.
Is it possible to sublet any of the space while she is away
NTA – she should pay 50%. She would have to with any other lease agreement, the fact you are sleeping together does not change that. The lease was signed with the intention of her paying, so she should pay.
How long have you known about her going abroad? Did you have time to save up for the extra rent money? Maybe instead of sending you that money for rent, she could put it aside for the house, which I assume is a mutual goal. If she’s leaving you hanging in the wind without giving you time to make a financial plan, she would be the asshole. But it sounds like you’ve known for a while, and can afford to pay the rent. 4 or 5 months isn’t going to make such a huge impact on your savings either way, so I think paying 25% while she’s not even living there is actually quite fair.
NTA. As someone who has traveled a lot… If she signed the lease she’s responsible for 1/2 the rent while gone. It’s. It your burden to cover. Can she rent out a room while she’s away to cover her portion?
If you want to meet in a non 50/50 split I’d say 60/40 would be more then generous of you. Although TBH you may not still have a partner at the end of her time abroad. Trips like that change people and their priorities
NTA Because she also would be paying for “keeping” the apartment. Where is all of her stuff going to go? Stay in the apartment. Would she prefer for you to move out and find a smaller and cheaper place, just for you, and move all of her belongings into storage? Probably not. I recently had to leave for a few months and I live by myself. So I had to pay for my empty apartment that no one used. But it is what it is.
She is being incredibly selfish. She is on the lease, she pays half the rent. NTA
If you signed a lease and agreed to a 50/50 split, then I don’t think it’s fair for her to change terms after you’re locked in. I have a roommate that chose to travel for three months and didn’t want to sublet. That meant they continued to pay half the rent.
Um, is she planning on coming back? Because it kind of sounds like she’s not coming back.
She signed the lease
Legal obligations don’t take a vacation or a break when traveling
She’s being the asshole here
NTA
Rent out her space
From a kind of emotionless perspective she has an obligation to pay 50% of the rent on the current lease term (since that is % you two previously agreed on). If the trip doesn’t start until after a lease renewal that has yet to come up, then it’s up to whatever you two decide to split it for the new period.
Relationships are about supporting each other and not just 100% even at every point in time, but anything above 50% of the rent would be you supporting her going abroad (and hopefully part of both of you supporting the other at various times).
If she were single, she would have to pay 100% of the rent while she was abroad, or end/break her lease and store her stuff somewhere else. So based on what you’ve said, I’m going to say NTA because she seems to think the default is for you to pay more which doesn’t really make sense.
But you two have to decide what’s fair between the both of you, reddit can’t pick a number. And it may also involve broader discussions about your financial goals and long-term compatibility. Like are you planning on buying a house yourself??
NTA, because she signed a lease. She doesn’t get to skirt her legal and ethical responsibility because she’s your partner.
That said, if she values travel and doesn’t want to subsidize your rent while she is away in the future, she WNBTA if she finds new living arrangements when this lease is up.
ETA: OP commented that it’s a 2 bed/2 bath apartment and that they could sublet, but he doesn’t know where to move his office furniture. This context changes my opinion. YTA for expecting her to subsidize your living expenses for nearly half the year, while making excuses about her subleasing the bedroom you use as an office. Since the lease allows a sublet, her responsibility is to ensure it is paid, not to personally subsidize your spare office because you don’t want to move your desk.
She’s obligated to pay 50%. NTA
Are you able to give notice and move into something amaller you can afford?
NTA. If she lived alone, she would still be responsible for paying her rent.
Can she put her stuff in storage and you get a roommate for that time? Because I assume not. If she wasn’t living with you she would need to figure out what to do with her stuff and apartment since this job is only for a season. Like expecting you to take on the financial responsibility of her leaving isn’t great. You’re supposed to be partners and support each other, it goes both ways. I think doing just the cost of rent without utilities would be fair for both of you. I know in Germany we know what we pay per month for it and then we either get money back or pay the difference once a year.
Nta but you do really need to find some compromise where you both feel good about it.
Mild YTA
So she makes 2k per week and pays 900 in rent a week and 2100 pretax while overseas.
You pay 44% post tax with her income she will pay 42% pre-tax plus she will pay 25% of her old rent
If you are a partnership then it seems fair that you split expenses roughly equally. Your expenses as a couple are going up so each of your share is going up.
Do you have a 2 bedroom? Look at sub letting the room
Now if you are room mates who fuck then your position is correct otherwise I think her proposed split is reasonable.
NTA-She signed a lease, and I’m sure she’s leaving her stuff there. If she balks at paying 50%, then she needs to get her stuff out and pay a storage facility so you can sublet.
I am away from my partner, our home and dog 50% or more of the year, I still pay half of everything. I still also have to cover my own separate accommodation expenses while abroad, it’s very hard. Is it fair or right? I don’t know. We’ve been together 10 years, with this situation going on the last 5-6 years.
NTA. If she were renting the apartment as a single person, her landlord would not “waive” the rent for the months she is in Europe. Her option would be to move out — & find a new apartment when she returns — which would probably involve a penalty for breaking a lease. She made a commitment to you/landlord when she signed the lease agreement. Many people travel for weeks/months at a time but they still pay their rent whether they occupy the apartment or not. She’s now, because it suits her, treating your shared home as if it’s a pay-per-stay hotel room.
From a partnership standpoint, she can afford to continue paying her share & still enjoy her adventure. She knows your financial situation and assumed you would take the hit. You may want to reconsider this “partnership” — especially if this was sprung on you at the last minute. It’s a character & integrity issue.
Of course, all of this should have been discussed before she accepted the job. Be prepared: If she’s dying on this flimsy hill, it may be she’s planning a break-up when she returns.
If her work is paying for her accommodation abroad, why is she also trying to benefit here at your expense?
In my job it was possible to move abroad with work for short periods between 6 months and two years. And people regularly gave up their living accommodations at home to benefit from someone else paying for your abroad accommodation and save money. But people who did that were living by themselves. Me, who had just bought a flat, obviously continued to pay my mortgage while I was abroad so i didn’t lost my flat, which meant I ended up neutral on living costs. Why is she acting like she’s single and doesn’t have obligations she already committed to? 🤔
ESH, but only mildly…
This is something you two should’ve worked out before she committed to this. If you’ve been together 7 years, and you’re living together your lives are intertwined almost as much as a married couple, and at least one of you made assumptions about things you shouldn’t have.
Your solution here isn’t to go to reddit and look for a judgement… it’s to go back and talk to her and find an answer you can both live with.
You need to accept that, if this is somthign she REALLY wants to do that you should be supporting her as much as you reasonably can…
and she needs to realize that if she was living alone no landlord anywhere would let her off with half off on her rent… so she’s straight up asking you for a HUGE financial favor. What she’s asking for is for you to financially subsidize her trip.
And BOTH of you need to learn a lesson about communicating with each other about things you both need to agree on BEFORE it gets to this point. Successful relationships depend on good communication.
NTA is she was single, she’d have to keep paying or give up the lease entirely. Instead, she’s expecting you to subsidize her working holiday..
If she can’t pay half the rent, she should fully vacate the apartment and find a sublease. If she can’t find someone to move in, she should continue to pay the rent. Or break the lease and move out. Why should you pay for the privilege of being her storage unit?
I view it like this…
If you had a mortgage together, she would still be expected to pay.
It is HER home and her commitment.
You dont stop having your stuff there, you dont pay a door fee each time you enter and leave.
It is up to you how much you access it, but you are paying for exclusive rights to it.
As a partner, you are sharing those exclusive rights.
If the financial burden is too great and she doesn’t agree (rude but moving on), is a short term boarder an option?
NTA. Is she going to pull a stunt like this when you have a mortgage? Banks (or landlords for that matter) don’t care that you go work abroad, the payment just needs to happen.
If she fails to understand this, it may be wise to not buy a house with her but to buy it solo.
To me it’s the same principle as if she owned a home, would she expect to not pay the mortgage while away? Or what about a car? Would she not pay the note because she’s not driving it for 4 months? Of course not, so why does she think she doesn’t have to be responsible for paying rent. I have to believe if the situation were reversed she would expect her roommate to honor their commitment and lease or get someone to sublet their portion.
Three issues here:
SO my suggestion would be, can you work as a team? As a married couple should on finances? How do you pay for these things and make it fair? If you need a subleaser for a couple months, work together to get one! Or, could you figure out a way to make a little extra money [e.g., could she work as a dog walker while abroad to pay for those “extras”?] Could you chip in a little since she literally isn’t living there during that time, and let her pay like 35 or 40% instead of 50% for those months? Doesn’t have to all-or-nothing, and that stuff really pays forward in a relationship, if you truly see this long term.
And to end on this general reminder for both of you: A true [good] compromise will leave both people a little dissatisfied. It might feel something like her paying 40% of rent 🙂 But in a true long-term relationship, it’s best long term, “you did this for what I wanted, I did this for what you wanted, together we rise” if you will
Edit: I answered assuming you see this person as endgame. If not, let that girl pay 50% of rent and put your foot down!! Lol. But if you do that, imo, know that that’s what this reads, she is hearing, “you’re not supporting my dreams”. So just expect expect that she’ll give you that “roommate-treatment” right back atchu when it’s time, instead of that “preferential treatment since you’re my partner”
If you are not month to month, she is equally responsible for the lease.
NTA – I see both sides e.g. she would have either broken the lease so would have no rent, or she’d get a sublet., so this is tricky, but you two are in a relationship and signed up to this lease together and are of equivalent income so should split 50/50%; however, if it is a 2br, then you should sublet one of the rooms to a short-term roommate, and you and your GF split the income.
Bottom line is common sense. If you weren’t living together, she would either give up her own apartment and find another one when she returns or she would maintain the apartment meaning having to pay 100% of all related expenses regardless of whether she lives there or not. So if you both plan on keeping the apartment she should be paying her share. Or you can Give up the apartment and find a more affordable living arrangement until she returns….
You pay for what you expect to come back to.
She’s basically dipping out on the lease you signed. She agreed to pay 1/2, and is renegotiating because an interesting opportunity popped up. Negotiation goes both ways. Get a hot, new roommate to finish out the lease.
NTA
NAH.
You’ve been together for 7 years. Your finances are intertwined whether you share bank accounts and split the bills or not.
You can look at this a lot of different ways. You’re getting the apartment all to yourself and getting a 25% discount. She’s getting an apartment that she signed the lease on taken care of while only paying half her normal rent.
At the end of the day you’re presumably both trying to build a life together. Is the extra rent a heavy burden for you financially? Or is it just about what’s fair? Or about resentment for her going on this trip and having a 4 month vacation away from you to begin with while you’re left with the normal bullshit and being responsible? Or is it something else entirely? And is it worth it to be right?
It’s not a small ask of her and this should have been discussed when the opportunity first came up. This is what a real relationship looks like though. Having an impasse and communicating through it even when you don’t feel like you are the one who should have to do it.
At the end of the day it comes down to what you both can live with.
NTA and it kinda sucks for her paycheck, but sometimes fun choices and opportunities cost money. My husband and I rent an apartment, and I’ve offered to help my parents and live at home for a few weeks/month or two if they needed help with caregiving. In that case, I’d definitely pay my share of the rent and utilities and those regular bills like insurance and car stuff, because I love my husband and wouldn’t want to stress him out and also I wouldn’t be paying those bills at my parents’ home. But we do a joint account and budgeting so I’d probably not do as much money we each put in for our food/grocery/date night budget (I’d still do a little because we use that money for household stuff and repairs and stuff), because I wouldn’t be here to eat.
Ultimately, in OP’s situation, I’d pay rent for a place that was storing my things, and maybe see if I can pay less for dynamic bills (like electricity or water) and see which I can skip vs which ones I would have to pay a fee to restart if it was just me. Especially since this is a place shared with a life partner and not a roommate, I’d want to see what compromises we can make so the person staying doesn’t feel financially penalized for my choice to change our current situation.
NTA. In Canada rent is no joke and covering rent could put a real dent in your finances. Saving for a house here means you’re saving money for a long time. Are you two looking at getting a house together? Have you discussed the impacts to your home savings?
Really sounds like this was a discussion that should have been had before she accepted the job.
Assuming you would cover extra rent because she’s not there doesn’t seem fair to you. Being supportive of her going and being there for her when she’s gone are part of the relationship, but this financial expectation isn’t considerate to you. Especially if she didn’t discuss her assumptions with you about financial obligations she expected you to cover in her absence. The fact that she’s come up with this amount tells you she has been thinking about her finances but didn’t stop to talk with you about yours.
Overall sounds like a bad communication issue, so you’re NTA, but she needs to communicate those expectations prior to deciding something this big.
lol right? get a temp roomie and split rent that way. win-win for you
NTA but I think it makes sense if you can pay a little bit more since you’re getting the entire house when she’s gone. It’s nice to live alone lol
If she insists on paying only 25%, you can throw out 75% of her stuff when she’s gone (just kidding don’t do this)
Why would she not living there also she has to pay rent where she is also
NTA – I will have worked on field jobs a total of 4 months this year (two of them are 6 weeks at a time) and still pay the same amount of rent / utilities as if I was home. I dont expect my wife to cover it all, that’s absurd. Never even crossed my mind 🤣
Yeah this little excursion of hers is a terrible economic opportunity. More of a vacation than anything when the job doesn’t cover room and board. Also seems like she isn’t great with her finances. You should have a 6 month emergency fund to cover things like this. Basically, she doesn’t see this as a partnership if she thinks she’s throwing money away by helping you cover half the rent.
NTA
Get a roommate, or split the cost of breaking the lease. She can get a storage unit and you can move back home. There’s a lot of options to save money for the both of you here. Why not work together after 7 years?
I would just look into breaking the lease or finding someone to take her room and pay her half. She pays zero instead of 25% and you dont need to pay her half either. Everyone wins. Mabye she could even pay u a little to box up and store some of her things when she is away if that works well for everyone.
So I was in this situation. I had to leave for 10 months out of the year for work. I still paid my 50% of the bills the entire time I was gone because I signed a lease and me being gone didn’t change that. I wasn’t about to leave my partner with the bill when it’s my decision to go. You’re offering to not charge her certain utilities which I think is very generous. (I still paid for those too)
Just because she wants to go teach abroad doesn’t mean she gets to escape responsibilities back home.
INFO- won’t she have to pay rent abroad? So you think it’s fair she should pay double rent????
NTA – not only do you have a signed lease agreement, I assume her things will be staying in the apartment while she is away? Basically the 50% of the rent she is paying while away affords her the ability to resume life as she left it before travelling.
I think your vacation example was spot on!
Are you supposed to sublet her space while she’s away to make up the rent? She’s being completely unreasonable