I (27M) have been with my girlfriend Megan (26F) for 4 years, and we’ve lived together for 2 of them. We live in a house I inherited from my grandmother. Megan quit her job a while ago to pursue her master’s degree fulltime since her bachelor’s wasn’t opening any doors. I’ve been supporting her financially and emotionally while she’s been in school.
To be clear, I never resented that. I wanted to support her goals and was proud she was pushing forward in life. Her program is intense, and she’s even taking summer courses. I work fulltime and also take care of the house, which means some things slip through the cracks. I cook, clean, and try to keep things in decent shape. It’s not perfect, but I genuinely don’t think it’s bad.. I’d comfortably have friends over without worrying about the place looking or smelling off. I’m not an amazing chef, but I know my way around the kitchen, but yeah they’re mostly basic dinners.
The past couple of months have been hard. Megan’s stress levels have been through the roof and tensions between us have grown. She’s been unhappy with how I clean or cook, saying I don’t meet her standards. I get that she’s overwhelmed, but I felt like nothing I did was ever enough. I still tried to be patient and supportive, but things hit a boiling point and we had a big argument.
Megan broke up with me. It hurt, but I honestly think it was for the best. We were clearly not making each other happy anymore so what was the point anymore?
Here’s the problem.. now that we’re no longer together, I think it’s fair for her to move out. She doesn’t agree. She says she has nowhere else to go and that if she’s forced to leave, she’ll have to drop out of her program. Her mom and stepdad live the RV life, and she doesn’t have friends who can take her in.
She did receive a decent amount of money from her own grandmother when she passed, but she used most of it to cover her tuition. I know she wasn’t blowing it, it really did go to school, but now she’s tapped out and stuck.
I get that this situation sucks, and I don’t want to see her crash and burn, but I also don’t feel like I should have to keep living with someone who broke up with me.
I’ve already given her 45 days to figure something out..even though, legally, I’m only required to give her 30. She’s now trying to say she wants to “work things out,” but to me, it feels more like panic and desperation than a genuine desire to fix the relationship. I don’t hate her, but I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us to keep living together in this limbo.
So… AITA for expecting her to move out after she broke up with me?
Comments
> She’s been unhappy with how I clean or cook, saying I don’t meet her standards.
The gall of someone to exist because of someone else’s charity, and then bitch about how they give it. You’re not the asshole but she’s an enormous one and you’re good to be rid of her. Kick her out after 30 days like the law requires.
She probably should have thought of this before breaking up with her meal ticket.
NTA. She ended the relationship. That comes with consequences, like moving out of *your* house. Compassion is one thing, but you’re not obligated to provide free housing to an ex who chose to walk away.
Forty-five days is more than generous.
NTA in any shape or form: you been nothing less than gracious and any stress levels were not justification tô treat someone who’s supporting you badly.
INFO: How much time is left from her masters? It’s possible to let her stay until completion?
NTA.
If you’re not heading towards marriage/life partnership, you’re not obligated anymore. It will be tough, but if her Grandma set her up for getting her Bachelor’s let alone Doctorate without debt, that’s more than alot of people these days.
I’m nervous about the two years. You need to see an attorney and find out if she now has rights to the home since she’s been there too long. She’s not stupid, and will know her rights and fight not to live in a dump for a while if you can’t evict her.
NTA
>She doesn’t agree
Tough titties. Expecting her ex-boyfriend to continue supporting her is wild. You gave her 45 days, that was generous enough. If she doesn’t leave by then, file for eviction.
NTA
Her wanting to work things out, is just her facing losing her meal ticket… so unless youre addicted to sex with her, dont even consider it…
Stick to your generous offer of 45 days…
Her living with you was part of the “relationship-deal” that she threw away… you have no obligation to offer her anything….
Stick to your guns – 45 days is it. And no, no being ‘friends’ after… and be prepared for her sending flying monkeys after you, in an attempt to have you change your mind.
NTA, babe. She picked the ‘break up’ route, now she’s gotta navigate the consequences… but hey, empathy and tough love go hand in hand here.
There used to be a dark humor observation about how the wives and GFs of men going to law or med school had a timer, because they were often dropped after supporting the men through their higher degrees – paying bills, cooking and cleaning while he reached the finish line.
We are more gender equal these days, so I cannot be surprised that a woman in a master’s program would rely on her partner to cover the bills, cook, and clean. However, for whatever reason, she decided to end things in the middle of her studies. It might be more honest, but she really shot herself in the proverbial foot.
I worked through school, at least 20 hours/week, FT is I could find a position that gave me some grace around midterms and finals. While her school might be a tough courseload, most people in Master’s programs work while doing classes.
At the end of the day, she broke things off with you, so she’s really only got herself to blame. I can see how being roommates post-break-up would be awkward.
NTA
Not-your-problem, just kick her out like everyone else say
To financially support an ex girlfriend is crazy to me. Why on earth would you do this? She broke up with you. She doesn’t like you anymore. From what you’ve shared, everyone is reading that she is only with you for the money. She’s using you. It’s time to know your worth and move on. Letting go is hard. It won’t feel good to say that you have now changed your mind. She isn’t good enough for you.
45 days is more than generous. Be prepared to file for eviction. You should get the paperwork started. It takes time to work through the court.
NTA. Get legal representation. Get it all in writing. Have your lawyer or a neighbor be there on move out day. It’s going to be a hard few weeks, but you have to be strong. Get cameras, too! Door cam, cams in all common areas. You don’t want her to claim that you folks got back together or that u were abusive in any way towards her. Please protect your home and your peace 🫶🏾.
AND STOP providing cleaning and cooking services! Put in writing when she has to leave and that during this period you are providing shelter only. She is to clean up after herself and provide her own food and prepare it. And that if anything is damaged or she doesn’t comply, she will have to leave in 30 days not 45. The 45 is if she can adhere to whatever house rules are set up.
NTA. You may need to serve her with eviction papers. Your relationship ended, you are under no obligation to keep housing or supporting her.
It is past time for her to go. Serve her an eviction notice.
Do not give her a second chance. She is taking advantage of you and will continue to do so if you allow it.
File the eviction paperwork NOW & start documenting further interactions. Start tapering off anything you’re doing for her / plans she’s on / buying stuff for her (even groceries).
And DO NOT entertain getting back together now that she realizes it will be inconvenient to her.
Ship has sailed.
Please protect yourself as desperate people will lie their asses off & take whatever they can to survive.
DO NOT have any sexual interactions with her again, this will be a trap.
Also- get ahead of this socially by reaching out to friends, family & sharing the news that she has broken up with you and will be moving out soon.
Lmao your cooking and cleaning does not meet her standards? Well then she can cook and clean herself. What nerve!!
NTA. You are not married. You broke up. She needs to get out of your house and take care of herself. It’s not your problem to support her.
This is not even to mention the fact that she was ungrateful and taking advantage of you in the first place. She’s also the one who decided to break up, so she must’ve had a plan for how to continue forward with her future someplace else.
She doesn’t get to guilt you into continuing to take care of her. She’s an adult and needs to take care of herself. She can get a job or she can take out some school loans to care for herself. She could even take a semester off to get on her feet if she needs to. I’m sure there is a way that she could defer for a semester or even a year if she can’t figure it out. And that’s her job to sort that out. It’s not your business or your problem.
She’s being using you, and she’s trying to continue that. Just say no. 45 days is more than generous. You sound like a good catch, so if you could find someone down the line who is appreciative and willing to be an equal partner, I think you’ll be much happier.
PS since she’s not moving out in her own I recommend you file to serve her legal eviction papers. Otherwise this will drag out longer than you want it to.
Petty Me says, offer her a tenancy agreement. Per the contract, she will be responsible for all cleaning in the house, to your standard. She will also be required to meal prep your lunches each week and provide 3 dinners a week. Mowing the lawn twice a month (as needed). She is not allowed to have guests in your home. Basically, she’s a live in house keeper in exchange for rent. Any violations and she’s required to leave in 30 days.
She broke up cause you weren’t doing enough. Now she gets to do it all if she wants a place to live.
And boohoo that school is hard. No kidding. I worked full time and went to school full time. Graduated with a 4.0 GPA. Was feral with lack of sleep after 2 years, but I did it.
No though definitely don’t get back with her and the extra 15 days is nicer than I’d have been. She’s an adult who can work and pay rent somewhere like all the rest of us.
NTA. You have been generous with the 45 days. If she has to quit her program and get a job so be it. She has to face the consequences of her decision. I’m sure she could get a job and rent a room for a cheaper amount.
NTA. She is no longer your problem. If you let her stay, then she is a tenant. That pays rent and a share of utilities. And signs a lease. She no longer gets a free ride. She wants to be a roommate, then she gets treated like one.
NTA.
She ended the relationship. She’s not entitled to stay in the house you own just because she has nowhere else to go. With your house being so below her cleanliness standards anyway, she should be moving out anyway into more suitable accommodations.
Stop expecting her to give up her free ride. Check your local laws and serve her notice she has x many days to vacate.
NTA.
NTA. She broke up with you. She can move out of YOUR house.
NTA. Has she ever tried cooking or cleaning? You work full time, pay the bills, and do everything around the house. Why doesn’t she pick up on some of the work since she is living with you for free? This is also YOUR home, not hers. I would suggest giving her 30 days to find a place and move out, that is how most living situations work.
NTA Please dont allow her to stay and definitely dont get back together. Hobosexuality is not a good look, and she is just trying to secure her housing. If she had other options she wouldn’t be trying to get back with you.
If she broke up with you, then she moves out. That’s just the rules. Not her house, she had no safety net, yet she still chose to break up with you. The rest of this slithering monster mess does matter. SHE broke up with YOU. She leaves.
NTA
Whatever decision she makes is up to her with where is she gonna live, she broke up with you so it’s her problem for her to move out.
Question, does she pay rent, or for a share of groceries?
You are NTA…..she seems very entitled, rude, manipulative, precocious, ill mannered, conniving, etc. Be gone with her in 30 days!!
NTA. If the cleaning didn’t meet “her standards” then why didn’t she do it? The intensity of her graduate school program isn’t so high for her to help out around the house. I graduated from law school. Not many post-graduate programs more intense than that and I had time. The only other program than can be more intense and med school. I know several doctors and they have free time. “Program intensity” is an excuse. Nothing more.
Relationships is about compromise. When I was in law school, my wife asked me to put away the dishes & fold laundry. I did it how I thought it should be done. I later caught my wife rearranging/redoing what I had done. The 3rd time it happened, I told her either she would need to learn to be happy how I did it or do it herself. I didn’t have time to waste and it is silly for it to be done twice. She’s done herself now for nearly 30 years.
Sounds to me you dodged a bullet.
NTA That is what student loans are for.
NTA, it’s not your problem where she goes.
NTA. She dumped you and now expects you to still take care of her. DONT be a fool and take her back.
NTA.
People used to work full time and go to school. I know that money wise those days are long gone, but it’s been proven that school has only gotten easier since then. Colleges don’t WANT to fail anyone who can keep paying.
Give her the 45 days, but tell her she has to either get a job between now and then, or be a housekeeper. Otherwise just kick her out.
MAKER HER DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER CHOICES.
Graduate school is just not that hard.
It sounds like she’s been taking her stress out on you. It’s a glimpse into the future you just avoided. If she stays then make an agreement. She cleans, cooks, something and starts participating in the household responsibilities. You don’t need to take care of her anymore she dumped you. Also at your age it’s early and can replace her. It feels like she’s using you to get her degree and a place to live. I don’t know how she interacts with you but man this isn’t how you should be treated.
Stop cooking, turn off the wi fi; stop all financial support. She will leave.
NTA: Agree with everyone here. Your 45 days is quite generous. Just adding that at 30 days, if she hasn’t gotten started on packing, give her a stack of moving boxes to encourage the process. At 40 days, if she still hasn’t gotten most her packing done, schedule an officer to be present on day 45, because she isn’t taking the eviction seriously. Whatever is left behind, toss outside. (If you want to be nice guy, set it on pallets and tarp it.)
Don’t let tears, promises or lust change your mind. Stay strong.
NTA. Your girlfriend is seriously selfish and controlling. Find someone who loves you for who you are.
It really is not op’s problem. So what if she drops out. She can go live with mom in the RV. Op needs to evict her legally. Follow the process and send her on her way. She is an ex. She will have to figure out her life.
NTA. She’s a huge entitled bitch. You’re not good enough, she’s taking advantage of you. Using you, not contributing to anything and dumping you. And now she expects you to let her live there for free so she doesn’t have to give up her dream? Yeah I think not. Kick her out. If she refuses. Wait till she leaves for college and then put her stuff outside and change the locks. You’re not responsible for her, she made her choice and now has to deal with the consequences.
Nta. 45 days is plenty of time. Sounds like she may have to get a job. People work and go to school simultaneously all the time. She is an adult, she made her choice, and now she is panicking. She still expects you to support her, even though she broke up with you. That is whack.
To expect a roof over her head is wildly bad enough, but she’ll expect food, gas and gods know what else contributions….and then leave you the second her course is done.
How does she expect you to date too? or are you supposed to stay single out of respect to her studies lol.
Get that girl out the day 45 comes round. She has college friends that can lend her a couch to crash on.
She isn’t going to go easily or willingly. Start official, legal eviction process now so it’s already in the works if she does refuse to leave. I don’t know her or you but you might want to put some cameras up around the house inside and out just to have evidence that things either did or did not happen if she gets destructive or accuses you or abuse or something.
Not at all!
You’re a grown man using his time, giving his money, and welcoming into his home a grown woman! If she’s unappreciative GIVE ME A CALL!!
Just kidding lol. This is your home much more than it is hers! If she was unhappy, she quite honestly should have made other arrangements before dumping you and expecting you to pick up her slack.
NTA. So let me get this right.
This woman is expecting someone who she is no longer in a relationship with to house her, pay for groceries, utilities cook her food do her laundry clean the common spaces in the house. All to her standards While she does nothing in this house to contribute?
Wow was she always this entitled?
Ask her these questions and see what she says. She sounds delusional
Nta: you dont owe her comfort, and she has shown you that she does not want to be with you.
I question her mental capabilities if she honestly thought it would ok to stay at your place after a breakup. Besides, why would she want to live there when it isn’t clean and up to her standards?
So she expects you to provide, clean, cook and then complains about how it’s done?
That’s like going to McDonalds ordering a burger and then complaining that they gave you a burger.
NTA
NTAH. She needs to move out yesterday. You know she’d still ditch you as soon as she gets her degree paid for by you. Stand firm. She is trampling all over you.
Evict her. She’s not your problem. Also change the password on the wifi so she can’t use it.
NTA. She needs to leave. If she wanted to use you for what you provide for her, she should have at least pretended to like you until she was done with her classes. Maybe start the legal eviction process to get her out. In what world did she think she could insult everything you do for her, break up with you but continue living there rent free?
NTA. Stay strong and send her away
NTA, but GET A LAWYER ! She is not going to leave after the 45 days !
Kick her out.
NTA.
She expects you to keep supporting her, and cleaning for her and feeding her. She just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you
That’s not how it works. Make her leave in 45 days. How she handles her life stopped being your problem the day she broke up with you.
And now? Saying she wants to “work it out”? Bullshit.
She’s only saying theat because she figured you would continue to let her freeload while she finishes her program.
Please respect yourself more.
She broke up with you but also wants to stay? Let me guess, staring out the open front door she now thinks your cooking is gourmet and your house is immaculate. Ask her what she thought was going to happen.
Kind of you to not pack her stuff and toss her out but she’ll hate your cooking/cleaning again after grad school and/or self-supporting job offer.
NTA it’s entirely unreasonable to expect someone that is not part of your future to continue to fund your future success.
On top of it, she dumped you. You didn’t mutually break up. You didn’t break up with her.
She clearly doesn’t value what you do for her if she’s complaining about everything, and now she just expects you to put your life on hold and continue to take care of her after she breaks up with you without thinking through the consequences????
I don’t think so. I couldn’t allow myself to be used like that.
She FA’d and is currently living the FO portion of her actions.
It’s not your problem that she is an idiot who wasn’t thinking it through. If it wasn’t clean enough for her she s always welcome to start cleaning and doing chores in general. You are also working full time and paid for her lifestyle.
Kick her out and let her find a solution. She can be someone else’s roommate and find a job while studying. Like a lot of others do, too.
She used you. She had the gall to
Be upset with how you clean your house when she lives there for free???!!! Things will never get better. Tell her to leave and move forward with your life.
NTA.She only wants you back to support her until she’s done with school and can move on to what and who she wants. She’ll figure it out. It’ll be harder than you supporting, cleaning and ass kissing her, but she’ll figure it out. Also, imagine the level of sustain she has for you when she is that annoyed that she’d shoot her own self in the foot. Rightly or wrongly, she hats you dude. Get her away from you.
Wow she broke up with you and wants you to continue supporting her? Nope. NTA and give her 30 days (or whatever your municipal laws require). Get on with your life. You sound like a catch.
Just because her parents live the RV life doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t help her with rent somewhere else. She’s the one who decided to break up with you, just because you don’t keep house like she thinks it should be done. She doesn’t seem to appreciate all that you DID do for her. Her problem, not yours!
Oh well, looks like someone is moving into student housing and taking out a loan. NTA.
Dealing with life – warts and all, is in the adult manual. It’s harsh to say but true to say that it is not your problem. If required, give her a notice period. That would be you being a nice person. But beyond that, she’s on her own. You both are accountable for your own actions, and thus, she needs to deal with her circumstances, like you would deal with yours.
She has to GO!!!!
NTA. You are not responsible for her living situation and bills. She is. You are not expected to subsidize her education, housing or anything else in her life. You are not her dad. Start the eviction process. Give her written notice she has 30 days to vacate your property and make other housing arrangements. Her unreasonable expectations are her problem
NTA. If she won’t leave, draw up a contract. Rent is due. If she refuses. Draw up another eviction notice, and hold her to it.
She didn’t really think this through, and she is trespassing as of the 46th day.
Involve a lawyer. Get a police report going, to show that she refuses to leave, and show them the eviction notices. Hope you did have a literal eviction notice, to uphold in court.
Edit to add, she can move in with roommates, or an old lady who is renting out a room in her house.
NTA
Hand her a 30 day eviction
NTA
She broke up with you. So of course she has to figure out on her own how to finance her life.
NTA dont listen she only wants to work on it because she realized she is now a hobosexual and needs to stay with you to have free room and board. If you do get back together ill bet you anything the second she is done school and has a job she’ll break up with you and move out faster then you can blink
45 days?
Any time I’ve dated a girl and the shoe was on the other foot they wanted me out the same day as the breakup, and I obliged, because I’m not going to be somewhere I felt unwelcome.
You’re NTA. if she was relying on your kindness to graduate; she should have thought about that before she broke up with you, because you’re no longer obligated to be kind.
NTA- This is an awful situation for you both. I’m so sorry, especially cause it seemed like you were creating a permanent life together.
But she ended it and you will be better off living without her if you’re not together. You’re doing the right thing by giving her extra time since you know her situation.
Its bad of her to try and get back together since she needs a place to live but I get how intense and stressful this must be.
Honestly, I wish you both the best.
NTA
You were supporting her financially, working full time, doing the cooking and cleaning, and she was upset you weren’t doing more? She was off her rocker. She could have participated and done the cooking or cleaning at any time, however busy her master’s program is.
She wanted to end the relationship, she needs to move out of your house.
You gave her 45 days which was kind. It’s on her to gtfo.
Be careful about the tenant laws that cover your house. Do some research. I had to give a 60 day notice in LA county when kicking my ex out because he had lived in the house for more than a year. It’s little things like this that can slip you up. Then you have to start the process all over again. I got stuck with him living in the house for over a year because of little stuff.
Please hold firm. She will leave you as soon as she is done with school. You are not her problem solver. She took advantage of you for far too long and complained about it. How rude?!
No your not stand your ground, no matter she was ungrateful she doesn’t derive you! Make her leave he problems are not your issue!!
NTA
You’re nothing to her now. Time for her to leave.
Your responsibilities ended when she ended your relationship. If she can’t afford to look after herself and go to college at the same time, that’s absolutely on her.
I work for a university, so a lot of my friends and acquaintances are people getting masters and PhDs. I’ve seen multiple couples break up right after one partner finishes their degree. I can practically guarantee that’s what is going to happen in your case if you agree to “work it out.”
You already said you don’t know what more you could do to make her happy, and it sounds like you’ve done quite a bit.
Please, trust your gut. I think you’re right that she’s acting out of desperation and just wants to finish her program and move on. Don’t feel responsible for someone who is just using you for free room and board.
She can get herself a job in that time and get herself a room the fact that she was complaining when she should’ve been participating in helping understand that she was studying and what not but she does have some time to do some things. I can’t see somebody doing studying 24 seven and then being ungrateful about Everything is just ridiculous. She seemed entitled and now she’s acting even more. She made her bed she needs to lie on it.
NTA. I’ll never understand why a person will shoot themselves in the foot like that. Their partner is paying the bills & all of a sudden, they get a wild hair up their ass & break up. Only to have a surprised Pikachu face when the dumped partner wants them to move out. What did she think was going to happen when she broke up with you? That you’d still gladly pay her bills & let her live in a house that you own? She only wants to patch things up because she realized how screwed she is. You could never trust her again.
My 25 year old worked full time AND completed her Masters Degree. Your ex gf can do the same.
NTA
She either moves out or finds a job and starts paying rent.
She’s getting a masters, does that mean you’re in or near a college town? This is the perfect time to move in with a classmate or rent a room in a shared house.
NTA she is an idiot if she thinks she can break up with you and then keep living with you. She really should have thought it out before breaking up with you. Either got a job or took out a loan before the break up to she. Somewhere to go or put more effort into the relationship to improve it. Her lack of planning and effort is not your fault. She will need to get a job or take out more student loans and rent a room somewhere.
First off: Why the hell are YOU cooking and cleaning when she’s basically a mooch and you work full-time?
You can take it slow and have a supportive partner, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to pull your weight at all.
You better stick to the eviction (was that a legally binding thing you did or did you just say something like “You have 45 days to find something else”? In case of the latter you need to get something in writing) and you better not let her rope you back in, because it definitely is just a tactic on her part and as soon as she’s able she’ll drop you again.
She has to leave
NTA- there are wonderful kind people in this world and you are one of them. She doesn’t want the relationship and she has no place to go that’s on her. She should have moved out when she said it was over. In 45 days she got to go. You gave her more than enough time.
Chivalry is dead, kick her ass out and make her learn a hard lesson. Life sucks, and it sucks even more if you’re an entitled four letter word
Who made her your responsibility?!
NTA but you need to find out what’s legally required to make her move out. In some jurisdictions, you have to give a 30 day notice. Since she’s not leaving voluntarily, you need to do it the legal way.
NTA. Why would she expect to stay in your home, only attend school, & offer up nothing in regards of keeping up the house or contributing towards bills after ending the relationship? Has she always taken advantage of your kindness? She couldn’t handle the stress of only attending school while you do everything else & wasn’t appreciative of your sacrifices bc of her, for her.
She sounds extremely entitled. She assumed you would keep financing her life while offering nothing to you but disrupting your peace. Ha! You are absolutely right, she only wants to work things out bc she’s desperate. She would leave you after she’s finished school & earning money. Don’t waste your time or hers. Move on. 30 days then she has to go. Make sure you serve her with an eviction notice too. That’s what starts the 30 days. Good luck & stay strong. She did this.
NTA get her to move out and your life will improve. Have you followed whatever requirements are set out to establish legal eviction? It might be you need to issue a 30 day eviction notice.
Stop cooking and cleaning for her. Stop buying her groceries. Stop paying her bills. Do not get back together with her, she’s only doing that so she can enjoy her lovely free life in your house.
She already made it clear that you are not up to her standards. Hers. In your own home. Buh bye.
NTA and you could start making the stay worse by locking the fridge or parts of the house. If it is inconvenient enough she might leave sooner
NTA, she should move. But the way you mentioned not caring if your house smells bad makes me think her standards weren’t crazy.
NTA.
That is the obvious outcome.of her choice, someone working on their PHD should be able to know that.
Are you sure she wasn’t trying to make you beg her to come back and that you would do better in the household front?
NTA… you broke up.. she moves out.. she doesn’t, you evict.
NTA. She should have thought about that before she broke up with you. Sounds as if she was counting on your sympathy or attraction to her. Unless she has signed a legal lease with you to be a tenant living in a house that you own, tell her to pound sand. She made her decision when she broke up with you. If she ends up homeless…her problem, not yours.
I can pretty well assure you that if you get back together. She will dump you the minute she finishes school and gets a job. And you will have paid for all of that.
She made a mess of things. Still, if you want her out faster, offer first month’s rent on a studio or 1-bed apartment.
She is just timing her exit. Your relationship is over and she needs to leave.
Don’t let her stay with you. I get why she’s freaking out, but she’s gonna have to grow up and support herself. She does have avenues for help. She can talk to the school about housing. Most universities will want to work with their students, she just needs to ask. If they are unable to house her she can take a semester off to work and find permanent housing. There are one of two options, either her program is more credit based, so she can just withdraw from her classes and pick them up later, or its time based, in which case, she can take a leave of absence to work and find housing for herself.
She can also take out student loans, even ones through the federal government, to help supplement her income. But the truth is, graduate school is hard, but most people work through it and have responsibilities outside of school. I am in a grad program. I cook most of the food at home. I work with people in the same program who have kids to go home to and take care of. She’s been lucky to put 100% of her focus on school. But there is another way, the way most people do it. Through a lot of work both in and out of school to maintain a life.
She took you for granted and now she has to learn to stand on her own. Don’t believe she doesnt have a way to do this on her own because there is a world off opportunity and possibilities for her to make it through this program. She just has to fight for it. And I bet she will really regret complaining about the food and cleanliness when she is up at doing laundry at midnight eating her ramen noodle packet because she didn’t put effort into learning how to have a balanced lifestyle whilst I school. But she will figure it out. Her staying now is just taking advantage of you and preventing her own personal growth.
> She says she has nowhere else to go and that if she’s forced to leave, she’ll have to drop out of her program
I know it sounds cruel, but this isn’t your problem. You aren’t responsible for covering her needs. You aren’t a couple anymore, and you were never married.
> She did receive a decent amount of money from her own grandmother when she passed, but she used most of it to cover her tuition
Ok, so she never had to take out a loan like most people, and was going to graduate with no debt because her rent and meals were free?
The answer is simple… she should take out a loan, like most students do, and cover her expenses with them. It’s a normal, regular thing for people who don’t have money. Yes, it sucks, but it’s what everyone else does.
She doesn’t have to drop out of the program… she just has to take responsibility for a loan/rent/regular expenses like most people do.
She just doesn’t want to do it, she wanted to graduate debt free after using OP, and live the princess life
File eviction papers. Don’t give her 45 days give her the minimum. You are going to get to 45 days and she won’t move out. File the legal paperwork now. Your girlfriend is an entitled child. You were doing all the work and somehow it didn’t meet her standards. She broke up with you. You don’t owe her anything.
NTAH just a pushover.
This sounds like it should be in entitled people to be honest
Not your problem.
She just wants a free place to stay. She’s using you.
No one wants to find out they have 45 days to move. I’m sure that’s not an easy shift especially if it means she also has to get a job and make a deposit. Sounds like she is pretty stressed already.
Maybe her parents can help her over the financial hump. Or she can share with a friend.
When this happened to me (I wasn’t working because I’d suffered an injury with a long recovery time), my ex took me round to a few places I thought I could afford on short-term disability and paid the deposit (which I paid back 8 months later). And he rented a UHaul and helped me (along with some friends) to move. I eventually recovered and got on my financial feet.
We weren’t destined to survive as a couple but I never forgot how magnanimous he was and we remained friends for many, many years.
NTA
You can’t dump someone and then still expect to live in their house. Not unless you’ve got a relationship that has very specific Dynamics that would support staying close friends after a breakup. She doesn’t seem like that’s the kind of relationship she had with you. And it certainly doesn’t seem like that’s the kind of breakup that she had with you.
You asking her to move out is the least of what she should have expected. If you were feeling especially charitable, you could offer her a month-to-month lease and have her pay you rent, but she probably doesn’t want to do that either. Considering how she dumped you, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea either. She seems very hostile.
The sweet girl needs to find a new place to live asap.
Nta. She broke up. Give her the legal minimum notice and make her leave.
Jesus Christ, basically supporting this girl so she can get her Masters and she fucking complains that the support you give isn’t good enough? The nerve! What is she getting her MD in? Will this result in her getting a well paying job? Make her sign a contract. She can stay there, but she owes you back pay for rent/food/utilities once she starts working which she can make payments every month on. However, I can see her telling you to shove the contract idea up your ass. This girl is a real piece of work.
I don’t understand you at all. You have been paying for everything and cooking and cleaning. And she does what? Nothing but bitch? Some people go to school and have a job.
Strippers make good money, and she can study while she is not on stage.
30 days is all I would give her.
She needs to put on her big girl pants. Cut back her class schedule and get a job
She realized after she broke up with you that she lost her housing and food. Didn’t think it through.
Now she wants to stay there?! Or kiss and make up? Nope. Nope. Nope. She wants a bangmaid… or bang-butler in this case.
I’d make it official. Look up eviction laws in your area. If you legally have to give 30 days notice, serve her those papers. This way if after 30 days shes still there you can have it enforced and not have to wait another 30 days.
Explain to her what breaking up means. You no longer have a relationship with her. She no longer has access to you supporting her financially, including housing. Shes only saying she wants to work it out because she didn’t think leaving you through and that it actually meant she has to leave.
Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too.
How cringey that she doesn’t see where she’s completely in the wrong?! Wonder how she would’ve felt if you broke up with her and continued living if she was the one’s paying all of the rent/expenses?
NTA! Get this entitled woman out of your life and on someone else’s couch where her majesty can then complain about their cleaning and culinary skills. I truly feel a secondhand embarrassment for her.
Nta. She needs to go ASAP. Do not believe her lies of working it out. She just wants to use you. Her problems aren’t your problems bro.
It’s your house, but she’s critical of your cleaning. She broke up with you, and so she needs to move out. You have no responsibility towards her at all.
Oh kick her out. Are you aware of any ex’s of hers? That’s how I lucked out of getting my ex out of my house. She ran to him and he was all about her coming to move in with him right away. Didn’t last but she was out of my hair.
Nor should you have to financially support her.
Nta female perspective here she ended the relationship so she needs to leave if it was a lease and you paid 50/50 that would be different but it’s not the case
I’d tell her “Yeah you’ll probably have to drop out of school but at least your new place will be cleaned to your standards.” L
NTA- she wanted her freedom now she has it. Her Uni may have emergency funding for her to find a place. Or there are hostels and shelters. If she is ONLY going to school why can’t she cook and clean? Many people do it while pursuing a Master’s and some even have kids. Are you sure it was the house or is she also looking at someone else? It might be stress induced or she could be a jerk- either she broke up with you. Lower it to 30 days and take pictures.
Evict her.
She’s clearly the asshole. Your be the asshole if you didn’t expect her to leave.
You reated a rental situation. Give her written 30 days notice.
Stand up tall. Be polite. Be firm. Get her the f*ck out of your house when the notice is up.
Honestly, I’d start a formal 30 day eviction notice at the 15 day mark. You’d be true to your word for the 45 days. But, you need a I make it official and legally binding
NTA, its your house and from what I read you’ve been very good to her, if that’s not enough she can gtfo. What does she want a free place to stay where someone else takes care of it and cooks for her, what a dream lol
Meal ticket. That’s what you were to her, and continue to be an emotional punching bag. To a spoiled brat.
No where to go? Then pay first and last for her somewhere. Get her the F out of your life. And find someone who will contribute love, happiness and stability in a relationship.
She broke up. That means she’s not your girlfriend. Did she expect to go on living there indefinitely?
And don’t fall for the request to work it out. She’s a hobosexual at this point. She can go to the financial aid office at her school and get help getting a dorm room. Or she can rent a room somewhere or couch surf or whatever. It’s not your problem. It stopped being your problem when she broke up with you.
45 days is very generous and sufficient to find different arrangements.
She’s the asshole, kick her out and be done with that parasite. She only wants to try to work things out to further mooch off you.
Start the eviction process now OP. She isn’t going to leave willingly.
Change the internet password. Stop doing anything for her.
Set up nanny cams.
Hand her an eviction notice.
Of course you kick her out, and go the legal route as soon as possible
I agree with you.
Nta
Are you saying that ALL she was doing was her masters? Not working, not doing any domestic work?
Man… She had a free ride and blew it, huh?
Not your problem.
She should have considered this before she broke up with you. If there is room in the house you could rent her space. But you’re probably better off for closures sake having her move on. NTAH, and I’m sorry you’re having to endure this.
Also she should probably reconsider her educational choices since doubling down on a degree that hasn’t opened doors is probably a poor financial decision.
don’t spoil her more, its crazy to think her thought process is the way it is. Get her out and do the world a favor by not harboring another entitled brat into society
Only give her 30 days, that extra 15 can. Turn into 60.
She wants to keep using you until she finishes her program. Tough shit. She can do what the rest of us did and get a job.
NTA
> I think it’s fair for her to move out
Fair doesn’t enter into it. It’s your house, you’re not a couple, she needs to go if that’s what you want. TBH the fact that she thought she could break up with you, but still be supported by you is kinda messed up, sounds kinda toxic.
NTA. She was living off your dime and giving you shit for what you did? And now she’s broken up wants to carry on living at your house for free? Entitlement at 110%, kick her to the curb.
Tell her she broke up with you, she now needs to go get a job and find a place. She’s past her 30 days and you aren’t looking to work things out. Let her know you’ll be charging X amount for X every week she’s there. If she doesn’t pay, all her stuff will be outside with the locks changed. Tell her that she has 15 more days to find a place before she’s homeless. She should have made better choices.
Like everyone has mentioned stick to your days but also DOCUMENT and file the necessary paperwork. The cameras everywhere are also a good idea for evidence just in case.. She’s already begging to come back once she realized she’s no longer getting a free ride. Some people can go crazy limits in retaliation once their survival is compromised. Protect yourself, be official and take no chances. She made her choice and the deed is done. Just make through you follow through preferably with someone there
Yeah not everyone has the luxury (and yes it’s a luxury) of having someone completely support you during a masters program. I had to work and support myself during mine.
So not only does she have someone who is sucker enough to do that for her but she has the audacity to complain you’re not cleaning and cooking up to her standard?
What about shared responsibility? You work, she’s at school. So why does she get a pass on housework?
Seriously. Kick her out and don’t look back. You are being used.
NTA by a long shot. Sounds like she only wants to work things out to keep your free roof over her head.
Tell her that if she sincerely wants to work things out she’ll need to do it from a separate residence where the cooking and cleaning meet her standards. You can even offer to pay for couples counseling.
I would look into the legalities of evicting her in case she decides to chain herself to a large piece of furniture.
Contact an attorney to draw up a legal document demanding she vacate the premises
NTA. She mooched off of you, her live-in maid, complained about your housekeeping, broke up with you because we all know she found someone she thinks it better – and now she expects you to continue to house and support her financially?
Jesus. Man. Give her a formal written eviction. Tell her the conversation is closed
Get full custody of your dignity and don’t let anyone else take it
She’s gotta go. End of story.
Man, I went through the exact same thing. The only difference is she waited one week after graduation after living off me for years. If you let her back now, this is what awaits you
NTA and you gave her 45 days. You guys are broken up and she says she isn’t happy with how you clean and it looks like she doesn’t offer any financial assistance or helps around the house so she can go. It’s your place. Be warned though she is gonna probably try to rekindle the relationship. Just remember how you were treated
NTA
While working on a masters is impressive I think she has a lot of maturing she needs to do. Urge her to look into any support the school has for housing or student roommate networking but by no means should you have to continue to support her through her stress induced impulsiveness and its consequences.
Also its already cuckoo bananas that she expects to stay there after breaking up, but further so in combination with her reason. The cleaning and cooking isnt going to magically change to her preferred standards.