I accidentally shipped a ring I’d wanted for over 3 years to my best friend’s house, as her address was saved in my phone. I was so excited about the ring, I didn’t notice until after it arrived that the address was wrong. This ring is discontinued and it came back for an archive sale so I ordered it immediately. My friend lives across the country, and I immediately told my mum I’d never get it back. She had previously borrowed a shirt from me and hid it, so I wasn’t optimistic about getting the ring back.
I contacted my friend, and she knew right away because I had been excited about the ring. She promised to send it back, but after weeks of delays and excuses, she told me she couldn’t find it. By then, it had been three weeks, and I was stressed. Eventually, she apologized and offered to pay me back the full amount. However, after a week of no contact, she said she thought she should only pay half because of how I treated her. I disagreed, feeling it was unfair since she had refused a courier to pick it up. She then gave me an ultimatum: take half or end the friendship.
I didn’t respond for three weeks. Then a mutual friend messaged me, and I saw she had unfriended me on Snapchat and her mum blocked me on Instagram (so random). I told her I valued the friendship and didn’t want the ring to end it, but now she’s not replying. I think the situation was blown out of proportion. It’s only $200, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect her to pay me back for losing something I owned.
EDIT***
Also, she left her AirPods at my house one time and didn’t realise until we were halfway to the airport. We couldn’t go back so I gave her my headphones and I told her I would ship them to her asap. She then hounded me for around 3 days before I sent the AirPods to her, she never said thank you, didn’t offer to give me money for shipping etc. she also left a drink bottle here and while I didn’t ship that back to her, because she told me not to, as she asked me to order her a new one (which is why her address is in my phone) I’ve known where it was the whole time it’s been here, I’ve kept it safe. It’s a drink bottle, a ring is more valuable and she couldn’t give me the same treatment that I gave her.
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I accidentally shipped a ring I’d wanted for over 3 years to my best friend’s house, as her address was saved in my phone. I was so excited about the ring, I didn’t notice until after it arrived that the address was wrong. This ring is discontinued and it came back for an archive sale so I ordered it immediately. My friend lives across the country, and I immediately told my mum I’d never get it back. She had previously borrowed a shirt from me and hid it, so I wasn’t optimistic about getting the ring back.
I contacted my friend, and she knew right away because I had been excited about the ring. She promised to send it back, but after weeks of delays and excuses, she told me she couldn’t find it. By then, it had been three weeks, and I was stressed. Eventually, she apologized and offered to pay me back the full amount. However, after a week of no contact, she said she thought she should only pay half because of how I treated her. I disagreed, feeling it was unfair since she had refused a courier to pick it up. She then gave me an ultimatum: take half or end the friendship.
I didn’t respond for three weeks. Then a mutual friend messaged me, and I saw she had unfriended me on Snapchat and her mum blocked me on Instagram (so random). I told her I valued the friendship and didn’t want the ring to end it, but now she’s not replying. I think the situation was blown out of proportion. It’s only $200, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect her to pay me back for losing something I owned.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was very upset when it happened and I got very angry with her. I wasn’t outright rude I just said I was disappointed. Since then she’s told me she’s only going to pay me half for the ring and I think that’s not fair. I feel like she’s trying to manipulate me now into thinking that I’m in the wrong.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
But do you really want a friend who steals from you? Let the friendship go. She’s not worth it.
actually I don’t think she should be held accountable for the ring lost.
she did not borrow it, it got to her by a mistake that is on your side.
you can’t just send stuff to random people and then demand that they will pay you if they don’t care for your stuff.
This isn’t as straightforward as “she lost it”. You are the one who screwed up and had it sent across the country to a different location. If you hadn’t screwed up you would have your ring.
Take responsibility for your own mistake.
ESH, you both did wrong here.
You honestly SHOULD end the friendship over this. Your friend’s behavior – even if it wasn’t her fault the ring came to her to begin with – is despicable. It’s not really about breaking a friendship over a $200 item but about your friend’s flakiness, dodginess, and lack of accountability.
It seems like you knew RIGHT AWAY that this would be a problem, that’s a huge sign TBH. You already knew you couldn’t trust this friend. Her ultimatum makes it clear she cares more about being a thief than your friendship and that says a lot about her character. Gross.
NTA. She stole your ring. That is theft. Call the police. She has already decided to end the friendship over a ring. I bet when she gets a call from the cops she’ll find it real quick. Just because it accidentally went to her address does not mean she gets to keep it. Did it have her name on it? You can’t open other people’s mail. Period.
NTA – She lost your property, refuse easy solutions, and now wants to bargain down what she owes like she’s doing you a favor. That’s not friendship, that’s theft with extra drama.
YTA. It’s your fault it was shipped there in the first place, not your friend’s, and while it would have been nice of her to mail it to you, you decided it was her responsibility. Then for you to expect her to pay for it, despite the fact that she wouldn’t have been able to lose it if you had paid attention in the first place, is absolutely you dodging any sort of responsibility here.
Notice how you never once admitted it was your fault that the ring wound up in her possession in the first place? You’re not taking any accountability.
YTA. She was AH to refuse the courier, she is not AH for not paying you back. You screwed up sending it to her, at no time can she be liable to you for actual money. The friendship is absolutely the only thing on the line here and she’d rather lose that than continue talking bout this ring, which is her right.
You thrusted this situation upon her, it is not her duty to perfect it.
ESH you need to learn how to be more careful with the things you purchase and own. This is ultimately your fuckup. Your friend should have been able to fix your fuckup by sending it back but you don’t know how to pick friends apparently. You knew she was untrustworthy and yet you still call her a friend? Silver lining to this is you hopefully smartening up in the future in regards the people you keep around you.
you are NTA but you are far from faultless
You didn’t pay attention and shipped a ring to your friend, then presumed that it is her responsibility to get the ring to you.
To be clear, a good friend would have done that particularly if you had arranged for a courier to retrieve it at her convenience. Is that exactly what happened?
In any case, you have learned two things: this person was never your friend and you need to pay attention to what you’re doing.
Nta – monitor her posts and look at her jewelry and if you see a photo of her wearing the ring, screenshot it because that is theft and that even if you shipped it to her house, the name on the package would be yours, and it is federally illegal to open any kind of mail whether it’s addressed to your house or not if it does not have your name on it. And then call the cops on her file a report get her to either get the ring from the cops and stuff or you can get small claims court to have her pay you the money plus probably more to get a new ring it sounds like it was a good amount of money for a expensive ring. It’s probably enough to take some small claims.
NTA….Tell friend you have proof that ring was accidentally delivered to her home. And you will be reporting it as stolen unless she returns the ring to you or gives you the full amount that the ring cost.
If you cannot get a hole of her, do just that. Report it stolen with all information. Print out and copy all texts showing she knows she has the ring.
This friendship is over anyway.
I-N-F-O:UPDATE: Changed to ESH. See comment below.You said these things about your so-called “best friend”:
But you also said:
I told her I valued the friendship
You haven’t mentioned a single redeeming feature about her. So why do you value this friendship?
You call her your “best friend”, but this is a person who deliberately steals from you and cheats you at every opportunity. Then she reverses victim and offender and tries to make you think you have treated her badly instead of the other way round.
Why did you persist with this friendship after she took your shirt and hid it? She showed you back then what she was like. Why are you persisting with the friendship even now, after she has taken your ring and claimed she doesn’t know where it is and refused to compensate you for its full value?
What on earth is there about this person that makes her worth a single moment more of your time?
NTA, that’s not how you treat a friend, she seems pretty self involved and not interested in returning any favors. She should either return it or pay you back in full. If a friend sent something to mine on accident and I knew they were excited, that’d be apriority to get it back to them. Sorry your friends being an ahole
ESH. You for being so careless with something clearly important, and her for stealing it.
I think you know what kind of friend she is.
“friend”? You sure? Because from where I am standing that’s how somebody treats you if they don’t like you very much.
Why are you allowing somebody who treats you this way to have any access to you?
NTA
The friendship sounds bleak.
‘Not an asshole but a fool’ is the main judgement that should be given to 99% of these
She did you a favor actually. She’s a shitty friend. Lose the loser
You’re not in the wrong here. She lost something that was yours and promised to send it back, then refused easy options to return it. Wanting her to pay you back in full is totally fair she’s the one who made it complicated.
NTA. If you cannot trust someone, they are not your friend.
This person is a taker. I agree with the comments who suggest filing a police report. Provide all the shipping and conversational proof that shows she agreed to send the ring to you, and see if they can pay her a visit. She needs to be held accountable. Press charges.
For her to blackmail you with the cost of your so called friendship should be just as true for her. It is not. She would keep the ring at the cost of your friendship. That’s how low she values you, and probably other people in general.
NTA, id drop the friend. You just learned a 200 dollar lesson that they arent a real friend. Money well spent imo.
I don’t get why you were even friends with her. Pick better friends.
calling the cops over a ring tho? kinda wild”
NTA ignore the comments defending your “friend”. she stole from you.