It was my 30th birthday last month. Prior to this my girlfriend asked me what I wanted from her and I said I’d like a small get together of just a few close family and friends so if she could organise that it would be great.
There’s a bar near us that lets you book the place out for free if you have at least 10 people as it’s a small place so I mentioned possibly going there and she bobbed and said okay.
My birthday came and I got nothing like that. I got a card and a couple of little gifts (2 gift cards and a book) from my gf but no gathering or
any sort of celebration.
I was upset at this and my girlfriend asked me why I was upset and I explained it to her. She said it would have been a hassle trying to get everyone together and would have took a lot of work to organise.
I told her she knew how much it would have meant to me and that she literally asked what I wanted from her and then chose to ignore it. I said it hurts hearing her say I’m basically not worth any effort.
She said I should have done it myself then but I pointed out she literally asked what I wanted off her and I told her so why would I then go and do it myself when she didn’t say she wasn’t going to bother doing it.
She said I was trying to guilt trip her but I told her I was just expressing how I felt about it. She said I was being too unfair and that I should be happy with what I got.
I told her she doesn’t get to tell me when I can and can’t be upset and that it obviously hurts knowing your partner doesn’t care enough to even try to organise what I wanted for my birthday.
She again said I was guilt tripping her and deliberately trying to make her feel bad.
AITA for being upset my girlfriend didn’t organise a small get together for my birthday?
Comments
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You clearly told her what you wanted and a small gathering wasn’t a huge ask. Gifts are nice but they dont replace the effort and thought behind making your birthday special.
NTA. She literally asked you what you wanted, you told her, and she ignored it. A gathering of ten people isn’t some huge, impossible task, especially when it mattered to you.
NTA. You didn’t ask for something over the top or unreasonable. You just wanted a simple gathering with a few people at a place that was easy to book. She literally asked you what you wanted and you told her clearly, and then she dismissed it. Birthdays aren’t about expensive gifts, they’re about feeling valued and cared for. She had an easy opportunity to show that but chose not to. It’s understandable why you’re hurt because it feels less about the party and more about the lack of effort.
NTA…..if he cannot be bothered to make one call to a bar and send a text to a bunch of friends, that says a lot, especially because she asked. And you were turning 30, 30 is kind of a milestone. She clearly couldn’t be bothered. Sorry to hear it. She doesn’t get it at all…..she asked you what you wanted and then says you should be happy with what you got?
I don’t meant to be a downer, but how long have you been with her? Do you live together? Is this going to work long term? Is she dismissive of you and your feeling in other areas or in other situations in the past?
How far ahead of your birthday did the conversation take place, because it is very relevant, and what your gf said is absolutely correct! Trying to coordinate a date that would suit everyone would be almost impossible. Inevitably, someone would have been pissed off for the date, or time, or location for the event! There are so many stories on this forum about trying arrange something and people getting pissed off for one reason or another. Unfortunate that you didn’t get what you wanted, but your gf was 100% correct. NAH.
NTA, your girlfriend seems to not like you very much…
She told you where her priorities are and they are not for you. She thinks doing something nice to you is a hassle and a burden and she tells you to be happy with what you have. I don’t know I like having a loving and respectful relationship with my SO not them thinking doing something for me to be an inconvenience
NTA. She asked you what you wanted and then just did whatever the hell she wanted.
NTA
She has shown you that she doesn’t value you enough to put any effort into making you feel loved and special on your birthday
Even her birthday present was no effort and lazy – 2 gift cards?
Are you sure she even likes you?
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YTA
You expected someone else to arrange your bday, with no specific communication or agreements, and then decided to guilt trip them after, even after they got you a present
op literally just copied another post, you can check the post history and others pointed it out.
Nta sorry about your birthday
NTA She asked and you told her.
The worst part she didn’t even try.
Forget low effort this is no effort.
She could have created a group chat and wrote a date and asked who would be able to make it and go from there, it’s not that hard.