I got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis a few months ago. For the weeks prior to my diagnosis I was using the bathroom over 10 times a day. After being put on the correct treatment, my symptoms have pretty much gone. The only one that remains is the urgent need to use the bathroom at times.
I’ve started noticing my girlfriend doesn’t seem to take it as seriously as it should be taken. Yesterday she was getting ready for work and was using the bathroom. I asked her if she could step out for 5 mins as I needed the toilet. She refused and said she needed to be quick as she has to set off for work and that I can wait 10 mins.
I told her I couldn’t wait and that it causes pain to wait as she knows and that waiting too long is likely to cause an accident.
She just repeated that she needs the bathroom and would be late for work if she stops getting sorted and waits around for me. I told her she could at least have more understanding of the fact I’ve now got a lifelong condition and that adjustments will need to be made at times.
She just said I can’t always have things my way and exactly how I want them and I just pointed out she was completely dismissing my condition because she refused to be inconvenienced for 5 mins.
AITA for expecting my partner to leave the bathroom as I needed to use it?
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I got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis a few months ago. For the weeks prior to my diagnosis I was using the bathroom over 10 times a day. After being put on the correct treatment, my symptoms have pretty much gone. The only one that remains is the urgent need to use the bathroom at times.
I’ve started noticing my girlfriend doesn’t seem to take it as seriously as it should be taken. Yesterday she was getting ready for work and was using the bathroom. I asked her if she could step out for 5 mins as I needed the toilet. She refused and said she needed to be quick as she has to set off for work and that I can wait 10 mins.
I told her I couldn’t wait and that it causes pain to wait as she knows and that waiting too long is likely to cause an accident.
She just repeated that she needs the bathroom and would be late for work if she stops getting sorted and waits around for me. I told her she could at least have more understanding of the fact I’ve now got a lifelong condition and that adjustments will need to be made at times.
She just said I can’t always have things my way and exactly how I want them and I just pointed out she was completely dismissing my condition because she refused to be inconvenienced for 5 mins.
AITA for expecting my partner to leave the bathroom as I needed to use it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expected my partner to leave the bathroom as I needed to use it
She said I should wait 10 mins as she’s getting sorted for work and she’d be late if she waited
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Having a condition is not “having things your way.” It’s about health and wellbeing. There needs to be mutual understanding and respect.
NTA – your are not being stubborn or awkward about it – you have a diagnosed medical condition that means when you need to use the bathroom you need to use the bathroom now.
NAH in my opinion…like she is slightly at wrong…but thing is when someone gotta go to work in the morning and is in the rush…every single minute counts….maybe you guys could try to find a place with two bathrooms if it is a lifelong condition to avoid such issues..where one bathroom could be completely reserved for your needs……however you are not wrong for being upset about it….cause considering it causes you immense pain and you have a serious condition she could have just let you use the bathroom…
NAH. You need a 2 bathroom house. You can’t always expect the only bathroom in the house to be free, if you can’t wait 5 minutes you need a bathroom only for you. Neither you or your partner are in the wrong, you have a condition but at the same time she is right in saying you can’t always have it your way, what if she is on the toilet or having a shower? You can’t always expect her to run out of the bathroom because you need it.
NTA, You really need a two bath place, or take this as sign as you are not compatable.
NTA. But I do get both perspectives. Why not develop some more comfortability between you two and just use the bathroom at the same time?
NTA. She doesn’t need to be in the bathroom to get ready. She is disrespectful as f.
Info: do y’all only have one bathroom?
NAH
I understand not being able to wait to use the bathroom. I also have a condition causing urgent bathroom needs, so I get that you really don’t have 5 minutes. I think it’s insensitive of her to downplay the urgency.
I also think it’s insensitive of you to downplay that she also lives there and needs to be able to go about her own life too.
If this is the only bathroom space in the home then you need to figure out a different plan. What if she needs to poop? Is she supposed to vacate the bathroom for you also needing to poop? What if she’s in the middle of showering? What do you do when you have guests over?
You need a second bathroom.
NTA. I have UC, I’ve never had my bf be so callous about it. Does your girlfriend hate you?
Kinda YTA. On the grounds that you seem to think that your needs are the only ones that should be met. In a relationship, both sides have to be willing to compromise. And right now, it seems that you’re only concerned about what you need/want. With no regard to how this affects your girlfriend.
Yes she can wait when it comes to doing make-up. I honestly don’t see that as a big deal. But what about if she’s using the bathroom or is puking her guts up due to being sick? Is she just supposed to stop that and let you use the bathroom just because of your medical condition? Yeah, it don’t work that way.
So I think you need to start considering how you can make adjustments instead of expecting your girlfriend to be the only one to do so.
If you were out in public and there was no restrooms available, what would you do? Would you wait the 5-10 mins it might take for it to become free or would you expect your needs to come before everyone elses?
She’s right. You can’t always have things your way even if you have a medical condition.
In this instance I will say youre NTA as she wasn’t actually using the toilet and perhaps could have continued getting ready somewhere else (grab her makeup and go into another room etc) but you need to think long term as to how you can manage this because what happens next time and she is using the toilet? Your needs wouldn’t take priority over hers and based on your responses in the comments, your attitude and entitlement around this is going to cause issues.
NTA.
Was your gf right that you could wait 5mins? while if she had let you use the bathroom (for an unknown/long period of time) she would be late to work?
I think you need to let this particular example go, it’s not clear cut who was in the right. But you do need to chat to her about the condition you have. She should be expected to adjust her habits so that she can give you the bathroom whenever you need. She may need to use other locations for non-toilet activities and/or make sure she has plenty of time to get ready taking into account you will almost always need to use the toilet.
NAH
If you have a condition that means you need the bathroom to be constantly available to you, you need a separate bathroom. It’s not reasonable to expect everybody to always immediately drop everything they’re doing and get out. Was she supposed to be late for work? What if she’d been taking a shower? What if she’d been unwell, too? What if you have kids?
Would be cheaper to buy a vanity for her makeup application than move.
After reading the comments, ESH. She’s one for not being understanding about your pain and potential accident and not letting you go. You on the other hand are not even trying to understand her point of view or be willing to find a solution that works for both of you.
I agree with the other commenters about a 2 bathroom solution long term. In the meantime, you could offer a short term solution/compromise by buying her a mirror and setting a place in the kitchen next to the sink where she can do her skincare/makeup. Make it cute so she enjoys doing her routine there when you need the bathroom. Talk to her about it and then actually do it if she agrees.
Nta
Why does she need to use the bathroom for the full duration of getting ready for work? Surely once showered and teeth done there’s no further need to be in there?
I’d have had an accident on her work clothes,jacket, bag. Anything to prove a point.
NTA – I think people dont realise that OP can and will suddenly just crap themselves if forced to wait a few minutes longer than they need to, normal function you can hold it as you are alerted before the pressing need. When you have a condition that makes it so you need to go so much, that pressure essentially is hitting moments before it just rushes out, you cant really control it.
My dad recently ended up doing that at our place because someone was already in there when he needed to go, they were out within 3 minutes of him knocking but as the saying goes shit happens, all over the carpet.
I also hold the opinion unless your using the toilet/bath/shower so in a state of undress you have no lordship to the bathroom and should vacate for someone needing to use it. Makeup can be done elsewhere, drying yourself after a shower can be done elsewhere.
So in that vein of thought, maybe a solution would be to get her a dressing table, somewhere she can sit and do her makeup without taking up the bathroom. Therefore freeing the bathroom for who really has no choice but to use the bathroom. Either that or she cant lock it and expect you to come barging in as when you gotta go its kinda an emergency.
I always told my kids that if they had to do something that didn’t require water, like doing their makeup or hair, to do it in their room. It’s ridiculous to hog a room that everyone uses multiple times a day.
And yall can’t both use the bathroom? If she’s just doing her make up what stops you from using the toilet?
Seems like you’re about to blow up this relationship because your girlfriend won’t treat you like her child. Ew
Secondly, there are ways around this without you forcing her to acknowledge your shitty needs. A vanity for her has been suggested, a 2nd dedicated bathroom for you, a nappy or indeed wait 5 flipping minutes.
Remember she’s your girlfriend, not your mother. You want to be babied, go to your mom
Unless she was on the can herself, I’d be all “open the door, its shiddin’ time”. No one likes the idea of a partner needing to use the toilet but if it needs to happen, it needs to happen.
NTA. Your girlfriend is though
not to be gross but if yall are living together just? leave the bathroom door unlocked? like there’s space for both of you. dont make her leave? YTA
YTA. If your UC is flaring up so badly that you can’t give them a couple of minutes to attend to their own hygiene needs then you need to go back to your UC nurse or doctor and look at getting the management of your condition reviewed.
That’s not why I think YTA though. I think you are because if how you’ve responded to several people throughout this thread is 1/10 of how you treat your partner then your are just not a good person in general. You are supposed to care for them, love them and treat them with dignity but you seem to want that as a one way Street with you being able to act however you like and then be validated on that by people on here. It’s about time you realised that, disability or not, the world doesn’t revolve around you, especially when there are options for mitigating that disability you don’t seem to explore.
NTA – Your girlfriend needs to get up earlier if she can’t spare 5mins or be late, what if traffic is bad? Or she has a spill and needs to change clothes or whatever? I’d just use the bathroom with her there but we’ve been together for a long time and don’t bet an eye at it anymore.
You can’t use the bathroom while she does her routine?
ESH though was initially going NTA but OP’s responses changed my mind. Good advice has been given re 2 bathrooms but OP seems to just want to hammer on about his medical condition trumping everything. Who wants to bet OP has used the fact he has a medical condition so much it’s lost all significance and elicits little sympathy from his GF. Still ESH though.
YTA you can’t always expect others to conform to your will from your reply to others saying n.a.h you clearly put your needs before others. You’re way to upset people aren’t calling her an ah
NTA. Also I love how everyone is suggesting to just “get a two bathroom home” as a viable compromise. The actual compromise is to ask your girlfriend to do her ten minute skincare routine in the bedroom going forward. If she needs a mirror or vanity to make that happen, you helping her get one is the compromise.
In a roommate situation, I’d never be able to say “well you can’t have things when you want them, I’m doing a ten minute skincare routine just hold it” to someone needing the bathroom for the actual toilet. I’d get dragged.
NTA and I am frankly stunned at the NAH/YTA responses. Yes, if the partner was using the actual toilet obviously they would have to wait. But if she is just using the mirror and sink to do hair and makeup for work, there is no reason she can’t vacate for a few minutes, take a hand mirror and keep getting ready in another room. Even if she can’t… a medical issue that causes their partner pain or to possibly soil themselves warrants risking being a little late or less polished for work.
I’d be really questioning if she cares about your wellbeing if she thinks her appearance is more important than your diagnosed medical pain and/or not shitting yourself.
That being said, perhaps setting up another makeup area for her to get ready could help, as well as keeping a camping type bucket somewhere for emergencies when there’s actual need for a second toilet?
No empathy. Ditch her. Better still have a dump in front of her then she can ditch you