My girlfriend and I are supposed to be on holiday the week after next. We were going somewhere I’d wanted to go for years. My girlfriend had been previously. We booked it months ago and paid for it in August, it was £400.
We still had travel to the airport to pay, a hotel at the airport for the previous night and some activities we had planned to pay but we knew how much those were going to be.
When it came to paying for the travel, hotel etc she said she couldn’t afford it. I asked how she couldn’t afford it when she’d just been paid and she just shrugged.
She said she can’t afford to go away so we have to cancel the trip. I pointed out she knew the costs months ago and we’ve been on more expensive holidays but she just shrugged again.
I asked what her real reason was because the holiday is affordable and she wouldn’t answer. I told her I’m not wasting the money I’d spent so if the holiday doesn’t go ahead she can reimburse me but she refused.
I told her if it doesn’t go ahead then we’ll be done because it’s not the first time it has happened. Early in the relationship she did the same thing and cost me £650. Since then we’ve been on 5 holidays together.
She said I wasn’t being fair and was judging her but I just pointed out she is lying about why she apparently can’t go and is expecting me to just deal with her choices causing me to lose money.
She said she’s not feeling great and feels quite low so doesn’t want to go. I just repeated my earlier statement that we’re done if the trip doesn’t go ahead but I just pointed out she’s using her mental health as an excuse and expecting it to be a free pass to get away with selfish behaviour.
She said I should be understanding but I just told her she doesn’t get to decide I have to be fine with her causing me to lose money.
AITA for saying I’ll end the things if my partner cancels our holiday and doesn’t reimburse me?
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My girlfriend and I are supposed to be on holiday the week after next. We were going somewhere I’d wanted to go for years. My girlfriend had been previously. We booked it months ago and paid for it in August, it was £400.
We still had travel to the airport to pay, a hotel at the airport for the previous night and some activities we had planned to pay but we knew how much those were going to be.
When it came to paying for the travel, hotel etc she said she couldn’t afford it. I asked how she couldn’t afford it when she’d just been paid and she just shrugged.
She said she can’t afford to go away so we have to cancel the trip. I pointed out she knew the costs months ago and we’ve been on more expensive holidays but she just shrugged again.
I asked what her real reason was because the holiday is affordable and she wouldn’t answer. I told her I’m not wasting the money I’d spent so if the holiday doesn’t go ahead she can reimburse me but she refused.
I told her if it doesn’t go ahead then we’ll be done because it’s not the first time it has happened. Early in the relationship she did the same thing and cost me £650. Since then we’ve been on 5 holidays together.
She said I wasn’t being fair and was judging her but I just pointed out she is lying about why she apparently can’t go and is expecting me to just deal with her choices causing me to lose money.
She said she’s not feeling great and feels quite low so doesn’t want to go. I just repeated my earlier statement that we’re done if the trip doesn’t go ahead but I just pointed out she’s using her mental health as an excuse and expecting it to be a free pass to get away with selfish behaviour.
She said I should be understanding but I just told her she doesn’t get to decide I have to be fine with her causing me to lose money.
AITA for saying I’ll end the things if my partner cancels our holiday and doesn’t reimburse me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expected to be reimbursed when my partner cancelled our holiday. She said I should be supporting her and shouldn’t be judging her for her mental health.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO… Does she have mental health issues? Are you actually going to end the relationship over the issue or just threatening?
NTA- It is reasonable to want to plan things in advance with a partner. If she is unable to go, she needs to at least be honest with you about the reasons or this relationship won’t work.
NTA. Sort of happened to me. I paid for the actual holiday; he agreed to pay for meals out, trips, car hire etc etc. Two days before the holiday, he told me he was broke and said if I wanted him to go, I’d need to pay for extras. So I went on my own and we split up after I got back. When someone fails to honour their side of an agreement, it is a red flag. When it involves a medium to long term plan and you are given you a decent amount of notice of their inability to stick to it, then fair enough. These things happen. But when it is last minute or at the point of having to pay, no dice!
NTA
If she knew that far ahead of time and refuses to go or pay you back, I’d go without her. If she’s feeling depressed and doesn’t want to go, then she should have said so in the first place. Having depression doesn’t give anyone a free pass to blow off trips and cause others to lose money.
NTA
I would be just as upset in your shoes. It’s wild to me that she won’t give you about honest answer at this point in your relationship. You would be justified in end it at this point, especially being the second time she’s done this to you and is offering nothing to correct it.
If she’s “feeling quite low” and she has a history of mental health issues, I’m going to assume that you know the signs and would have noticed. So the question is, is she being truthful or using it as a convenient excuse? How is she with money? Is she broke a lot or bad about saving? I’m going to say NTA because if it is a mental health issue, she should have said something much sooner.
NTA – and keep in mind if you stay together this is what your future will look like. It is ok if you decide you don’t want that for your future. My mom had severe anxiety and depression and it was so draining because she didn’t treat it. Her way of dealing with it was to control my actions and behaviors to prevent her from being anxious. I may sound like a jerk but I knew there is no way I could have a partner with anxiety and depression because of that.
YTA. Go without her. Break up. Threats don’t belong in relationships.
NTA. She is manipulative and selfish. These traits can coexist with mental health issues or be present on their own. If she doesn’t want to go she needs to reimburse you. Period.
NTA
Cut her loose, she will only continue to bring you down and ruin your mental health. She cannot use her mental health to affect yours, that is manipulation. If you can go on your holiday and do what you want to do.