Throwaway for obvious reasons. This happened a few years ago and I’m looking for closure.
I had been best friends with a girl, AM, for five years. We were part of a tight-knit friend group, and I was dating someone else from that group. Eventually, AM started liking this guy, CV. He wasn’t originally part of our group, but he joined after most of the girls (except my girlfriend) developed crushes on him. He seemed to enjoy the attention and would hook up with a different one every time we drank.
After a year or two, AM and CV were basically together, though CV refused to call it a relationship. It felt like he strung her along while keeping his options open, despite knowing AM was in love with him.
Then, after my girlfriend and I broke up for a while, CV started messaging me exclusively on Snapchat so the messages would disappear. He told me AM was frustrating him sexually and asked if I could send pictures or videos to help him out. I thought he was joking, but the messages kept coming. He said that it would be “our little secret,” and even sent a video of himself in the shower. Eventually, I blocked him.
I didn’t say anything at the time because he had always treated me well before and I didn’t know how to handle the sudden shift. He acted totally normal in person, never mentioned the messages, and kept it quiet.
Later, AM and CV officially started dating and became hostile toward me. They ignored my texts, made a new group chat, and stopped inviting me out. I found out it stemmed from a concert I organized. AM told me she didn’t want to go, so I didn’t get them tickets, but CV blamed me for leaving them out.
Things escalated when they threw a party on my birthday weekend without inviting me. I snapped and told the group, “Wow AM, it’s ironic you’re cutting me off when your boyfriend was begging me for nudes and sent me a video of himself in the shower, make it make sense.” No one knew about it until then. Our friends removed AM and CV from the group chat. AM defensively messaged me, accusing me of lying, and some group members sided with them. I eventually left the chat and later reconciled with a few people.
CV messaged me once after that, but I immediately blocked both of them. I felt anxious, disposable, and unsure if what happened really counted as harassment since there was no physical contact. AM and CV accused me of making it up and said I had no right to call it harassment because CV had experienced trauma as a child. AM later told me I ruined his life.
So, am I the asshole for exposing him like that? I know I could’ve handled it better, but I also feel like what he did was wrong. Did I overreact? Was it harassment? I still have dreams about us all being friends again, and I can’t tell if I’m just guilty for causing tension or if I was right to speak up.
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Throwaway for obvious reasons. This happened a few years ago and I’m looking for closure.
I had been best friends with a girl, AM, for five years. We were part of a tight-knit friend group, and I was dating someone else from that group. Eventually, AM started liking this guy, CV. He wasn’t originally part of our group, but he joined after most of the girls (except my girlfriend) developed crushes on him. He seemed to enjoy the attention and would hook up with a different one every time we drank.
After a year or two, AM and CV were basically together, though CV refused to call it a relationship. It felt like he strung her along while keeping his options open, despite knowing AM was in love with him.
Then, after my girlfriend and I broke up for a while, CV started messaging me exclusively on Snapchat so the messages would disappear. He told me AM was frustrating him sexually and asked if I could send pictures or videos to help him out. I thought he was joking, but the messages kept coming. He said that it would be “our little secret,” and even sent a video of himself in the shower. Eventually, I blocked him.
I didn’t say anything at the time because he had always treated me well before and I didn’t know how to handle the sudden shift. He acted totally normal in person, never mentioned the messages, and kept it quiet.
Later, AM and CV officially started dating and became hostile toward me. They ignored my texts, made a new group chat, and stopped inviting me out. I found out it stemmed from a concert I organized. AM told me she didn’t want to go, so I didn’t get them tickets, but CV blamed me for leaving them out.
Things escalated when they threw a party on my birthday weekend without inviting me. I snapped and told the group, “Wow AM, it’s ironic you’re cutting me off when your boyfriend was begging me for nudes and sent me a video of himself in the shower, make it make sense.” No one knew about it until then. Our friends removed AM and CV from the group chat. AM defensively messaged me, accusing me of lying, and some group members sided with them. I eventually left the chat and later reconciled with a few people.
CV messaged me once after that, but I immediately blocked both of them. I felt anxious, disposable, and unsure if what happened really counted as harassment since there was no physical contact. AM and CV accused me of making it up and said I had no right to call it harassment because CV had experienced trauma as a child. AM later told me I ruined his life.
So, am I the asshole for exposing him like that? I know I could’ve handled it better, but I also feel like what he did was wrong. Did I overreact? Was it harassment? I still have dreams about us all being friends again, and I can’t tell if I’m just guilty for causing tension or if I was right to speak up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> In exposing my best friend, I ended up splitting up my friend group. I think this might make me the asshole here because all of this conflict could have been avoided if I’d just stayed quiet.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Feels really unnecessary to have called AM out for CV’s behavior.
ETA – YTA.
YTA
You called out AM for CV bad behavior, wtf
You call out CV not AM that had nothing to do with it
Ahh to be young and in toxic friendships again
Nah, that’s predatory behavior he’s demonstrating. NTA, you’re better off without that kind of shit in your life.
edit
And before I get inundated with people trying to tell me I’m wrong, go read this post again and pay specific attention to
>He seemed to enjoy the attention and would hook up with a different one every time we drank.
Mf was making his way through their group, and tried to go after OP almost as soon as she got single like he was Thanos going after Infinity Stones.
That’s why you don’t hide it. You knew your friend was in love with him so you should have immediately showed her the messages. That’s what a friend would do.
Nta, sending unwanted nudes is harassment, having trauma doesn’t give him the right to be a dick and saying you ruined his life is wild. Keep them both blocked and find friends who actually value you
ESH but YTA especially. if you really feel that what he did was wrong, you would have brought it up to AM, your best friend, in a private and compassionate way. instead, you wielded it in a way to hurt and shame her specifically. what toxic behavior from both CV and you, the friend group is likely better off without either of you in it.
NTA; next time please save all evidence that way you can send that message with attached screenshots of sad evidence so everyone’s in the clear about the truth and what happened. I hope you find a better friend group.
ESH
It is horrible that all of you people did all these things way above your level of maturity.