I (25F) haven’t spoken to my dad (56M) in over a week. It started when I said I didn’t want to meet my grandfather’s new girlfriend ; my grandmother (his wife) passed away just a month ago, and emotionally, I wasn’t ready to see someone new take her place.
My dad got angry and called me stupid. He said he had every right to invite whoever he wanted. I agreed, but calmly explained that I wasn’t ready to meet her. He ended up pushing me, throwing water in my face, and told me my grandmother never loved me and actually hated me. That comment devastated me ; we were incredibly close.
A week passed. I tried to tell him how hurtful that was. He admitted it wasn’t smart to say, and that I “knew it wasn’t true,” but dismissed it like it didn’t matter. That made it worse.
For context, my parents fight often. My mom (61F) has long suspected he’s cheating. He mocks her, calls her crazy, insults her intelligence, and constantly makes fun of her. It’s an ongoing toxic dynamic.
Throughout the week, he kept throwing passive-aggressive remarks at both of us. Today, he crossed the line again ; he started comparing me to my sister (31F), saying I was dumb and clearly a failure next to her.
Here’s the truth: I’ve known for a while that my dad has been cheating ; with prostitutes and another woman. My sister knows too, but she begged me not to say anything because she was scared of how our mom would react. I tried to respect that, but it felt so unfair, especially because our mom already suspects something and is being made to feel crazy.
So today, I snapped. I told him I knew everything ; that I was done playing along with the “happy family” act. That if his father had done what he did, he’d have cut him off instantly. I told him I didn’t care about appearances anymore ; I was ready to tell the whole family who he really is. I even pointed out that cheating seems to run in the family, since his own brother also cheated on his wife.
He didn’t say a word. I could see he was tense and silently crying through the rest of the meal. My mom didn’t say much either ; she just said that we needed to stop fighting on both sides.
Now I’m wondering… AITA for finally telling the truth?
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I (25F) haven’t spoken to my dad (56M) in over a week. It started when I said I didn’t want to meet my grandfather’s new girlfriend ; my grandmother (his wife) passed away just a month ago, and emotionally, I wasn’t ready to see someone new take her place.
My dad got angry and called me stupid. He said he had every right to invite whoever he wanted. I agreed, but calmly explained that I wasn’t ready to meet her. He ended up pushing me, throwing water in my face, and told me my grandmother never loved me and actually hated me. That comment devastated me ; we were incredibly close.
A week passed. I tried to tell him how hurtful that was. He admitted it wasn’t smart to say, and that I “knew it wasn’t true,” but dismissed it like it didn’t matter. That made it worse.
For context, my parents fight often. My mom (61F) has long suspected he’s cheating. He mocks her, calls her crazy, insults her intelligence, and constantly makes fun of her. It’s an ongoing toxic dynamic.
Throughout the week, he kept throwing passive-aggressive remarks at both of us. Today, he crossed the line again ; he started comparing me to my sister (31F), saying I was dumb and clearly a failure next to her.
Here’s the truth: I’ve known for a while that my dad has been cheating ; with prostitutes and another woman. My sister knows too, but she begged me not to say anything because she was scared of how our mom would react. I tried to respect that, but it felt so unfair, especially because our mom already suspects something and is being made to feel crazy.
So today, I snapped. I told him I knew everything ; that I was done playing along with the “happy family” act. That if his father had done what he did, he’d have cut him off instantly. I told him I didn’t care about appearances anymore ; I was ready to tell the whole family who he really is. I even pointed out that cheating seems to run in the family, since his own brother also cheated on his wife.
He didn’t say a word. I could see he was tense and silently crying through the rest of the meal. My mom didn’t say much either ; she just said that we needed to stop fighting on both sides.
Now I’m wondering… AITA for finally telling the truth?
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NTA. This sounds like a horrific family situation to be stuck in.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For exposing my dad’s affair during a family fight
My father cried so I’m feeling remorseful
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
If grandpa has a new girlfriend that soon then he was definitely seeing that woman while grandma was still alive. You are not wrong for feeling how you feel about any of this.
Not the AH. He needed to be humbled. You did a service to your whole family, present and future.
Your response was perfect. “If you are going to rest us like we are lucky to be in your presence, I am going to make sure all the truths are known!”
Good on you! NTA
Bait
It sounds like everyone in the family is tiptoeing around your mother’s anger problem. Everyone avoids it in different ways. One sibling just steers clear. The father sought out comfort somewhere else. You joined your mother’s campaign, displaying your loyalty to the abuser. But everyone is just adapting to life under this one woman’s anger problem.
You might understand your situation better, once you recognize that.
YTA but not for the reason you’re asking. How could you let someone speak to your mom like that knowing he’s cheating on her and she’s right? How could you risk her health by not telling her he’s sleeping with other women, including sex workers? How could you confirm that for her during a fight with your dad? I feel awful for your mom. I can’t imagine how devastated she feels.
NTA! Your father sounds like a horrific human being 😡
NTA. And your father is abusive, both verbally and physically. Throwing water in your face is assault. Saying those awful things to you is verbally abusive. I hope you can get away from him and the whole situation soon.
(And I recommend getting some therapy afterwards. Your family dynamic is not healthy at all. You’d benefit from taking time to reflect and heal.)
NTA. Why would anyone want to be around your “Dad”? He sounds awful. Cheating, name calling, throwing water in your face and just overall disrespect to his entire family. Distance yourself from this awful man. Spend time with your Mom and build her confidence so she can makes changes in her life if she chooses to. Good luck!
ESH. YTA for not telling your mum out of respect or for health reasons sooner. YTA for weaponising that knowledge with no regard to your mums feelings. YTA for so many things. Your poor mum deserves better. You are in an abusive household and you are furthering that same toxic energy onto others you love. Please get out of there and get therapy.
Your whole family seems toxic. I hope your getting therapy.
NO you are not. Dad certainly sounds like a big AH. I’m sorry about that.
NTA but your family sounds extremely hostile and angry. Seems like a lot has been going on in your family a very long time. For your own sake, please seek therapy to help you.
NTA just a deeply hurt and brave person standing up for yourself and your loved ones in a very painful situation. It takes strength to speak the truth, especially when silence has been the norm. I’m really sorry you’ve been treated this way. You deserved kindness, understanding, and safety especially from your own father. Please don’t doubt yourself for drawing boundaries. You’re protecting your peace, and that’s incredibly valid.
No and frankly I think you should do what I did with my dad and cut all contact. He’s abusive. Please consider therapy. Your poor mother has clearly also been groomed into this toxic relationship and I hope one day she can pull herself out of it.
Why are you saying your mum suspects when in the comments you say shes already been told?
Its between them now.
Nothing to do with you
First, he’s extremely abusive, and if he ever lays his hands on you again, call the police. I’m sure what you’ve been told about your dad is the truth, but I wouldn’t have dared to say anything to Mom until I had even a little proof, and even then, my talk with her would have been well planned, probably not at dinner. There’s a reason why she suspects his infidelity; she hasn’t left him. At the table, when you announced it, she brushed on past. She may already be incredibly hurt and doesn’t want to deal with it right now. You need to protect her from your father at all costs. He really needs to go. There’s nothing even safe about him being around any of you.
YTA for not telling your mother when you knew. That’s absolutely crap of you. You let her be treated that way and only co sided trying to protect her because it would hurt your dad? Damn. You’re cold.
OMG. NTA.
Grandfathers who barely wait for their wives’ corpses to cool before they take a girlfriend, fathers who cheat even with prostitutes, and have the nerve to tell their children that their grandmother didn’t love them… I’m so sorry you have that family situation and I hope you get out of there as soon as possible.
Yta for letting your mother be gaslighted like that when you she is right
Definitely NTA! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He did this to himself. Maybe he will think it over instead of insulting you and your mother ever again. I have no compassion with cheaters like your father!
NTA. But have to tell you this – your mother knows. Her response at the table says it all. She just wants a quiet life and not deal with who her husband really is.
She needs support from you together him out of her life. It’s going to take a lot of patience and hard work.
Baby girl you are not the asshole. That family of yours seems toxic asf! Please 🙏🏼 cut contact with them and get some therapy cause you don’t need that shit. You are on yours early 20s now so please enjoy YOUR life. Remember life it’s just one.
NTA. I don’t blame you. Your dad is a punk ass. Not sure how your mom has put up w/ his verbal abusive to her & your family all these years. I’m sorry 😔
NTA
Your sister is foolish to hide his affairs. Your father cheated. He doesn’t deserve the protection of keeping his secrets and your mother needs the truth and know she’s not crazy.
Why are you still living with them?
Your mom might still stay with your father. You should move out go no contact with him and keep supporting your mother.
NTA
All of you need therapy. Especially your mom and dad.
ESH
Your father’s behaviour is easy.
You knew and still didn’t tell your mum. However you want to spin it, it’s still shitty from you and your sister. You saved it to weaponise in an argument.
I would expose him
Don’t make empty threats he wont learn shit
Telling the truth
. No.
Cannot stress that enough.
Taking 25 years to stand up to someone toxic.
Yes.
You owe it to yourself and your family to protect each other from harmful people like that.
If family are toxic they go in the sin bin until they behave.
Dad wants to act like a child and be cruel to those you love. Then treat him like said child and ground him and take away his toys.
If he doesn’t like and tells you my way or the highway, then good. Life doesn’t need to be hell.
Move forward with your loved ones that aren’t cruel like that and build a bright future together.
Otherwise
If you ever get a partner with any backbone.
He will slog your dad in front of you.
Did it for my wife when I first met her. I don’t do well with bullies.
NTA.
NTA.
NTA. Your family is toxic AF.
NTA. But Jeemus, move out of that toxic environment already. You are an adult. Get your own place & invite your mother to join you.
ESH
Everyone in your family is toxic and needs therapy. Every single person. Including you. You come by it honestly though, because of who raised you.
Did your mom need to know? Yes. But you brought it to light in a toxic way and for a toxic reason. You didn’t say it for her. You said it to massage your own bruised ego by hurting your dad. Which you learned from him. He has mentally abused all of you your entire lives. He massages his ego by hurting all of you.
And before I get complaints that mom is the victim here and isn’t toxic, based on her complete lack of a self-defensive reaction to the news, she’s toxic to herself.
OP, recognize how unhealthy all of this is, get therapy and get out. Break the cycle. Don’t end up passing the toxicity to the next generation.
Your father is an abusive prick and your situation is toxic and dangerous. Can you get away from your parents?
When you admitted to knowing the truth is when you stopped being TA. Your mom needs to know she is at high risk for contracting STI/s and that her intuition is correct. She is NOT crazy. It sounds like an abusive household. Please get help.
NTA. This guy is really toxic and expects you to keep quiet? You have a leverage now. Just do not spread it yet to the entire relatives or even your grandfather since it might break his heart. Keep it between you guys and if your dad continues his abuse, send what you know to the relatives
Grandpa cheats too.