I wasn’t the other woman just someone stuck between two friend groups that didn’t know each other. Long story short: I accidentally found out my close guy friend (married, with a kid) was secretly dating another friend of mine from work. Neither woman knew about the other.
I stalked them like a full blown detective, took photos, and after a week of debating, sent them anonymously to his wife. Now? She filed for annulment. He’s spiraling. My group chat’s in chaos. And I’m here watching everything fall apart, eaten alive by guilt.
Did I do the right thing or did I go too far? Be honest. I need to hear it.
Comments
I’m sorry but youre never the asshole for exposing an affair. i dont give a damn what anyone else says. If he didn’t want consequences, he shouldn’t have betrayed his wife. It’s his own fault and if not you, then she’d have been lied to for longer. I don’t know that I’d have gone detective since that’s kind of invasive, but you looked out for her when even her husband wouldnt
You didn’t ruin his marriage, he did. You just turned the lights on
NTA You have saved severe pain for both the women and families would face because of one idiot. And you concluded after evidence which shows that you are really a nice person
You didn’t ruin his marriage—he did. You just revealed the truth. It sucks that everything’s a mess now, but hiding it would’ve let the damage continue unchecked.
What chance would you have ever had of ruining his marriage if he wasn’t having an affair behind his wifes back?
Zero .. so NTA.
He’s in the find out stage of fucking about.
This is giving karma farming fakeness.
Infidelity is not a ground for annulment. Let alone in a marriage with children.
“ I stalked them like a full blown detective, took photos, and after a week of debating, sent them anonymously to his wife. ”
Fake shitpost
YTA
Reads like one of those AI slop posts youll find on tiktok.
YTA. Mind your own fucking business
HE ruined his marriage, not you
You didn’t ruin anything. His actions ruined his life & his marriage.
Sound’s like he ruined his marriage by having an affair.
YTA. The right thing to do would have been to go to your friend and tell him that your friendship is over because of his lack of character and betrayal of his marriage. Clearly, he’s a loser – and deserves what he got, but you invaded his space by stalking him and acting as the morality police.
I’ve been married for 35 years and would never cheat on my wife, but I also wouldn’t want you as a friend.
NTA. Cheaters never deserve silence
Coldplay cannot feel guilty for exposing an affair of sm corporate honcho. Same way, you cannot. You did good by being anonymous .smart.
Now do you feel better? Got your rally up. Do you feel better now?
Nta
NTA. Honestly, I’m impressed by your drive and dedication to do right by both of those women and the child that was caught in the crossfire.
You saved them a lot of time, effort, and heartache. He’s simply getting what is deserved for betraying the trust of two women and stepping out on his wife and child. Cheaters are always sooo certain that “what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” and they never consider that their partners will find out from another source.
YTA mind your own business.
Here’s the thing.
He was cheating. He got caught. Shit hit the fan for him because of it. For that, NTA.
That said.
This isn’t a friend. This is a guy you know, a guy you work with. Because no matter what the other person is doing, you never rat out a FRIEND.
So either he isn’t a friend, or you’re a fantastically shitty friend. Feel free to remember that piece of information if you make any more posts like this again.
NTA you absolutely did the right thing. His poor wife needed to know what he was doing. He blew up his marriage, not you. It was a moral duty to enlighten her and you did it in the gentlest way possible. This trumped your loyalty to him as a friend. Well done.
cheaters need to be exposed. you did the right thing
uodate me
If you tell the truth and have the evidence to support it, it’s no longer a question of right or wrong, it’s simply a decision.
Right/duty to inform or right/duty to ignore.
NTA
You should’ve also sent photos of him with his family (with faces blurred for their privacy) to his gf. She needs to get him out of her life too.
NTA. You didn’t ruin his marriage, he did that the second he cheated. You just handed the truth to the person who had the right to know. Affairs don’t deserve protection. You may feel guilt, but you chose integrity over silence and thats brave.
Yes, his family fell apart as a result of the exposure. Cheaters will cheat again. What if you had done nothing and 10 yrs from now, she discovers he is cheating and they have 3 kids, house and she has been out of the work force. The fact that she went for a quick annulment proves there is less damage than there would be in the future. Fake post, but interesting hypothetical.
Were you the cameraman at a Coldplay gig?
Absolutely did the right thing
My friend was playing with matches and I called the fire department, AITAH for starting the fire?
What did you think would happen? why anonymously, you didn’t want the fallout from either side, Friends group most of not all would’ve said he’s making his own bed so let it lie, and he ruined his marriage not you, his wife might’ve known or felt something out of order,
He’s to blame for the end of his marriage. Super weird of you though to appoint yourself as a PI, stalk and gather evidence, and then anonymously share. It seems to me that you are revelling in the fallout. I doubt the sincerity of your motivations for doing what you did.
From the bottom of that wife’s heart, I’m sure she thanks you.
I hope none of you reading this ever gets betrayed like this.
It breaks you from the root of your spine to your brain. You can’t eat, can’t sleep. Your spiral wondering where it all went wrong. You blame yourself. The depression and anxiety are crippling. You kids know you got your mom face on but they see the cracks behind your brave face. They hear you cry at night and ask what they can do…… nothing, there is nothing no one can do.
You can be the best wife and mother in the world…… doesn’t matter, if you picked a shit partner…. This is just your life.
But then one day, the sun shines brighter than it ever did, because the divorce is final and you got settlement and your freedom.
That is when you walk into every room like you own it…… and God himself sent you there as punishment!
Don’t worry, that woman will find her boss bitch, and just sit back and watch. You gave her – her life back.
You did the right thing.
You stalked them? YTA. MYOB!
NTA stay Anonymous
Nope, NTA. He ruined it all
You’re not the AH you just saved the girl from life long trauma.
He ruined his marriage, not you. Help the wife, you would want that if you were in her shoes. Send it anonymously if you need but choose the right person to help. Do not choose to help the cheater by staying quiet.
YTA : not your story and decision to make, and you did it anonymously. Thank you Karen !
Mind ur business
Easily answered by, if you were the wife, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you your husband’s a lying cheating ass?
Feeling guilt is natural. Shouldn’t keep you from doing the right thing.
NTA you’d feel more guilt if he gave her an incurable disease
Is this real? 🤔
NTA. He destroyed his own life… you’d want to know if you were being cheated on. Your friend is not a good person. Hold your head high and distance yourself from your “friend”. It’s never the wrong time to do the right thing…
He ruined his marriage all by himself by being a piece of shit.
NTA, I’m sure his wife appreciates that someone had the backbone to inform her