So this happened last semester and it’s still kind of eating me up.
I (21F) am a final-year undergrad. I had this professor, let’s call him Dr. Matt, who teaches a core course that I had to pass. I’m not a star student, but I’m decent. I participate, turn in everything on time, and my midterm grade was a B.
Then something weird happened. After the midterm break, he started acting cold. He would skip over me in class, stopped replying to my emails, and gave me a 40 on a group project that I literally carried. I tried to talk to him, but he told me to stop being “entitled.”
Then I found out why.
Turns out, he was having an actual affair with a student.. not just a rumor. The girl was in our class, way younger, and had started sitting in his office hours a lot. We thought it was sketchy but didn’t think much of it until one night, I was out at a cafe near campus and saw them kissing in his car. I couldn’t even process it at first.
So I did something kind of… spiteful. I anonymously submitted it to the university’s academic misconduct hotline. Included the date, time, his plate number, and even a blurry photo I snapped (yes I did).
A month later, an internal investigation started. The student mysteriously dropped out of the course. And Dr. Matt? He was “on sabbatical” for the rest of the semester. I had to re-do the course with another professor. I passed.
But now some of my classmates are saying I “ruined someone’s life over a grade” and that I should’ve just gone to the department about my grade, not “drag other people down with me.”
But I feel like… if he was being inappropriate and letting that bias affect how he graded other students (especially me), isn’t it fair to report it?
So yeah. AITA?
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So this happened last semester and it’s still kind of eating me up.
I (21F) am a final-year undergrad. I had this professor, let’s call him Dr. L, who teaches a core course that I had to pass. I’m not a star student, but I’m decent. I participate, turn in everything on time, and my midterm grade was a B.
Then something weird happened. After the midterm break, he started acting cold. He would skip over me in class, stopped replying to my emails, and gave me a 40 on a group project that I literally carried. I tried to talk to him, but he told me to stop being “entitled.”
Then I found out why.
Turns out, he was having an actual affair with a student — not just a rumor. The girl was in our class, way younger, and had started sitting in his office hours a lot. We thought it was sketchy but didn’t think much of it until one night, I was out at a cafe near campus and saw them kissing in his car. I couldn’t even process it at first.
So I did something kind of… spiteful. I anonymously submitted it to the university’s academic misconduct hotline. Included the date, time, his plate number, and even a blurry photo I snapped (yes I did).
A month later, an internal investigation started. The student mysteriously dropped out of the course. And Dr. L? He was “on sabbatical” for the rest of the semester. I had to re-do the course with another professor. I passed.
But now some of my classmates are saying I “ruined someone’s life over a grade” and that I should’ve just gone to the department about my grade, not “drag other people down with me.”
But I feel like… if he was being inappropriate and letting that bias affect how he graded other students (especially me), isn’t it fair to report it?
So yeah. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I exposed my prof kissing a young student. I think IATA because it ruined his life and also the student’s
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I don’t believe this story at all.
YTA, because you reported him just because you got a bad grade. Would you not have reported him if you got a good one?
YTA. because according to you, you exposed him for the sole reason of him giving you a failing grade and not because you actually care about the code of conduct.
This isn’t even coherent. He was being cold to you bc he started an affair with a student even though you had nothing to do with it? Suddenly everyone knows about this affair even though you made an anonymous complaint? Sure. OK. Next time give ChatGPT a better prompt.
ESH. As a former academic, and married to a college professor, it is revolting when professors date their students. It’s messy but barely tolerable when it’s a grad student who does not work under them or take classes from them and is just in the same department, but it’s never okay with undergrads or when they take the prof’s classes or do research under them. It’s much worse when both of those are happening. So reporting him by itself would not have been wrong because dating your students is a massive abuse of authority and trust.
Doing it for revenge is a nasty motivation, though, and makes you also an AH. Nowhere near as bad as the prof, though.
NTA Nah, he brought that on himself. He was making out in public so he would have been caught soon. All you did was speed things up and get a little catharsis at the same time.
Shit fake story. How and why do the classmates even know about your part in the student dropping out and your professor going on sabbatical? And why on earth would his affair with the student cause him to suddenly start treating you unfairly?
IRL I would think that if a professor started having an affair with a student in his class, he might well give that student preferential/special treatment, but I don’t see any reason that he would start treating all the other students like crap… so my vote is YTA for making stuff up.
NTA
NTA, he was being inappropriate and got caught. It just so happens it benefited you.
NTA. He knows he shouldn’t be fooling around with a student. You didn’t do anything wrong. He did. You just called him on it
Well, most universities either prohibit or strongly discourage romantic relationships with students — particularlly if the student is under the professor’s supervision in any way, e.g., in a class the prof teaches. And I believe that in the rare cases that would be acceptable, there may be disclosures and recusal requirements — just as many companies have.
The timeline is confusing here. Did he start to mistreat you after the investigation started? In other words, was it retaliation because he found out there was an investigation? But at that point, since it was anonymous, how would he have known it was you?
In any event, two things are going on. 1) At some point, you felt you were being mistreated and unfairly graded and his demeanor toward you changed. 2) At another point — unclear if before or after the mistreatment began, you saw him with the student, snapped a photo, and submitted an anonymous complaint.
As for the first issue, if the mistreatment was before your discovery, yes, you should have talked to the Department Chair. (Recent student here, had to talk to my Chair about someone, and while intimidating, it was taken seriously.)
The second issue should be entirely separate. Regardless of the prof’s treatment of you, it’s likely he was prohibited/discouraged from pursuing a romance with a student. They both knew they were playing with fire. It was likely just a matter of time before they got caught — especially if they were smooching in the parking lot. I don’t know if you checked the academic code before placing the call, but it seems it wasn’t kosher with the university — so I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
The bigger question for me is whether your report pre-dated the prof’s change in attitude toward you. If it did, then his affair had no bearing on his interactions with you, and I’d be damned curious what all that was about. Just favortism for GF? Who knows. . . But, if you reported first, and he figured it out — or if maybe you had some beef with his girlfriend — it would make sense to me that he was acting weird toward you. Which makes his actions retaliatory — which is super bad. But in either case, you are NTA. Prof knew he was on thin ice and doing something verboten. Classic FAFO.
YTA for telling the other students.
YTA. Sounds like you only cared because he failed you. Although he had it coming and was also in the wrong, it reads like you would’ve have cared prior to him failing you. If you truly would’ve exposed him regardless you not the asshole, only you can know that deep down.
Did you tell the rest of the class or did they find out on their own?
ESH (him far more than you). A professor having an affair with his young student is serious misconduct and should be reported as such regardless. Whether or not he gave you a failing grade is irrelevant, and this should not be your primary motivation for making a report.
YTA for writing a story that makes no sense.
YTA. It was unnecessary.
And I don’t understand why his affair was causing him to treat you differently or affect your grade.
How would everyone know you were the one who “ruined someone’s life” if you submitted evidence against him anonymously??? Why would his having an affair with someone else cause him to be pissed at you out of the blue? Why did you take a picture of them making out and then hold onto it just to suddenly realize you could use it to nuke his career? Why would someone sitting in office hours a lot be sketchy? Idk there’s some holes or confusing parts in this story.
Nice piece of creative writing but I’ll entertain it.
NTA – he broke the rules and you reported him. Not sure why your friends would see it any other way and not sure how your grades are relevant to him failing you (unless there is a missing subplot about you sleeping with the girls ex boyfriend 😱)
NTA. If anyone ruined his career and life, it was him for having inappropriate relations with a student. Good on you for reporting it. It isn’t fair to you or other students to have your grades affected because of his poor decisions.