A little background: my dad is a doctor. Growing up, I was constantly around medical conversations. I’m not an expert, but I know enough to follow along.
My SIL (21F) has been in med school abroad since feb 2022. Last December (2024), before leaving our city, she mentioned she was retaking anatomy and histology. I know those are tough subjects, but she had failed them and needed to try again.
Then she went on a month-long vacation with her 32M boyfriend. Mind you, this was after staying with us with 2 months. I’ve never met a med student who wasn’t stressed, overworked, and claiming they barely had time to breathe, let alone travel for months. It didn’t add up, but I kept quiet.
While she was here, she also made me feel horrible — treating me poorly and acting entitled. Still, I bit my tongue because it wasn’t my life to interfere with.
Fast forward: I overheard her say she’s only taking Mental Health this year. That shocked me. Out of curiosity, I looked up the med school curriculum at her university, did the math, and realized… she’s 4 years into med school but only academically in year 1. She’s two years behind!!!!. (Her uni has a year 0)
Meanwhile, my in-laws have been sending her a generous monthly allowance, plus my fiancé and I often wire her money whenever she asks. I also give her gifts because that’s my love language.
Recently, my MIL called my fiancé complaining that SIL was being difficult — demanding another apartment while they were visiting her. That’s when I finally told my fiancé what I’d found out. He was furious, and when he told his parents, they were devastated.
Now SIL’s birthday just passed, and my in-laws are with her, but the whole family is hurt and disappointed.
I can’t shake the guilt. On one hand, I feel like I ratted her out and caused drama. On the other hand, I couldn’t keep watching her waste her parents’ hard-earned money and mislead my fiancé.
So… AITA?
Comments
My fiancé confronted SIL, and she admitted she’s 2 years behind. Her explanation? She doesn’t want to take all the mandatory classes per year because she “doesn’t want to be stressed”
What med school allows you to do that??
Personally, I would’ve had a conversation with her first… I only say this because it feels like you didn’t know the whole story before you blew everything up and you should’ve given her the opportunity to come clean to her parents… if she refused then I would say you had the responsibility to let your husband know and he could decide how to handle it (and if I were him I would have a conversation with sis before going to parents) but doing it before you had a conversation with her really wasn’t your place… not necessarily an AH but you definitely could’ve handled it better…
I’m currently a resident doctor and no medical school would allow this, at least in the US. If she is outside the US she is going to have a harder time getting a residency position. Not to mention she also has to take step 1 and 2.
She’s scamming them. I’m very much influenced by true crime stories especially scam artists, but you need to tell them before she gets all their money and then kill them for the insurance money.
NTA.
There’s no way she’s going to end up becoming a doctor. I bet initially when she started she saw how hard and difficult the classes are and dragging her feet and just decided to scam her own family to continue to pay for her schooling and whatever else when really she’ll end up dropping out or changing her major to something else. Nta
Sounds like she’s scamming them. I had a close friend that met a guy in a store and he was wearing scrubs, told her he was in med school. My friend was telling her mom about things he’d mentioned about classes and her mom got suspicious, since she had a PhD. Turns out he was going to school for a medical program but it was respiratory therapy, I think.
She had it coming. And she’s not doctor material. NTA
I just read your post and the extra comment
In my country (not the USA) what your SIL is doing is called FRAUD TO HER PARENTS. I think you like your in- laws and what you did was to avoid their daughter stop abusing their generosity, so NTA. If you feel better, the bomb was going to explode sooner or later, so you just helped in the sooner part. And there’s something quite positive about this: now your in- laws and fiancé she’s not the hard student she says and she doesn’t take the mandatory classes per year because she “doesn’t want to be stressed”
So now, they can make to support her stress- free delusions or stop paying for her entitlement
If you ask me, they should stop any form of economical support, exactly because she’s in Med School and that place is a branch of hell. I do know what I am talking about, because of the two letters I place before my name: “DR”. So if she “doesn’t want to be stressed”, Med School is just not for her. And she avoids stress in the easiest part of the path, Med School! let’s wait when she becomes an intern…she wont be able to skip shifts because she “doesn’t want to be stressed”. Medical path = never ending stress
Just ask your dad and he will confirm what I say. So I think you have to talk again with your fiancé and let him know. If stress is her excuse, upper education is not for her. Well, thinking it, life is not for her. I wish there was some path guaranteed to be “stress free”, but there is not
By some miracle she actually becomes a doctor, she’s going to be a shit doctor. However, based on what you’re saying, doesn’t sound like she’ll actually become one so the world will be safe.
Updateme
NTA.
UpdateMe
NTA You did exactly the right thing given the situation imo
NTA and don’t send her another dime
You did everyone a big favor. Well done!
NTA
“I bit my tongue because it wasn’t my life to interfere with.
—How you are treated in your home is not related to your life?
As to the disclosure, it isn’t appropriate to let your fiancé be snookered and swindled. Also, she could be a decent person for the sake of being a decent person. She failed at that. She couldn’t even muster up any faux dignity and even PRETEND to care and be nice. It is unwise to bite the hand that feeds you. Especially if you are scamming them.
Is it your sister in law or your fiancés sister? You shouldn’t have interjected yourself in it. You are questioning it because you know you did it out of spite.
Updateme
NTA
You had every right to be honest with your fiance. It was his choice to tell his parents.
SIL is taking advantage of her family. Now she is upset they found out. Too bad. She should be due to get a warning letter from the school she will be kicked out soon